FH: Just Found Heaven Ch. 02: Max

I swept Connor with a quick visual appraisal, surprised to feel a mild sense of relief after all to see him in the flesh, alive and relatively well. Maybe it was because he looked so much like Sam or maybe I did still give some kind of shit about his stupid ass. I'd known Connor for as long as I'd known Sam and during most of those years, pain in my fucking ass wasn't a strong enough phrase to define how I felt about Connor 90 percent of the time. He was often a stressor for Sam, always had been, so he was one for me too by default. But at least the fucker was alive and I was saved having to chastise myself later for cheerfully dancing on his grave if he'd been KIA.

His regulation buzzed hair was sun-lightened, and his face was scrubbed clean though he looked pale beneath his desert tan. The white sling keeping his right arm elevated looked stark against the dark material of his t-shirt.

"Good to see you're alive but you look like shit." Rude, but all I could manage.

"Better than the others. Sam, Devlin, AJ and me were the only ones who made it out.... Micky, Tate, Tommy... they're all gone," he said, his voice hollow. "We got ambushed and scattered as we tried to get away from the explosions. We didn't have any intel and all of a sudden, we were under attack. We all ran for cover wherever we could find it. Sam, Devlin, AJ, Micky and Tommy got pinned together. I got back to the village with Tate because we were in the last Humvee, but he was hit and gone by the time I dragged him into a house."

He scrubbed both hands over his sparse hair, probably the most rattled I'd ever seen him. Connor had always lived by a fuck the world, devil may care attitude, but right now, he was shook. So was I, because what he was describing was worse than I'd imagined.

"What happened out there?"

"They hit the front first and then came at us hard. I managed to get Sam on the coms and he came for me with Devlin. Sam got shot while they were making their way to me. He'd already been hit after all hell broke loose. He could barely walk...."

Sam had barely been able to walk, and yet he'd still gone under fire to save Connor just like he always had, whether it was taking on their father or defending Connor's stupid ass when he wrapped him up into whatever stupid shit he'd gotten himself into. I could feel my fists tightening on my lap, but I kept my cool. "He's still alive. That's all that matters."

"Yeah," Connor agreed before he added. "He's in the ICU right now, knocked out with sedatives, but he survived the surgery and the doctors think he'll make a full recovery. Devlin is with him."

My head shot up immediately to meet Connor's eyes at that sudden dump of information. I hadn't felt my pager go off and when I glanced down, I didn't see any kind of message from Morgan before I looked back up at Connor again.

"What? How the fuck did you find out? Morgan was supposed to let me know as soon as Sam was out of surgery." I couldn't stop the heat in my tone, but thankfully we were still alone in the chapel.

"I intercepted the operating doctor in the hallway," Connor said, as if my expression told him I was about to officially lose my shit.

"I'm Sam's brother so he couldn't not tell me, Max. I needed to know and I told him that I'd find you and tell you myself."

I ignored his attempt at justifying his actions because while on paper someone might be able to make the argument that Connor's reaction was valid, I knew that it was just another way to go behind my back like he always had when he felt like he was losing control over any situation involving Sam. The name Trammel was synonymous with fucking codependence.

"Why the fuck is Devlin with him?"

"Because I told his surgeon that Dev is Sam's partner."

My blood pressure shot to levels that would probably concern every doctor and nurse in this hospital if they'd been taking my vitals right now.

"You fucking OUTED Sam? WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK, Connor?!"

The civility I'd been trying to maintain between us for the sake of appearances, exploded like Mount St. Helen and my elevated tone promised that just as much wrath was about to rain down in this small chapel as it had on that mountainside, because this went past just going behind my back. I wasn't worried about someone overhearing us anymore. My professional image could take a hit because decking Connor would be worth the rebuke from upper brass.

I hadn't been in the closet since I was 14 years old. I'd enjoyed the clumsy, experimental fumblings of a typical teenager and by the time I was sixteen, I was proudly flying my age-inappropriate—but by then pretty skilled freak flag—with half the student body of both chromosomes. I hadn't discriminated between teams back then and still didn't. Holes of all kinds meant a good time. But Sam had been hiding the fact that he liked his hot dogs without the bun since he'd joined the army at 18. I'd tried convincing him many times that despite the unspoken military expectation of all of their recruits being as hetero as possible, Sam was a fucking decorated Army Ranger and no one would care. Unfortunately, he'd never believed me so I'd kept his secret.

And now Connor had fucking outed him.

"It's fine, Max. Doctor patient confidentiality means that no one can say anything. HIPPA law. You know that."

He was technically correct. Despite how irritated I was with Morgan right now for not giving me a heads up, I knew that he'd take Sam's secret to his grave. And I knew that he'd make sure Dr. Tallon kept his mouth shut too. But I also knew that there was a reason that so many TV melodramas took place in hospitals. When you dealt with life and death in equal measure on a daily basis, gossip was a way to detach from your own reality for a while. That meant that someone would eventually find out about Sam if I didn't get Dev out of their ASAP because the ICU was for family and significant others only, or for medical proxies like me unless the rare exception was made. Devlin, as one of the few survivors from Sam's unit might've qualified if the request had been made before Sam was outed because this was a military hospital and anyone who'd been in combat could understand the need of a soldier to check on one of his injured brothers in arms. But now we had to worry that if someone less discreet found out Dev and Sam were sleeping together, the entire goddamn hospital staff would end up knowing.

"Doctor-patient confidentiality applies to medical record and medical and mental health information, not personal relationships that usually become staffroom gossip, you impulsive asshole!"

Connor's expression darkened and the haunted hollow look he'd had before as he'd faced his own mortality, morphed into the ugly belligerence I was more familiar with.

"Devlin wanted to see him and you know that they've been sleeping together for months. He's had Sam's back this entire time. They're in the same unit and just lost a lot of people. He has the right to be here for Sam now if he wants to be."

"And that could've happened without outing him if you'd talked to me first, Connor. This isn't a civilian hospital. An exception would probably have been relatively easy to make considering the circumstances. But you didn't think, as usual." I scrubbed both of my hands over my face. My control was starting to unravel. "You know that if Sam was lucid, he wouldn't want this. Devlin knows that too."

"And you think that you know what Sam would want?"

"Yeah, I know, because I've ALWAYS put Sam first! He matters more to me than anyone and I'm going to triage this shitshow as soon as this conversation is over."

"If you care so much then why the fuck haven't you ever told Sam how you feel about him so that you could be the one up there with him right now instead of Dev? Sam would out himself in a heartbeat for you."

Connor held up a hand to shut me down, eyes blazing with a fury I rarely saw in Sam's identical ones. Sam had always been the steady and stoic one. It'd made it easy to tell them apart.

"Don't deny it Max, because I can see it even if my brother can't. You're right. Dev is a stand-in because Sam can't have you. They both know that and have always been upfront about it while you shut Sam down every time that he's worked up enough courage to ask you to stay." He nodded slightly when he saw me tense. "Yeah, I know about that. Sam's my brother and he talks to me even though I know you hate it. Just like you'd hate knowing that those conversations are mostly about you even though I don't get the fucking appeal." Connor met my eyes defiantly. "We've never really gotten along, Max. You think I'm a fuck-up and I think you're a tight-ass except when you're fucking everything that moves to distract Sam from the fact that you drop everything for him whenever he really needs you. No hesitation ever, because you love him as much as he loves you. But unless you say it out loud, you're going to have to deal with the stand-ins like Devlin."

"Fuck you, Connor. This isn't about me and Sam."

Connor snorted derisively. "Yeah, it is and you need to man the fuck up. Sam's stuck in fucking limbo because YOU can't figure out what you want, so who's really the asshole here?"

All civility was lost now in the competitional octaves of our voices as we tried to drown each other out, our volume intensified by our personal rages. I felt mine was justified because Sam was hurt and might have an entirely new world of shit to deal with between the aftermaths of his injuries and possibly being outed and dealing with those consequences too. As his best friend I had every right in the world to be pissed off on his behalf. Connor was just an angry, damaged asshole. Maybe an asshole who'd made a few valid points, but that didn't negate the asshole status.

I didn't realize I'd swung a silent left hook towards Connor's face until I felt the hard line of his jaw scraping beneath my knuckles. He wasn't expecting the blow. I'd always been scrappy, but in my adult years I'd tried to become more lover than fighter. Especially when I was in a professional capacity. Losing it in the middle of the hospital would've been a major no-no, though I was pretty sure that none of the deities that people came to worship at the chapel would appreciate me handing Connor his ass here either. I didn't care. I was done.

My second punch knocked Connor back into the pew. By the time I swung a third time, his freshly scrubbed face was covered with the same blood that was smeared all over my knuckles. He finally snapped out of the wtf stupor haze that got even seasoned fighters into trouble in professional rings, and remembered that he and I had done variations of this dance a few times over the years. Connor rolled off the wooden pew onto the ground, but it was a good defensive strategy since the space was only wide enough for kneeling and the subtle backward slope of the wooden pew in front kept me from getting down to his level easily. It did however, give Connor a tight enough hidey hole to protect his soft spots—ribs, belly and balls— while he kicked out hard. Even though he was wearing sneakers not combat boots, Connor knew how to fight dirty. Pain swept through my right ankle, and my lips carried that pain out in an explosive litany of expletives. When I stumbled back out of the pew to put some distance between us, Connor recovered and pounced me like a goddamn deranged Tigger. He and he went down hard on the wooden floor of the chapel and a new wave of pain exploded in the back of my head when it connected with the floor that was less forgiving in its flexibility than any deity looking on.

My vision blurred briefly and Connor took advantage of that momentary disorientation to throw punches that I managed to block with my arms folded up over my face to protect it. Unfortunately, that left my ribs open for Connor to pummel with a few solid blows before I managed to get my bearings and roll up like a damn armadillo to knee him under the jaw. When Connor's head jerked back, I attacked and rolled us so that he was beneath me. When I'd been in similar positions with Sam, my knees locked tight around his hips, it'd always been because I'd been riding his dick like it was my personal pogo stick. But right now, I was gripping Connor's hips with my thighs to keep him pinned as I rained down a fury of aggressive punches that were just as furious on my own behalf as on Sam's. This was becoming less about Sam than it was about my own years living with barely repressed resentment towards Connor and myself on some level because he was right; I should've manned up years ago. The remaining rational part of my brain tried to get through to me, telling me to stop this fucking madness but the common sense was falling onto ears gone as deaf as a toddler's when they were ignoring a command they didn't like.

When I was suddenly yanked off of Connor whose face was a bloody mess between what was dripping from his nose and his newly split lip, I lashed out, struggling blindly against the strong arms holding me back until Morgan's voice registered. I stopped fighting, and when Morgan came around to face me but I still remained restrained, I knew it wasn't him holding me back. I was breathing heavily and the pain in my ribs was beginning match the pulsing throb in my ankle. I could put some pressure on my ankle right now, but was possible that some of my ribs were broken or at least seriously bruised. Human ribs were more fragile than people thought and Connor had been about as gentle with me as I'd been with him when we'd been beating the crap out of each other.

"Take Connor to the ER," Morgan said, addressing a tall, dark-haired soldier who suddenly appeared behind him and helped Connor up off of the floor. Morgan held up a hand to me when I started to protest.

"Max, don't make it worse," he warned with that same calm I'd witnessed numerous times in surgery.

Connor cursed at the new game plan, his stream of expletives interspersed with my name a few times before he was half walked, half dragged from the chapel by the soldier whose face was impassive as he followed orders. When they were gone, Morgan turned his attention back toward me again.

"Max, Private Lewis is going to let you go so we can sit and talk and I can make sure you don't need to go to the ER as well. I think you and Connor need to get some space between the two you for now. Emotions are obviously running high right now, which makes sense considering the current situation with Seargent Trammell, but you need to get it together. Can I trust you to get it together so I can check you out?"

I wanted to say no, but my body protested my stubborn thought process and I nodded even though that aggravated the headache that was beginning to form at my temples. Morgan nodded back at me and then gestured for the man behind me to release me. He reacted immediately, another good soldier who followed orders just like Sam did. Me, I'd never been one to follow every rule laid out for me to the letter, especially when I was younger. But I kept my promise to Morgan now as I sat down and leaned against the back of the pew, glancing up at the guy as he asked Morgan if he was dismissed. Tall, with strong features and blonde hair that was buzzed to regulation standard, Private Lewis was hot. In another time and place I might've spared him a few more glances but I was still angry and in pain so I couldn't muster up any of my usual flirtatious sass.

After Captain Lewis left and Morgan and I were alone, he sighed. "What in God's name were you thinking?"

"That I was going to hand Connor his ass for being a selfish prick."

So not the right answer and Morgan confirmed it with a disapproving look before he sighed again. "And possibly get yourself court martialed in the process. We can probably work the angle of extreme duress if it comes to that because your record is spotless, but it was still foolish."

"No, what was stupid, not to mention unethical, was Dr. Tallon sharing Sam's medical status with Connor before reaching out to me. You promised to page me first, Morgan."

"And I was about to when Connor intercepted Dr. Tallon in the hallway before I caught up to him after stopping to talk to one of the nurses. He knows Connor and Sam are brothers for obvious reasons," he said, and I knew he was referring to the fact that Connor and Sam were identical twins. I still bristled and he offered me a sympathetic look.

"I'm sorry Mac. Dr. Tallon made an error in judgement and the issue will be properly addressed, but he's human. It was a mistake."

The calm rationale pissed me off but he wasn't wrong. We all made mistakes. It was the reason all doctors had malpractice insurance So I got it, but I didn't have to fucking like it..

"Connor outed Sam. It's not right, Morgan. If anyone finds out, Sam's going to flip. He didn't want that information shared."

"I know and it won't be. I already spoke to Dr. Tallon about it after Devlin was allowed into the ICU. That will also be addressed."

"Is Devlin still up there?"

"Yes."

"I want him out," I said flatly, not caring if I did sound like the asshole Connor had accused me of being. "It isn't serious enough between them for Devlin to pull the partner card. Sam told me that they respect and like each other enough to fuck, but not enough for Sam to come out for him. Devlin agreed so I don't why the hell he's doing this now."

"I know you're angry and are just trying to protect Sam, but they're in the same unit, Max. Devlin could just want to see with his own eyes that Sam's alright. It was Connor not him who told Dr. Tallon that he and Sam are partners."

"Which is exactly why I was trying to hand Connor his ass before you pulled me off of him."

"Looked to me like you were getting as good as you got," Morgan said with a snort. You're favoring your ribs. Where else does it hurt?"

"I'm fine."

It was a peevish lie because I could feel my ankle throbbing and I doubted that I'd be putting much pressure on it when I stood up, but letting Morgan check me out meant more time that I was away from Sam.

"I just want to see Sam and get Devlin the hell out of there. I don't want Connor to be in there with him either. He'll just agitate Sam right now and Sam needs to focus on resting and healing."

"I understand and as Sam's proxy you do have the right to bar them both from the room if you think their presence will affect his recovery, but are you sure that's what Sam would want?"

"Yes," I responded without any hesitation because I could be honest with Morgan in private, especially after he'd intervened to save my ass.

"Sam and Connor have always had a complicated, codependent relationship because Connor is the definition of hot-headed, toxic masculinity. Sam backs him out of a sense of guilt even though Connor has made his life difficult too many times for me to count. I ran out of fingers and toes years ago."

Morgan nodded and I slowly exhaled.

"How is he?" I said, finally asking the question that would've been my first if I hadn't been so distracted by my altercation with Connor.

"The surgery went well. Dr. Tallon expects Sam to make a full recovery though active duty isn't an option for a while and he should either go home or stay with someone who can make sure that he rests and takes his prescribed meds."

"He'll stay with me."

My immediate, vehement response made Morgan's thick eyebrows raise and I silently cursed myself. Sam and I were best friendsm but all of my reactions so far were beginning to look more intimate than just buddies, especially now that Morgan knew that Sam was gay. He'd already known about me.

"Who better to keep an eye on him than his best friend who also happens to be an amazing doctor?"

My sassy recovery didn't make Morgan's eyebrows lower and he swept me slowly in silent inquisition. I just barely managed not to squirm beneath his gaze.