FH: Just Found Heaven Ch. 02: Max

"Max..." he started but then paused as if had noticed how I was starting to tense. In that moment I knew he suspected that Sam meant much more to me than I let on, but he didn't call me out on it. Instead, he patted my arm in a paternal manner.

"Let me see those ribs."

I obediently I lifted my scrub shirt, grateful for the pass I'd been given. I couldn't see all of the floridly colored damage from this angle but Morgan's sigh told me enough.

"You should get x-rays. You probably have at least one broken rib by the coloring. You're going to be all shades of pain when the bruising begins to heal."

"Later. We both know there's nothing we can do for that other than tape me up. I'm fine, Morgan."

He still didn't look convinced and I rolled my eyes. "Morgan, I was a skinny military brat and didn't put on my full height or any muscle for that matter until I was almost 18, though my smart mouth was plenty big. Even before my dad was deployed to Florida and I met Sam and Connor, I'd had my ass handed to me so many times in Louisiana that I lost count. It made me scrappy as shit so I can assure you that Connor, big and bad as he likes to seem, kicks like a ten-year old girl in ballet flats."

Morgan snorted and his lips twitched as I held out my hand.

"I'm ok, though you have to help me stand up," I admitted. "Connor got me good in my right ankle. I don't think it's broken because I can flex it, but it's throbbing enough that I'll agree to letting you look at it later. Right now, I just want to see Sam. I have to see with my own eyes that he's alive."

"Alright. I'll help you get up there and make sure Devlin leaves since you couldn't take on a teddy bear right now. Then I'll let security and the nursing staff know that Connor and Devlin are not to be allowed to be around Sam until you clear it. That work for you?"

I nodded. "Yeah, that works for me." I paused for a long moment. "Morgan...thanks for having my back."

"Always. You're my best and brightest resident when you're not being stupid." His lips twitched in mild amusement. "Now, let's get you the hell out of here before we attract more attention. I'll get you settled in Sam's room and bring you some ice for that ankle."

I leaned on Morgan heavily after he helped me to my feet and we made our way slowly toward the elevator banks and then up to the ICU, ignoring all of the curious looks of the hospital staff we passed because I obviously hadn't been bloodied and bleeding on way out of ER earlier on my lunch break.

Devlin looked up from the seat he'd pulled up close to the hospital bed that Sam was asleep in.

"Hey Dev. Glad you're alive. Thanks for saving Sam's ass, but it's time for a guard change," I said. Again. Not very polite, but it was the only greeting I could manage because I was fucking exhausted physically and mentally and just about out of all the fucks I had to give.

"Max...you look like shit. What the fuck happened?"

It was almost the exact thing I'd said to Connor earlier except with an added bit of questioning concern that I'd lacked.

Like Connor, Devlin's face was scrubbed clean and he was wearing a pair of dark blue sweats and a matching sweatshirt. I couldn't see any obvious injuries, but Devlin was as big and stoic as Sam was and his expression was carefully neutral in his smooth dark face. He might've been nursing an entire rack of broken ribs, and even more colorful bruising scattered beneath his clothes, and no one would ever know. He could've been a poster child for the elite nature of the Special Forces. It made me want to kick him in the balls just to get some kind of reaction, but my ankle was shot and I was just too damn tired.

"Connor happened," I said as I let Morgan help me into a chair on the other side of Sam's bedside. Sam's face was scrubbed clean but there were small scratches on arms and face and a bright white bandage was wrapped around his head.

"Mild concussion," Morgan said when I lightly brushed my thumb over Sam's temple just beneath where the bandage ended.

Sam never stirred during any of my verbal exchange with Devlin, probably sedated as hell by the morphine that I could see dripping into the IV in his left arm.

Unlike Devlin who'd just been sitting beside the bed like a handsome gargoyle sentry with both hands resting on his knees, I reached out to lightly brush the fingers of my left hand across Sam's temple before curling it around Sam's right hand because it was the one without the IV line in it. I didn't care about optics anymore. It was just the 4 of us in the room right now and Morgan obviously suspected that I had feelings for Sam. Devlin probably knew too because Connor had a big mouth.

Sam's fingers felt warm, and if I'd been able to get up easily, I'd have grabbed his chart to check his vitals even though I knew that if anything was truly wrong, Morgan would've told me by now.

"Max, I'm going to get that ice for you and a wrap for your ankle. I'll also handle what we discussed earlier."

Discreet code for making sure that once I got Devlin to leave, neither he nor Connor were coming back in unless Sam specifically asked for them when he woke up and was strong enough to handle it.

I nodded at Morgan. When he'd left, I turned my attention back to Devlin, but never released Sam's hand. "Why the fuck did you tell Dr. Tallon that you're Sam's partner? You know he's not out." The words were hostile, but I kept my voice low because I didn't want to wake Sam and I was also too tired now that my adrenaline from earlier was starting to drop. I was going to need a lot of aspirin and a Coke on top of a few cups of coffee.

"Yeah, I know. Neither am I. This was Connor's idea not mine. He blurted it out before I could stop him. You know how Connor can be."

I snorted. "Yeah, he's an impulsive fuckhead."

Dev shrugged his broad shoulders slightly. "Connor meant well. You know that as much as they get into it, he cares about Sam in his own way and wants to do right by him even when he falls short." He paused and then exhaled slowly, though it was smooth and measured, almost meditative. "Sam saved my life out there. He took a bullet meant for me and I owe him a life debt so I wanted to tell him that, even if he can't hear me right now. But I'm not family, so I wouldn't have been let into the ICU. Connor knew that, and like you said, he's impulsive. But I swear to you that I never intended for Sam to be outed. I just wanted to see with my own eyes that he's alive."

I wanted to be angry, but that simple logic made sense to me. I didn't have to like it but I respected the bond between soldiers who had one another's backs, especially in the Special Forces where sometimes those people were the only ones standing between you and death. Sam had taken a bullet for Devlin, but I knew deep down that Devlin would've done the same for Sam if he'd had to.

"If he'd just waited and you'd both talked to me first, we might've been able to have an exception made due to the circumstances." I paused because we both knew what I meant by 'circumstances.' "I'm sorry about your team, Devlin. I can't begin to imagine what that feels like or how anyone deals with loss like that."

"Everyone's got different ways." His lips finally curved slightly though the smile didn't quite meet his dark eyes. "I don't do shrinks so it's probably going to be a lot of beer and poker for me." He paused for a moment as he glanced over at Sam again. "It's going to be harder for Sarge. He always made bringing us all home after every mission as important as the mission itself. Tommy died in his arms," he added, pausing long enough for my heart to break for Sam because well, shit.

"He's going to be fucked up. Probably for a really long time, and you probably know as well as I do, that he'll try to lock himself down. Don't let him."

I sighed and leaned back into my chair because yes, I did know that. I'd been dragging Sam back from the edge of the rabbit hole off and on for years when he let things build up too long. Seeing each other sporadically now that I worked at the hospital and he was deployed for months at a time without being able to tell me where he was going, meant that it was harder to keep track of what was going on in his head when I couldn't grill him face to face. He'd be out of action for a long time after this though, so I was going to be on him like white on rice.

"I'll take care of him."

Davlin nodded slightly. "Where's Connor now?"

"Probably still in the ER. He was dragged out after our fight, and that's where Morgan told a soldier to take him."

"He look as bad as you?"

"Probably worse. I kept my hands up so he nailed me mostly in the ribs, but his lip was so busted he won't be eating, kissing or enjoying Chapstick for a while. He also had the beginnings of twin black eyes, and I might've broken his nose. To be fair, he definitely fucked up my ankle with that dirty fighting kick of his."

Devlin's lips quirked up slightly at the corners just short of another smile. "Didn't think you had it in you."

I snorted. "Most people underestimate me because of my good ol' boy southern charm. Connor knows better. But like I said before, he's an impulsively stupid fuckhead."

"The fight wasn't all about Connor outing Sam though, was it?"

I wasn't expecting the question, especially not in that same deep, calm tone so it took me a minute to respond.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean and if you don't want to talk about it, that's cool," Devlin said sagely. "I'm just asking to make sure you're ok, because this is obviously a lot for you to take in too. We lost a lot of people today who you didn't know, but you almost lost Sam and I can tell that it would've wrecked you if you had."

I was too tired to make even the most miniscule movement to arch my eyebrow. but Devlin read the silent question on my face. In response, he tilted his chin slightly in the direction of my hand where I'd unconsciously moved it back to rest over Sam's. I tensed, even though my ribs protested with silent profanity. First Morgan, now Devlin. Fucking hell. I was off my damn game.

"He's my best friend."

"Yeah, I know that. Sam talks about you all the time, and the shit you used to get into as kids. You're tight. I also know that he's in love with you."

"Devlin--" I started, but he cut me off with a slight shake of his head.

"Like I said, you don't have to tell me anything. I just thought you should know that you've just been broadcasting since the moment you walked in here. It's all over your face, but I get that it's complicated when you have feelings for someone that you can't control, and don't know how to deal with."

This time I did arch my eyebrow. "Talking from experience? I didn't think you and Sam were that serious."

"We aren't. I'm not talking about him, but who it is doesn't matter because it can't go anywhere, and I'm alright with that. Just like I'm alright with ending things with Sam if you want me to because we always knew it wasn't going to be a yellow brick road ride down to a church with matching rings for us. We care about one another because we respect each other, but it's not the same thing as what the two of you have, complicated though it may be. You shouldn't let go of that."

It was almost the exact point that Connor had made but Devlin's reasoning lacked all the derision and accusation Connor had rained down on me, so I inhaled deeply and then slowly exhaled though I didn't answer his question. Instead, I said, "I told the doctors that Connor's not allowed back up here." I didn't add that I'd said the same thing about Devlin but he read between the lines and nodded anyway. Smart man.

"I'll go check on Connor and make sure he respects that. Just please tell Sam that I was here when he wakes up."

All the anger I'd felt toward Connor was slowly burning out into embers instead of flaring up into another raging inferno because I believed Devlin when he said he'd handle it. I could see now what Sam had seen in him; stoic, grounded and ready to take on anything when shit went sideways. I could respect that.

"I'll tell him."

Devlin nodded, glancing at the bed once more before he left the room. As soon as he was gone, I looked down at Sam's sleeping face, pale with pain beneath his desert tan, and felt a betraying level of heat behind my eyelids just like I had in the chapel earlier. This time I didn't stop the tears from escaping until Morgan knocked on the doorframe about a half hour later according to the clock on the wall. Even then, all I did was roughly wipe some of the dampness away with the back of the hand not still smeared with Connor's blood.

That movement prompted me to look down at my injured left hand which was my dominant one. I'd split the skin across my knuckles which meant that I probably wouldn't be working rounds until they healed. A doctor with bandaged hands made people nervous, and it would be tough to hide layers of gauze under latex gloves. Of course, I'd only have to worry about that if I wasn't court martialed for starting a fight in a military hospital. Although Morgan had said he'd try to use emotional duress if things went that route, I still had to hope that my previously spotless record of service would be on my side if this became an issue.

"How is he?" Morgan asked, interrupting my thoughts before he handed me a wet washcloth for my bloodied hands.

"He hasn't woken up yet, but he looks better than I thought he would. Dr. Tallon needs a few lessons on ethics, but he did good work. Sam's vital signs have been holding strong and steady for the last half hour," I said as I cleaned my hands with hospital towel that was just rough enough to make my damaged skin tingle.

"Sam's young and strong. He should make a complete recovery though it's going to take time. He needs a lot of rest and possibly some PT for his shoulder, Dr. Tallon and I both think that he'll be ok. How are you doing?"

Morgan swept me with a silent look when I didn't answer. Silently, he pulled over another chair beside mine for himself. He sat down before he reached down for my leg and rested it on his own thigh so that he could push up the cuff of my scrub pants and examine my bruised ankle after removing my sneaker and sock. The flesh around my ankle was just as multicolored as Morgan had described my ribs, and when he pressed down lightly on the bone and tendons, I immediately winced.

"I was doing better before you started doing that."

"Nothing feels broken, but there's a lot of bruising. You should probably get an x-ray at some point to check for a hairline fracture."

"Which would accomplish nothing because it would still heal on its own."

Morgan ignored me as he began to wrap an ace bandage around my ankle with experienced efficiency. "I'll get you a soft boot to get around if this doesn't help stabilize it."

"Since I refuse to hobble around the hospital, this will do just fine."

Morgan snorted, but he carefully taped the bandage down then carefully propped my foot on the chair after he stood up. He took my bloodied towel out of my hands and took it over to the hospital bin for soiled linens before he went into the bathroom to wash his hands. When he returned, still drying them with a paper towel, he said, "I'm still waiting for an answer."

"And I'm still trying to think of one so you'll be waiting for a while. Might as well go check on shit-head."

Morgan looked more amused than he probably wanted to when he was trying to be professional. "I checked on Connor before coming up here. He's fine. His nose is broken, and he's developing two black eyes, but the entire matter will probably be overlooked as stupidity stemming from heightened emotions as long as you both keep your mouths shut and your hands to yourselves from here on out. The only witnesses were myself and the two soldiers I've already spoken to so that should help keep this quiet."

I nodded slightly. "Thank you, Morgan. Devlin said that he'll keep Connor out and I trust that he'll keep his word. He didn't plan on being outed either. He just wanted to see that Sam was alive."

"Good. That makes my life easier. Anyway, you'll be allowed to stay up here with Sam if you want to until he's discharged. I arranged for a cot to be brought up and I also brought you a fresh pair of scrubs. I also brought you some aspirin," he said handing me a little packet of Advil that wasn't hospital issued. Working in the ER meant we all got our share of headaches.

"And this is where I tell you to please stay out of trouble," he said though I heard the warning note in his tone.

Morgan liked me but he wouldn't risk his career for me if I stepped out of line again and I understood. What had happened between Connor and I was stupid and I'd started it so I'd be making up for it for a long time.

"Noted."

Morgan nodded like he was satisfied with that response, a grace which was honestly more than I deserved at this point.

"Good. I'll be back after my rounds to check in on you. Do you need anything from your apartment? I can swing by and pick it up."

I didn't have to see my own expression to know my gratitude was showing.

"There's a gray knapsack in the front hall closet that has a fresh change of clothing in it, some toiletries and aspirin. There's no rush though. You know my locker combination. My keys are in my inner jacket pocket. Thank you, Morgan. For everything.."

"It's not a problem, Max. Just try and take a few deep breaths and focus on the fact that Sam's still alive and that he's right here with you."

When Morgan left the room, I was hit with a sudden need to be as close to Sam as physically possible. For the first time in my life, I wished that Sam wasn't as tall, broad and stacked as he was, because if he'd been slimmer and not fucking 6'4 and 220, I might've been able to lay down in the narrow bed beside him. Instead, I slid my propped leg carefully off of the other chair so I could turn the one I was sitting in around to face the bed. I lowered the bed rail and twined my fingers through Sam's before I leaned forward until my forehead rested against the cool sheets. I must've fallen asleep like that, because the next sensation I was aware of was a light touch to my head, long fingers smoothing over my face.

I startled awake, but relaxed when I heard Sam's usual low baritone soothe me by mumbling my name. The drugs in his system added an even deeper note to his voice, and I was reluctant to move from the touch, but I forced myself to look up because I needed to see his face.

"Hey..."

So fucking stupid. One word when I had a million that I wanted to share with him, but Sam offered a drowsy smile anyway.

"Hey... So...I guess this isn't heaven?"

"Why not? I don't look angelic to you?"

Sam smiled again. "Your horns hold up your fucking halo."

I grinned and squeezed his hand a little tighter before bringing it up to my lips for a kiss before I caught myself. On the surface it meant nothing because it wasn't like Sam and I didn't kiss every bit of each other's best parts on a regular basis—most of those parts much more interesting than his hand—but I suddenly felt like I'd just accidentally bared my soul to him with that simple display of bone-deep relief.

"You scared the shit out of me."

"Yeah, I kinda scared the shit out of myself for a while."

He paused and the small smile slipped as if his mind was finally clearing to let in the current reality. "My guys.. Did anyone else make it out?"

"Yeah. AJ, Devlin and Connor. I haven't seen AJ but Connor and Devlin are at the hospital downstairs getting checked out." A small fib but it was easier than getting into every detail right now.

Sam nodded but his voice cracked and the machine monitoring his heartrate started to protest when he said, "I couldn't save Micky, Tommy or Tate. They're all dead. They had families. Kids. Someone needs to let them know. I should—."