FH: Just Found Heaven Ch. 02: Max

*I always appreciate getting feedback! It helps with becoming a better writer and it's always an ego boost, so feel free to reach out via comment or email. I will always respond, but that's easier to do if you don't post anonymously!

*This isn't a stroke story because that isn't ever my style. I'm a porn with plot writer. HOWEVER, this story literally has only ONE sex scene and it's toward the very end, between the 2 characters, Max and Roman) who will have their own story in All in Balls Out. If that's not your thing, or if you want hot, sexy man love every few paragraphs, please skip my works for your own sanity.

* I wrote Halos and Heroes YEARS AGO, for a small publishing house that closed and almost 4 years ago, I completely rewrote it to the length and content level I wanted, and it was received well here. I'd planned an entire series (Finding Home) and I'd also planned to immediately publish the second book, All in Balls Out, but I decided to write a "short" segue leading up to it, because the main characters in that one (Max and Roman), weren't talking to me clearly. Someone had suggested writing a short, wedding piece to tie into Halos and Heroes so I thought, cool, I can do this! It'll be short and sweet! Ahem... As any writer knows, characters sometimes decide to write themselves and this story did. It's taken me a long time to finish because it's anythign but short, and I wrote it on and off. More off than on, due to changing jobs, Covid and a lot of medical issues including a recent diagnosis of MS though I've had symptoms for years. SOOOO, all that said, this is a direct tie-in taking place AFTER Halos and Heroes so if you have read or decide to re-read it before reading Just Found Heaven, it'll make the most sense. HOWEVER, it can be read as a standalone in the sense that this story is composed of A LOT of flashbacks from Halos and Heroes, as well as a buttload of new content. That being said...

*This story takes place on Sam and Ben's wedding day and 2 of the chapters are told from Sam's POV. Each of the other chapters is told from the POV of each of the other major characters in Halos and Heroes who will eventually have their own stories, provided my sanity and health hold out! Each character's chapter helps move the day along, and it has A LOT of "flashbacks", most of them NOT in Halos and Heroes (Max, Roman, and Tara's POV are all brand new content. So is MOST of Ben's, though some is directly from Halos and Heroes) so if you don't like multiple viewpoints, or flashbacks, please skip it for your own sanity. For those that choose to read it because they enjoyed the first story, you're going to get A LOT of new insight into the characters; why they are who they are and do/did what they did. I think it's a good setup for upcoming novels, but again, you DO NOT have to read this to understand All in Balls Out when it eventually comes out sometime in 2024. FYI, the italicized text between the *** breaks are flashbacks.

*To make it very clear, since a lot of people complained about chapter length last time, as well as how long chapters took to be published, ALL OF MY STORIES ARE COMPLETELY FINISHED BY THE TIME THAT I SUBMIT! I try and see my vision to fruition, and then it's off to the Literotica team and just a waiting game. They get TONS of submissions folks, so I have ZERO CONTROL over how long it takes for chapters to get published. The last time for Halos and Heroes, it took over a month if I remember correctly, and right now it's the holidays. Also, all these chapters have A LOT of intense formatting situations due to the flashbacks, so it may take a while for everything to be okayed. So, if you're one of those folks (like I am) who want to read a story in one sitting, just wait till all the chapters come out to once again, keep yourself sane! As far as the length of the chapters, I write each one until I feel that everything I want to be said in it has been. Some are longer than others. If page length is a true issue for you, again.. please skip.

*Although references in this novel may be made to actual places or events, the names, characters, incidents, and locations within are complete works of fiction. They are not a resemblance to actual living or dead persons, businesses, or events. Any similarity is coincidental. I began this series during the Afghanistan war, but I skip around a lot timeline wise in the sense of mentioning movies/songs/events that are sometimes more recent. I try and keep it subtle, but sometimes you might have to suspend belief a bit, so bear with me and my creative license. In an effort to do the United States Army justice, and to show my respect to my country, I have applied all possible efforts to merge fact and fiction to entertain, while portraying the military, and the hardships and achievements of soldiers, with respect, dignity and accuracy to the best of my abilities. It's my hope that I've done you all justice, and that all of the creative licenses taken with this novel are understood to be the efforts of imagination, and not any judgment or disrespect against the U.S. military. Thank you all for your service.

*Finally, to those who have followed and supported me and have bene waiting for me to publish something new, I hope you find it worth the wait. Thank you!

Finding Home : Just Found Heaven Book 1.5

Chapter 2 - Max

"...I was only looking for a shortcut home... But it's complicated, so complicated... Somewhere in this city is a road I know, where we could make it... But maybe there's no making it now... Too long we've been denying... Now we're both tired of trying... We hit a wall, and we can't get over it... Nothing to relive, its water under the bridge... You said it, I get it... I guess it is what it is... I was only trying to bury the pain, but I made you cry, and I can't stop the crying... Was only trying to save me but I lost you again... Here it comes, ready or not... We both found out it's not how we thought that it would be, how it would be... If the time could turn us around, what was once lost may be found... But now there's nothing left to relive, its water under the bridge... I guess it is what it is..." -LifeHouse (It is What it Is)

THROUGHOUT my arduous educational journey to becoming a doctor, I'd endured years of intense higher-level schooling, and my competitive, overachieving ego had motivated me to bust my ass to consistently keep myself at the top of my classes so I graduated early, and still summa cum laude. But despite my impressive medical pedigree, and a general love for learning, there are an infinite number of things I know nothing about. From the true existence of God, to why slices cut from round pizzas end up in triangles. But the thing that I understood the least, was why my stupid heart had listened to my brain when it'd been pitched the idea that falling in love with my best friend despite my epic commitment issues— that could've sent a therapist's 6 or 7 kids to college if I ever actually went to one—was the right move after years of distancing myself romantically from Sam by fucking anyone I could to keep us from becoming monogamous.

In medical school, biology had been one of the easiest subjects for me to grasp and as a result I could tell anyone who was interested about human anatomy and how every organ with a major biological function and purpose to keep us going worked. Our kidneys filter our blood, and remove excess fluid from it while leaving just the right amount of salt, and other minerals behind to maintain order and balance. Our lungs take in oxygen from the environment to transfer it into our bloodstream for useable purposes- aka, breathing. The human heart has the heaviest workload. It's responsible for pumping blood throughout our entire body and distributing food and oxygen to cells while it transports carbon dioxide to our lungs so it can help with that minor afore mentioned need to breathe.

It's all simple biology. Unfortunately, the human heart is also the stupidest organ in an otherwise amazing machine because all too often it gets altruistic and decides that fulfilling its intended clinical purpose isn't enough to make it feel validated. It doesn't just want to keep us alive. It also wants to make us happy. So, it colludes with both brain and pheromones to encourage the idea that what would really make people feel gratified is someone to share their lives and the best parts of their anatomy with. All three innocently proclaim that love is what all human beings really need to live full, enriched lives. Emotional connections, interpersonal ties and people to call home.

Otherwise known as extremely complicated shit.

Sam had been in love with me since we were sixteen, and even though he'd always made that clear in more than just words, I'd taken his love for granted because my intimacy issues had always gotten the better of me. Issues that were deep enough to eventually sabotage our romantic relationship except for the occasional hookup. It'd hurt him it'd but had cost me too even though I'd never let Sam know just how much. I'd take a bullet for him without any hesitation, but I'd never been able to tell him until it was too late, that despite all my very public proclamations that I didn't like monogamy, a complete life with just him was all I'd ever wanted.

Even a little over a year later I could still remember the look on Sam's face when I'd come home on leave and finally told him how I felt about him right there in Sofia's kitchen after he'd introduced me to Ben; a bomb that Sam had handled with both surprise and a discomfort he'd attempted to hide with redirection which had been a hard kick in the gut. He'd been trying to spare my feelings because he'd known that it'd been more difficult for me to come out to him emotionally than it had been to step out of the closet as a teenager— which I'd done in an unrepentant blaze of rainbow glory our freshman year of high-school—but we'd been friends since we were fourteen years old. I could read Sam without hearing any words so he didn't have to tell me that he'd already moved on.

Standing in a beautiful hotel suite helping Sam get ready to marry the good, solid and devoted man who'd openly accepted all that love that Sam had tried to give me, tore my fucking heart out. And all I could do was smile and play out my role of best man because I'd lost Sam a long time ago and didn't have anyone to blame except my damn self.

"Did you get tired of singing or are you just plotting your next round of giving me shit?"

Sam's teasing tone blessedly dragged me off a path that wouldn't lead anywhere good.

It wasn't the time or place for an epic bout of self-pity. Today was about Sam and Ben, not about me mourning the consequences of momentous fuck-ups. Instead, I compartmentalized like a son of a bitch and grinned at Sam, my voice drawling out smooth and easy, chock full all of my Louisiana sass to hide the hurt. The ladies of Steel Magnolias would've been proud because even though Sam knew me as well as I knew him, all southerners could keep the ugly away with our adopted gentility when we had to. It was practically a birthright to be able to add heaps of sugar to your bullshit. I'd been piling it on high lately, ever since the moment Sam had told me that he'd proposed to Ben and that Ben had accepted. It shouldn't have surprised me because they were so obviously in love that it'd just been a matter of time before one of them popped the question. I just hadn't expected it to be Sam, and the brief, but very awkward silence had conveyed that so clearly that we'd both just stared at one another for a moment. We both knew what should happen next, but once I congratulated him like any best friend was supposed to, he'd inevitably have to ask me to be his best man. Under normal circumstances, it'd have been a no-brainer. But our situation was so fucking complicated that all normal rules of engagement had been thrown out the window a long time ago.

Sam's eyes had always been windows to his damn soul, and I knew that he didn't know how to get around the elephant in the room, so I'd manned up and volunteered myself as his best men with a smiling congratulations before I'd hugged him and told him that there WOULD be strippers at his bachelor party. We both knew I was joking because Sam had never been that type, but I'd needed to say something, anything, to make him laugh and break the tension between us. After that, I'd just been going through the same type of motions that I had for over a decade when I'd kept my feelings for Sam a secret.

"Just going through some mental tweaking of my best man speech," I said to get myself back on track. "I want to make sure that I remember all the details of every embarrassing story I plan to tell. By the end of the night Ben's going to have a few more things to tease you about. So will every guest there. Forever and ever, amen."

Sam scowled and snorted as my grin deepened, but he didn't swat my hands away when I reached for his tie to slide it out from beneath his collar and free it from the twisted mess he'd made of the formal accessory. I shook the length of fabric out to straighten it, then slipped the tie around his neck again.

"Let me this this before you choke yourself out."

"All I have to do is look in a mirror and that sounds like a mercy kill."

I grinned when Sam wiggled the end of the tie, his lips twisting into a wry look.

I couldn't really disagree even to make him feel better because although I generally spent 90 percent of my current life in scrubs, I did love the embrace of a well-cut suit to spruce up my wardrobe. Accessories counted, and a man's tie showed how he rolled; classic black for formal elegance, power and status red when I needed to kick ass and take names like a boss, blue to emphasize confident stability, and even the occasional bright orange to out and proud announce that I was just as open-minded and enthusiastic to wear said tangerine tie as I was to have my hands bound to a bed frame with it.

The pale blue of Sam's tie wasn't horrible on its own, but with every high mexapixel camera phone in attendance at the wedding, someone was bound to capture the white snowflake pattern scattered over the fabric with happy abandon—a bold statement that clearly said he hadn't dressed himself. Snow wasn't common in Florida even in December, but after Sam and Ben had formally announced their engagement at family dinner at Sofia's house 5 months ago after Sam had told me, Sam's little niece Emma had decided that a December wedding had to feel like winter even when it was almost always in the sunny sixties and seventies with not a flurry in sight. Combined with her renewed obsession with Disney's Frozen—the consequence of a regrettable move on Sam's part to let Emma watch the movie again a few months before the engagement on one of their weekly movie nights, after they'd seen a trailer advertising the sequel—it'd been all about Sam and Ben 'letting go,' of most of the say in their wedding planning.

The entire event was inundated with festively lit Christmas trees, hot chocolate with extra marshmallow for the under 21 guests and the cocoa heavily spiked with rumchatta for the adults—that had been my one suggestion— to create the winter wonderland theme that Emma had insisted would be 'perfect!' That kid could sell ice to an Eskimo, and her uncle was a sucker for her big brown eyes and puppy dog pout. So, we'd all allowed our balls to shrivel up in resigned shame and rocked snow flurries on our ties since mine and Ben's matched Sam's. Thankfully, both Sofie and Addie had intervened as much as they could to discreetly adult Emma's vision of wedding rapture so the pattern was subtle on the icy blue background. Paired against our slim, modern cut gray suits that had a faint, silvery metallic sheen to the fabric, they looked reasonably sharp as long as you didn't stand too close. There wasn't much that could be done to disguise the fact that the roses in our boutonnieres were set around plastic 'ice crystals', and a sizeable snowflake, but Emma's unfettered joy at seeing her vision realized when she'd come into Sam's hotel room earlier in the morning to show off her flower girl dress had made Sam smile, and that alone was worth a few hours of fashion suicide as far as I was concerned.

There was also the fact that Tara, Sofia and Adelyn had been turned into virtual Barbie dolls with Tara being the star of Emma's vision as the epitome of the icy blonde Disney queen in the flesh. I'd seen her maid-of-honor dress when Tara had modeled it for me at her final fitting, cursing like a sailor in between her sighs of self-pity. My new best friend was feminine and gorgeous, just not a traditional fashion plate. But to her misfortune and my endless amusement, she couldn't deny Emma anything either.

"I'm doing the right thing."

Sam's voice distracted me away from thoughts of how many photos I could manage to post on my Facebook page of Tara in her Disney inspired glory before she tore my balls off. "What?"

"I'm doing the right thing by marrying Ben," Sam repeated.

An hour before Sam was set to walk down the aisle set up on the beach, that should've been an unwavering statement of firm committment but I could hear the lilt of the silent question mark at the end.

Shit.

Not once since he'd proposed to Ben had Sam expressed any second thoughts to me but I could see the sudden self-doubt in his eyes that seemed to have come out of nowhere. He'd been relaxed when I'd come into the hotel room, but one of Sam's most self-destructive flaws was his ability to get stuck in his head whenever he felt like he was finally getting a bit of happiness in his life. If I told him right now that I thought tying his life to Ben for the rest of their days on this planet was a mistake, he'd believe me because I always told him the truth.

And his heart will break and he'll go back to being the shell of himself that he was before Ben used all the power of the heavens-on-high to achieve what no one else has been able to do— make Sam see he's worth every shit someone can humanly give.

Stop this Max.

I knotted Sam's tie expertly, smoothing it down into place before I did the same to the lapels of his suit jacket. The glide of my hand down the front of his chest was casual and appropriate to the situation since I was straightening out his suit though I had to work hard at ignoring the chiding voice of truth resonating in my conscience; this was probably my last opportunity to touch Sam this intimately because even though my thoughts were my own and my brain occasionally tortured me at night with dreams so vivid that I could still feel Sam's caresses on my skin when I woke up alone in bed, touching him after he was married with this level of desire for him to be mine, was cheating. Maybe not physically, but emotionally for sure. Ben and Sam trusted me. Or at least Sam did. Ben wasn't stupid, and I saw the way he sometimes looked at me when I was around Sam. He was a good man; open and forgiving, but he wasn't a saint. He knew how I felt about Sam, but neither of us had ever brought up the elephant in the room and I wasn't a homewrecker despite what had almost happened that night on Sofia's porch between Sam and I when I'd come home...

***

I could feel Sam's immediate initial surprise when my lips brushed over his, but he didn't pull away from me when I slid my right hand around the back of his neck to curl there with gentle control. If he really wanted to bolt, I'd let him go, but I'd make him say it first. I selfishly needed the words if Sam wanted me to back off. In my mind this was my last stand, and I was going to make it count.

Sam's breath wafted lightly across my mouth when he exhaled, and his lips parted. It was probably more instinct than immediate desire because I'd seen the way he'd been looking at Ben when they'd come up the driveway together; the content relaxation in his expression as they'd held hands like it was the most natural thing in the world. They'd radiated open and honest emotions that for once Sam hadn't been trying to hide beneath his usual stoic defaults. The only other time I'd ever seen Sam that relaxed was around me, before I'd pushed him so far away that even his determined sense of loyalty couldn't help him navigate through the wall of nameless strangers that I'd shoved between us to keep him from seeing just how much I wanted to accept all the love and trust he'd been willing to give me. He'd still loved me despite all of that, still wanted me, but those open displays of affection in his beautiful eyes had stopped years ago even when he murmured my name in the dark on my bed or his. We weren't on the softness of a welcoming mattress now, but the slow, rhythmic rock of the porch swing provided stability despite the languid movement; a background action to the more deliberate ones I was making when I traced the outline of Sam's lips with my tongue, following their curve until I got to the slight dip in his upper lip. Sam's mouth didn't have the same plushness as a woman's or even some of the other men I'd kissed, but the warm familiarity of his mouth was always home. Especially with the flavor of the same brand of cigarettes we'd always smoked since the day we'd picked up the bad habit together. It mingled with the fading flavor of the Doc Brown's root beer he'd been drinking earlier; Sam's favorite cheat because he didn't normally drink soda.