by HotEroti13
Pretty good story. The teasing made it better, and the "final" plunge made everything come together.
Wanted to get off and you got me there. Solid dialogue, could use a bit more description. "Suck and Fuck" is a bad thing? Keep 'em coming :)
Please keep trying. I can see where you are trying to go, but you didn't get there. I think for your first attempt it was ok, but just didn't hit the mark.
no more than a bit
enough with the 46GGG boobs. That is not interesting. That is not believable.
You said something about seduction. Only a 13 year old would find this seductive.
You can do better
just suck and fuck.... no story plot, not much detailed.... no stars from me :\
...when you read a positive comment posted on a poor story by 'anonymous' if it was the writer trying to get noticed?
Either write erotica or write porn. This was neither. Erotica contains allure, and, well, eroticism, porn is just hard out sex. You have skill, now take the time.
Take more time to build up your story. As it is, I lost interest with her getting on her knees as nothing had led to that moment. Too contrived...
oh my in the middle of reading i got so horny i had to go to town on my self to get rid of the edge
Got my cock hard but would like for her to have been a virgin and Daddy to have eaten her sweet, virgin pussy. You just want your Daddy or have you had his big man cock in your tight little cunt?
Good story just ending to soon would like to read more about the rest of the week & even after her mommy & his wife comes home how the have to hind & do there thing .