All Comments on 'Finding Jan Pt. 01'

Please continue.

Can’t wait for more of this

I loved the opening; a balloon, a hang glider, a plane and a semi-truck! You had me laughing out loud, thanks so much! And yes, the rest of the story was good too!

Give him some sexy chest hair for that manly chest -- something for mother-in-law to taste and touch! Keep them going!

Simply an outstanding job relaying the pain that would form the basis of your story! That said, the "backstory" about her being promiscuous and giving blow jobs in her past was an unneeded distraction and detracted from the overall intimacy between your two characters. Giving it 5* but no reason to demean her past going forward. Build on the love they've had over the years and as it plays out, for the children left behind with no mother.

I've always said that in-laws dont constitute incest. But that aside, this was a hot as fuck story. That Demo guy has his preferences for a love story I guess. I've seen him make the same type comments on actual incest tales, brother and sister sex. Lit has a category for that, erotic couplings. Loving wives category is quite the opposite, it's usually heating wives. Or husbands. And incest speaks for itself. Family members dont fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. He needs to peruse the erotic coupling category.

That said, it's not that I want a stroke story. I actually despise them. I love a good build up, character development, the telling of a story. I just want it to include wicked hot monkey sex. If they're in love, fine, if not fine, just throw some hot nasty fucking in there somewhere. I do think her backstory is important as it sets up how much sex is a need for her, not just something to do with someone she loves, missionary, in the dark, with the doors locked. This is a sex site, not a harlequin novel.

Your story, your direction. But I think it is great just like it is, and hope you continue in this direction. Five big stars.

Just a wonderful beginning! Hot, tense, exciting. Waiting for the next chapter.

Why the long involved lead in? All those details of the deaths seemed totally unnecessary and added zilch to the story.

You write well, it's the story execution that sucked.