Finding Love in Thin Places Pt. 01

This is a sappy romance story and contains strong religious and particularly Christian themes. If you are looking for erotica or kink, my other stories might be more to your taste. There are only a few sex scenes, and they are decidedly vanilla. If you are going to be upset by the religious themes, or if discussions of God will bother you, this probably is not the right story for you. (Check out my others though!) Note that I believe in a loving and inclusive deity, and I hope that shines through here. I thank Tallulah for absolutely golden comments, suggestions and editing on an early draft. A lot of thanks to Breezy, Cassie and Mr.T. for valuable comments and editing (and especially help with some Rhythm!). If you see any errors, I blame the gremlins in Lit.

February

Kate sat in the All Saints parish hall, while the cold Michigan wind blew snow outside, listening to the presentation by Sarah, the associate rector.

"You guys know I've led J2A youth pilgrimages, but pilgrimage is a long-standing tradition for adults too. We've contracted with Chicago based Amazing Journeys, who do a great job, to lead this one."

Kate kept thinking, Steve would have wanted to go.

When the presentation finished, they moved to a light reception and Sarah buttonholed Kate, "You need to do this! I know it's been a tough year, it would be good for you."

"I," Kate began and paused. "Maybe. I just don't," her voice trailed off.

Sarah put her hand on Kate's arm, "I know. That's why you need this so badly. I know you're still hurting over Steve's passing, and I know your faith has been shaken. This will help both. Think about it. Please?"

Kate nodded as she fought the tears again. Steve's death just under a year ago left a deep hole in her. The church had been such a large part of their lives that just being back in the building made the hole seem so dark and so empty. Kate had relied on Sarah for more than just the typical pastoral care from a priest through the last year. Their long-time friendship had served as a light in the dark tunnel. She sipped her wine and ate a little cheese but left the hall before anyone else.

***

"Mom, of course you should go! You've always wanted to visit England, and this is the perfect chance."

"The perfect chance is gone, your Dad wanted to go, and we ran out of time." The last words bitter and almost angry.

"I know mom, I know." Beth comforted. Their conversation just one of so many like it in the last year. While a bit older than Kate, who had recently turned sixty-one, Steve had been healthy and vigorous. The massive stroke that took his life came as a surprise to everyone. "But Dad wouldn't have wanted you to..."

Kate cut her off abruptly and sternly. "Don't tell me what Dad would or wouldn't have wanted. He would have wanted to live, and he didn't get that."

"But that doesn't mean you can't keep living!" Beth argued just as sternly and forcefully. While they did not quite hang up on each other, the conversation ended quickly. Beth knew that when her mom dug in, there was no reasoning with her.

April

Kate slid into a back pew, far from her and Steve's usual spot, just as the first chords of Jesus Christ is Risen Today began on the organ. She appreciated the pageantry of the Easter Procession and the lovely spring flowers adorning the church. The message of rebirth and hope filtered into her slightly, but like last year, she just could not embrace the idea of resurrection. She had skipped Maundy Thursday and Good Friday, the dark undercurrents of death still too much for her. The service ended and she made her way toward the door. She hoped to slip out and avoid the usual coffee and donuts in the parish hall, but Sarah waylaid her again.

"Kate, I'm so happy to see you here!" Sarah's enthusiasm perhaps a little over the top since they had met for lunch just two weeks prior.

"Happy Easter Rev. Helms! It's good to see you too!" Kate managed to smile and put on the affectation of Easter Joy.

"Kate, next week is the last week to sign up for the pilgrimage and get a deposit in, can I please put you down for it? You would love it so much." Sarah had talked up the pilgrimage to Kate a few times since February, including their last lunch.

Just as Sarah finished, a man Kate did not recognize turned and closed the short distance to stand next to the two women. "I couldn't help but overhearing Sarah pitching the pilgrimage. I signed up myself and I'm really excited about it. You should think about it." He paused, "And happy Easter, I'm John." He held out his hand.

"Thanks, John." Sarah's enthusiasm dipped just so slightly. "John, this is Kate, she's a long-time parishioner. Kate, John's joined us recently from St. Michaels."

They passed around the usual pleasantries and Sarah bade her farewell as she moved to mingle with others, "I hope you'll sign up; you can do it online, or just call, text or email me!"

"I don't know, let me think about it today, I'll call you Tuesday?" Kate deflected the decision and extricated herself from the parish hall as quickly as she could.

***

Kate enjoyed a pleasant Easter dinner with her son and his girlfriend. It almost seemed like the old days. Her daughter Beth had graduated from college three years before and Tom had left for college a year after that. The transition to empty nest had been challenging. She found it even more difficult now, with Steve gone. Kate sat with her laptop in the living room, sipping her wine from dinner. Tom and his girlfriend had headed back to college right after dinner, leaving Kate alone again.

She expected her Facebook feed to be full of the usual Easter greetings and pictures of families together at Easter egg hunts. The top post was from an old college friend, Chris. It featured a picture of a priest and a few others gathered in the setting sun outside a small stone church in England. Chris had moved to England a few years earlier, but she hadn't paid attention to the details. The breathtakingly beautiful picture featured an Easter Vigil service from the night before. The flowers blooming throughout the graveyard and the priest igniting the paschal candle in the dying evening light spoke to her in ways that the service that morning simply hadn't. Tears ran down her cheeks and she sobbed.

Kate had cried over Steve's death only once before, when the doctors had turned off his life support. She believed she needed to be strong for her children, and the emotions themselves scared her. The guilt of that last decision weighed so heavily. She missed him desperately and each day seemed like punishment. The image of beautiful tulips bursting through moss covered graves overpowered her defenses and the emotions she had resisted the past year rolled through her. Sometimes, she thought, you do just need a good cry.

Monday morning, she logged into the All Saints web page and put her credit card information into the form, "OK, England, here I come." She said out loud as she hit send.

May

"Look, Chris, I'm sorry but it's just not working. You just... '' Charlotte trailed off in exasperation.

"I just what?" He spat the last word.

"You just want me to be something I'm not." Charlotte guarded her words.

"How? What is it that you think I want that you're not?" Chris asked, genuinely confused.

Charlotte just looked at him for a minute. "You want me to be Marie."

The words hung in the air. Their eyes locked as he processed the information.

"Chris, I'm sorry, but I don't think you're over her yet. I think you're still looking for her. And I'm not her. I can't do this with you anymore, and so, I'm sorry, I'm ending it." Charlotte left no room for discussion.

The bright orange décor of the Haley Café in Oxford suddenly seemed oppressive. Chris walked out of the coffee shop and along the streets in the light rain. His Mac left mostly unzipped, with the hood folded back. The rain quickly soaked him. With no clear destination in mind, he simply walked, the cold rain numbing him.

Charlotte misunderstood him. He didn't want her to be Marie. Marie's death had hit him hard though, he knew he still missed her. Charlotte, at thirty-two, occupied a different phase in life. Charlotte naturally focused on building a career and maybe thinking about a family. Chris, at sixty-two, had done all that. After the kids had left home, he and Marie had begun to enjoy being together and having adventures. He just wanted that life back, or at least someone to share building that kind life again.

Chris found himself standing in front of an unfamiliar small, medieval stone church. The sign read St. Bartholomew's. Seeing others entering, he wandered in and found a place near the back. They were observing Evensong, his favorite service, and the choir and congregation began to sing. At times, he joined in, but mostly he sat and listened.

As the service neared the end, he found himself on his knees crying softly. "Help me," he prayed, "help me get over her, and find someone." As he said 'her', he thought of Marie. He realized Charlotte's claims held some truth. "Please help me fill the hole."

Day 0: Detroit

The group laughed and joked as they moved through Detroit Metro. Kate walked with Meg, a close friend about the same age and long divorced. As is so often the case with church activities, women made up the majority of the thirteen-member pilgrimage. The three men were Jane's husband, Bill; Susan's husband, Jeff; and John a single man. They joked about the bad luck associated with thirteen, but Sarah assured them that the tour guide, Chris, would make it fourteen and all would be okay.

Pausing in front of the large fountain as they entered, members of the group took pictures of themselves and uploaded them to Facebook. Although Kate seldom documented her life on Facebook, she had decided to be a joiner, and dutifully posted a picture of her and Meg using the "#AllSaintsPilgrims" tag.

"Hey, can I get a selfie with you?" John asked Kate as she finished posting.

John had become a little too attentive in the last few weeks making Kate wary. "Oh gosh John, I think we're about to move on."

Sarah's announcement rescued her, "OK people, we can't linger here. We really need to move down and get to our gate."

Kate, Sarah and Meg sat together in one row of the 737, with Kate, the smallest of the three, in the middle seat.

Just after the in-flight meal, as the three sipped wine, the youngest member of their pilgrimage, Tracy, appeared at the end of their row. "Sarah, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure" agreed Sarah sitting in the window seat.

"Mom and I were reading a bit and talking with Jenna. I keep seeing references to thin places?"

Meg unbuckled her seat belt and stood, "have a seat Tracy, I'll go back and chat with Judy and Jenna, I've heard Sarah talk about this, and it'll take a while." The four women all laughed, knowing that Sarah loved to talk about spiritual matters.

Kate felt the calming and soothing effects of wine and her mind wandered as Sarah and Tracy discussed thin places. She had, once or twice in her life, experienced them. Places where it seemed that she could feel God's presence through only the sheerest of veils or even less. Places where she experienced God's love most strongly.

"So, you mean, like, God's more present or powerful at some places?" Tracy asked, puzzled.

Kate stepped in. "I think God's everywhere equally, but somehow these are places where people are just naturally more open to God. It doesn't have to be the same for everyone, but there do seem to be some places where it's more common."

The three grew quiet for a moment. "That's a great explanation, Kate," Sarah said softly then turning to Tracy, "it's really one of the mysteries of faith, what a thin place means, but especially on pilgrimage, let your heart be open to it."

The words echoed in Kate's ears, and she thought, my heart has been so closed off this last year, I've even lost touch with God.

Day 1: Avebury

Chris moved quickly through the now familiar terminal at Heathrow. On the cardboard sign tucked under his arm "All Saints" appeared in large black letters. Looking at his tablet, he confirmed their eight am landing, around thirty minutes earlier. While it typically takes nearly an hour for groups to deplane, clear border control and collect luggage, he liked to be sure that he met them as they stumbled, tired and slightly nervous, into the airport lobby. He remembered the three youth pilgrimages he chaperoned in his thirties and forties, and his relief to see the tour guide waiting for him when he arrived.

He took his place near the arrivals' door, holding his sign and checking messages and emails on his tablet. Chris glanced up regularly, looking for the priest he had met briefly via zoom, and hoped he would recognize her in person. Sure enough, about twenty-five minutes later, Rev. Helms emerged from the doors with her group behind her. Chris smiled broadly, called out, and waved the sign a little higher in the air.

Sarah smiled as she closed the distance to where Chris stood, the tour group trailed along with luggage and backpacks and tired looking smiles.

"We are sure glad to see you!" Sarah beamed.

"Yeah, there is always that moment of fear, will the guide really be there?" Chris laughed. Those in ear shot chuckled too.

"It's even worse with youth," Sarah laughed, "at least with this group I know they all have credit cards and can mostly take care of themselves."

Chris nodded his head in vigorous agreement. "Let's gather everyone and we'll get you sorted straight away," slipping into the British vernacular. Even though Chris had lived most of his sixty-two years in the US, he had spent enough time in the UK to comfortably use the language like a native and liked to show it off for the tourists.

He corralled them over to a slightly quieter corner and pulled up the register on his tablet. "Hi, I'm Chris, and I am your Amazing Journeys guide for the next twelve days. Let me go through your names once. Jenna Abbot?" He began the short roll call.

"And," he chuckled with a wry smile, looking directly at the curvy, dark haired, woman standing next to Sarah, "last, but certainly not least, Kate Zimmer."

Kate laughed, "Hi Chris, it's good to see you again, it's been a while." Her greeting elicited a few surprised laughs from the group.

"You know him?" Sarah Blurted.

"Yeah, it's been," Chris paused, his gaze still fixed on Kate, "nearly forty years or so?"

Kate nodded before Chris turned to Sarah. "We were," Chris hesitated, "friends in college."

"We'll have some time to catch up later, Kate." Moving back to business mode, "Does everyone have all their bags and carry on and so forth?" Nods and murmurs of assent greeted him. "Excellent, second, does anyone need the Loo?" The slight confusion at the British version made him smile, "the toilet? It's over there, you can leave your bags with me, come right back after."

Kate and most of the others made their way to the toilets. He watched as Kate walked away, appreciating her body, especially her broad hips and full ass. Although he had set aside his feelings for her long ago, she still seemed to occupy a corner of his heart. Their short-lived college romance had likely been more important to him than to her. At this stage 'old friends' seemed the best approach, both personally and professionally.

Chris chatted amiably with a man named Bill and a younger woman Tracy, until the others drifted back. He quickly took the register again both to confirm no absences and to try to learn names. "OK, we need to walk just a bit to get to the motor coach, but it..."

"Any chance we could get some coffee before..." one of the men interrupted.

"I gotcha covered mate, there's coffee, tea, fizzy drinks, water and various munch on the coach" Chris beamed. He knew that a group of jet-lagged adults required more than one cup of coffee, so he made sure to have plenty on hand for this first day.

Chris handed out a plastic ID card, with a lanyard, to each person as they boarded, ensuring everyone was present. He pointed out the "coffee" aisle, and people took their seats. The spacious coach, designed to seat thirty-two, provided plenty of room for the thirteen travelers and various backpacks, plus him and his gear.

"We've got about an hour's drive to the first place." Chris announced standing in the aisle.

"Where are we going?" the same guy who had asked about coffee blurted out.

"It's a secret," Chris nodded with a chuckle. "It's all a secret, but you'll love it, I promise! We'll eat lunch there as you explore. I know it's kind of a full day after a flight, but it will help get over your jet lag, and who wants to waste time at our age?" The group, except for Tracy and Sarah, were all sixty or older, some by a fair bit. "Take a nap, or just watch the lovely rolling hills of Blighty pass by."

Chris took his seat in front as the driver carefully navigated exiting Heathrow and setting off west on the M4. His duties as a tour guide never ended, it seemed, and he relied on his phone and tablet like best friends. He began making some last-minute phone calls to check on the itinerary. As he hung up, Kate stepped forward, carefully holding onto the back of the seats to steady herself in the swaying coach.

"When did you know?" she asked.

Chris looked up and smiled conspiratorially, "I thought I recognized your name when I got the roster about two weeks ago, but your Facebook post yesterday confirmed it. You?"

"When I saw you this morning!" She laughed, "You could have given me a heads up or something. They just told us, 'Chris our Amazing Journeys' guide and I didn't even think of it." She chided him with a smile.

"Sorry about that. We haven't really communicated much, in like forty years. I guess I didn't know how to mention it." Chris said, a little chagrined at not being comfortable contacting her. He took a deep breath and ploughed forward "Would you like to have dinner, just you and me, tomorrow? Catch up a bit? We have a group dinner tonight and you're likely to be exhausted. I know a good place for tomorrow night."

"That sounds really great Chris, I'd love to!" Kate smiled to Chris's relief. "I should probably let you get back to work?"

"Yeah. I swear, half my time is spent on the phone checking reservations" Chris rolled his eyes, "But I like the other parts, so I put up with this." He held up the phone.

"OK, I'll look forward to tomorrow night, and whatever 'big secret' we are going to see now!" Kate teased and returned to her seat, somehow smiling just a little more than she expected.

The remainder of the drive passed uneventfully. Chris could hear some gentle snoring in the back as they finally pulled into the parking area at the National Trust Museum for Avebury Henge and jolted to a stop.

"OK folks, you can leave anything you want on the coach. Henry our driver makes sure everything is safe. You'll want hats, and a light jacket or jumper for sure, and good walking shoes. If you need something out of your luggage, we can do that too, just let Henry know. If you don't mind, I'd like to line you up along the coach before we move out."

It took nearly twenty minutes to get them lined up with proper gear. "Keep your ID's," Chris held up his which he wore around his neck, "with you all the time and note there's a number on the back. That's your number. We're going to count off, and I'm one."

"What are we, kids?" the guy who asked about coffee snarled.

"Well, no, but this is fast, and easy, and helps me make sure we don't leave you behind."