Finding Myself Ch. 01

>Hi Thomas. Thank you for your number. I hope we can talk sometime privately. From Chrissie.

I hit send before I could talk myself out of it. Once home Mum asked us about dinner.

"It was okay," I replied.

My three sisters talked over each other as they always do trying to tell the same story. Mum laughed and then hugged me. I heard a ping from my little handbag. I retrieved my phone and read the new message that had just arrived.

"Well?" demanded Claire.

"Thomas replied to my message."

"And?" prompted Eowyn.

"He wants to call by and talk."

"Tell him yes. We will give you some space, promise!" assured Sara pointing at Claire and Eowyn.

"Promise," they agreed together.

I sent another message agreeing. We arranged for the following day.

*

The next morning after I had showered and performed all the things I needed to do. I considered what to wear. I selected cream lingerie- bra, panties and suspender belt with pale stockings. I selected a royal blue dress and black heeled court shoes. The dress had short cap sleeves, a slight v-neck and was knee length. I hoped it gave the right impression: classy, but sexy.

"Mum, does this look okay?"

She smiled.

"Lovely. I have to go to the office for a bit. I'll see you tonight."

"Okay."

I passed the time performing the little chores around the house. The house felt empty with everyone away. I lost track of time. I heard a light knock on the door. I checked my hair in the mirror and took a breath. I opened the door to Thomas.

"Hi Chrissie," he greeted offering me a bunch of flowers.

They were yellow and orange roses.

"Hi Thomas, please come in," I invited taking the flowers, breathing in their delicate perfume.

"Are you okay in the lounge, or the kitchen? May I offer you a drink?" I babbled anxiously.

"The kitchen will be fine. You look lovely. Please don't be nervous."

"Easier said than done," I admitted with a laugh.

"Please just sit for a minute and chat."

"Let me put these flowers in some water and put the kettle on then I'll sit. You'll have my undivided attention. Promise!"

"Okay," he agreed with a laugh.

I was conscious that he was watching me as I moved around the kitchen. I made tea, laid some biscuits on a plate and set my flowers in a vase. I had never received flowers before. I smiled. I handed him a mug of tea.

"Thank you. Now please sit for a minute."

I nodded and sat opposite him at the kitchen table.

"Thomas, you've changed so much since school. I confess I didn't know who you were."

"Well, you've changed a little bit too," he said with another laugh.

"Oh, right, yes. I guess you want an explanation?"

"No. I have a confession of my own first. I've had a crush on you since that first day at school when you took on that bully and defended me. I was always proud to call you my friend. When my parents divorced I had to move away. I wished I could have kept in touch."

"We were good friends, best friends even- you never said anything."

"Okay, so picture this scene, a scrawny runt of a boy with only one real friend walks over and tells his male friend I think I love you. How do you see that going?" he asked with a smile.

"Putting it like that, may be not so well. So picture this scene, the male friend now wearing a dress meeting his now very tall friend in a restaurant."

"I remember it fondly. You looked amazing. You are amazing. I don't know if you're in a relationship, or anything. I don't want you to feel pressured into anything. You don't have to explain, you don't need to justify or defend. I like you as you, well may be a little more dressed as you are. I see your sister, Sara, sometimes. I should have given her my number before. I don't know what your summer plans are. I'm working at the restaurant until I go back for my final year at uni."

"I'm here for the holidays. I go back in September for my final year too. What are you studying?"

"I decided on building surveying and civil engineering. Sara tells me you are smashing computer engineering."

"Well I'm doing okay with my studies. Back to one of your other questions, I'm not in a relationship. I don't have much experience. Being Chrissie is a bit new, I'm still working things out."

"I wanted to catch up with a friend. If you want something more I'm open to it. I don't expect you to marry me tomorrow," he assured me with a laugh.

"My confession: I've never even kissed a man. My sisters were teasing me about you."

"No rush. Let's just drink tea, dunk biscuits and talk."

Two hours flew by. We had caught up on the last few years.

"You want to take a walk with me?" I invited.

"Okay, where to?"

"Let's go to the park? I'll buy you an ice cream."

"Done."

I retrieved a cardigan and my handbag. We took a leisurely stroll. It felt like there were just the two of us. We talked about our journeys in life. I bought ice cream as I had promised. His hand found mine and held it gently. It was warm and I liked it.

"Please will you walk me home?" I requested.

"I would be delighted."

We walked home in the sun holding hands. Later over dinner I was interrogated by my Mum and three sisters who had driven over to find out about my date.

"It wasn't a date, no I regret to disappoint we didn't profess our undying love, or kiss, or plan to elope. He was..."

"What?" asked Eowyn gently.

"Gentle, sensitive, considerate and he made me laugh."

"Sounds like love to me," decided Claire.

"It was our first date, how can it be love?" I asked.

"A-ha, so it was a date!" declared Sara with a laugh.

I smiled.

"Maybe," I allowed.

"Are you seeing him again? Are you? He asked you didn't he?" teased Eowyn.

"Yes, this weekend," I admitted.

"Ah, young love! I bet he kisses your hand on Saturday," teased Sara.

"He will not."

Did I want him to kiss me? I really liked him. What did I want?

"Thomas and Chrissie sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G," sang Eowyn.

"Stop it," I protested, but the thought of kissing him made me smile and feel warm inside.

*

It was Friday and my sisters were visiting. We had dinner together. I made a lasagne and baked garlic bread. I had the time and wanted to do something special for my family.

"So, what are you wearing for your big date tomorrow?" asked Sara.

"Jeans and t-shirt, I guess," I tried to sound bored, but inside I was really excited.

"That just won't do. You need to make a good impression like when we were at the restaurant, or on your first date: a nice dress and heels," suggested Eowyn.

"I don't have that many clothes. He's seen my two really good summer dresses."

I had several nice dresses that I had worn to the Phoenix, but they were winter wear, not something I could wear in the middle of summer.

"I'm sure we can find something in our combined wardrobes that will look great," decided Claire.

My three lovely sisters rallied around me and offered me different dresses. I modelled several. We all decided one of Claire's was the best. It was plain, black, but everyone agreed it fitted nicely in all the right places.

*

Saturday finally rolled around- I spent the day in a blouse and jeans. I took a shower, washed and blow dried my hair, before styling it. I painted my toes and finger nails with dark red nail polish. I glued my breast forms in place. I selected my clothes, laying out black satin bra, panties and suspender belt. I had multiple sets in different styles and colours. It was a warm day but still wanted to wear sheer black stockings. I wiggled into the black dress: I shivered as the soft satin lining caressed my body. I took my time perfecting my makeup that enhanced Chrissie. I completed with black patent peep toe high heels with an ankle strap. I accessorised with white gold earrings, bracelet and necklace. I had a black patent hand bag that Mum had loaned me.

I descended the stairs to find my Mum and sisters waiting. I was hugged.

"Thomas isn't going to be able to keep his hands off you," suggested Claire.

"He's a gentleman, I'm sure he'll behave," I defended him.

"He's here," reported Eowyn.

I was excited, but also anxious. This was my first real date as Chrissie. I opened the door finding Thomas approaching the door. He was wearing a sky blue dress shirt, black trousers and polished shoes.

"Hi, I'm looking for Chrissie, you must be her beautiful sister," he teased.

"Stop it," I admonished him playfully.

"You look lovely. Hi Sara, Claire, Eowyn, Mrs S," greeted Thomas.

"Thomas, I think you can call me Sam," suggested my Mum.

"Thank you, I'll try to remember."

"Curfew is eleven o'clock," stated Mum.

"Mum, I'm twenty not sixteen," I protested.

"Well you're still my little girl."

"Mrs S, sorry, Sam, I promise I will have Chrissie home by eleven," assured Thomas.

We walked down the path with my family trailing.

"Thomas, be good to our sister, or you will have all of us to deal with," warned Sara.

Claire emphasised the situation by running her finger across her neck simulating a beheading.

"I give you my word," he offered sincerely as he opened the car door.

He took my hand helping me step into the car. He kissed my hand. I heard Sara immediately celebrating. He joined me in the car. We waved as we pulled away.

"What was with Sara and the little dance?" he asked.

"You kissed my hand. She said you would."

"Did I overstep?"

"No, it was a lovely gesture," I told him still smiling.

"So I was thinking a little drive, dinner at a little pub I know, a stroll and back before I get lynched," he revealed.

We talked as he drove his silver hatchback. He was a careful considerate driver, definitely not a boy-racer. I felt safe, I also relaxed a little enjoying our date. Dinner was lovely in a small village pub as promised. Thomas drank soft drinks, refusing even wine with dinner. I chose fruit juice.

"I never drink and drive, not even one glass. It's just not worth it. I like a drink: I love beer, wine and whisky, but I love driving too. Why risk your life for a beer, and today I also have the responsibility of you."

"That's a very mature approach."

We talked about a hundred things- the past, our present, thoughts about the future. We covered current affairs, loves, hates and opinions. We had a lot in common, but enough differences to make it interesting. We ordered two desserts- black forest gateaux and lemon cheesecake: we shared them feeding each other. It was intimate and I enjoyed our meal together. We had a difference of opinion over the bill, Thomas refused to let me pay my share, I eventually capitulated, but I wanted to make sure he understood I was independent.

"Chrissie, please let me pay, I promise if we have another date, and I really hope we do, I'll let you pay the next one. I respect you totally. And let me remind you- who bought me ice cream in the park?" he counselled gently with a laugh.

It was early evening when we returned to the car. He opened the door and assisted me again. We went for another drive and then took a walk. Thomas took my hand and held it gently. The evening flew by as we talked. He drove me home with twenty minutes to spare.

"Chrissie I've had such a great time: you're so good to talk to. I would very much like to see you again."

"Thomas, I had the best time too. You have been a perfect gentleman and yes I want to see you too. You have my number let me know when you're free. I'm still looking for work, so my schedule is flexible," I admitted.

"Well I have to be on my best behaviour, your sisters will have my bits on a necklace, and besides I want to be good for you, you're a lovely lady."

We held hands on the path by the door neither wanting the evening to end.

"Would it be too much to ask- may I kiss you?" he asked.

I took the decision from him- I kissed Thomas, his arms wrapped around me and I squeezed him tight. It wasn't a quick peck, but it wasn't all tongue, a sort of happy medium- well, I was happy.

"Call me tomorrow?" I asked.

"I guarantee it," he replied with a grin.

We held hands until we were just touching as he slowly pulled away.

"Sweet dreams Chrissie," he added as our fingers separated.

"You too, Thomas."

I went inside. I leaned against the door and smiled. I found Mum in the kitchen.

"Hi, did you wait up for me?" I asked.

"Yes, I was confident that Thomas would be good, but I wanted to wait for you in case you wanted to talk. Did you have a good time?"

"Mum, I had the best time. Thomas is... I'm not sure I have the words. We had a nice drive, we talked a lot, the meal was great, dessert was fabulous, we had a walk, and he held my hand."

I sighed.

"I'm ready for bed, I don't want to keep you up. See you at breakfast. Good night."

I kissed her and ascended to my room. I performed my nightly toilette. I slipped into my red satin chemise. I couldn't stop smiling. I found my phone and texted Thomas.

>Thomas missing you already. Thank you again for a lovely evening. X

I think I was hoping for an immediate response, but may be he was already asleep. I slipped into my little bed and quickly fell asleep.

*

Over the next week I built nearly thirty PC's, installing the operating systems and software earning a nice commission. I wore skirts and dresses with lingerie each day. I had two further dates with Thomas each ending with a chaste kiss and a hug. My sisters were very interested in my love life, but I teased them by only telling them half the story. Ben called by to have a chat with Thomas. They sat on the patio for about ten minutes. I could see them through the doors. I had the distinct impression that Ben was having a big brother talk with my boyfriend. Ben, as promised was being very protective. I saw them shake hands before they came back inside. I reflected on my thoughts- I had a boyfriend.

"All okay?" I asked Thomas.

"Yes, Ben was just reading me the riot act, a bit like Sara and Claire and Eowyn and your Mum. They all love you very much. I promise you my intentions are honourable."

"I know that, you've been very good to me."

I tugged him into the hallway to kiss him.

"You will get me shot, hung, drawn, quartered, turned into sausages and roasted," he complained playfully, but he still held me close while we continued to kiss.

We were rather busy having a long kiss when Eowyn appeared.

"Chrissie, I have some news about that job... oops sorry, we'll talk later. You're busy."

She hurried back into the lounge leaving Thomas and I chuckling like teenagers.

It was much later: Thomas, Ben, Sara and Claire had gone home. Eowyn found me in the kitchen. I was daydreaming while I dried the plates.

"Chrissie, I'm sorry about earlier, my timing was off."

"No drama, sis, it's just rather hard to be alone with everyone here, and I feel bad for Claire after what happened."

"Well don't be. Claire has a date with a new mystery man. She's being very secretive."

"Um, I wonder why?" I laughed hugging Eowyn.

"I have a work opportunity for you," she offered.

"Okay, thank you, please tell me more."

"It's an admin job, nothing very exciting- open the post, deal with appointments, general assistant to everyone, but they'll pay 500 a week until you go back to uni."

"Wow that's generous for being the assistant. When do I need to go for an interview?" I asked.

"No formal interview required. The job's yours based on my recommendation. There is a quick meeting tomorrow, but I expect you to report to my boss on Monday. I'll swing by and pick you up. There might be some little IT type jobs to do too, because I hear that you know a bit about computers or something."

"Thank you, that's amazing. I'll have to iron a shirt and trousers. Find a tie."

"Yeah, about that- the office dress code is business casual. My company is diversity friendly, I've talked to my boss and the HR manager- you can wear a skirt and blouse if you want."

"What? Really?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm doing okay too, my boss appreciates my opinion and I told them I have the perfect person for the job. You can be Chrissie on your photo ID. As far as everyone else in the office is concerned you're my younger sister home from uni. That doesn't give you an excuse to slack off and at work- I'm your boss too."

"I won't slack off, but I will need some more office appropriate clothes."

"I know, I'm teasing you. I know you're a hard worker that's why it was an easy proposal to make. As for clothes you might find a small parcel in your room. A sort of early birthday present from us all."

"May I go and look now?" I asked excitedly.

"Come with me," she prompted taking my hand.

True to her word there was a parcel, but I'm not sure I would call it small. I opened the large bag to reveal several blouses in various colours, skirts, two dresses, more lingerie and sheer hosiery.

"Thank you so much. This is the best birthday I've had in years," I gushed.

I hugged Eowyn. She kissed me on the forehead.

"I'm going to be a tyrant and make you work so hard, I will demand coffee every... nine minutes... I will make you... count paperclips... and make you walk back and forth to the photocopier in your heels."

"No you won't, you're a lovely sister, not a tyrant, and even if you did, which you won't, it would be worth it. Does everyone else know?"

"No, talk to HR and my boss tomorrow, and when it's all agreed you can tell everyone."

*

The chat the next day was very informal and was a video call. I had ensured my makeup was perfect and I wore a pale blue blouse with a navy skirt. I wanted them to know I was professional. After thirty minutes for the interview that wasn't an interview I had the job. I celebrated with the family that evening. I presented them with roast lamb, Yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes and vegetables.

Later that evening I talked with Thomas on a video call and shared my good news. He was pleased for me: he also invited me out for our next date on Saturday. He would pick me up; we would have a movie night at his house with pizza. His parents were on holiday in Rome so we would have the place to ourselves.

*

Saturday took forever to arrive. I wore a white short puff sleeved blouse over white lingerie and pale stockings with a navy skater skirt. I helped Mum with laundry.

I changed late afternoon into an apricot tea dress. It had a full skirt keeping me cool. I brushed my hair and tied it into a high pony tail with a satin ribbon. I finished my look with nude three inch heels and touched up my make-up. Catching sight of myself in the mirror made me smile.

Thomas collected me at six, we kissed and he held me close.

"Did you miss me?" I asked.

"Nope, I have your face burnt into my mind. No, I change that, yes I have missed you. I can think of you in my head, but I can't hold you. I love the dress. You always look amazing."

He drove me to his house. We ate pizza, talked and laughed together.

"Chrissie, I don't want to rush you, and you can just say no, but would you stay over with me tonight?"

"I sleep on the sofa?" I teased.

"Well, if that is what you want sure, but I was kind of hoping to cuddle you."

"I like you cuddling me, but I didn't bring any night clothes."

"Then share my bed and I can lend you a big t shirt?"

"Okay."

I texted Mum and told her I was staying out. I didn't give details, but my Mum could read between the lines. She replied telling me to have a lovely time. Thomas and I cuddled while we watched a movie.

"Are you ready for sleep?" I asked kissing him.

"Okay," he replied with a smile.

He took my hand and led me to his room. It was had neutral sandy coloured walls, with a double bed and pale grey furniture.

"Thomas, I'm not sure how we do this. I've never done this before," I admitted.

"You lay down, close your eyes and sleep. Snore if you like," he teased.