Finding Myself Pt. 01

I was about to flounce out, feigning irritation, but actually hiding the grin which I had been holding back, when Aunt Cathy came in. She indicated for Debbie to leave us alone, and turned to me.

"I'm so sorry darling. I thought you knew. It's never been a secret. I suppose as you only saw us at weekends and holidays, Josh was always with us, so you just assumed. Though, honestly, did you really think I'd have this figure after pushing out a baby?"

She ran her hands down the sides of her body, from breasts to hips, almost forcing me to look at her slim physique. In truth, I knew many who had had babies and kept a wonderful physique - mostly from exercise and sport.

However, I nodded in agreement, still trying to titter at the sheer farce of it all. My face must have contorted, for Aunt Cathy pulled me to her in a hug. I felt her breasts press against me, her nipples firmly defined. Oddly, I rather liked the feeling, and wondered what it would be like to hold another woman, and feel my breasts flattened against hers, maybe with our nipples touching. I felt myself get damp between my legs again, and pulled away.

"I'm sorry, darling, it must be difficult. I'll ... I'll leave you alone." She turned and left, leaving me to giggle silently to myself. My back was to the window, shoulders shaking when a voice right next to me made me jump.

"Are you OK?" Asked Josh. "I thought you knew. I'm so ..."

I turned so he could see I was laughing, and the concern melted from his face.

"Oh, thank fuck. I thought you were upset. Isn't it marvellous. I bet you were quite conflicted, but now ... nothing to stop us."

He put his arms round me, as if consoling, and I melted into him.

"It gets better," I whispered, " Debbie's convinced you're gay. Let's keep it a secret for now. It'll be fun."

He nodded. We agreed he should go back to the others, while I would wait five minutes before returning to compose myself in the bathroom.

After a while I returned to my lounger, my face strictly neutral. The silence around the pool couldn't last long, and it was my aunt who spoke first.

"Well. I suppose it makes things easier really, all those social conventions around blood relatives not being too close. Anyway, we're having a party tomorrow. Some close friends. Fun and games. You'll love it. It might get a bit ... well ... these are 'special' friends ... but you can always go to your room if you feel uncomfortable."

Josh reacted instantly.

"Oh, no. I'm going to see some old school friends tomorrow. We're going to see Frankie's band - d'you remember? Withered Orbs? They're playing at the Tiger Vaults."

"Oh, darling," replied Aunt Cathy, "of course. Are they still going? What a shame. Isn't the Tiger Vaults the gay bar?"

"Yes. That's the one," Josh pressed on, "I was going to invite Debbie and Jen, but they'd probably prefer your party."

My aunt looked at first Debbie, then me. I pretended to be thinking about it.

"If it's alright with you, Josh, I'll stay for the party," said my sister, "I've no problem with gay bars, but I'd rather not spend the evening being hit on by other women. Sorry. Not my thing."

My aunt laughed. "Oh, Debbie, plenty of our friends are bisexual. No problem if you meet a nice girl and want to bring her back to the party."

I almost sniggered at Debbie's discomfort, but she reaffirmed that she would rather stay at the party, so my aunt turned to me.

"If it's alright with Josh, I'd love to see a live band. I'm sure he and his friends can take care of me. I mean, it's obvious that not everyone there's going to be gay, especially if they go to see the band. Anyway. I'm more than happy to be around gay people."

"Oh, what a shame," lamented the naked middle-aged woman in front of me. Still. You're to be home by midnight, Josh. Your friends are welcome to join the party and stop over if they want. Be nice to have more young people with us."

Josh rolled his eyes, but agreed that he would be back at midnight.

The evening had started to get a little cool - atmosphere and temperature - and although my aunt wanted to stop outside a little longer, everyone else was keen to go inside. Once there, people split up, everyone seeming to prefer their own company. Josh went to his room to study, Debbie to her room for a shower, my uncle went to his study to 'catch up on emails', while my aunt announced she was going to start baking for the party. I sat alone, watching a typical formula romcom on TV.

Slowly, the rest of my family, except for Josh, joined me around the TV. The trashy film I had watched with ever-growing cynicism had finished, and they elected to put on an erotic thriller, with plenty of gratuitous nudity. My aunt took great pleasure in commenting on the bodies of the actors, while everyone else watched in silence. I browsed some magazines, as bored with this movie as I had been with the one before.

As with each evening before, people gradually wandered off to bed. Tonight I left at the same time as my aunt and uncle. I really did not want to either see or hear them having sex, nor did I want to risk discussing the earlier events with my sister. I had a feeling she would want to talk about touching my uncle's penis, and I had no interest in that. Hopefully, I would be touching a far nicer cock.

When I got to my room, I changed into my pjs. I knew I would be naked for Josh soon enough, but preferred the idea of him undressing me to just presenting myself. I wandered into the little ensuite to pee, and that was when I saw a plain gift bag. On the bag was a little card, which read: 'Hope you like these. Love J. XXX'

Intrigued, I opened the shiny, purple container. At first, all I could see was a mixture of lilac silk and lace, along with a rectangular pack. I emptied the contents on to my bed. As I arranged the items, I felt my heart beat more quickly and my breath quicken. There was a lilac bra - half-cup, trimmed with white lace, size 34B; matching lilac and lace silky knickers, Brazilian style; a white suspender belt and white fishnet stockings.

I adored every item, and quickly slipped them on, admiring myself in the mirror. I wished I had some high heels to emphasise my legs and lift my bum, but it didn't matter. My legs looked long and elegant, and the suspenders made me feel incredibly sexy.

The knickers were high on my hips, and barely covered my pussy hair, while my bum cheeks stood out proud and firm, framed by the narrow strip of material over my crack, stockings beneath, suspenders to the side and thin waistband at the top.

The bra pushed my tits up and out, almost spilling out and showing my nipples. They looked so much bigger than usual, and the colours highlighted my dark skin tones to perfection. I felt incredibly sexy, like a model, or a stripper - I desperately wanted Josh to see me. Actually, I would have loved to share my new look with the world.

I thought about parading on a catwalk, or having a camera pointed at me, as I stripped out of my lingerie, and started to get very turned on. I had no idea where my new exhibitionism came from, but I was desperate to embrace it - as long as Josh didn't mind.

I knew he would come to my room soon, and decided to tease him. I slipped my pjs over my lingerie and hopped into bed, reading my book. The undercover cop in the book had performed as a stripper, and now found herself with the criminal mastermind and two of his henchmen in a private room. She was expected to perform a private dance and 'take care' of them. She had to maintain her cover, as she needed more evidence, and had no cover to protect her. How far would she go?

She had stripped naked and performed lap dances, and they had slipped down their trousers, waiting for her to take things further. She was about to take one of them in her mouth, when there was a tap at my door. I pushed the covers to my waist and assumed the sexiest position I could conceive, before whispering, "come in."

The door opened, and in came my aunt. I quickly covered up again, as she wandered over in her short, satin robe, and sat on the bed.

"Oh darling," she began, "I wanted to check you were alright. You looked so shocked earlier, and I don't want it to change anything."

I smiled. "Of course not. After Debbie ... well ... you know ... it was quite a relief."

She smiled back at me. "Oh - I wouldn't have been so comfortable with it otherwise. You really should try it. Carl doesn't mind. He knows it's educational for you. I know it wasn't Debbie's first time, but she wanted to encourage you. I'm going to show her some techniques tomorrow before the party. You should join us."

She leaned over, causing her flimsy robe to fall open, exposing her breast. I know the movement draws the eye initially, but why does my eye have to linger on her nipple? I stayed at the extended nub, and the areola around it, puckered and oval, then caught myself and looked back to her eyes.

She smiled a knowing smile. Then she addressed me again.

"I think I know why you're so unsure. I wondered when you were watching Carl and I the other night. I think, perhaps you prefer women. That's fine. There's plenty of women who are lesbians. Come to the party tomorrow and I'll introduce you to some."

I shot upright.

"Aunty Cathy! I'm not a lesbian. I just don't feel comfortable. And ... and ... I'm sorry I watched you. I was just curious. I didn't know you saw me."

Once again, that knowing smile.

"Of course I saw you. It's OK. We like people watching. It was a big turn on. I should be thanking you."

I had no idea what to say, and my mouth flapped uselessly, so she continued.

"I'm bi, you know. Carl and I love a threesome. You'd be welcome to join us ..."

"No!" I spat out. "No way. What would mum say? Your sister. She'd be furious."

Once again, she laughed.

"Oh really. Your mum isn't as innocent as she seems. Honestly. She and I got up to all sorts. She might pretend to be upset at first, but it's nothing she hasn't done herself, and I know for a fact she wouldn't be that bothered."

I needed to end this conversation. What was ridiculous about it was that I was waiting for Josh so we could have fun, yet my aunt was trying to convince to have similar fun, but with people I really wasn't interested in.

"I'm sorry. I don't feel comfortable with it. I'd rather go out with Josh and his friends. I'm tired now. I want to go to sleep."

Thankfully, she took the hint.

"OK, darling. But I know why he wants to go to a gay bar - and I think I know why you want to go with him. Just enjoy yourselves."

She leaned over and kissed my forehead, before whispering, "goodnight" and leaving me alone.

I was quite shocked by the conversation, but one thing kept coming back to me. She had noticed me looking at her breasts, and I must admit, I was fascinated. I had fantasised before about other girls' breasts, and was fascinated by girls' bodies just as much as boys. Certainly, I liked looking at them in the changing rooms when I went swimming and imagined them masturbating or standing naked with me in my room.

But then, I liked boys too. I wanted Josh. I found him attractive, and loved his body. I couldn't wait to feel him inside me (though I was not in a desperate rush). That meant I wasn't a lesbian. But neither was I totally straight. Did that make me bisexual. I turned the thought over in my mind, glancing at my book and feeling turned on by the sexy cop. Oddly, it felt comfortable. I suppose I needed to experience sex with men and women to be certain, but I was content with my thoughts.

Suddenly there was a tap and the door opened. This time it was Josh.

He came and sat on the bed, and I immediately recounted my conversation with his mother.

"Seriously?" He said. "She wanted to give you handjob lessons with my dad, and said you're a lesbian?" He laughed. "Wow! So now we're both gay. They'll be amazed when we tell them." Suddenly he became serious. "Don't tell them yet though. It's not that I'm ashamed, but they'll start pushing us. Wanting to know if we've had sex - you know what they're like."

I nodded and agreed. Debbie would be the same, asking difficult questions and telling her friends. Plus it was fun having a secret like this.

"So what's happening tomorrow?" I asked him, keen to know what he had planned.

"Just what I said," he replied, "except I'm taking you for dinner first before we move on. The band are great, and it's just two friends - Chris and Connie. They've been together for almost a year, and they're great company. I thought it'd be nice with just the four of us, though the band will probably join us later."

I told him it sounded perfect, and we moved on. I thanked him for his gift to begin with, and asked what he wanted to do. He grinned nervously.

"Well ... I'd love to see you in your present - and I got a couple of other things for you."

I had noticed that he had his laptop bag with him, but assumed it was just for our plan. However, he reached inside, and produced two more items.

The first was a vibrator - like mum had in her room, only smaller. I picked it up and looked at it.

"I thought you might like to try it, before we go all the way," he said, "just so ... you're ... well ... used to it. Y'know ... I don't want to hurt you or make you bleed."

I giggled at his embarrassment. "It's OK. I've put things in before. We can play with it together. It'll be fun."

He was about to get out his next gift, when I stopped him.

"Let's play. I've wanted to get my hands on you all day. Show me the next gift after."

He seemed relieved.

In line with our plan, he took out his laptop and opened up a porn website. Together, we watched several videos of women giving men handjobs, and men fingering women. The only thing worthwhile from the men fingering women was that the women seemed to do a lot of the directing. I liked that idea, and told Josh that I would do that for him.

I watched the women carefully. Some spat on the head of the men's cocks, and worked around the shafts with exaggerated wrist movements. Others used lubricant to help their hands move smoothly, and cupped the men's balls or used both hands. Before the men ejaculated, all of them focused on the head of the penis, and their hands moved very rapidly.

I worked it out in my mind. The slower parts - the twisting wrist movements, the cupping of testicles, the slow rubbing were all part of the build up - exploring, perhaps - and when the fast rubbing up and down started, that was when they wanted to finish. I was ready to try. But first ...

"Stay there, Josh. I want to show you something."

Under the covers, I wriggled out of my shorts, undid my top and slipped it off. Then I adopted my sexiest pose and threw back the covers.

Josh's jaw dropped at the sight of me in my new lingerie. I lay there, letting him feast his eyes on my body - my pushed-up breasts, the high legged panties, tight across my pussy (with maybe a little dark patch where I was getting wet), the suspenders across my thighs and the fishnets highlighting my legs.

At first, his mouth flapped uselessly, then he whispered:

"God. You're so beautiful. I wish I could take a picture of you just like that. I'd look at it whenever we're apart and think how amazing you are." His eye twinkled. "Then I'd think how damn sexy you look and wank all over you."

I laughed. "Take a picture then. As many as you like. You be the photographer, I'll model - then you model for me. Just don't show anyone else without my permission."

The only camera he had was on his laptop, so he pointed it at me and took a photo. I rolled on to my front, allowing him to see my bum for another pic, then posed in various positions while he took picture after picture.

Suddenly, I had an urge. As he continued to take photos, I unclipped my bra, and as he watched, I removed it, baring my breasts and allowing him to photograph me topless. Next my knickers. Turned from him and bent forward, sliding them down my legs, welcoming the lens pointing at my bum, and leaving myself naked apart from stockings and suspenders. Happily, joyfully I posed naked for him, getting increasingly turned on as his lens took more and more intimate pictures of me. Finally we stopped.

"Your turn," I ordered him.

He stripped to his boxers and posed clumsily, making no effort to hide his erection. Then he, too, stripped naked, letting me take more and more photos of him. We sat on the bed and smiled, cuddling together as we agreed that he would make copies of the photos for me, and that we would keep them forever and masturbate when we looked at them. We kissed, and his hands began exploring my body.

He began with my breasts. Running his hands over the soft, pliant flesh, before his fingers found my nipple. He began toying with it. First stroking it, then rolling it between his fingers and gently pressing it.

"Harder," I moaned, "much harder." He was afraid he would hurt me, so I put my fingers on his and pressed, showing him what I wanted. Then he squeezed, his rough hands rolling my nipples around, as he grasped both. He pulled them up, making me gasp and moan, knowing that he needed to move to my pussy before I started rubbing it myself.

Finally, he abandoned one breast, moving across my stomach and through the small bush of hair. I spread my thighs, inviting him to touch me. His finger slipped between my outer lips, stroking me, occasionally catching my clitoris, but with no rhythm or focus. I took his hand and guided the finger to its target, letting him feel the hard nub of my magic button.

He rubbed it up and down, and I told him to tap it - at first, again, he was too gentle and I had to direct him, but finally he got both pressure and rhythm correct. I slipped my hand down and guided him to my hole, pushing his finger inside.

"Do you feel that spongy bit, just inside?" I asked. He nodded. "Press it - bend your finger up a little and start working in and out. Mmm ... that's it. Use another finger. Oh ... yes. Faster. Faster. Ohhh ... yyeeesss ..." I was close, when an idea came to me.

"Use the vibrator. Put that in me and use your other hand on my clit." He needed no persuading. He grabbed the new sex toy and gently slid it inside me. He began thrusting at the same rapid speed with which he had been fingering me. Then his finger found my clit, and rubbed.

He knew when I climaxed - my juices flowed out of me, I tensed and bucked my thighs, clenching my buttocks and grasping the vibrator tight. I pulled a pillow over my face to stop from crying out loud.

Then it happened. His finger slipped down from the vibrator, covered in my juices, and went right between my bum cheeks, touching my back hole. I know my eyes shot open with surprise - partly because he had done it - but also because it felt so nice - his finger resting on the sensitive skin of my anus, threatening to push inside, eased by lubricants from my pussy.

As I calmed down, I moved the pillow and gazed at him, utterly content. His hand remained on the vibrator, his finger still deep between my cheeks. I smiled at him.

"Did you know your fingers nearly going up my bum?" He looked shocked and went to pull away. "No!" I exclaimed. "I don't mind. I don't mind anything you do to me. It was a surprise, but it feels ... nice."

He smiled lovingly at me. "I'd heard some girls like that. I wanted to try. I know some like to be entered there as well."

I stroked the fine hairs on his arm, considering what I should say to him. Finally, I decided.

"You can put a finger in if you want. Use my pussy-juice to help it slip in. I liked you touching there, so maybe it'll feel good too."

He took out the vibrator and slipped a finger deep inside me, making me shiver with the aftershock of my climax, then slipped down.