Fire Flies

Through all of it, I kept my thrusts deep and steady. Through all of that I grew even harder.

"Ian...?"

"One more, baby." I lightly nipped at her lower lip. "Ready to give me one more?"

"I don't think..."

"Here." I lifted first one leg then the other, hooking them over my arms before tucking a pillow under her. "I'll do it for us. You just take... this. Aah, fuck, yes. Take me, baby."

It was a test of her limits, I knew that. Not just driving her to yet another orgasm, but the way I was doing it. I was not a man easily taken in full measure... especially in the bedroom.

Yet, as in every other room in my house and every chamber of my heart, Liv let me be me, took it all in... and replaced what I gave with herself.

Pace unchanged, I was took in the way her breath was speeding up as she held onto my shoulders. Fuck, the sight of her falling apart like that made me want to drive even deeper, to shred my own flesh and tear everything she ever was or knew apart... so we could create something new that night, something ours alone.

Looking down between us at the sight of my cock, coated in her juices and plunging again and again into her dark beauty, powered me on even more. I thrust and pushed until she couldn't find her own voice anymore and her eyes blazed gold, tiny teardrops on the tips of her lashes. I'd trade my soul for those -- to make more happy tears and to stem the anguished ones.

"You ready, baby...?" I couldn't take much more myself. "You're ready to come for me?"

"Fuck... I love you so much."

I wanted to respond, but her nails were already digging into me as she cried out. Christ. A sort of white blindness crept in on me as my thrusts lost their smooth rhythm and I ended up rutting into her, making her take more than anyone else could've handled as I exploded. Slamming in as far as I could go until my legs went weak and my arms shook.

I collapsed on top her, finally releasing her legs so she could lower them. Even as I worried about being too heavy for her, Liv wrapped her arms around me in a shaky embrace.

After a few minutes she mumbled something about needing to breathe then held on as I rolled onto my back. I apologised for crushing her, but she was already asleep by then and didn't hear me. I pulled a nearby throw over us then tucked her more snugly in my arms with her head on my chest.

A faint voice of reason whispered that l'd just shattered the gates of hell... but I barely heard it in my contentment. Staring up at the stars I knew that, even if I were given another chance for every shining light up there, I'd choose to end this night with Olivia Hani in my arms. A billion times over.

I fell asleep with no idea what morning would bring, but a grateful smile on my face.

***

The blasted birds again.

The sky was turning pink and the birds were ecstatic. The fresh smell of grass and flowers surprised me a little, as did the cool air. Then I remembered where I was.

Memory of the previous night had me reaching out next to me before my brain had even pieced together coherent thoughts. "I love you, too, Liv."

Nothing.

Alert now, I sat up and looked around. No one.

The only thing left of Olivia was the wristband now on my wrist.

I panicked, wondering if she regretted our night together, feeling like a wretched arsehole for not keeping my hands off her after managing it for months. She must have hated me to sneak away like that. And Zama? Fuck knows what he would do once he found out.

I wanted to stay in that bed and pretend the rest of the world didn't exist. But there was a shit storm to face.

I pulled on my pants and grabbed the rest of my stuff. The wristband, loose on her, was a perfect fit on me.

As I walked through the house turning off lights before my shower, muted sounds reached me from the kitchen.

Liv...

She wasn't furious or devastated, after all.

My heart filled up so suddenly it hurt.

We could have breakfast together. Talk. Sort through what we're feeling and how we want to handle... things.

I rushed into the kitchen. To find Linda Hani pouring herself freshly made coffee. She was undoubtedly surprised to see me in the state I was in, but barely showed it.

There was a heaviness about her shoulders. "I'm so sorry, Ian, I was trying not to wake you. The plan was to make a brew and just sit here quietly. I can't believe this was loud enough to wake you upstairs... I hope it's okay, me being here. Zama's taking Liv to the airport, and I suddenly felt so sad and alone in the house."

Something was closing in on me. "Alone?"

"It's ridiculous, I know -- Liv hasn't lived here in five years." She was adding cream to her mug, oblivious to my tone and the blood rushing from my face. "Still, having her home for three months made it difficult to say goodbye again."

"Airport...?"

"Yes. Didn't she tell you? Now, that is just unforgivable." This time she did look up. "She accepted a new job offer a couple days ago. Just yesterday she was saying she couldn't leave without seeing you one last time. She was meant to come over last night, but must have fallen asleep or something. I'm sure she was worn out after the emotional day she'd had preparing to leave again, poor thing."

"Where is she going?"

"She's off to three months of intensive training -- then pretty much a lot of learning on the job. There's a clothing group that expect her to do some exciting continent-hopping over the next year or two -- which will be her crash course in how trends are formed, how the company she'll be based in operates, getting her settled into assembling and running their future women's basics lines. I'm sure she'll be much more comfortable with those types of deals and numbers than the ones in her previous job."

I slowly walked out without excusing myself.

"Are you sure you should be up this early, Ian?" Linda was concerned now. "You don't look so great... Why don't you try get some more sleep?"

"I'll take a shower."

She was right in front of me, telling me she loved me. And I didn't say it back when I had the chance.

The house had that feeling I hated again, that emptiness. The quiet greyness of summer's departure. And I didn't know how to pretend anymore that I loved it when my world dulled and my sun departed.

I shut the door to my bedroom, trying to figure a way out of my own pain.

That is when I noticed the book on my bed. A collection of Doris Lessing works.

A note peeked out from between the pages of "The Grandmothers":

I'm so sorry, Ian.

I tried to say goodbye. And failed miserably.

I don't know when I'll be back, but please keep the wristband until then. Hopefully when I return for it, I'll have figured how to take my heart back as well.

Thank you for a night I will never forget...

Yours,

Liv

Shower forgotten, I wandered back downstairs.

Linda was standing at the first set of patio doors, looking out over the garden.

"Your little guest is gone."

I caught her meaning immediately and looked up. No little flying insect. "Must have left in the night."

"A pity," she huffed. "I was looking forward to meeting your soulmate."

I watched the carefree birds for a while before answering. "Maybe it's best this way."

For once she didn't argue. I didn't have the strength to face another lecture on my love life, but her silence this time hooked into my already bleeding heart.

"There goes Helios," she murmured, "heading on high to travel beside my Livvie."

"You were right about her, Lin -- about her light and her spirit. And, much as it hurts, you're right to give her the whole sky to fill and explore." I blinked at the sun rising to our right. "You're right about so many things."

"All I know in this moment is the beauty and truth of one thing."

I nodded, touching a palm to the glass door. I knew it, too, and that gave me the strength to send Liv my love and wish her well.

"Fire flies," I whispered.

*** *** ***