Fire in the Belly

Melissa said sorrowfully, "Oh Howard, I had no idea . . ."

"Please don't interrupt. You had no idea because you CHOSE not to be part of the family any more. As I was saying, Lauren started doing more and more of what Melissa used to do. She wouldn't let me pay her very much. Lauren insisted she was delighted just to be a mother again. We had not been romantically involved at this point although I admit she is a very attractive woman. But Melissa, when I found out about you and Gus, it was like a black cloak was thrown over the remaining part of my heart that belonged to you."

Melissa was puzzled, "Gus, who's Gus?"

"You don't even bother to get the name of the guys you ask to fuck you?"

"Oh my God, you know about that? Well, then you should know we really didn't do anything."

"If you call asking a guy to get a room, going to a motel room with a man other than your husband, getting naked, and having a strange man put his thing in you 'not doing anything;' you're delusional. By the way, when you cheat on a husband, you need to find someone who doesn't work at the same place your husband works at."

"Howard, I'm so sorry. I was concerned about my self-image. I was desperate to see if other men found me attractive. Before we were married, I had very little sexual experience. In all honesty, I wondered if there was something missing in our love life. Sex with another man seemed to be the way to find out. Please forgive me. I quickly realized that I was not unhappy with you as a lover. I stopped it before we really had sex. Please believe me, I know now that I never want to make love to any man other than you. Ever. Doesn't that count for something? I forgive you for taking up with Lauren. Please forgive me."

"You don't have to forgive me for being with Lauren. Once I told her about you and Gus, she could tell that my attitude towards her had changed. I was hurt and felt like I deserved some revenge sex. She made it clear that she appreciated being seen as attractive and enjoyed a certain level of affection, but she was faithful to her husband. Lauren said that revenge sex would make things worse for me, not better. We did sleep together that night, but we really did sleep, cuddled together, I was crying but, we both were fully clothed. She is really a fantastic person and I care about her a lot as do the kids."

After several counseling sessions, Melissa had the chance to tell about what she thought she had learned by being away for a while. She said she had eventually reached a conclusion. "I found out that what was missing most in my life was the fire in my belly to be the best I could be in all parts of my life. It really became clear to me when I thought you had cheated on me. Believe me, I have that fire back in my life now. I plan to channel it in doing the best sales associate as possible, being the best mother possible, and definitely at being the most appreciative and loving wife possible. Howard, I apologize profoundly to you and beg you to let me come home."

After a few seconds of silence, Dr. Greene asked, "Howard?"

"How do I know that you won't need to go away again to look for yourself?"

Melissa sighed and answered, "I could promise that I won't leave again, but you probably won't know for sure unless you give me the opportunity to prove it. I hope you will give me a second chance."

"So, I'm supposed to just give you a one-time pass and forgive and forget. The children and I are supposed to assume your love and faithfulness is real and enduring THIS time. You took it for granted once that you could screw around with our lives but only you would not have to suffer any consequences. I'm sorry but giving you another chance is too big a risk to take given what you've done and the pain a second betrayal would cause the kids.

"Melissa, I don't really WANT a divorce, but, for the sake of the children and my sanity, I NEED a divorce. Since you ran out on us, my lawyer is confident the courts will give me primary custody and the children, and I will get to stay in the house. You will not be asked to pay child support, but I would expect you not to ask me for alimony. If, however, you do need a little money per month to survive, I am willing to pay that. Of course, you can see the kids whenever you want."

"I guess that will mean you get to keep Lauren as extra Mommy and extra wife?"

"Why can't you accept there is no sexual relationship between us. It sounds an awful lot like you only found your motivation to become wife and mother again because some other woman seemed to want your jobs. Well, I am hoping she WILL stay and help me and the kids. Her husband, however, gets back next month, so I'm sure she will not be able to help as much as before. Luckily, the kids are getting to the age they can be more responsible for themselves."

Melissa was again in tears, "I'm sorry about being so jealous. It's my fault I was not the one being the mommy and wife. Howard, isn't there any chance for us to be a whole family again? I'll do anything. I have learned my lesson."

"I don't know. I sincerely doubt it but, I guess I should never say never. But for right now, all I know is that while you say your fire has been re-lit, mine has gone out."