First Impression

Milo could barely hear themself think. They'd found a coffee table in a mostly-empty room on the ground floor; a few people were chatting with their phone torches on, but that was about all the disturbance he'd get here.

Loud, shitty early 2000s pop songs blared throughout the house. The only saving grace was the occasional three-minute reprieve of In The Zone tracks, but the jackass throwing this party wasn't exactly a member of Britney Army. The fact that he knew the chorus of Toxic probably made his sexuality recoil in disgust.

Apparently a dude liking women in cute school uniforms was gay. Milo would never understand straight people. Like, that's not gay, it's straight and creepy, right? Whatever.

Somehow, Milo's friends had convinced them to show up to a college party just this once, and somehow, Milo had let them disappear in the crowd. They probably all had hookups already. Maybe they left without saying.

Maybe they were just dancing. They had asked Milo if they wanted to dance too.

Why were they so cynical? They just wanted to have a good time, but this was just loud - plus, bizarrely dark. Why were the lights off, anyway? Was that supposed to make an atmosphere? People were obviously stepping on each other's feet in the other room. People were using phone torches to get around. It was so dumb.

Ugh, I should just leave. Stick to clubs, Milo.

"Hey. You and your drink there having a good time?"

Milo looked up to see a slightly chubby figure with short curly blond hair looking down at him. They had a beer bottle in their hand and a cheesy grin on their face. They seemed friendly enough. And kinda cute, even if they were literally in trackie bottoms and a t-shirt. Was that a little stubble?

Milo didn't know what to say, so they just exhaled out of their nose and put the bottle down.

"No need to be shy. Why not come dance? You sure seem lonely." they continued.

"I dunno. I guess I'm tired," Milo replied, giving their best forced smile.

"Oh shit, you're a dude. Sorry, got the wrong impression." they chuckled.

"Uh. No worries, I get that a lot. Plus it's dark. Anyway, my friends kinda ditched me, or I ditched them I guess. One dance, why not?"

"Nah, you're alright," they grinned. "Word of advice: the hair is a little feminine."

"Okay, thanks for the advice?"

"Just trying to be helpful."

"You're actually being kinda insulting," said Milo. "At least of my self-awareness. Maybe I like my hair, femininity and all. It's literally just long and straight."

"It makes you look like a woman. Kinda weird if you're showing up to parties like that."

"Are you hearing yourself? I'm allowed to have long hair. Is this really a hill you wanna die on?"

"It's creepy."

"To have hair? Sure, whatever. I can see you put real effort into yours. How many tubs of gel do you use per month, ballpark? Look, I'm sorry I'm not the easy lay you were looking for, but in those tracksuit bottoms I really don't think anyone in here is. At this point you're harassing me. Do us both a favour and leave me alone."

"Y'know, I'm kinda feeling like the harassed one here." they shrugged. "Maybe you should apologise."

Milo scoffed.

"Really?"

They slammed their bottle on the table and leaned in close to Milo's face.

"Yeah. Really. I think it'd be real civil of you."

Their breath stank of beer - and something worse, but the beer overpowered it. Their eyes were wide with anger.

"Jesus," muttered Milo.

"What's the problem?" they asked, their tone eerily calm.

"N-nothing, nothing," mumbled Milo. "Sorry."

"Great. That's what I thought. Now-"

A big hand gripped their shoulder.

"Ow," they hissed.

"Sean, what the fuck are you doing?" asked a new voice from behind.

"Fuck, just having a chat with my friend here, loosen up! Liam, fuck! Come on, man!"

Liam yanked Sean's face away from Milo's.

Now, Liam might have been a jackass, but he was a jackass who played football. Milo had to admit, he was hot. He was Milo's height - 5'7" to be exact - but broad across the shoulders, with arms that weren't rippling with muscle so much as thick. His tight-fitting shirt didn't leave anything to the imagination either; his pecs were big, and his belly firm and bulky. He had excellent thighs, like goddamn tree trunks. His cheeks were pretty round, his face completely shaven, and his steely expression and thick eyebrows made him a handsome sight. There was a nice softness to his face. Not too intimidating to look at; just easy on the eyes.

"Didn't seem like a chat, Sean." he sighed. "Hey, were you just chatting?" he asked, looking at Milo.

Milo mumbled under their breath a little.

"I- yeah, I guess."

Liam released his hold on Sean's shoulder. Sean turned to face him.

"See?" Sean insisted. "Just talking."

"Convincing. Sean, get the fuck out of my house. I didn't throw this party for you so you could harass every pretty face you come across."

"What the fuck?"

"I'm telling you to leave. Don't be a dick about this."

"On my birthday? Wow. Some friend you are."

"Don't make me call the FUCKING COPS."

The few other people in the room went quiet, turning to see the drama.

Sean grinned in embarrassment and shook his head.

"Alright. Alright, motherfucker, whatever you want. I'm done with you."

He raised his hands in surrender and slinked out of the room.

Liam turned to me.

"You ok? You're Milo, right? Oscar's friend?"

"Yeah, that's me," smiled Milo. "Oscar's...friend."

"Ah. He sure does complement you a lot. That figures. Just a casual thing?"

"I guess. I don't know, haha. Oscar's a really nice guy."

"Ouch. I won't tell him, don't worry."

Milo grinned with embarrassment and looked down at their abandoned bottle.

"...yeah, thanks. I don't wanna upset him."

"If I can tell, he probably can too. Nothing wrong with meaningless sex, though."

"But I don't know if it is meaningless to him," sighed Milo. "And I'm too afraid to ask. What if asking gets his hopes up?"

"Tough one, tough one," nodded Liam with a grimace. "Law students are known to blow off steam though. And between you and me, I think Oscar's a bit of a player."

"Maybe I've got nothing to worry about then," Milo said, smiling softly.

"Maybe. Say, can I walk you home? Only if you want to go home, that is. You're more than welcome to stay."

"That'd be really lovely," said Milo, genuinely touched. "You don't have to do that for me, though."

"I want to," he smiled. "Meet you by the front door? Gonna grab my coat."

"Sure."

Milo was waiting underneath the street light just outside of the house when Liam stepped out. He wore a puffy tartan-patterned coat that only reached his waist, and a nice pair of black chinos. He patted his pockets down, gave a big thumbs up, and jogged down to meet Milo.

"Right. Lead the way, Milo."

"It's a twenty minute walk or so. Most of it's down main street, though." they replied, starting off down the road.

"Sounds fine. Now then, we haven't made formal introductions. I'm Liam, he/him. I'm a fella."

"Milo, they/he. Ditto."

"Nice to meet you properly, Milo. I've heard so much about you from Oscar."

Milo winced.

"Oh," he continued. "Not in a romantic way. All insults. 'Milo's way too good with his tongue, I'm finished before he's even started!'"

Milo's eyes widened, and they covered their mouth before a giggle could escape.

"I'm only playing with you," said Liam, reassuringly. "He keeps that stuff to himself. Mostly."

"I don't really care one way or the other," admitted Milo. "I'm not ashamed to have sex."

"Good way to be," said Liam, sticking his bottom lip out and nodding. "I guess I'm a little more private with things myself."

"Makes sense. It's personal stuff."

"Right," he agreed.

They were quiet for a moment.

"Say, I'm sorry you were dragged to the party. Your friends said you snuck away from them."

"I guess I did," Milo shrugged. "I guess I felt a bit out of place. It wasn't that bad."

"You were harassed, Milo." said Liam, tone serious. "Borderline assaulted. You're allowed to say you had a bad evening."

Milo shrugged, smiling.

Liam continued.

"You're allowed to say it was a bad evening, you're allowed to say you're mad that you got dragged along, you're allowed to say Sean was out of line."

Milo frowned.

"Sorry. Am I being intense? It's not a big deal if you say it's not." said Liam, softly. "I'll shut up."

Milo shook their head, frowning more. They stopped walking.

"Are we turning here?" asked Liam.

"It was scary," whispered Milo. "Really scary."

Liam shot them a look of concern, before nodding slowly.

"I didn't know what to do," Milo continued, quietly. Tears began to well in the corners of their eyes.

"Hey, is there anything I can do?"

Milo squeezed the bridge of their nose, shaking their head as tears began to roll down their face. Soon their face was buried in their hands, and they were sobbing.

"Hey," said Liam, his tone soothing. "Would you like to be held? It's ok if not."

Milo hunched their shoulders and walked towards Liam. Taking the hint, Liam took them into his arms, slipping his hands under their arms and holding their back gently. One hand slowly rubbed Milo's back as Liam soothed them with his words.

"There you go," he whispered. "Everything's ok. That was rough for you, wasn't it."

Milo nodded their head as best they could against Liam's chest.

"It's over now. You're safe here."

Milo sobbed into his chest at his words, now in relief. They gave Liam's arm a double-tap, and he released them from the hug.

"Thank you," they sighed, their voice a little hoarse. They dried their tears with a sleeve, breathing deeply.

"How're you doing?"

"A little better," smiled Milo. "Thanks."

"Not a problem. Wouldn't deny anyone a shoulder to cry on."

"Heh. I'm holding you up, let's keep going."

"I really don't mind," he stressed. "Honestly, I feel responsible for what happened. Sean is a dick. Needless to say I'm done with him now."

"It's not your fault."

"That's kind of you to say. And yeah, maybe not. Still, he was being way too forward with a woman earlier, I should've drawn the line there. I just didn't want to make a scene throwing him out. And I guess I didn't want to piss him off on his birthday."

Milo felt a little angry at that. Sean was already misbehaving?

"Yeah, I fucked up tonight," he sighed. "Should've kicked him out. I'm real sorry, Milo."

They shrugged.

"Understandable if you're upset."

"It's ok," they said. "Not your fault."

"Well, I appreciate that."

For a while, they were both silent. Milo found the quiet and dark comforting, especially as they weren't alone. They didn't often get a chance to safely wander the town at this sort of time. Maybe midnight wasn't the most dangerous time of night, but they never felt safe. Liam was an unexpectedly comforting presence. Milo had gotten him wrong.

After a few minutes, Liam broke the silence.

"So, can I ask what you study?"

"Yeah. Modern history."

"Oh, wow. That's a heavy one."

"It's stuff that really happened. Stuff which still affects us today. I find it interesting," they shrugged.

"Me too!" chirped Liam. "I don't have a good enough head on my shoulders for it. Always wanted to understand the Cold War better. It seems like the president always has to run on a platform of whatever's hot right now, plus hating Russia for existing. Now that I'm a voter, I feel a little uninformed, yknow? I feel like an uncle is gonna pull me aside at Thanksgiving and explain why I voted for basically Hitler, because I didn't get what 1980s talking point he abused."

Milo smiled.

"I don't think the Cold War was that complicated. American culture is incompatible with seeing a communist as a human being, and very compatible with bombing dehumanised folks. There aren't many blanks to fill in there. You can't very well start a nuclear world war, but you can threaten to while claiming to have a hard stance against the enemy back home."

"I love that wording. You don't think the Cold War was that complicated."

"As opposed to?"

"Is that complicated. Most people would say 'is', because it's a topic which exists right now in a textbook. But you think of it as a thing which really happened, because you actually care that it did."

"I think you're smarter than you let on," chuckled Milo. "That was a very creative reach."

"Heh."

"So what do you study?"

"Technically, electrical engineering. But I'm here on a sports scholarship, so they don't care about my grades. I'm not that good at it."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"For sure. At least when I get to do something hands-on."

"Worth it for that, then."

"Yeah, of course," agreed Liam. "I ain't complaining. I'm enjoying life right now."

"I'm really glad," said Milo, giving him a warm smile.

"Aww."

There was another comfortable silence before Liam spoke up again.

"So, how come you never go to parties? Your friends said they could barely convince you."

"More of a gay club person. More comfortable atmosphere."

"Ahh, I feel that."

"Y-you do?" asked Milo, not hiding their surprise.

"Oh god yeah. I only really get attention from girls elsewhere."

"Is that a problem? I thought you were literally dating a cheerleader."

Liam gave a hearty laugh at that.

"I was, earlier this year. I liked her a lot, she lost interest."

"I'm really sorry to hear that."

"Oh, I'm more sorry about what happened next. Sean was my rebound."

Milo's eyes widened.

"Oh. You're..."

"Single?"

"Bi."

"That too," he shrugged. "I thought it was common knowledge. Not like I hid anything while I was with Sean."

"I guess I live under a rock."

"Or under the street, in a gay bar."

"Ha, yeah."

"I get it a lot. Big fella who plays football, must be straight as an arrow and a misogynist."

He sounded a little hurt.

"I got you so wrong," sighed Milo. "You're a great guy. I thought you were some jerk footballer stereotype. But you're so sweet and understanding. You don't even know me, but you held me close and told me everything was alright. You made me feel really cared about. I feel safe with you."

Liam eyed them carefully.

"I'm real glad I could make you feel better."

"And you're a really good looking guy, too," they chuckled.

"Thanks, you too," he said.

"We're almost there," they said, disappointment clear in their voice.

"Great. You can relax and get warm. Have you got roommates waiting for you?"

"She's out. I guess I'll be alone tonight." they sighed.

"Okay. Milo, listen to me. You seem like a nice enough guy. But you're shaken up right now, you've had a rough night. This isn't the time for you to be hitting on anyone. I don't want you to regret anything, or feel like I took advantage of you."

"I'm fine. You made me feel better."

"That doesn't mean you owe me sex, Milo."

"I know I don't owe you sex. I'm a grown-ass man, I'm allowed to want things."

"Can you understand why I'm worried that this isn't the time for this?"

"Because you think I don't know my own emotions? I've had enough of that tonight."

"That really isn't fair on me." he said, quietly.

"...yeah, sorry."

"But this is what I'm talking about. You're not in a good way, and that's completely understandable, but it's probably not the best time to be vulnerable to someone you just met."

"You're just trying to let me down gently, aren't you? This is an easier thing to accept than the fact that I'm an over-eager slut that you're not into."

Liam balled his fists in frustration.

"Milo, I like to think of myself as a restrained person. You know what? The thought of spending the night occurred to me already. You're fucking beautiful. But then you cried, and it hurt here."

His fist bumped the middle of his chest.

"I realised that it could, and probably should wait. Because right now, you need support, not a casual fuck. I don't love it either. The physical attraction is there. That is not the problem here."

They stopped in front of an alleyway between two stores.

"I get it. Maybe another time, right? This is me. Thanks for the walk. Nice meeting you."

Before they could go, Liam rested a hand on their arm.

"Are you going to be okay tonight?"

Milo shrugged.

"I guess. I'm a big boy, I'll be fine. I get it, I do. You're being responsible."

"Let me keep you company for a while. While you warm up. Would you be ok with that?"

"Yeah," sighed Milo. "I'd like that. It's around the back, follow me."

Liam followed Milo into the door.

Milo's apartment was pretty small. The floors were shitty vinyl with a fake floorboard print. The hallway wasn't wide enough to fit two people side-by-side. Liam could see the kitchen from here, down the hallway. It was small enough that you could reach everything from one spot, with a little table and two chairs crammed into it. Milo went ahead to the kitchen.

The ceiling lights were tiny bright things, casting spotlights on the floor with darker spots between.

"Bathroom's just on your right. By the door," called Milo from the kitchen.

"Alright," Liam called back. He took his coat off and hung it on the door.

There was another door on his left, too, wide open. He peered in. The room was mostly filled by a double bed, with clothes all over the floor and a rucksack and laptop on top of the unmade sheets. The plaster on the walls was peeling off.

Down the hallway, right by the kitchen, was a closed door on the left and an empty doorway on the right. Poking his head into the empty doorway, he saw a torn up two-seater couch opposite a TV. A glass coffee table had two switch controllers and an open bag of weed partially spilling out onto it. A small window which couldn't open looked out on the backside of the street stores.

"Coffee?" asked Milo. "I'm boiling the kettle."

"I'd never sleep. Do you have tea?"

"Yeah," they said.

"So, one roommate?"

"Yep. Casey. She stays with friends a lot."

"Looks like you two have a good time together."

Milo turned around to find Liam poking his head into the living room.

"Ah. High Mario Kart, you've gotta try it. That's her weed, no touching."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"I'm tired all of a sudden," sighed Milo. They poured hot water into two mugs and stirred one of them with a teaspoon. "I think I'm going straight to sleep after this."

"Aren't you drinking coffee?"

"Has no effect on me, somehow."

"Huh, fair enough," he shrugged. "Weak tea is good, by the way."

"Alright, here."

Milo fished the teabag out of the mug and dropped it onto the counter, picked up the mug from the counter, and slowly turned to hand it to Liam.

"Careful," they said. "Hot."

"I've got heatproof hands," he said, grabbing the mug with one hand. He quickly grabbed it by the handle instead. "Alright, not perfectly heatproof. Ouch. Shoulda warned me."

Milo smiled wearily and gestured to the closed door.

"That's my bedroom."

"Milo..."

"It's the comfiest place to sit."

"Alright."

Milo opened the door unceremoniously and put the mug down on their bedside table.

"This is a real nice room," said Liam.

A neatly made double bed with a soft headboard took up most of the space in this room too, with a matching set of glossy red sheets and pillow cases. The small bedside table had a pair of glasses, a flower pot with a healthy-looking orchid facing the window, a small black notebook, and a picture of a young kid. Above the bed was a bird's eye view picture of a rural mountain valley with a river running through it. The walls were freshly painted baby blue. There was no clutter anywhere on the carpet.