by windblownx10
It ruins a good story to have so many errors in it - spelling, grammar, conflicting facts, etc. I suggest you get another author or user to give you some help on that. Otherwise, it's a good story. Keep writing!
Ya the wording at times was off but, all in all I very much liked the whole story.. Part 2 would be great.
I liked your story a lot and look forward to more of your stories. How about having Tim eat Kate while Don is screwing her and then Tim enjoys her cream pie.
I'm sorry, but I too stopped after the first paragraph. I was looking for an MMF story, but major spelling errors always put me off. This is still the written word - even in the age of the interwebs. One learns the difference between 'there' and 'their' in primary school. If you can't spell, you can't write.
It is hard to pick them out when you rewrite and edit your own work. I encourage comments both positive and negative. I want to improve as I submit future stories. What would turn you on?
There were so many errors in the first few paragraphs, I couldn't stand to read further. It's not that your story may not be good; it's impossible to read! One star!