All Comments on 'First Sorceress Celosia'

Care to elaborate? What about the writing style made it difficult and off-putting?

Great story. Little confusing at some points, mainly with the names, but there was a story and I found it extremely enjoyable. Keep up the good work.

I liked it a lot. The title throws the reader for a bit of a loop, but I see how it fits. It's a bit of a fun "bait and switch." The only thing I'd recommend is maybe using italics or some other contrivance when switching between the roleplay and real life, as instead it made me wonder if there was some sort of data error that combined two stories, or perhaps an editing error in namechange from a previous draft.

Otherwise, excellent and fun pacing, and sex positive too! Hooray!

I hate to say it, but I was disappointed. The story had an excellent "in media res" beginning with some interesting characters and promises of some good old fashioned fallen heroine style deprivation.

But everything it had going for it just made the bait and switch that much worse. Have you ever been really into a story when, in the last pages/episodes, you find out it was just a character's dream? That's kind of what I experienced here. It didn't matter that the Lilly and Rose story could've been hot on its own; my palate was already soiled.

I read the first part of this story some time last summer and loved it, but missed this one, probably because it was only tagged "futa" and not "futanari".

So, to remark on the other guys' comments, I want to say that I didn't find this story nearly as confusing as they did. I think it's because I was already familiar with the characters since they were in your earlier story. You can solve that issue by adding a note of clarification at the start of any following stories that says "this is a continuation of my previous stories so you might want to check those out first". Aside from that, don't stress about finding ways to make the RP clearer. I personally enjoy the way they slip in and out of the roleplay, but I don't want to stand in the way of honest improvements so I'm simply gonna say that you should take the suggestions seriously and dismiss the complaints.

And on the story itself, I loved it! ...with some minor remarks. The plot itself is terrific, and I have no objections. The roleplay element is creative and original (to me), and I love the crossover elements. Additionally, I like the characters, and I find myself just the right sort of curious about them. Since the main appeal for me is the futanari elements, it's remarkable that you got me more interested in learning about Lilly's condition than Rose's. I'm actually hoping to learn more about both (with specific details about their conditions if possible) in following stories.

As for the minor remarks... I felt that the sexual content, while good, was a bit lacking. I know from your "Ubei Dau Vave" story that you can write sex scenes super well, so... yeah, just put those skills together. If that's possible. One small piece of advice that might help is that I've noticed you tend to write with a very consistent time scale, in a sense. You don't drag the critical moments out. You write about the same amount for the climaxes as you do for the build-up. And, as an effect, it takes the same amount of time for a reader to read both the build-up and the climax. I find that the best writers tend to give particular attention to the climaxes, giving readers more to read about those moments, which makes them feel longer (in the context of the story, though, it would be more like time slowing down while a character has an internal monologue). I hope that makes sense. Sorry if that's a bit too abstract.

Either way, I realize that it's been several months since this story was written (though quite coincidentally I saw you posted a non-futa story just recently so clearly you're still around) so I hope you're still planning to write more with these characters. I really do like them! (And tag it with "futanari" if you do, please!)