First Time, All Over Again

"Oh, that son of a BITCH!" Gwen said, wine glass in one hand, wine bottle in the other. She was angry, honestly probably angrier than I was. I was still mostly hurt.

"What did Jason say? Like, word for word?"

"He said he had been unhappy for a long time and that he decided the best way to go about it was to take matters into his own hands," I said meekly, having replayed the sentence over and over in my head a million times since it happened.

"So he decided to CHEAT on you!?"

"I...guess?"

"Nikki, look at me. You know I love you, right?"

"Yes, of course."

"You need to be angrier about this piece of shit who needs to die." Gwen was, as always, at a hundred percent. She poured me a glass of wine way, WAY too full, her hands shaking in sympathetic rage.

"I don't know, I guess I could have done more on my end of things. Put more work in..."

"No, no, no. Stop it right there. This is NOT your fault."

"No, I know but... Maybe if I had been...you know, BETTER, he wouldn't have had to find someone else."

"Better at what?"

Jason had been my first boyfriend. We met in high school ten years ago in chemistry class. We had been each other's first...well, everything. We learned how to be adults together, in everything that encompassed. I had always thought that because we only ever had each other, we were made perfect for one another.

"...Sex and stuff, I guess," I eventually admitted. I didn't talk about our sex life at ALL. Jason said it was like airing our dirty laundry out for everyone. Said it wasn't ladylike or dignified. He was big on how we looked to other people.

"Oh, girl, I'm sure you were great to him."

"I mean, I tried? Sex is just always so...fast and uncomfortable, so I didn't want to do it that often, but I still tried every couple days." I felt guilty for having said as much as I did. Even though we weren't together anymore, I still didn't want to make him upset. "I just don't get the big deal!" I took another long sip from the glass. I wasn't a big drinker. Jason refused to have me drink when we went out, mostly so I could be the designated driver, and he said women who drink in public are seen as loose.

Gwen put her glass down and looked at me for a long time.

"Hon, it's not...it's not supposed to be uncomfortable."

"Well, I mean sure, some other couples maybe, but that's how it was," I said.

"For...ten years?"

"I know, I wanted to get better but I just couldn't. It was over so quickly! He seemed happy, but I guess he wasn't."

Gwen was flummoxed. She had a look on her face that I had only seen once before, after a lecture on quantum mechanics that she accidentally attended, pure and utter confusion. Gwen spoke slowly.

"Nik... How many... Okay, let me... Hmm..."

"What?"

"I just... I want to ask you something, but I know this kinda stuff makes you uncomfy, so I don't want to...hmm. Just...finish that glass for me."

She refilled my glass, killing the rest of the bottle. I did as I was told, the first glass or so helping me relax and loosen up a little, so I began to drink more.

"Nikki, how many orgasms have you had?"

Not that relaxed! I choked on the wine and flinched at the question.

"G-Gwen, you can't just--" cough "--say things like that," I sputtered.

"Ah, shit. Sorry, I tried to come at it delicately and well..."

"Sorry," I said. "I just... I still don't want to...you know?"

"I know, I know, too far. I'm sorry."

A couple of seconds of silence went by as I took another long drink.

"And you don't have to make fun of me, okay? Like, I know I don't know much about...this kind of thing, but even I know that doesn't exist."

Gwen looked at me again, confused.

"What doesn't exist, hon?"

"You know..." I said, trying to say it without actually saying it.

"Know what?"

"The...female orgasm," I whispered quickly.

There was a silence. A long, lingering, almost sickly silence. I began to feel uncomfortable. Anxious. Like I'd just said a swear word in church.

"...Pardon?" Gwen finally said.

"It's a myth. We all know it's a myth. Jason said it was made up by movies or something, so like, you don't have to make fun of me like that," I snapped.

"Nikki...the female orgasm isn't a myth... It's like...a thing. Like...a REAL thing."

"Gwen, please, I--"

"I'm not joking. I'm not playing a trick or a prank or anything. It's...it's real."

Her voice was serious, like she was discussing high-powered business deals or disclosing medical information.

"How do you even know?" I said, my voice trailing off at the end. I shouldn't be talking about this. This is too far. But... I wanted to know. I needed to know.

"I've had them. Nikki. I orgasm all the time. I had two this morning," she whispered, matching my tone.

"No."

"Yes."

"How?" I said. Too eager. I can't ask that, it's not my business. "I'm sorry, forget I asked, that's crazy."

"No, no, of course not. Nikki, have you NEVER had an orgasm? Even once? Even accidentally?"

"...no," I said, defeated.

"You've never masturbated before?"

"NO! I mean...well..." I finished the glass in front of me. In for a penny. "I tried once, but my mom caught me. Grounded me for six months."

"WHAT!?"

"She was really mad, took the doors off all the hinges. Timed me in the shower and getting dressed. If I didn't have all my clothing on for longer than 15 seconds, it was another month."

"Wait, you couldn't even get naked?"

"No, gosh, of course not. Impure thoughts lead to impure actions." I rattled off the motto I'd heard so many times before.

"So you've never just hung around the house naked all day?"

"No."

"That explains why you'd disappear every time we went swimming."

"I didn't think it was anything strange or weird about it. It's just...how it was," I said.

"And when you finally got out of there, you had Jason, for ten years, didn't make you cum once?" Gwen asked, the anger starting to rise in her voice again.

"Um, no," I said.

Gwen got up to her feet.

"Wait here, let me run to my apartment. I'll be right back." And she left without another word. She lived on the floor above me, so whatever she was doing wouldn't take long. So I sat, and I sipped, and I thought about Jason and what I'd be missing with him gone. But as I tried to be sad about the breakup, something wouldn't leave my brain. Could women really have orgasms? Was he lying to me this whole time? What was I missing out on? Should I even try it? I mean, I was doing okay without them for this long, maybe they aren't all that?

Gwen busted back into the room with a moving box and set it down on the coffee table in front of us.

"What am I looking at?" I asked.

"Do you want to cum?" Gwen asked. The frankness of the question took me entirely off guard.

"Well, I--but it--I shouldn't--what?"

Gwen repeated herself, softer but no less energetic. "Do you want to cum? Right now?"

"Uh."

"Look, the way I see it, is you have been denied a fundamental right in human existence. No one taught you this; they told you it was a myth, and if it wasn't a myth, it was bad, and you're going to hell. I'm here to tell you that that is all bullshit. You deserve to feel good, Nikki. Hell, you deserve to feel great, comfortable, and loved, and this? This is a great first step. Now if you don't want to, if we're moving too fast, there's too much going on, whatever, let me know and we'll drop it right here."

She sat next to me and took my hand.

"Just let me tell you, woman to woman, friend to friend...it's worth it. It's SO worth it."

I thought about it for a bit, but my mind was completely made up.

"Yes, please," I said, so quietly I wasn't sure if I said it or just thought it.

"That's my girl," she said.

"But I...I don't even know where to start," I said.

"That's why I'm here. I'm gonna walk you through it. Is that okay?"

"Yes, please," I said a little louder, more excited than I expected.

"Okay, step one." Gwen stood up and began to take her shirt off.

"Wait, wait, wait, what are you doing!?" I asked.

She lowered her shirt again.

"Step one, everything is better naked. Everything. You can cum with clothes on, I suppose, but it's so, SO much better naked."

Her shirt came up over her head and hit the floor. Her skirt was next. I had never really looked at Gwen this way before; sure, I had seen her at the pool in a bathing suit, but this was something else so much more...sexually charged. Her black hair waterfalling down to her mid-back, her breasts were straining against the fabric of the bra she was wearing; it was slightly too small. My anxiety was at its peak. I had never been so nervous, my stomach in knots, my brain on autopilot, almost numb. Sweat began beading everywhere. I was transfixed.

She swiftly unhooked her bra, and there, naked to the world, were the first pair of breasts I had seen that weren't my own. They were large C cups on the way to D's, her dark nipples creating the top. Her dark skin, soft in the light. I felt a twinge, I had only felt it a couple times before. My vagina pulsed with want. It wasn't sweat, I was wet. Watching my friend get undressed triggered something within me.

She wasn't putting on a show for my benefit, slowly stripping out of her clothes set to music. It was all very casual, like I was the couch I was sitting on, but that made it so much better. This was so dirty to me, so naughty. I needed to look away. But I couldn't, and I didn't want to.

She hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her panties and began to slide them down to the ground. She was facing away from me, so her butt was facing me. My pussy twinged again, she was so close. I wanted to touch her. Grab her by the hips and bring her close. I wanted to kiss her, to smell her perfume, to feel the warmth of her breath.

"Step 2!" she said, snapping me out of my trance.

"Open the box!"

So I did. Inside was a kaleidoscope of pink and purple plastic and silicone. Dozens of them. So many it took me a second to realize what it was I was looking at.

"Gwen, are these--"

"Sex toys. Yes."

"But there's...so MANY."

"I like to have a range of choices." She began to pick some up and explain them to me.

"This one is if I just need a quick orgasm to start the day, this one is if I want to go hands-free, like if I'm reading or something, this one syncs up to music, this one can be controlled by a phone app."

"Is this all necessary?" I asked, incredulous.

"Not necessary, no. You can do it all with your hand if you want."

"Can we...can we just start there maybe?"

"Yeah, yeah of course we can, this stuff is kinda advanced anyway."

She put all the toys back in the box and put the box on the floor next to her.

"Get naked," she said.

"What? Now?"

"Yeah now! Learn by doing. You, my friend, are having your first orgasm. Tonight!"

I froze. Stun locked. I couldn't even FATHOM doing such a thing. She was so forward and open about everything, I'm not that person. I could never be.

"I can't, I shouldn't."

"Can't and shouldn't doesn't mean you don't waaaaant tooooo," she said in a sing-song voice.

"Okay, let's start small," she said, her naked body relaxing against the couch she was sitting on. She scooted forward a little bit so she could recline. I could not stop staring at her, I was ravenous. She let her legs spread, her hand finding its way between them. I could see her wetness mimic my own. Gwen began to make small circles around her clit.

"It feels SO good," she moaned. I think putting on the act a little bit for my benefit... But it was working.

"I'm not going to stop, so you might as well join me," she said, rubbing her fingers up and down her labia.

I began to sweat. My clothes felt heavy, itchy, and hot. I wanted nothing more, absolutely nothing more, than to feel what she was feeling. My head was swimming, my panties were basically soaked. I began to take my shirt off.

"Yes! That's my girl!" Gwen said, her hand speeding up little by little. Was she getting off on this? Leading me down this lane of debauchery?

...

Who cares?

My shirt hit the ground, and my inhibitions were leaving just as quick. I stood up and unbuckled my jeans. My underwear wasn't fancy, or expensive, or sexy, but it got the job done. I used to like them, but now I couldn't get them off fast enough.

"There," I said as the last of my clothing fell. "I'm naked. I'm completely naked. I'm standing in someone's house and I'm completely naked while I do it."

"Mm, and how do you feel?" Gwen said, starting to pant more and more.

"I...I don't hate it," I said, honestly.

"Good, good, now get on down here and learn something."

"Okay. How do I start?" My libido finally getting the better of me.

"Just watch me and do what I do, thinking is hard for me right now."

So I did. Gwen was already deep into it. Her two fingers circled up inside her, plunging themselves in and out, faster and faster. I could hear the wetness of her pussy every time her fingers went back in. I wanted that. God, I wanted that so bad. I leaned back in my chair and my fingers dove immediately inside.

A rush of sensation exploded over my body, the first rub was something I'd never felt before. I let out an inadvertent moan despite myself.

"Told you," Gwen said.

She was right. I started masturbating. Every so often I would feel a rush of lust and sensation that got more and more intense the longer I did it. I was fucking myself, I wanted it harder, I wanted it faster. Oh God, I could feel it building. The pressure was indescribable. I didn't know what to do, or how to act, I just knew that no matter what, I never wanted to stop fucking myself.

"Oh God Gwen, I think...I think I'm--"

"Just let it happen baby, I'm right there with you," she moaned.

"Ohgodohgodohgod I'm cumming, I'm, I'm CUMMING."

The dam broke, the bridge collapsed, I died a million deaths. I couldn't hear, I couldn't see, I could only feel the orgasm rush through me like a bull in a china shop. My abs crunched, my chest heaved, my toes spread apart, every part of my body was working on its own terms. I could hear Gwen cum beside me, but she was watching my every move.

I don't know how long it lasted, but I never wanted it to stop. Eventually, the orgasm subsided, and I was left with silence. Blissful silence and nirvana. I just laid there. Exhausted. Exhausted and thankful. This is what I was missing? I had SO much to make up for.

Gwen eventually broke the silence.

"How was it?"

"So good...so so good...oh my god. You do this every day?"

"A couple of times, yeah."

"Okay," I said.

"Okay? What's okay?" she asked.

"I get it. It all makes sense now," I sighed.

"Yeah? And how're you feeling?"

I thought about that for a second. It was a good question. How was I feeling? My entire relationship with my body was just completely turned on its head. I was no longer working for somebody else, I was just working for me. What I wanted, what I felt. I felt denied this for so long. I felt angry that nobody told me. I felt upset that something I loved and my boyfriend, excuse me, ex-boyfriend, refused to do this for me. I felt a little lost, 'cause I didn't know what to do next. But most of all...

"I'm still So. Fucking. Horny."