All Comments on 'First Times'

When a writer emphasizes too much, it's no longer emphasis, it's just annoying, especially when the wrong mechanics are used. Quotation marks are the wrong way to emphasize something in writing, in spite of the fact that so many do it that way.

Use <em> insert word </em> to italicize the portion to be emphasized. This is the first choice for emphasis. You can also use <b> insert word </b> for bold. These can be combined (<em><b> word </em><b>) to really emphasize something.

You walked a fine line with your over-use of compound phrasing, and unlike most who over-use that, you rarely failed (your lips touched your tongue for the first time...really?), but like anything, using it more isn't always better.

Your grip on the English language is far from tenuous, but where you failed is in the most important part of good literature -- the building blocks of a story. The motivation, the feelings, the details: they're all missing. There's nowhere for your story to go now. You've given us a synopsis of the entire thing immediately after the disastrous prelude in your first installment. We now know the whole story.

Firsts of many

An ambitious set of reminiscences, might work better separated out, or in smaller bites, each set its own collection. I like the internal monologues, touching close, but not quite close enough to satisfy. Not sure the no-naming works, we are left trying to imagine who are these ghostly characters are, what they look like, wanting to know more about what everyone wants. But a lovely early start to your life on Lit.

An interesting story. Each of those ,first times, is a story waiting to be told and relived, not only in oyur mind but in our minds as well. Please keep writing!

WELL DONE!