First We Practice to Deceive - Marg

I showed it to the attorney, who took copies.

I went straight to the post office and mailed the various letters. Then back to my former home, where I packed a bag to last me a week. The rest I put into my car and drove to a short-term storage facility, where I rented a unit for one week and left all my things.

From there, I drove to the hotel in the mountains, checked in and went to the bar to start the wake for the death of my marriage.

So as the rain pelted down, bouncing off the large window, while I felt the warmth of both the big open fire and the heat from my bourbon on the rocks, that first message pinged into my phone.

I smiled when her second message came in with, "WTF?" I wondered if she actually thought I would be her cuckold, did she really not understand me at all?

A few minutes later, a text came in from the same unknown number that had sent me the photograph on Friday. it It said, "Hi Dan, this is Mel. Why are you not here for Marge, she is so confused and she is even saying your things are missing from the house"

I ignored the message, and five minutes later, the phone rang from the same number. I picked it up, "What do you want, Mel?"

She wasn't expected me to be so short with her, and she stumbled a bit before recovering with, "Dan, your wife is waiting here for you to reclaim her. What the hell are you playing at?"

I just said, "The stupid bitch has nothing I want or has anything I want to reclaim. I told her if she did this we were finished. She did it, we are done. Don't bother phoning back." With that, I hung up.

Another number phoned immediately after; this time, the caller said, "Dan, this is Jackie, what do you mean in your text when you say, 'We are done?'"

I laughed. "What do you think it means?"

Jackie was livid. She said, "Dan, I have no idea what it could possibly mean?"

I couldn't help it. "She will find out tomorrow," then hung up and switched my phone off.

I switched my phone on at seven-thirty AM. The attorney would phone me as soon as she was served. As I switched it on, the phone was inundated with messages and voice mails. I counted at least forty texts, and the voice mailbox was full. I scanned them and they were all from Marge, Mel or Jackie. I noticed the last voicemail was about one in the morning, but the last text was only fifteen minutes ago. I deleted all the texts, but left the voicemails, so she couldn't leave any more.

At 8:05am, may my attorney rang.

I answered it, and he said, "She was served at exactly eight-oh-one this morning. There were two women in the house with her. They tried to get the process server to take the documents back, but naturally he refused, advising her she was legally required to take them. Something is going to hit the fan in the next few minutes."

I thanked him and hung up the phone. As I did, three texts came in. The first was from Mel, "You callous bastard." I ignored it, but blocked her number. Naturally, Jackie's message came next with, "So you are just another dinosaur."

I replied with, "Yes," and blocked her number as well.

Marge's was last to come in. It said, "Why Dan, I thought you were on board with this."

I had to laugh. I replied, "I made it very clear I was not on board with your plans and if you proceeded it was marriage ending. Get an attorney and let's get this farce of a marriage over with."

I left my room and went down for breakfast. The hotel had a remarkable number of people staying in it and the breakfast was very good. I was just finishing my coffee when my phone rang. I looked at the screen expecting it to be Marge but it wasn't. It was my mother.

I answered the call with, "Good morning, mum. What are you doing today?"

The response was unhelpful. "What do you think? Do you think I am going to accept you divorcing your wife? Get over yourself and get home to your wife. You need her and she will not do this too often."

I was stunned, I expected my mother to understand I could not live with what she had done. I said, "You do know she went away for a weekend to cheat on me. Has she explained that she intended to do this regularly. If you think I can accept this, then you are not the woman who brought me up with a moral compass and self-respect."

She laughed, and said, "This is the twenty-first century."

I hung up. Not taking that crap.

I was inundated with messages from multiple people. The messages were all roughly the same. Telling me to accept what she had done and go home. I just blocked the numbers.

At the end of the week, I left the hotel, went to the storage place and went to my new apartment.

I was not looking forward to work on Monday. I had been off the radar for the last week, but on Monday, everyone would know where to find me. I had a very bad feeling, so I phoned my boss and gave him a rundown of what had happened. He was astounded, not just at what Marge had done, but at so many people trying to force me to accept it. I asked if I could work from home and he agreed.

At ten o'clock Monday morning, he phoned me, and said, "This is ridiculous. Marge, your mum and two or three others have been phoning every few minutes asking to talk to you. When we say you are working from home, they are demanding your address. Now, Marge and your mum are in the reception area and are basically causing a problem by refusing to move from the front desk. You need to do something, and do it now."

I phoned my mum. She answered immediately with, "Where the hell are you? Why are you ignoring your wife and why have these divorce papers not been withdrawn?"

I took a deep breath. "The divorce papers will not be withdrawn, I do not want to be with my soon-to-be ex-wife ever again. I am working from my new home, I will be applying to the court for a restraining order."

She laughed, and said, "Do you think that will bother me?"

I laughed back, "Probably not, but the prison food you will be forced to eat, will."

I hung up and phoned my attorney. I gave him a full rundown and my boss's number.

Two hours later, my wife and mother were served with restraining orders, keeping them 500 yards from me, my place of work and my new home. My attorney asked that my address be redacted.

That, at least, kept things quiet in the office, but they basically phoned me twenty-four hours a day, and that left me with no choice but to block them.

Three months later, we were sitting in court. Marge had gotten a shark of an attorney with a plan to try and disrupt the divorce. Her first plan was to claim her behaviour was not unreasonable, claiming the weekend away was not for sex. The photo and the caption blew that out of the water, but they made us get the photo validated and we actually had to work out the location. Thankfully, one of my attorney's employees recognised the hotel, and we were able to get the hotel security footage to corroborate the picture and timing.

My mother, Marge's friends, and even my sister, all gave affidavits as to why we should stay together and today's hearing was for them to give testimony, and for Marge's application for enforced couples counselling. By this stage, I had had enough of the torment. Every time I went out, I met someone who was pressuring me into going back to Marge. I was followed around the grocery store by an uncle my wife had contacted to ask him to speak to me. Some of my evangelical clients were reducing my orders, saying they would not work with me until I returned to my marriage. I was even accosted in the street by a neighbour, who tried to drag me back to Marge.

Without anyone knowing, I had applied for a new job over 600 miles away. I had handed in my notice, had worked it out and had left my old job. My new job started in one week. I was not doing counselling, she could take a running jump!

The judge called the case, and Marge's attorney started the ball rolling. He said that we had been a happily married couple, and everyone who knew me thought I was making a huge mistake. He called my mum, sister and a few friends (or ex-friends) to the stand. All gave evidence about our marriage and called on the judge to reject the divorce or, at least, enforce marriage counselling with an instruction to me to engage with reconciliation.

Marge then stood up and gave an impassioned plea to the judge.

She started, "Your honour, my husband and I have been together forever. We made the perfect couple. Both our families can see that and we will provide a loving and stable home for children, lots of them. Yes, I made a dreadful mistake because I listened to people who I thought were friends, but I now realise they just wanted me to be like them. I beg you, stop this divorce and send us to counselling. I know if Dan was to listen to me, his mother, and all our friends, he would realise the strides I have made to put this right, the steps I have taken to make sure it never happens again and the love I have for him and only him. Please, your honour, do not grant this divorce, make him come back to me and our marriage will be strong and long lasting."

As she sat down, I saw her dab her eyes and my mother leaned over and gave her a gentle hug before looking over at me and smiling. The smile was one of triumph.

I looked at my attorney who shrugged. "He's going to force this issue now."

I asked, "Do I get the chance to make a similar speech?"

To which my attorney nodded, then stood up and addressed the judge, "Your Honour, my client would like to speak to the court, as well."

The judge nodded, but then added, "Mr Simpson, your wife has made a very impassioned and heartfelt plea to this court. Even when divorces are contested, I have rarely seen or heard such love and conviction. I want you to think about what you are doing, this woman truly feels you have a future together and I feel it is my role to try and make that happen."

My first thought was, "Oh god, the whole world is against me. Well, stop the world-- I want to get off!"

I looked at the judge and went for it.

"Your honour, her appeal was for herself, but when she pulled her little stunt, she destroyed my love for her. If you make me go to a counsellor, I will tell them that, and I will tell them reconciliation is impossible. I know my wife, and she will think if you force us back together, I will have to accept more of these weekends. I'm telling you now, that is not going to happen.

"For the record, I am moving out of the state." As I said this, I saw my mother's head snap round to me, and there was fire in her eyes. "And I fly out to my new location tomorrow. You cannot, and will not, force me back into a marriage I don't want to be in. If you call for counselling, I will just pull the divorce. I doubt I will ever want to marry again, so the divorce is only a legal formality.

"If I do that, you cannot force me into counselling and you cannot force me to live in the same house as my ex-wife, and she is my ex-wife regardless of the outcome of this hearing. You also cannot force me to love her. If I do pull the divorce, Marge will be left with the house and no support. So your honour, what way will it be?"

By this time, Marge and my mother were in tears and her attorney asked for a short adjournment, while he spoke to his client. The judge called a thirty-minute adjournment, then ordered my attorney to meet him in his chambers. I was left sitting at the table with nothing to do, but look around the court.

People were milling around, but a visibly crying Marge was sitting at the back, in close conversation with her attorney.

My attorney returned. "The judge is seriously pissed with you. He said you better not turn up in his court ever again. If Marge asks for counselling he will order it, but if you pull the divorce, he will not and cannot stop you. He asked you to think very hard about your actions, but ultimately they are your choice."

As he finished, a court official came out and went to Marge's attorney. They spoke and he went into the judge. About ten minutes later, he came out and went to Marge. He whispered something and she buried her head in her hands and nodded.

My mother looked at me, and I could see the rage on her face. She started to get out of her chair, but the attorney placed his hand on her arm and clearly said, "Don't do it, Mrs Simpson. It will not end well."

The judge came back into the courtroom and the hearing recommenced. The judge looked at me. "Mr Simpson, you have made your position very clear. If I order counselling, you will effectively leave your wife destitute because of the lease on the house. Of all the possible outcomes, that would be the worst. So, Mrs Simpson, for your own good, I am not granting your petition for counselling. I am granting the divorce based on the financial position set out by your attorney."

Basically, she was getting most of the savings. I didn't care, I was free. I heard the gavel bang and I was out of my chair and out of the courtroom before anyone could get to me.

I was due to fly out the next morning at six, and had booked into the airport hotel. Everything I owned was at my new apartment. My plan was to be out of town as quickly as possible, so no one could find me.

The taxi dropped me at the hotel and I spent the night in the room, eating room service. My old telephone number had long since been disconnected, so no one could track my phone or call me, but I knew my mother would be scaring the town for me. She was not giving this up.

I checked out of the hotel at four in the morning, and was sitting on the airplane at five-thirty. My new life stretched ahead.

______

It had been six years since that day in court. My new job had worked out, and I was now a senior manager in the engineering section. I was just completing preparation for dinner when the doorbell rang. I opened it without looking through the peephole to find Marge and my mother standing in the hall.

I just looked at them. "So even now, you won't let me go."

My mother virtually pushed me from the door, and then they both walked into my home. I closed the door and followed. Without being invited, both of them sat down.

My mother started, "Well, Dan, I would have thought you would have gotten over your snit by now! We found you six weeks ago when you registered to vote in this town. Marge has found a new job in this area, and she will be moving into this apartment. She needs you and you need her. I bet you are miserable without her."

I just smiled, as I heard the door open.

Kally shouted, "I'm home!" as she walked into the living room with a smile on her face.

My mother, who had been wearing another of her triumphant smiles, snarled at me, "Who's that?"

Marge's face, meanwhile, went pale, as Kally stood with her hands on her hips, looking at the two people looking at her.

I said, "Kally, please meet my mother and my ex-wife. They just dropped round for a flying visit, but I think they will be leaving very soon."

Kally turned to give them both a side profile view of what was clearly a little bump in the centre of her body. I saw Marge's hand go to her mouth. All my mother could say was, "Is it yours?"

The grin on my face told her everything she needed to know. I said, "Don't worry, Kally ensures I am anything but miserable."

With that, I took my mother by the hand and said, "Think it's time you two returned to your life, and left me to mine. Goodbye."

I pushed them both out the door, and turned to Kally. "Dinner's ready."

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