All Comments on 'Fish Out Of Water Ch. 02'

This chapter continues a good story, but could definitely use some editing. The multiple times and places are not clearly and smoothly delineated. Keeping track of the changes requires attention, which interrupts the flow and enjoyment of the story. It feels rather stream of consciousness cluttered.

Looking at both chapters...you have characters here I would want to know more about. You can write sexual scenes which are both minimal in verbiage and rich in detail. I look forward to more chapters.

duplicate