Five Years Pt. 03

This is part three of the story of my relationship with and love for my fiancée Jodie. If you haven't read Saturn Rising it might help put some of the people and events in context. Thanks once again to all my lovely readers for all your ratings and comments. Love you all! A special mention should go to Sheila, Mari, Vero, Lisa, Ivana and Laura for their encouragement and help and of course, as always, to Jodie. There will be a closing part four.

Monday Morning

On the drive back home I was in a very contemplative and conflicted state of mind. Jodie and I had had a lovely day, but when I got home I would have to deal with the whole Allie thing.

I smiled remembering how, when I went to put jeans and a tee shirt on she had said, "Oh, so you don't need to dress up for me anymore, now that you've trapped me?"

She proceeded to pick out a grey leopard print mini and a figure-hugging, long sleeved, pink top saying, "You've always dressed gorgeously, babe, and I don't want you to ever stop."

I smiled as she helped me dress and said, "Okay. I promise. For you I will always make sure I dress up."

We'd gone to her delightful and elegantly furnished second floor apartment on the edge of town with its picture window view of the rolling hills. I sat and watched her as she changed into a gorgeous, asymmetric, lime green dress with one long sleeve, bare and below the arm on the other. She looked absolutely beautiful.

Next we went to the salon and I sat and watched her every move as she checked through things, stopping once in a while to give me a kiss. She made sure everything was in place, and then we headed to Brannigan's. As we walked in, I saw several of the Bunch were there and they all cheered as we walked in. Choruses rang out along the lines of, "finally got out of bed then?"

Maggie rushed over to hug us, and said, "God, look at you two. You look like the cats that got the cream. The first date went well, I assume?"

Jodie smiled, "Better than I could have hoped for," and winked at me.

I'm sure I blushed, but said, "It was lovely. Thanks Maggie."

We only stayed a short time and headed back to my cottage. When we got in I made a light salad for us that we ate out in the garden. We headed for bed early because we had to get up at five the next morning so that I could make it home and be in the office by eight.

Our lovemaking that night was not hurried. It was soft and gentle. We lay naked on the covers and kissed for the longest time as our hands explored. Our fingers found each other and softly stroked in perfect unison. I delighted in the feel of her clit as I stroked slowly around the base. She sighed into me. There seemed to be some psychic link between us: An aura that held us together in a world of our own making.

Her fingers worked their magic on my clit and I felt the warmth of my orgasm rising as Jodie whispered, "I'm close. Come with me Anna."

She needn't have asked. We were so in tune that as I felt the rush accelerate through, within, without, in and over my body and my mind, I could tell Jodie was experiencing it with me. We held each other and cried out as we shook with the wonderful feelings coursing through us.

More bricks fell out of the wall.

We fell asleep, spooning, with me behind Jodie my arm around her and her holding on to me.

We'd awoken to a five o'clock alarm and showered together, dressed each other, Jodie in her lime green dress once again, looking a little overdressed for so early in the day, and me in an olive wrap around that Jodie said matched my hair and eyes perfectly. I packed my car and gave her a lift to her apartment before setting off.

Her parting words, after kissing me through the open car window were, "Drive safely, Posh Bird. See you on Friday. Good luck with Allie."

I smiled weakly, "Thanks, Jodie. I'll call you when I get home."

-

I drove off and started the trek back. I thought about what I was going to tell Allie. Was I going to tell her? I always said that I would. I had to put some of those bricks back in the wall. Jodie had said I shouldn't jump to any decisions, which gave me a little leeway, at least for now. I eventually pulled into my driveway, got my bag out and went into the house. I unpacked my laundry and put it in the washing machine, all the time images in my head of the wonderful weekend and thoughts of dread about my impending conversation with Allie battling for supremacy.

I got my phone out and called Jodie. She answered on the second ring.

"All right Posh? How was the drive?"

I smiled, already getting used to my new nickname.

"Dull and boring, but not too bad. Are you at the salon yet?"

"Yeah. I just got in about twenty minutes ago. Are you going to your office today?"

"Yeah. I have a lot of things I need to catch up with." I also needed normality around me. I needed to become the Anna who had left on Friday evening. Rebuild that wall a little more.

"Well, have a great day. Call me if you need anything. Mwah."

"You too, babe. Just call me anytime. Love hearing your voice."

I heard her chuckle and in a delightful whisper said, "I so want to kiss you right now," and then the call disconnected.

I focused. Stopped myself from feeling alone. Brought back the protected Anna.

-

The rest of the day was a bit of a blur. I went into work, my team asked me about my weekend and I was non-committal, just saying it had been relaxing and that the weather hadn't been too bad.

The only thing that I remember clearly from that day was when, around eleven o'clock, my PA, Sandra, came into my office with two coffees which she placed on my desk. She then closed the door and sat down opposite me, pushing a mug to my side of the desk. She looked at me with her penetrating green eyes, saying, "Is everything alright, Anna? You don't seem to be yourself."

Sandra is more than just a PA. She was my friend and confidante. She was the only one in the office who knew about my sexuality, well at least the only one who knew for sure. She was straight, happily married, in her mid forties with a grown up son. Her dark brown hair was straight and cut in a wedge-bob. She always wore a blouse, skirt and jacket combination at work, even though I never insisted on a dress code. Most of the office wore jeans or casual skirts.

I looked down at my coffee, picked it up and tried to bluff my way out of it, "Yeah. Everything's fine, Sandra. Just a bit tired. I drove back early this morning rather than yesterday afternoon."

She smiled, "Anna, I know you better than that. Something's wrong. I can see it. Problems with Allie?"

I looked back up at her, "Well, maybe. Don't worry, I'll sort it out."

She sighed, "What's she done now?"

I smiled at her. She knew my relationship with Allie was rocky but I decided that I didn't want to blame Allie for something that was a problem of my own making.

"Just this once, it's not her. I have to talk to her though. I've got some news I don't think she's going to take well and I'm a bit nervous, if I'm completely honest."

She turned her head slightly, "Oh? You're breaking up with her?"

I shook my head, "No. No. I don't think so. Possibly. That's up to her."

"Anna, if you want to talk about it..."

I hardened a little, "Sandra, this is my problem, I'll sort it out. Okay?"

She backed off, "Yes. Of course. I'm sorry Anna. I just want to let you know that if you need any help I'm here. Now, I just need to fill you in on a couple of things. You've got a call this afternoon with..."

That was the end of it. We moved on to normal work and I muddled through the rest of my day.

Tuesday Night

Things were beginning to feel more normal. I had had a productive day at work, my focus was helping me feel normal again. My barriers were back up.

I'd been out for dinner with a friend and, when I got home, had headed straight for bed. I undressed and was just climbing under the covers when my phone rang.

I looked at the caller ID, smiled and clicked to answer. "Hi Jodie."

"Hey Posh. How was you day?"

"Pretty good, thanks babe. Went for dinner with a friend and just now got into bed. How about you?"

"Yeah. Good. Really busy. Maggie and the crew said to say, 'Hi' if I spoke to you. I'm also calling you from my bed."

An image of her lying there talking to me flashed into my mind and I felt my clit spring to attention, a warmth and tingling starting.

I swallowed and said, "Well, someone was glad to hear that you're in bed."

There was a pause as Jodie caught up with me, "Not just you then? Would this involve my new friends?"

I felt my voice lower as I said, "Um. Yes. Chloe in particular."

"Wow Anna. You really know how to trigger me. I just got a huge rush," there was a pause and she continued with, "I'm stroking myself. God. Yum."

My free hand had already snaked down and I was also playing with myself.

"Me too. I want to come with you. I wish you were here. I want to kiss you, taste you."

She sighed, "Oh god, Anna. I want to taste you too. I am so turned on right now."

"Are you under the covers?"

"No, babe. Lying naked on top."

I closed my eyes and pictured her bedroom. It was like I was floating above her. Like I could see her. Some sort of out of body experience. I pushed the covers down to expose myself.

"I can see you," I said. "It's a pity you've never seen my bedroom, but it feels like I can see you."

"We should definitely do this with cameras sometime, but I can picture you perfectly. I think I know you well enough to know that you are lying, legs open, stroking Chloe," she moaned and, with a shaky voice said, "god Anna. I am close."

This caused me to play in time with the image in my mind and it pushed me even closer to my own release.

Practically whispering I said, "Me too, babe. I'm going to come for you."

I heard her let out a long, low cry, saying, "Fuck Anna! I'm... fuck..."

That was all I needed. My orgasm collected and burst out from my clit. All I managed to say was, "Coming. For you. Fuck."

It rushed through me, causing me to shake and make meaningless sounds as I heard the same from Jodie.

There was a long pause as both of us revelled in our mutual pleasure. I could hear Jodie's quick breaths slowing down and becoming deeper.

I managed to get my own breathing under control and then I managed to say, "Wow, Jodie. That was... amazing. I loved it."

I heard a chuckle, "Me too, babe. Me too. Can't wait to see you on Friday. I need my Anna fix."

I smiled. She'd done it again. Knocked a couple of bricks out of my slowly rebuilding barrier.

"I am so going to ravage you when I see you."

"I'm going to hold you to that, Posh Bird. Okay, I'm going to get some lovely, restful, sleep. Thank you babe. That was a lovely and unexpected surprise."

"Mmmm. Yes. It was. Goodnight, sweetie. Talk tomorrow?"

"Of course. G'night babe."

I hung up, put my phone down, slid the covers back up, switched the light off and fell into a peaceful and incredibly restful sleep.

Wednesday

I didn't hear from Allie until Wednesday evening. I had deliberately not texted or called her, mostly, it has to be said, out of cowardice, but partly because that was the way it worked with us. She called the shots.

I got home that evening, set up my laptop on my kitchen counter and was combing through some emails when I heard my phone beep with a text. I picked it up, hoping it was from Jodie, and I frowned a little when I saw that it was from Allie.

'Paul out 4 evening. B there in 20.'

That was so Allie. None of the pleasantries like, "How are you? How was your weekend? Are you around?" Just an assumption that I would be available.

I half thought about lying and saying I was busy but decided that I needed to face the music.

I texted back, 'Sure. See you soon. X.'

Just for once I didn't change. I stayed wearing the jeans and smock top that I'd worn to work. Over the last couple of days Jodie and I had spoken in the morning before work and in the evening before bed. She had asked a couple of times how Allie was and I had replied honestly that I didn't know because she hadn't called.

Jodie had been confused, "So, you can't call her?"

I sighed, "No. That's the rule. She's not allowed to take personal calls at work and I can't call her when she's with her husband."

While still confused, Jodie accepted it and moved on.

I heard the doorbell and went and opened the door. Allie marched straight in, passing me as I shut the door. She looked stunning in a pale green, puff sleeved, body-hugging mini dress that was partially translucent. She turned to face me and took me in her arms, her long black hair flicking around us. She obviously realised something had changed when my returned kiss wasn't quite as passionate as she was used to.

She pulled back and looked at me.

"Jeans? You're actually wearing jeans? I've come over and that's the best you can do?"

I swallowed, "Sorry, Allie. I had a busy day. I didn't have time to change," I lied.

She shrugged it off. "Of course. I'm being selfish, how are you, babe? How was your weekend?"

There was not an ounce of real interest in her voice, so I didn't feel like sharing anything.

"It was good. I found out..."

I wasn't allowed to finish. She kissed me and something automatic kicked in. I kissed her back a little more passionately than I had intended.

"I only have three hours. Take me upstairs and fuck me," she said. After my somewhat more involved weekend with Jodie this struck me as odd, but... old habits die hard. I am not proud of this, I never will be, but I dragged her upstairs and we undressed each other and fell back onto the bed.

Our lovemaking was, at least from my perspective, less than committed. Of course, I made sure she had an orgasm, and she spent a long time building me up and, after far longer than usual, making me come.

When we'd finished and we lay together, somehow she managed to get past her self centredness and said, "What's up, Anna? You're not your usual self. Is everything okay at work?"

I swallowed. Here was the moment.

"I always promised I would tell you..."

I saw the flash of anger in her eyes, "You've found someone else haven't you?"

"It's not quite that simple," I started.

She flashed back, "Oh? So, what? I'm done? I'm finished? How fucking good is this slut you found in your love villa, Anna? Is she better than me? I'll bet she isn't."

I'd had enough.

I got up off the bed and stood, stark naked, and surprised her when I shouted, "How, fucking dare you! I am at your beck and call all the time. I always told you I would say if there was someone else, I always promised. I have kept my promise. Did I say we were over? No, I fucking didn't but unless you take back what you've said you can fuck off back to your fucking husband and fuck his brains out. I won't take this."

I had clearly surprised her. I'd certainly surprised myself. I was shaking with a combination of fear and anger. She blinked and put a hand up to try to pull me back. I brushed it off.

At that moment I felt more strength than I had in years. I had Jodie. She was my anchor. I could be strong. Then Allie did the one thing that could wound my soul.

She started crying.

"Anna... babe. Please. I can't not have you in my life."

You'll notice she didn't say she loved me. I was, at that time, still in such a horrible place that her tears affected me. Of course I knew she was manipulating me. Well, I sort of knew in my heart, but I'd built that wall for a reason.

I sat down next to her. I have always been the peacemaker.

I held her hands and pulled them to my lips.

"You haven't lost me, Allie. I promise."

I could have saved a lot of heartache and future pain if, at that moment, I had told her to leave. I didn't. My brick wall was still there, although a little less strong that it should have been, and my insecurity made me want to hold on. It sounds wrong. It was wrong. I was playing with her desire and emotions. I was doing the same with myself.

Her tears dried up almost immediately, "I haven't?" She looked at her phone and said, "Then get into bed and fuck me again. We've got time."

So we did. This time, since I didn't have the issue of telling her about Jodie hanging over me, somehow it was better.

That was how it was. I'm sorry. To everyone. It was how I was. I don't like myself from that time very much but, and this is important, it all ended well and made me a stronger and better person.

-

February 14th, 2019

For over four years I had spent every possible weekend in Sussex, and sometimes took days off and went down there. Jodie never put any pressure on me. I know it sounds amazing. It was and still is. She always asked after Allie. Asked how she was. How her husband was. She never criticised me. In my heart I knew Jodie was the one, but I couldn't admit it. Allie just referred to Jodie as my southern slut. That pretty much tells you everything you need to know.

Then, I got a call on Valentine's day. Of course, Allie was going out with Paul and I was going to be on my own. My phone rang when I was in my office. It was Jodie. I assumed she was phoning to wish me a happy Valentine's day.

"Hey Posh. What are you up to tonight?"

I smiled ruefully, "Hey Sparrow," I'd started calling her my Cockney Sparrow several years ago. Our in joke, I suppose, "Nothing much. I'll be down tomorrow night. I booked 'Perchè No?' for a Valentine's meal."

"I know you did, silly. I was there when you did it. No, I mean tonight. I'll be there in about an hour and a half."

My heart did a weird series of flips. My brick wall had been eroded quite a lot. She had a way of disarming me. Surprising me. She had, however, never visited me in Cambridge. She knew where I lived but we had this sort of silent pact. She wouldn't invade Allie's territory.

I scrambled, "Uh, wow. Lovely. I can make us dinner," I panicked realising I didn't have the stuff I needed in the house.

She laughed, "You have your favourite restaurant? You've mentioned it many times. You know the owner. Call him. See if he can squeeze us in."

She was talking about Mamma In Cucina. I knew both Michele, the owner, and his mother. Given the day, I didn't think we'd be lucky, but I'd try.

"Okay, babe. I'll call now. Do I need to dress up?"

"Posh, if you don't dress properly, I'm going to cry. See you soon!"

I was in a panic. I phoned Michele and I could practically hear his gentle smile, "Anna darling, you're in luck. I can even give you a riverside table."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you Michele. You might have saved my life."

He chucked, "Oh, he's that insistent is he?"

Not many people in Cambridge knew I was gay. I wasn't quite sure how to broach this properly, "Uh, well no. Just wants to treat me to dinner and of course I thought of you and Mamma."

"Well, glad we can accommodate you. See you at seven thirty."

I now panicked about what I was going to wear.

I called Sandra in and just said, "Sandra, I have to run. Something's come up. Can you cover for me?"

"Of course, Anna. Anything I can help with?"

"Yes. No. It's fine. Jodie's coming up to take me out to dinner."

Sandra was the only person in Cambridge, other than Allie and Jackie, who knew about Jodie.

She smiled, "Oh, so do I finally get to meet the mysterious Jodie?"

I grinned back, "Probably not. I suspect she'll be racing back to Sussex first thing tomorrow morning."

She put a soft hand on my arm, "Anna, I think Jodie might be better for you than Allie. Just saying."

I nearly broke down there and then. I knew she was right, but I had fallen into the rut of treating Allie as a friend with benefits, which was all I was to her anyway, and Jodie as my anchor. My escape. My safe haven.