Flora & Fauna Pt. 15

A sigh falls out of Claude. "Happy?"

"Happier," I answer with a satisfied wiggle of my shoulders.

"Good. I have to get ready for work. Be rested and ready to go out when I get home tonight."

"What's tonight again?"

"So much for reading the schedule. Benefit dinner. It'll be so boring it will make watching paint dry feel like an adventure."

"Oh, and I get to be sober for it? Be still my heart."

.

Looking equal parts uncomfortable and opulent, Quince is draped over the pile of jewelry on the vanity that I tried on and decided against. A silk robe sits on the floor beside the bench I'm sitting on, I drape it over the top half of my gown so my curled hair won't stick to my freshly lotioned skin as I pull the pins out to let it free. This night, I can already imagine, is going to stretch on forever as well. The platinum ring snags one hair as I shake out my curls, making me wince and glare at the icy accessory.

The bedroom door suddenly slams open, making Quince and I both jump. She sinks down into the center of the coiled mountain of metal and gems. When I turn to the door, Claudius looks over his shoulder and closes it behind himself before stalking forward.

"Are you on your period?"

I stare at him dumbfounded. "You know, most people would start with 'Hi. How are you? Wow, is that a new dress-'"

"I've seen you in that dress before."

"And now you can get out of my room."

"I'm serious. Are you?"

I cross my arms uncomfortably. "A little?"

"My parents are downstairs with a doctor-"

"A doctor?! Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Seriously." He groans and sits down on the bed across from the vanity. "My father has me working twelve hour days, how many hours a day does he think we're fucking?"

"Ugh. Apparently enough. And I said I wanted to wait until we're sure!"

"The only person in this town that's a worse gossip than my mother is my father. They can't keep a secret to save their lives. And I sort of already implied that we were concerned about the pregnancy."

"What? So you just assumed I'd be on-"

"I panicked, okay?"

Quince finally manages to free herself from the tangle and we both look at each other worriedly. I sigh, glancing from the bathroom and back to my faux-husband. "Can you get me ten minutes?"

"What are you going to do?"

"Just do it." I snap over my shoulder, already tugging down the top of the gown as I head for the bathroom.

.

The only thing protecting me from feeling wholly ridiculous is how smug I feel about the image I've managed to create in ten minutes. The tiny vial of red food coloring that Quince managed to steal from the kitchen and sneak upstairs has turned the bath water a violent shade. There was enough blood to add a metallic tang to the air just over the water but not enough to color it a dramatic enough shade. Frothed with a little bit of soap to at least give me some privacy bubbles for when the doctor barges in up here. I shake my head back and forth while hyperventilating, trying to work myself into tears or at least a flushed face.

Voices slowly filter into my bedroom on the other side of the bathroom door. I point a look at Quince. With a quick nod, she lowers her glow as much as possible and scrambles under a towel in the corner to hide.

Claudius opens the door, his arm stretched over the head of the stubby doctor that enters first, struggling with the leather case in his hands. My faux-husband's stony eyes go wide when he sees me in the crimson water. Imperceptible to anyone but us, he gives me a quick, impressed nod. I sniffle loudly and manage to force out a few tears.

"Sorry. The cramps got really bad. I thought the hot water would help."

The doctor immediately drops his bag next to the tub and kneels down as he digs inside. Claude kneels closer to my head and takes my hand as he mumbles something comforting. It's a struggle to not laugh at the bizarre performance we're both putting on. His parents nearly trip themselves as they fold into the room. I can't stop myself from groaning at the thought of how long this is going to take.

There's no clock in the bathroom. But based on how pruny my fingertips feel as I rub them together under the water, it's been a while. Claudius and I fill in gaps for each other as we answer the doctor's questions. His father almost immediately blushed and left, looking very uncomfortable. Dottie however stayed and has been fretting so hard she looks even more flushed than I managed to force myself to look. The doctor finally finishes with his notes and repacks his bag.

"These things happen," he says, and the two of us nod along. "You're still young and it was very early term. It doesn't necessarily mean anything in regards to fertility. Take it easy for a few days and let your body recover-"

"Oh, sweetie!" Dottie immediately bowls the two men nearly over and wraps a protective arm around me.

"I'll be fine. Really." I squeak out as she squeezes me a little too tight.

"It's not you, I'm sure of it. You know," she glances over her shoulder and lowers her voice. "It's the men, I swear. It took me forever to have my Claude."

Claudius stares at me deadpan as his mother reaches out with one hand and pinches his chin affectionately. "Mom. Maybe we should let Flora relax a little."

"Oh, you're right."

The doctor shuffles out without a goodbye to interrupt the awkwardness. Edward peeks in and holds out a hand for Dottie, who finally turns to leave. An exhausted sigh blows out of me. In the corner, I can see Quince's alabaster face peeking out from the towel she's hidden under. Claude stands and adds to the ushering out of his parents.

"You know, I actually have something for this!" Dottie turns and begins to head back into the bathroom. Claude looks over her shoulder at me with his eyebrows raised in annoyance, mouthing something to himself as his mother begins to dig through her giant purse. "It's these herbal lozenges and they're so good for cramps and-"

"Mom. My wife is going to melt."

"What? Oh, alright! I know when I'm being hustled out."

"With everything that happened today," I whimper before she leaves. "Would it be terribly inconvenient for us to miss the dinner tonight? I really don't feel up to it and I'd feel safer if I had Claude here with me."

"Of course, sweetie. We'll make up some excuse if anyone asks. And if Ed has a problem, he can take it up with me."

"What?" The patriarch calls from deeper in the bedroom.

"Nothing, darling!"

As soon as she's stepped fully into the bedroom, Claudius closes the door behind her and locks it for good measure. He slumps down beside the bathtub and sighs as we listen to them all leave. Quince squeaks in frustration as she fights her way out of the towel and flutters over, landing on the rim of the tub between us.

"Oh my God," he huffs out. "That took forever."

"Seriously," I whisper back.

"Good thinking with the bath."

"Really?" I smile at the compliment. "I thought it would make everything look more dramatic."

"It did. Good job."

"And the food coloring makes it look extra real." Quince whispers, her wings buzzing with pent-up energy.

Claudius' eyes narrow at both of us. "You put food coloring in my bathtub?"

"Umm. Maybe?"

"If it stained the porcelain, you two are responsible for scrubbing it out."

Quince and I both devolve into a cacophony of pouting protests. Though mine end when I slide one foot up out of the water and see that my skin that soaked the longest has been dyed bright pink. I will definitely be scrubbing something. Maybe the benefit dinner wouldn't have been so bad in comparison to the chore I've made for myself.