All Comments on 'FocusTunes Ch. 03'

Entertaining, if entirely too short. While it's fun to see things from Ben's perspective, I think it'll be equally fun to see things from Miranda's as she tries to figure out what's going on with her recent changes. Even if she thinks she's always wanted to have sex with Ben, it's a different matter altogether for her to just leap to it out of nowhere like that. She'd have to think that was a bit odd, just like her deciding to suck him off in Ch1. She might not be worried about it, but she'd still be curious about the timing of it all.

I went back to read Good to the Last Drop again just to refresh my memory and I think you're off to a good start. Hurry up with the next dozen chapters and we'll talk again! ;-)

Great read. Enjoy his inner dialog the “Condom” bit was excellent.

Sexy and fun. Keep it up

As much as I love multiple perspectives too in a story. I think you need to commit to the writing style you've set. Which is his perspective and only that. I love how he is going through discovery and all these questions, but PLEASE make sure there is a cost, or let him overstep a line that he doesn't know it there. The real intrigue to a story is always the tax of benefit, say he feels this power, then tests another girl with a command that she fundamentally will not accept, then a bad consequence happens. Danger is exciting, and how dangerous is your character willing to get for the thrill of having a (or multiple) plaything(s).

No matter what, you are a great writer and PLEASE keep writing!

Great start, really nicely written :) Don’t pander or get swayed too much by other people’s comments/opinions, just do your thing, it’s good!

?

I love that the protagonist isn't some all-seeing, all-knowing demigod. He's stumbled onto something and he's working to figure it out. He's also trying to hold onto his ethics in the face of something which gives him huge power. It's well written and incredibly sexy.

I think this tale so far can be summarized in a single word.

Wow!

I'm enjoying your main character and his friend. I enjoy these tales of hypnotism and uneven positions of power. One of the things I enjoy in them is when a MC isn't a perfect person. You can tell this guy isn't a goody goody and neither is he an evil bastard. I'd say he is opportunistic in the same way any horny kid would be at his age.

He isn't perfect and makes mistakes and he seems to be trying to take steps to make this better as much as he will clearly make things worse too.

Keep up the great work. I can't wait to read the rest of it.

I need more, that is all

This character is such a dumbass. Doesn't he know if you've got anything that's potentially compromising, you should *never put it in writing?*

I repeat: **NEVER IN WRITING!**

lol

Smuttiness aside (and mind, I _dig_ the smut), I really enjoy the writing. You could write a VCR instruction manual, and I'd read it. Well, I'd give it a chance.