For You

“Little Morgan,” Sarah would coo.

“She is so beautiful.”

The two of them sat on the couch and passed her back and forth, each rocking her and holding her tiny little hands. She only ate very small meals, even for a baby and had to be fed often but I had pumped a bottle of breast milk while at the hospital so they didn’t have to wake me right away. Ivan fell asleep first and Sarah put the baby in the crib in our bedroom, she would sleep with us for the first few months, then move on to her own room. Sarah got a blanket and wrapped her up snugly so she would stay warm and made sure there were no drafts coming from the window. Sarah kissed Morgan on her forehead and headed out and shut the door, leaving me to sleep with the baby.

I woke up as dawn approached and whisked over to the crib to watch Morgan sleep. She occasionally moved around and I got such delight out of it. I walked downstairs and made myself a cup of juice. I hadn’t been able to have tea for months and still wouldn’t because I had decided to breast-feed. Sarah was curled up on the recliner and Ivan was sprawled out on the couch. I kissed each of them and walked out onto the terrace.

I hadn’t heard, but Morgan had been crying and Ivan brought her out to me.

“I think someone is hungry,” he said as he handed her to me and sat down.

“Did you sleep well?” I asked.

“Kind of, I woke up a couple times because I thought I heard Morgan. I would go peek in your room but it was a false alarm.”

“I’m glad you care so much.”

Morgan continued to nurse, making little slurping noises every now and then. Ivan looked over at me and smiled. Sarah walked out onto the terrace, yawned and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She kissed my forehead and smoothed out the baby’s soft brown hair. When Morgan was finished eating I patted her back and she let out a small burp. The sun was coming out from behind a cloud so I covered her face a little with her blanket.

The servants had not seen the baby so when they woke up, Sarah rounded them up on the patio and we passed her around. All made their remarks about how she was the cutest thing they had ever seen and Claire said with her French accent “Oh, such a petite mademoiselle!” All was harmony in our household and I was truly happy.

Sarah had been home with me for about a week when she got a call that they needed her at the office. Frankly I was glad that she would be leaving for a little while. She told me not to get out of bed and to let the servants get me whatever I needed. Of course I had no intentions of listening to her!

As her car pulled out of the driveway I got dressed and had the baby dressed as well. I was a bit perturbed when I still had to put on maternity clothes because I had a lot of weight retained from the baby, but it didn’t bother me too much. I placed little Morgan in her stroller and put up the little hood to shield her from the sun. She cooed and gurgled as I strapped on my sandals. Our servant Marco thought it was best to walk with us, to keep Sarah from getting angry that I disobeyed her.

We walked around our quiet community and stopped to talk our neighbor who was distracted from her gardening by Morgan’s hungry cries. She came up and we talked for a few moments. In my three years of living here, I never really ventured around our neighborhood, preferring to go to parks and the mall. I didn’t feel comfortable feeding Morgan in public so we went straight home.

I curled up on the couch, unbuttoned my shirt and nursed Morgan while pumping a bottle from my other nipple. It was a messy and uncomfortable business but someone had to do it. As the baby drifted off to sleep I sat her in a little cradle in the living room and made myself some lunch. I was tired of relying on the servants for everything and had voiced my opinion to Sarah about it, but at the same time I didn’t want to just kick them to the curb. They kept the house clean and prepared Sarah and I exotic meals. They also made it easier for us to raise the baby because Sarah’s lucrative business tended to pull her away from the house at odd hours and for long periods of time.

I turned on the TV and watched a documentary on dolphins. It was quite dry and the host had a very monotonous voice which put me right to sleep. I woke up with a sharp pain in my lower abdomen and got up to get some aspirin. As I did I felt very lightheaded and had to sit back down. I called for one of the servants and she brought me the aspirin and a glass of water. I laid back down and waited for the medicine to kick in. Sarah came home late that night to find me, still in pain, still lying on the couch.

“What is going on?” she shouted.

“Lilly has broken out in a fever and is having severe pains from her stomach,” one of the servants spoke up meekly.

“And why wasn’t I notified? Why wasn’t she taken to the doctor?” she bellowed.

“She told us not to, said that is wasn’t that bad and it would go away as soon as the pills took effect.”

“Marco, grab the baby and put her in the car. She needs to go to the hospital! The next time she pulls this kind of shit don’t listen to her!” Sarah stormed.

She scooped me up in her arms and carried me out to the car. I moaned in pain as she sat me in the seat and I insisted that it be reclined. She put a damp cloth to my head and sped off towards the hospital. She pulled up in the emergency lane where the ambulances usually pull up. Some doctors wheeling out a gurney met us there.

“She needs to be admitted to the emergency room. She has spiked a very high fever and is in severe pain,” Sarah explained to the doctors.

They opened the door and took me out, placing me gently but still painfully on the gurney. They told Sarah that she couldn’t park here which further agitated her. She hurried to find a parking place, grabbed up Morgan and ran to find me once more.

They had taken my temperature and found I was at 104.6 and were now using cooling blankets to lower the fever before I suffered brain damage. Sarah was quite anxious and was forced to get out of the room by many nurses. She tried to calm herself but nothing was working and her stress was making the baby nervous as well. She sat down and pulled the diaper bag onto the seat next to her. She rifled through diapers and baby wipes to get to the baby bottle that she had just thrown into the bag just before leaving. She fed Morgan to calm the baby down but it also had a soothing effect on her as well.

“Mrs. Whitmore. Mrs. Whitmore I need to speak with you,” said the voice of one of the nurses as she reached to tap Sarah on the shoulder.

“Yes, what is it? Is Lilly alright?”

“Not at the moment she isn’t. She seems to have a horrible infection in her uterus, stemming from one of her fallopian tubes. Right now we need to get her into the operating room and remove the infected part. If all goes well that is all we will have to do, if not we may have to do a radical hysterectomy. Now we need you to sign here, giving us permission to do the surgery.”

Sarah was crying terribly hard but she took the pen and signed at the bottom of the form. She asked if she could see me before I went into the operating room and she was escorted through the swinging doors as nurses prepared me for the procedure. EKG sensors and IV lines came out of everywhere and made Sarah cry even more. Despite the morphine I was receiving I was still in visible pain. I lifted my hand to stroke Morgan’s cheek but I couldn’t, it felt like I was paralyzed. My eyes welled up with tears that I couldn’t hold my lover or our child. Sarah pressed her lips to my forehead, which eased the pain a little. She wiped away my tears and stayed in the room until the doctor’s took me out.

I woke up feeling very groggy and my eyelids were quite heavy. I managed to look around and found that I was in a private suite and the TV was on softly. My lovely Sarah was sitting curled up in a chair to the right of me, fast asleep. I lifted the blanket covering me to see where the incisions were made and to try and anticipate how bad the scars would be. There was a long straight row of stitches covered by bandages right over the pudgy part of my stomach. I lifted the bandage slightly at one of the places it wasn’t taped down and noticed a small part that wasn’t really clotting. I pressed the call button and a nurse came in.

“Ma’am, is this normal?” I said warily and she came over to see what I was talking about.

“Yes, but let me get some antiseptic on that.”

She peeled off all of the bandages causing me to wince a little and she applied a clear ointment to the whole area. She wrapped it tightly with gauze and put tape across it.

“There, all better miss,” the nurse said.

“Is there anything I can get for the pain?”

“Yes, see this button over here. This delivers morphine into your IV. Just press it and a few milligrams will be directly administered. And don’t worry about overdosing; it can only give you so much.”

“Thank you.”

She left the room and Sarah rolled over, grumbling something about the stock market and rainbows. I thought it was quite odd but it didn’t really matter. I looked around and saw a little crib that looked something like an incubator. ‘Morgan!’ I thought with excitement. I pressed the call button once more and the same nurse came in.

“How may I help you?”

“I’m sorry to be such a bother but I just noticed that my baby is in here and I didn’t want to wake Sarah. Could I please hold her? She is probably hungry and my breasts are very full right now,” I whispered.

“Normally I would say no but it is unhealthy for you to allow your breasts to remain full like that. It can also make you unable to provide for your baby in the future,” she lectured, picking Morgan gently out of the crib.

I held her tightly, never wanting to let go. I opened the gown and brought Morgan’s mouth to my swollen breast. It was very painful but felt ten times better when she was finished, but she had only consumed a little and it would be full again in no time. Sarah stirred once more and opened her eyes slightly to see me fully awake. She sat up and ran over to my bedside and began kissing all over my face.

“I thought you were going to be taken from me!” she said in between kisses, “I thought I would have to raise this baby by myself and live the rest of my life in horrid solitude!”

“Sarah, Sarah, calm down. Obviously I’m fine. Did the doctors ever tell you what caused the infection?”

“A piece of tissue, left there since Morgan’s birth. They had to remove your whole left ovary, fallopian tube and part of the uterus. Hopefully that is the end of it and you won’t suffer from anything like early menopause.”

“I’m just glad to be here with you and our little Morgan.”

She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek and her hand had inadvertently grazed my swollen and sensitive breast. I tensed and she looked at me with alarm.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I haven’t been able to breast feed for over sixteen hours. My breasts are so full of milk it’s unbelievable!”

She gently pulled aside the gown and stared at my engorged boobs. Her eyes grew wide and she bent down, taking one of my nipples painfully in her mouth. She had never fed off of me before, partly because I wasn’t producing that much milk before. But now that had all changed. She had tasted my milk previously but only from Morgan’s bottle, she loved the sweetness of it nevertheless. She began to suckle and I stopped her.

“Is this not what you wanted?” she asked despondently.

“No, I mean yes, I mean I just wanted you to put Morgan in her crib first.”

Sarah did as I asked and pulled her chair close to my bed. She let down one of the side rails and rested some of her weight on the gurney. She took my nipple into her mouth once more and began nursing, a bit more forcefully than Morgan ever did. She would fill her mouth with my milk and then swallow it all down. She seemed to be enjoying herself immensely but I had to stop her. My other breast was still inflated to its freakish size and still throbbed. She moved to the other side and quickly released some of the pressure.

After the breasts returned to a bit above normal size, the feeling returned to them. Finally I could tell what Sarah was doing. She had her mouth open wide, suckling softly but at the same time she was flicking my nipple with her tongue. I felt a wave of pleasure go through me and demanded that she stop teasing or I would make her get off. She felt a bit dejected but understood that now was not the best time to get me turned on.

After about three hours of watching stupid daytime talk shows, the nurse came in and informed me that my white blood cell count was back to normal and than the sutures showed no sign of infection either. She told me that after one more day in the hospital, I would be allowed to go home, just as long as things stayed the same. Sarah never left my side the entire time and even got the servants to smuggle in food from home. She always made sure my room was completely filled with flowers and ‘Get Well Soon’ balloons. I even got a lovely basket from Ivan who couldn’t make it down to see me.

Things went well and I went home the following morning. I was forced to use a wheelchair until I got my stitches out which really put a damper on a lot of things. I couldn’t sleep in my own bedroom, I couldn’t relax in my extra large bathtub and I couldn’t get the baby out of her nursery because I wasn’t able to go up the stairs. I was mainly isolated to the hardwood floors because it was very difficult to roll on the carpet. I couldn’t push Morgan when we went for a walk because I had to use my hands to push myself. And forget going up hills to go to the park.

But Sarah made things easier for me. She would occasionally carry me upstairs, especially when she wanted to be alone with me. When she would wake up in the mornings after spending the night in the guest room with me, she would rush upstairs and bring Morgan down to me. She was fond of pushing me around when I needed to travel on the carpet or when we went for walks. She loved that fact that I was practically incapacitated because she could dote on me and have a good reason for it.

One Saturday we were just watching TV on the couch, cuddled close to one another and Sarah said, “How would you like to go out tonight to the mall and then to dinner?”

“That sounds pretty good. When do you want to leave?” I asked.

“How about right now?”

“Sure, I’ll pack up Morgan’s diaper bag.”

“No, just me and you,” she insisted, “We haven’t had a night out alone for the longest time!”

“Who will we get to watch the baby?” I implored.

“We have servants who could easily take care of a child and I’m sure Ivan wouldn’t mind coming over and spending some time with her.”

I was very apprehensive, never having left Morgan in the care of anyone but Sarah and myself, but in the end I agreed. We called up Ivan and asked if he wanted to spend some time with her and he said he would be glad to. I pumped a bottle of breast milk so Morgan would have plenty to eat and got a bunch of diapers and toys out so Ivan wouldn’t have to look for them.

“Quit worrying about that!” Sarah censured, “I’m sure if Ivan can’t find anything the servants will be able to tell him. Now lets get dressed and head out for our romantic evening, shall we?”

“I wish you would just let me obsess about a few things, it gives me something to occupy my time. What should I wear?” I asked.

“It doesn’t really matter because I had planned to get you some more normal clothes. I’m really getting sick of seeing you in those stupid maternity clothes with their supposed ‘slimming lines,’” she complained.

“I’m not even close to being my original size and right now I can’t do any exercises to lose that child bearing weight,” I said, feeling not the least bit sexy; a protruding stomach with sutures going across it, sagging breasts after pumping a bottle of breast milk and calloused hands from pushing my wheelchair trying to maintain independence.

“Come on. Lets go upstairs and get dressed and we can get out of here for a while,” Sarah said, sensing the dissention in my voice.

She scooped me up and carried me up the flight of stairs and plopped me on the bed playfully. She held me firmly against the bed and began kissing me all over. I moaned softly as she toyed with my earlobes and licked at the nape of my neck. I tried to reciprocate and play with her dangling breasts but she wouldn’t let me, silently telling me to surrender to her. She traced her hand down my side, completely avoiding the tender stitches and began running her fingers across my slit through my stretch pants. I moaned even louder and arched my back as best as I could, propelling my hips towards her. She unbuttoned my shirt seductively and took off my bra with one hand behind my back. When my breasts were liberated she took one of the nipples in her mouth and sucked on it softly, I could feel her taking in and swallowing the sweet breast milk.

“Ahem. Sarah, Lilly, are you two still going out?” Ivan asked sweetly, standing in our open doorway.

“Umm, yeah, I think,” I said blushing red.

“Yes, Ivan. We are still going out. We were just getting dressed,” Sarah said with her usual composure, “I really just love your timing!”

“Always a pleasure!” he said coyly.

“If you don’t mind… a moment with my love?” she said, gesturing to me.

“Oh, okay. See you two down stairs!” he said as he left the doorway.

“Can you shut the door please?” I asked him courteously. He shut the door and I rolled onto my side, “He killed the mood you know! Would you mind giving me a back massage?” I asked my pale love goddess.

“No problem sweetie, anything else?” she said as she massaged all of the soreness out of my back.

“How about you pick out some clothes for me.”

“What pants are you most comfortable in, love?”

“The stretchy blue jeans in the second drawer, right there.”

“Do you like this shirt?” she asked, holding up a white button up shirt with lacey sleeves.

“Yeah, I need a pair of clean panties and my white breast feeding bra as well.”

“You are not wearing that hideous looking thing out in public if you don’t have to!” she insisted.

“You are such a pain in my backside!”

“But you know you love it!” she said right before she slapped me hard on the bum.

I yelped out in pain and she just laughed at me. She gathered the requested clothing and sat on the bed next to me. She stripped me down and helped me into the panties and bra, taking a moment to feel me up whenever possible. I cooperated as she finished getting me dressed and stopped to kiss me right on the lips. When we were done she hoisted me over her shoulder and carried me back down the stairs. I was placed in my wheelchair and seated myself comfortably.

“Well, glad you could join me,” Ivan said.

I poked my tongue at him and Sarah replied, “You were welcome to join us,” and I scowled at her, “Or not! If you don’t mind we will be heading out.”

“You guys have fun!” Ivan waved as we left.

She pushed me through the doorway, lifting the front a bit to get over the threshold. I tried to get in the car on my own but Sarah wouldn’t allow it because “You may cause even more damage if you don’t just take it easy.” She lifted me into the minivan and fastened my seatbelt tightly. My wheelchair was packed in the back, alongside Morgan’s car seat.

“Ready?” she said as she buckled her own seatbelt.

“Yeah.”

Sarah smiled kindly at me as we drove.

“So, where are we going for dinner, Sarah?”

The tall woman just smiled. “You’ll see. We are going to have some fun, lovely girl of my dreams.”

Sarah was dressed up- well it was dressed up for her. She wore her usual blouse and skirt or khakis to work, and lounged in nearly nothing or as close to that as she could get away with at home. Right now, however, she was stunning. Her hair, instead of being allowed to stream down her shoulders, back, and wherever it would go on it’s own, had been combed out and straightened, a long flowing river of silvery white strands, the bangs to either side of her face dyed a an almost navy blue color. She wore a dress of that same blue color, long and shimmery, like an evening gown, with actual lightning bolts, long streaks of pure white light on it. White glitter lipstick was on her lips, and for the first time in ages, she was going out braless- something she avoided doing, for though she looked better braless than restrained. Going braless also was murder on her back, despite her lithe, wiry, stronger-than-she-looks physique. Her nails were also painted a dark navy blue with silver and dark blue glitter mixed in, and all in all, she looked fabulous, like she was going to a dance. Except I was confined to her wheelchair, so it couldn’t be a dance. A few minutes later, minutes filled with my questions that were answered only with one of Sarah’s soft smiles and silence, she parked the car and helped me out and into my wheelchair. I looked up at the sign on the building Sarah was pushing me towards.