Forbidden in the 1950's Ch. 02

After Lena had seen the big black man urinating beside the creek, she went into a reconstructed denial. For days afterward, she rationalized that she was probably mistaken about the size of his penis. No man could have a penis that size. Could he? Surely, she must have seen something in the foreground that made her think that it was his penis. Being brought up sheltered, she had never heard any stories about black men. Most older people railed about how dirty and bad smelling blacks were. They were tagged with being lazy and immoral. That is why the informal meetings of certain people vowed to be diligent in observing and reporting any type of behavior by a black person deemed to be inappropriate.

While not recruiting any black people into the white congregations, many Christian people were sensitive to the poverty of the southern blacks. Rural white people employed domestic help which was mainly black. The local lumber mills and feed stores employed strong black men to do the heavy work. In fact, the jobs that were supposedly relegated to black people, made them off limits to white people. No matter how poor a white person was, they would not stoop so low as to take a job that was made for the 'Nigras' as more civilized people called them.

In these jobs that black people performed for whites, there was a certain social level. Most white people were respectful of the rights and feelings of their black employees. There was an uneasy peace among employer and employee. Surely some blacks held an internal anger for having to work for 'Whitey' but most had to keep it in check to avoid abject poverty. Social programs didn't get rolling much until the sixties. Even that would create a greater divide socially with white southerners thinking that welfare was for the lazy blacks who never married and the black mothers drew welfare.

The civil rights movement in full was years away. The military was integrated and the north was mostly integrated but the south was fully segregated. The integrated north had problems of their own. Traditionally the savior of the blacks from slavery, many northerners referred to black people exactly like their southern brothers.

With that backdrop, Lena should have dismissed the whole scene as an aberration. For that to happen, it took two perfectly timed events independent of each other. She tried to rationalize the perception away always without success. She knew deep down what she had seen. It was a big black flaccid penis that could be at least four times as big as her husband's. She had no benchmark. She recalled her carpool friend, Mildred, talking about big penises. That must mean that there were small ones also. If that was the case, then she naturally assumed that her husband's penis was indeed very small. She thought about how she could not have an orgasm during intercourse. She could have shattering orgasms with her fingers on her pussy.

All of that made no difference. She was the wife of a southern preacher. Her behavior should be beyond reproach. She could tell no one about her masturbation. There was no one to tell. While friendly, she didn't have anyone whom she could share intimate secrets with. She saw then why Mildred waited for her other friend to talk openly about sex and penis size. She certainly could not talk to her mother. Sex was not a topic that was easy for her mom to discuss. She wondered if her mother had had the same conflicts. Maybe her father was better endowed. She had to wipe that thought clear out of her head.

Still, it was a one-time only chance encounter. Or would it be? Being a godly woman, she certainly would wipe her memory of the event. But could she?

Lena did venture into the black section of town. Many white people would not support her in her efforts to minister to blacks. They had their own churches and certainly worshipped in a different way. However, that didn't stop people from interacting with black ministers and church officials. It was like the schools in a way. Give the black people what was considered equal facilities and they would be content not to interact with the whites. Several of the churches had outreach to black congregations to supply hymnals and other service items. In that vein, Lena and Neil did a good job of balancing the predominant view of segregation while performing their outreach to the black community.

One afternoon after she got home from work, she decided to take a walk along the creek. It was not too hot and she had supper in the refrigerator. Neil would be late on that day since he was in the library preparing a paper. She wasn't then hungry and decided to wait until Neil got home and eat with him. Whether this was just an innocent walk or she had a burning curiosity was a topic for later. Surely the black man would not be fishing at that hour.

She walked down the dirt road and was about to cross the bridge when Damon appeared coming up the bank from under the bridge. There was no way he could have seen her on the road since he was under the shade of the bridge. It was again, pure chance. He looked startled as he saw the pretty white woman about to cross the bridge. It was too awkward not to at least acknowledge him. She smiled and said hello.

He returned her greeting. She, feeling more awkward, said, "I guess you have been fishing? Catch anything?"

"Just some perch for supper. Little ones, but they will stink the grease."

She chuckled at the humorous colloquialism. "That's funny. I am Lena Glidden. My husband is pastor of the church just on top of the hill."

"Yes, I know," He answered.

She knew quite well that all people in small communities either knew each other or knew of each other. While she didn't know who Damon was, she didn't see any reason to be rude.

"Oh, I am Damon Matthews."

"Pleased to meet you, Damon." She replied. "Do you fish here quite often?"

"Yes, ma'am. In the afternoons I fish under the bridge. The perch and bream seem to go there. I didn't fish this morning so I wanted to get some fresh ones for supper."

"Does your wife fry them?"

"No ma'am. I'm not married. As you can see, I have a bad limp. I draw military disability and do odd jobs to get by. I caught some bad shrapnel in Korea. It shattered my leg and did some muscle damage. I can't stand long enough to work in the sawmill so I do some work where I can sit occasionally."

"That's terrible. But I do so appreciate your service to the country."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Oh, don't call me ma'am. Makes me feel old."

"Well, you certainly are not old."

"Thank you. So, you live nearby?"

"Yes. I parked my truck on the other road down the creek. I don't like to leave it on the road over here. I guess it wouldn't hurt but some people might get the wrong impression if they knew my truck. I like to fish under this bridge since the pool of water is deeper and bigger fish seem to enjoy it."

"Why would that matter, Damon?" She asked.

"Well, Miss. This is a white community. The other road down the creek goes to my place and where the other black families live."

"Oh, sorry." She said. "I forgot about gossiping souls. Too bad really. There is so much positive to talk about. We should talk about God's love and is grace instead of racial differences."

"Well, Ma'am, that is a pretty thought but you probably shouldn't say that in front of your white friends."

"I understand. Well, it was nice talking to you, Damon. Maybe I will see you again down here."

As she continued her walk, Lena wondered to herself why she had said that to him. 'Maybe I will see you again down here'. Did that sound like an invitation. What if he interpreted it that way. As she walked on, she thought about seeing his penis earlier. She had to get that thought out of her mind. Instead, she walked faster back home. She would barely make it inside her front door before she pulled her panties off and began masturbating. Her pussy was gushing. She eventually gave herself two intense orgasms all the while thinking about Damon's big black cock.

Lena had figured out that it was Neil's penis that was the problem. She could easily achieve orgasm with her fingers. In that era, oral sex was never talked about and Lena would have been appalled if she had heard of it. Even to the more worldly adults, it was something only shared by horny men and prostitutes. Most men would never ask their wives to perform oral sex. That was for the back alley 'sluts' to make a living. Much later in society, oral sex may have saved many marriages. When women could talk openly about orgasms and hot sex. That was not so in the 1950's.

When Neil got home that evening, she had supper already waiting. They talked about their daily activities. Neil brought her up to date on the church doings. He said they needed to visit Miss Sally over by the old cotton gin on Saturday. She had fallen and hurt her hip. While they were out, he wanted to stop by Mr. and Mrs. Davis. They had given them a lot of pork last fall and he wanted to keep in their good graces. Lena idly agreed with everything he said while still thinking about her conversation with Damon. And, of course, her shameful display of forbidden lust when she got back to their house. Later that night in bed, Neil touched her arm and then kissed her. She pulled up her nightgown and let him mount her. It didn't last long, as usual. He rolled back off her and was asleep in minutes. Lena got up and went to the bathroom. She wiped the semen on a tissue and then cleaned herself with a wash rag.

She was becoming more and more disappointed with her husband's little dick. Once she knew that there were larger penises in the world, she thought about what it would be like to have a larger one in her pussy. She reasoned that she would never know. She was in her marriage for life and could never stray. This was from her own morality but also from the expectations put on men in the clergy. If, for instance, she divorced Neil or was caught cheating, his ministry would be over. Churches would never accept a pastor who could not even lead his wife in the ways of the Godly.

Still, the excitement was in her brain. It was such a taboo in Southern Society for white women to even talk to a black man. Then she remembered that Damon had told her he did odd jobs to supplement his disability checks. She wondered if she should talk to Neil about Damon doing some repair work in the parsonage and around the outside of the church. While the church was not blessed monetarily it was still possible to convince the congregation to at least keep the place presentable. The community was growing. Not in a big way but there were still people from the nearby towns who could purchase cheap land in the more rural sections of the county. She reasoned that just the law of averages would signal a slight increase in the congregation.

People knew that if they resided in the small towns and rural communities, they would be the subject of the witnessing crowd until they joined one of the nearby churches. The selection was limited to Methodist, Baptist and a small congregation of the Assembly of God. They spoke in tongues so most of the people were either Baptist or Methodist. Some of the people moved in and joined one of the churches but rarely attended. Lena and Neil reasoned that if they set about visiting people in the community, they had a decent chance of recruiting people. They were young and energetic. The pastor of the First Baptist Church in the center of the community was old but well liked. He was near retirement. Lena figured that the new people who moved in might be younger also and perfect candidates for the little fledgling church.

She and Neil planned to move the congregation to do more outreach. They formed committees which would allow people to target their age groups more easily. Neil and Lena would pay special attention to the younger crowd around the community. They also decided to make it a point to introduce themselves to more people in the larger towns and places where they shopped. They encouraged the congregation to make a commitment to outreach. It was a slow steady climb but the enrollment increased. Neil finished college and was beginning to make a name for himself as an up and coming pastor in the area. Lena was the pretty pastor's wife and appealed to most all males. The wives also loved her and did not feel threatened by her. They reasoned that a woman as pure and dedicated as Lena posed no threat to their marriages.

During this growth in attendance, they decided that Lena could quit working in town and keep the books for the church. Neil assured the Board of Deacons that they would and should review the finances regularly as a positive check on the job Lena took on. The church had monthly business meetings on a Wednesday night. Every check and cash expenditure was presented. Other than regular church supplies, every expenditure had to be voted on beforehand. With this structure in place not one of the members had any thoughts that Neil or Lena would defraud the congregation. While it was known to happen in other denominations, the southern Baptists were notorious for running a tight ship. Not that some members didn't feel a little uncomfortable when Neil preached on stewardship and tithing.

The congregation did grow. There was more money for Neil's salary and with Lena working on the financials and community outreach, the Deacons adjusted Neil's pay to account for Lena's work. They would never pay a woman for doing church work unless the woman played an instrument. Even then, most rural churches didn't pay for that. Pecan Creek church was happy to have Mrs. Stanfield, a widow who played the piano as a way of giving back to the church.

An uneasy topic came up one business meeting. Neil and one of the Deacons wanted to help build a Baptist church in the black community. The black church currently met in the back of a member's store. There wasn't any money for a paid preacher nor a building fund. Neil's Deacon, Mr. Johnson, ran a sawmill and mentioned that he could donate some wood to get the project started. The reasoning was that if they were good neighbors to the black community, racial harmony would benefit all the white business owners who hired laborers and domestics. It was a win-win. Plenty of the members were against the idea, especially if they were asked to donate time and money. However, with the momentum gaining, these members retreated to the silent fringes. At least they didn't talk about it among themselves. Well, not in public. The topic did come up with a few of the men who really went to church at their wives' urging so as not to rock the boat.

That was where Lena's budding friendship with Damon started to really take shape. She had mentioned some improvements to the parsonage and church before. Now with the budget expanding a little, she mentioned it again to her husband. Neil agreed that if they were going to help establish a small black church, they should do at least some necessary repairs to their own buildings.

While doing a lot of outreach, Lena still had time for an occasional walk down the creek. Most days she would either see Damon fishing or actually talk to him. The creek was small. Most of the people who fished in the creeks fished in a larger creek about five miles away. Damon had fished there but he enjoyed the solitude more. He didn't need many fish since he lived alone and frozen fish didn't taste good to him. Since he had a ways to walk to get to the bridge over by the white community, he carried a machete to keep the underbrush out of his trail. Lena had noticed how clean the trail was and liked to walk up the creek rather than walk along the road. The little hills and narrow dirt road could be dangerous if one encountered a thrill-seeking speeder. Besides, she didn't necessarily feel like anyone should see her dawdling away on pleasurable walks.

After talking to Neil, Lena walked down the creek one day and encountered Damon as she assumed she would. She shouted at him before she got to his fishing place so as not to startle him. He was wearing his usual overalls with only one strap buckled. He never bothered to button the side brass. It was cooler with a little draft and he always went shirtless when he was fishing. Lena noticed his well-developed torso as she approached him.

"Damon, how is the fishing today?"

"'Bout the same. Nibble here and there."

"Listen," Lena said, "We are considering some small repairs to the parsonage and church. Do you think you could handle this?"

"Well, Miss, it depends on how much ladder climbing I would have to do. I can't climb very high in case I topple over. Only one good leg, you know."

"I don't think the work would require much climbing. If you are interested, why don't you talk to my husband or Brother Johnson. Brother Johnson runs a sawmill and is going to donate some lumber to the proposed new church over in the black community. Do you go there?"

"No'um, I pretty much keep to myself. I know all the people, though."

"Well, just the same, if you are interested in doing some of the work, go talk to Mr. Johnson. That might be best anyway. Let him decide if they would employ you to do the work. I don't think we have any church members as of yet who do that kind of work. I am sure people would volunteer to do some of the offloading of lumber and help move things for you. Neil is not much good with his hands but I can chip in when I have time."

"Yessum, thanks. I will talk to Mr. Johnson. I have bought lumber from him a few times and he seems real friendly. Not like some of the white people 'round here."

"Good. I hope this fits in with your abilities. You did say you were a veteran, didn't you."

"Oh, yes. Fought in Korea. I was in the navy during WWII also. Mostly cooking and cleaning then. Then, Truman integrated the armed forces. We got to carry rifles and fight. That's how I got my purple heart. I shipped out to Germany after I got well. Was a quartermaster clerk over there. Finally retired due to my disability. Never got married when I came back."

"How was life in Germany after the war?"

"Where I was stationed, they were busy rebuilding. Enough time had elapsed and the German people were viewing Hitler as the monster he truly was. I'm sure some of the dyed in the wool Nazi's who were not in prison harbored resentment. Most of the younger people were ready to move on with their lives just like the other countries who were at war."

"So, you didn't have the opportunity to meet many Negro women while you were stationed there? But why didn't you marry when you got back?"

"Well, ma'am that is a long story. I did have a girl in Germany but it had to be on the sly."

"Oh, really? Why?"

"I don't know if I should say this. But, uh, she was white."

"Oh." Lena answered.

She didn't know what else to say. She turned six shades of red. Damon realized that he had broached a taboo subject with this pretty white woman. She might have been a preacher's wife but she looked damn good to him. He knew he was playing with fire. True, he had had some white women when he got back from the army. These women were, however, not as pretty nor upstanding as Lena. It was a very well-hidden secret in those parts. If a woman had a hankering for some black cock, it was a little-known process where she approached a man named Nick who worked in the feed store the town over about twenty miles away. He would give the intercessory a time and place. The third party would communicate to the woman the information. She would show up at a small cabin in the river bottom. There were a few black studs who had regular trysts with these women. They paid well for services and discretion.

Damon feared this type of liaison. All it would have taken is some suspicion on the part of a husband or a woman's enemy. If a trail was indeed hot, it could be followed. What would happen next to the black man was likely to be a false accusation of rape and either a severe beating or possibly even a hanging. No sir, Damon would not risk that. But he did crave white pussy. Against his better judgement, he had planted the seed in Lena's mind. If the tree grew from this, it would be great. If not, he hadn't said anything that she could prove he was being untoward.