All Comments on 'Forbidden Love Ch. 01'

Heh ...?

There's a certain lead-up story here, that suddenly changes to - but don't really prepare for - intimate sexual reationship between the siblings.

I usually am for reading a story that develops. However, I don't know what the long (relative to the rest of the short story) tells us that couldn't have been said in a few sentences about the siblings have been left much to themselves in the early years, so that you could have rather used the ink to describe a little more the emotions that have developed between them. Now we are just more or less thrown into a quite emotionless sex for sex sake scenario that left me cold.

That was decidedly not good.

Not bad for a first story. Too short though. I realize you are feeling your way through your writing style. I hope in the future that you write a good story with sex in it and not just sex looking for a story. I hope you work on your characters and make them so interesting that the readers read the whole story instead of skipping to the sex parts. One of the most important thing is to write for your enjoyment. If the rest of us can enjoy it also, then so much the better. I gave this story a 5 star. Thanks for your time and imagination.

Hot start and not bad for your first story. Interested to read some more of these two and their mom.

Great story looking forward to new installments

thank you everyone for your feedback and constructive criticism. it lacked development because I wanted to first introduce them as lovers in the first chapter, as it'd be weird and awkward to write them starting out, but i will address how they got into it later on. it's been a long time since I'd written anything, so perhaps I'm still rusty and building up the sexual tension and suspension. not to mention, writing when you're in the mood clouds your mind and judgement lmao. I've already written three other chapters, so stay tuned.

love to read more was a good start

Please stop switching between present tense and past tense.

Interesting premise, but went too fast, and clearly needs an editor to whip it into shape.

Awful writing. Terrible grammar.

Too bad we can't give a score, it was really bad, half way I stopped. No build up. I know you wrote it like that, but better don't. People don't want that. People want a slow build up, because we don't want to know in the beginning how the story ends.

Romeo and Juliet loved each other, and both died, he killed himself, she killed himself, and now you are gone tell the story. That's not how story writing goes.