Forgiveness is a Choice

"Bobby, grab your mother's purse. We'll need her ID and her medical insurance card. We're taking her to the hospital. Go down to the car and get in the front seat. I'll carry your mother down. We can be there in ten minutes, max. Now go, boy!"

Bobby ran to get the purse then dashed down the stairs to the car. I picked up the woman, still wrapped in the blanket, bloody and soaking as it was. This was no time to worry about getting blood on my clothes.

We reached the emergency room of the hospital in less than seven minutes. I'd run every red light on the way, thankful for the absence of traffic on the streets this late on the holiday evening. I threw the car in park and carried the woman into the emergency room in my arms, bellowing for a doctor and ignoring the security guard who told me I couldn't leave the car there. Bobby followed me in with the purse.

I'll say this for the emergency room staff: They weren't fazed in the slightest by a man carrying a woman covered in blood into their presence. They directed me to lay her on a gurney, then wheeled her into a treatment room while another staffer took down whatever information I could provide.

"What happened to her?"

"I don't know. I was dropping her son off after mass and we found her like this in her apartment."

"What's her name?"

"I'm not sure. Bobby has her purse. It should have ID and her medical card in it. Bobby, come over here, please."

Bobby dug his mother's wallet out of her purse, then pulled out her driver's license and a Medicaid card. The admin took down the information. Her name was Anna McDonald. She was twenty-eight and employed by one of the big-box chains according to the ID badge few ound in her purse. By now, we'd also attracted the attention of the ever-present policeman who was stationed in the emergency room. He wanted to know if someone had attacked Anna. I told him I didn't think so, as the apartment had been clean and in good order other than the blood on the blanket and the couch, but I hadn't examined her. At that point, the ER doctor came out to talk to me. "Are you her husband?"

"No ma'm, I'm not. I just brought her in. I don't know if she's married." Pointing to Bobby standing next to me, I said, "This is her son, Bobby."

The doctor turned to Bobby. "Can we call your daddy? We need permission to operate on your mommy."

"I don't have a daddy. Mommy and I live alone."

I turned to the doctor. "I'll sign anything you need signed to get Ms. McDonald on an operating table. You can list me as her partner. If there's any blow back, you can tell them I lied." With that, the admin stuck a form in front of me, watched me sign and the doctor went off to care for Bobby's mom.

We sat in a waiting area all night. Bobby eventually crashed, laying his head in my lap and falling asleep. No one had done that for over twenty years, and it brought back memories of when Peter and Allie had done something similar. It was nearly three in the morning when a different doctor from the one I'd met in the ER came out to tell us what was going on.

"Are you Ms. McDonald's partner?"

I figured since I'd already lied about the relationship once, I might as well be hung for sheep as for lamb. "I am. How's she doing?"

"We think she'll be fine. She took four units of blood and we had to open her abdomen and her stomach to find the bleed. She'd had a blood vessel in her stomach wall work through the stomach lining and the stomach acids dissolved the wall of the vessel. She nearly bled out. If you'd gotten her here an hour later, she'd likely have died. That was quick thinking on your part to come directly instead of calling 911."

"When can we see her?"

"She'll be out for hours, probably until late afternoon. I'd suggest you take yourself and your son home and get some sleep, then come back tomorrow after 3:00."

I didn't bother to correct him when he called Bobby my son. No sense creating issues that might result in his being further traumatized by ending up in temporary foster care.

"Thanks doc. We'll do that. See you tomorrow." And with that I picked Bobby up and carried him to my car, which I'd parked in the temporary ER parking area. I took him home to my house and laid him in a spare bedroom.

The next morning, I awoke at the normal time. It was Christmas. I had no decorations nor any plans, except to take Bobby to see his mother. But first we needed to stop by his apartment to pick up some clothing for him. From the description of the surgery, it looked like he'd be staying with me for a few days or until I could find a family member to take him.

I woke Bobby, then fed him a breakfast of bacon and eggs. We'd not eaten the night before and he ate ravenously. I told him where things stood with his mother and asked if there was some family member we could contact to tell about his mother and to arrange for his care. He told me that he had no family he knew of except his mother. I told him in that case, he could stay here with me until his mom could take care of him. Then I washed the dishes, and Bobby and I drove over to his apartment to pick up some clothing.

I hadn't thought about the mess, but when we went into the living room, the signs of Anna's blood were on the sofa and the rug. I had no idea how to clean up dried blood, but I figured I'd have a few days to research that on the internet and I'd deal with the problem later. We packed Bobby's clothes in a gym bag and I packed some clothing for his mother as well, so she would have something to wear home from the hospital when the time came. It had been years since I'd handled a woman's clothes and the memories of an earlier time briefly overwhelmed me.

Before we left, I looked around the apartment and realized that there were no Christmas decorations. Nor could I find any presents. I wasn't about to ask Bobby why his mom hadn't gotten him anything for Christmas, but I made a mental note to raise the question with her when the opportunity arose. I suspected money was an issue, but I needed to find a way to ask without embarrassing her. At this point, we had more important concerns than Christmas presents.

We got to the hospital shortly after 3:00 and, as the doctor had predicted, Anna was awake, although a bit groggy from the painkillers she was taking. She was in a single room and had a collection of tubes and wires the likes of which I hadn't seen since my father had died. Bobby went rushing in and stopped short, not sure what to do. I told him to say hello to his mother, then kiss her carefully on the forehead so he didn't hurt her. He did so and then took her hand and sat in the chair next to the bed.

Anna looked at me, quizzically. "Who are you?"

"I'm Jacob Harper. I'm a friend of Father Martin. I was at the mass last evening and he asked me to bring Bobby home. We found you unconscious and bleeding and I brought you here. Bobby stayed with me last night."

"Thank you. I guess I owe you my life."

"Consider it a Christmas gift. But I do have to ask a couple of questions. Is there someone who can take care of Bobby? I don't want to overstep, but I'm not a relative and once the system figures out he's not with someone authorized to care for him, it will suck him up."

"I'm not married and I don't have any family. There's a woman at the apartment house who looks after him occasionally when I have to work late, but she's in New York visiting her son. I really don't have anyone else to trust him with. Since Father Martin trusts you, could you keep him until I get out of here?"

"Sure. I have the room and I'm off this week because my boss shuts down over the Christmas holidays. I've already gotten some of this clothes so he'd have something to wear when I delivered him to whomever you designated. I'll just take him home instead."

"How do I reach you?"

I gave Anna my cell phone number and address and showed her my driver's license so she could confirm I was who I said I was. She was clearly tired, so I suggested that I take Bobby home with me now and let her sleep. We'd be back tomorrow.

The routine continued for the entire holiday week, although the visits got longer as Anna got stronger. She was concerned about her job, so I let her use my cell phone to call her manager and tell her what had happened. I hadn't found a cell phone in Anna's purse, which now resided at my house, so I asked her about it.

"Can't afford one. I only get twenty-nine hours a week at the store so I don't get benefits. I've tried to find another part-time job, but the irregular hours at the store make it difficult. They've promised me that I'll be hired full time in a few months, once a couple of people in line ahead of me get their full-time jobs. In the meantime, we spend all we have on rent and food."

"Has the doctor told you how long it will be until you can go back to work?"

Anna began to cry. "He said at least a month. I can't be out of work a month. We won't be able to pay the rent and there's no food in the house. I can get basics from the food bank, but the landlord's a real jerk and he'll kick me out if I don't have the rent paid on time."

"When is your lease up?"

"It ends January 31."

"Let me make you an offer. I can get a couple of guys from work to move your furniture into my basement on a temporary basis. I have two spare bedrooms in my house. You and Bobby can have them until you get back on your feet."

"Won't your wife mind?"

"I don't have one anymore." Anna got the subtle message that last word implied.

"Girlfriend?"

"No. You won't offend anyone and I could use some company. I've lived there alone for a long time." And with that, we reached an agreement on temporary housing for her and Bobby.

I called a couple of guys from work and we loaded up two pickup trucks with Anna and Bobby's worldly goods, then transported them to my basement. Three days later, Anna was discharged into my care with instructions not to lift anything heavier than five pounds until the doctor had given her clearance. Because her job involved stocking shelves, she was out of work for the foreseeable future.

We had to do something about Bobby's school. It was a forty-five minute drive from my house to the school in the morning and I had to be at work long before the school day started. The obvious solution was to enroll him in the local school system. That suggested a longer term arrangement than Anna had initially contemplated, but I persuaded her that the local school was the only reasonable solution. Plus, it was a far better school system than the city's. Bobby would benefit from the change.

As Anna healed, we settled into a routine. I'd leave early for work. Anna would make sure Bobby got breakfast and caught the bus to school. One of the neighbors would check on Anna several times a day until I got home and made dinner. Then we'd help Bobby with his homework, play board games or watch TV and go to bed. On the weekends, we'd do things together, or, if Anna was working, Bobby and I would do things. We frequently worked on the house together and Bobby showed himself to be a quick learner and a hard worker. I was becoming increasingly attached to both of them, which frightened me a little. Anna was almost twenty years younger than I was and I thought (wrongly, it turned out) that she was a closed off from relationships as I was.

Anna had made noises about moving out, but I'd resisted. I enjoyed having Bobby and her living with me and it almost seemed as if I had a family again. We weren't sharing a bed, but we were sharing a home and that was the biggest improvement in my life since I'd lost the children. And the neighbors had really taken to her. She had fit into the neighborhood like a puzzle piece fits into the correct space. A couple of the single moms were jealous initially, but Anna's good nature had won them over as well.

Bobby was thriving in the new school environment. He'd played soccer with the Hispanic kids in his old neighborhood since he was small and that gave him a leg up when spring soccer tryouts happened. He made the middle school team as a starter, the first sixth grader in years to do so. By the time the school year ended, he had meshed into the middle level of the school hierarchy, not one of the really cool kids but not one of the kids who got stuffed in lockers on a regular basis either.

I thought summer would be a problem, but George solved that for me by allowing me to bring Bobby to job sites with me to act as a helper. We couldn't do so legally and occasionally we'd had to hide him when an inspector came through, but he turned out to be useful and respectful. He asked questions constantly, not only of me but of the electricians, plumbers, plasterers, and masons. At age twelve, he was getting an education in renovating old houses that most kids twice his age could only dream of. And Anna and Bobby and I took the first vacation I'd taken in years, with separate hotel rooms. Bobby had enjoyed his American history classes and so we did a tour of the revolutionary war and civil war battlefields. I got more out of his reactions than I did from the sites themselves. And I was fine with that.

The new school year started and we settled into the old routine. I missed having Bobby at the job site and I made every effort to see him play when his team had games. Anna came to them as well when her work schedule permitted. She'd finally gotten a full-time position and now had health, dental and vision insurance. In addition, she had finally acquired a cell phone, which I'd added to my plan, and was saving money to buy a car.

Anna and Bobby had been living with me for about six months before we finally exchanged stories of how we'd come to the situation in which we'd found ourselves when we met. I told Anna the entire history. She was floored and got quite angry at what she called "the injustice of it all and the stupidity of your children." Anna's story was different. She'd gotten pregnant while in high school. Bobby's father, a couple of years older than her, had enlisted in the army, promising to send for her once he got a permanent duty station. He had then disappeared. Her parents had thrown her out of the house and she'd been able to finish school only with the help of welfare payments and the city school district's child care program for students. When she'd later gone looking for her parents, they'd disappeared and the neighbors either wouldn't or couldn't tell her where they'd gone. After that, she'd worked at minimum wage jobs, mostly part-time, depending on the assistance of friends and neighbors to care for Bobby until he'd started school. I seethed at the thought of a man who would abandon his son and the mother of his son and parents who would abandon their child and grandchild, but she had come to an acceptance of it long before and my anger at her situation was duplicated only by her anger at mine. We'd both come to grips with what had happened to us and agreed that we'd not speak of either situation again.

Thanksgiving was coming. We'd invited a couple of the neighbors who had no local family to join us and the evening before we'd been working on food preparation for the day. We usually had no problem working around each other in the kitchen, but that evening we seemed to constantly be bumping into each other or getting in each other's way. Bobby had gone to his bedroom early, worn out from soccer practice and wanting to be up in time to watch us put the turkey in the oven (he'd never had a turkey for Thanksgiving) and see the Thanksgiving Day parade on television. When we bumped into each other for what seemed to be the hundredth time, I grabbed Anna by both shoulders, thinking I'd pushed her off balance. To my amazement, she reached her arms up, encircled my neck and pulled my head down to hers, kissing me. What started out as a gentle kiss quickly became more passionate as she pulled me into my bedroom, closed the door and began undressing me.

"Are you just going to stand there? Finish undressing and get into that bed now. We've waited long enough. We've been dancing around this for ages. It's time, Jacob. We need to be lovers, not just roommates."

And so we became. I'm glad Bobby was a sound sleeper, because we made plenty of noise that night. Anna was a vocal lover and it turned out my bed squeaked when we bounced on it. I'd tighten the bolts later. When we finally finished, we lay exhausted in each others' arms.

"What brought that on?" I asked.

"You did. I've been trying to get your attention for months. You just weren't receiving the signals I've sent you. When we started bouncing off each other in the kitchen, I realized that this was my chance. I want you, Jacob Harper. I want you in a way that I haven't ever wanted anyone."

"Anna, I'm twenty years older than you are. You deserve someone younger, someone who can give you children and help you raise them. Someone you can grow old with. Not some worn out old codger who hasn't had a family in over a decade."

"No, my love, I want you. I want the man who saved my life, gave my son and me a home and has been the father to Bobby that he's never had. I'll take my chances that I'll outlive you. Part of a lifetime with you would be better than an entire lifetime with someone else. Jacob Harper, would you please marry me?"

When she asked that question, I realized that Anna was offering me something I hadn't had for a long time - a family. Of course I said yes. I bought Anna a ring the day after Thanksgiving.

The cynical among us will say that women of Anna's age don't fall in love with men of my age. They will say that what Anna was doing was trading herself for a roof over her head, food on the table and someone to care for her and her son. Even if that is the rule, there are exceptions to every rule. What Anna and I have is one of those exceptions. Not once since that night has she ever given me one reason to doubt that she loves me in the way I'd dreamed of and our love has only grown stronger over the years we've been together.

There was no reason to delay a wedding. Neither of us had any family to invite. We reached out to Father Martin, who still could serve as a priest even in retirement and he married us on Christmas Eve, a year after I'd first met Bobby and Anna.

We took Bobby to Disney World for our honeymoon, although he had a room all to himself for obvious reasons. When we returned, we went back to work and I initiated adoption proceedings for Bobby. Two months later, Anna left a small envelope on my plate at the dinner table. When I opened it, I found a pregnancy test with the plus sign showing. Anna and I were going to have a baby. It was a little girl we named Leah. Two years later, we had another little girl we named Rachel.

The university and university hospital complex where Anna had been treated had been trying to attract faculty and staff to the city. A few years earlier, they'd founded a charter school that gave preference to the children of faculty and staff. As a result, the neighborhood around the university was becoming a desirable place to live. George had been very successful in winning bids to restore the older houses in that neighborhood, some of which were almost mansions. I was doing the lion's share of the detailed finish carpentry work on George's projects. Bobby, by now a junior in high school, was working with me on Saturdays when he didn't have practice or a game. We were working on George's latest project for a doctor and his wife, who apparently had a couple of children. I rarely knew the names of the owners on these projects and had no idea who the owner on this one might be.

I was up on scaffolding measuring to get the dimensions for custom milled trim to match the existing trim in what had once been the ballroom of the house. The first floor of this house had twelve foot ceilings, with nine foot ceilings on the second and third floors. We'd pulled out the drop ceilings that had previously been installed and had discovered the remains of some extraordinary crown molding and ceiling roundels. I was measuring and sketching the gaps so we could produce new moldings to replace the damaged and missing ones.