All Comments on 'Four Pieces Pt. 02'

He keeps saying hs's a good guy and then shows what a prick he is. He does it over and over and over. That is the plot in a nutshell. Heaven and hell wait for no man. It seems that your effort to wield words like a dagger is just a bit clumsy. You strive to make less more. I'm all for that, but you need to keep working on it. You aren't there yet.

Didn't really catch it until the end, but I enjoyed n the trip. Cheating bastard was a total narcissistic bastard. Not willing to accept that he ever did anything wrong. Really would like to know who shot him, a fate he truly deserved. Looks like we have an eternal burn here. Good story.

I'm guessing it was the widowed cheating wife that shot him. She probably had the strongest motive, but the asshole does mention that he was screwing two other wives as well, so it might have been one of their husbands...

I thought the premise for the story was okay, but a scene where only one character speaks in a huge monologue is tough to pull off. You wrote something similar in "It was just a fling", and while it works, it's not very emotionally engaging.

For the next story why not try writing more dialogue? Emotions are running high when a spouse catches the other cheating, so it's an opportunity for some tense dramatic confrontations. You've got loads of options for their emotional state. Here's some quick examples...

The husband could be: vengeful, devastated, sad, bitter, furious, forgiving, or even guilty (if he had an affair too).

The wife has the added element of motive... she could beg for forgiveness (her cheating was "just sex" and thought she'd never get caught), smug (having a revenge affair), contemptuous (lost respect for him), unapologetic (got bored of the marriage), shocked (at being discovered), terrified (of losing her family).

Obviously the combinations you choose will result in wildly different dialogue, which often makes for very engaging reading!

Imaginative end told in first person.

It seemed a little too much with the swearing-apology, annoying really, UNTIL you realize he's taking to Peter. Nice touch. Make a bothersome trite verbal play integral to the story.

The story's crafting could use some work, maybe. For some reason it just doesn't "flow" very well. Perhaps it's because of the swearing-apology bit; a few too many. Like I said, it was getting annoying. If it was because of that I don't how to fix the flow, as they are integral to the story. If it's not that, then I'm stumped for a reason.

This short was a good picture essay of a piece of human garbage.

4*

Rationalizing before St Pete. Good sequel. It was a fun tone, though a drag that Tom killed himself. Thanks *****

I couldn't stop laughing. Thanks.

I agrer you need work, as HDK days, just keep going. He is one of the GREATS here, and his story from.March of 2004 about a skank realtor wife, is about as good as this pair of stories. You can get to where he is, if you so desire. Keep on Chooglin!

BTW HDK

I'LL Say

HooRay

Glad to Read

All your

Screeds

Sorry to have read it.

Reread ‘Four Pieces’ just minutes ago and enjoyed the story foundation again while reinforcing the background for this part. I couldn’t understand why Jack was pleading his case so the ending caught me by surprise, probably as much of a surprise as his ending was to him. My only question is why did Tom kill himself? He was resolving himself to the end of his marriage and seemed to be moving on. There was no sense of extreme sadness or depression but you wrote him out of the story without a lot of fanfare. And who the hell, oops sorry. Who took him out of the picture? Oh, well. I’ll just have to chalk it up to artistic license.

This was unneeded. It’s also unrealistic to portray the husband, who was strong in the first part, as a suicide. Didn’t the husband say he was going to get this guy? He apparently didn’t if Romeo knew of Tom’s death. So who did send him to his reward?

Lame AND sloppy.

Part 1, didn't imply the tom would would kill himself. That story line implied that Tom had his act together and would OK eventually. Other than that this was a great story.

I really don't like the husbands killing themselves over a cheating wife.

So, 4*'s - Thank you!!!

Part 1 was 5*'s for me.

I agree that Tom's suicide seems out of character with the first part.

If Tom was going to kill himself, it should have been at the end of the first part, in front of his wife, who then killed Jack for his part in driving Tom to suicide.

I probably should not have killed Tom. I never imagined it in the first part, but then I liked the idea of Tom getting there ahead of him and telling his side of the story, or at least this guy thinking he did. I should probably rethink that. I'm also starting to think that a few other people should walk up while he's arguing his case, get warmly greeted, and walk in. That makes Peter seem more like a bouncer.

Oh well, live and learn. This is the feedback I was hoping for. Thanks to all.

I appreciate your being open to criticism, it's very refreshing!

I have no idea how things are supposed to go with St. Peter, but wouldn't he already know everything without Tom getting there first to tell his side of the story?

I assume he would already know, but this guy is looking to blame everyone but himself. Anyway, live and learn. I think I'll let my stories ripen a bit longer in the future. The one I'll submit next has been on my computer for about a month now. I think it's about done.

Technically committing suicide is a sin, so it would be unlikely for Tom to go to Heaven.

Now you should write the wife's version

A little weaker than the first one, especially since this one makes the wife a promiscuous whore. But the husband never knew. But the husband did know, this time, from little subtle signals. But there were no such signals, tells, from all the previous whoring? Doesn't make sense.

Thanks for the effort.

... torn into four?

So, don't need 4 separate stories. Though, that would be an interesting plot device to equate the two.

Also,,in response to suicide not being in character: no one can really tell how someone will EVENTUALLY respond to an injury. Too many real stprices of seemingly emotionally strong collapsing at some later point. Also stories of seemingly meek people rising to the occasion. Goes both ways.

original.

That saved it. All along I thought he was talking to the husband or a bartender or something,

5* Read the last few paragraphs a second time when the light bulb went on...

Perfect!!!

It worked really well.

I'll look out for more of your stories.

cheater with consequence i love it

with that gift of gab and unwilling to assume blame he better ask for that snow. TK U MLJ LV NV

...too bad Tom offed himself. He was the victim, and in most religions you dont get past the pearly gates if you commit suicide. Maybe they will meet on hell. Loved it! 5 stars. Thanx!

Loklie

Who shot Jack Crane?

I liked this story, It should be legal to kill your cheating spouse and the person who is cheating with them. You should be able to do it any way you like. I would do it slow and very painfully, most likely with a torch and a old saw plus a needle and thread. Go ahead cheat on me. I got a cabin way up in the woods where no one can hear you, I will show it to you when I catch you

Since he killed himself a few weeks later anyway he missed a golden opportunity for a satisfying double murder suicide.

Who shot him? Why did Tom kill himself? What happened to Mari? Too much left for the reader to sort out. A 2* rating.

The husband faked his own death then killed the cheating sociopath bastard.

Thanks.

Unique story. 5 stars for the originality.

That was creative. I enjoyed both chapters. I assumed, before reading this chapter, that it was about Tom's recovery from a cheating slut wife, but little did I suspect it was about the predator. However, I thought Tom's suicide was over the top as it made the cheating slut the winner. Some one posted about Tom faking his own death? Didn't see it, even after I re-read the story a second time?????? great read though? 4.4 stars.

I enjoyed both stories. I wouldn't mind one from Marie's perspective too.

I thought maybe he'd run into the husbands paid hitman. It never occured to me that he was literally a dead man pleading his case at the Pearly Gates. Nice twist that. I would like to know two things. What happened to the wife and who killed him? Another page? Please?

Alone, I say five stars, for reasons stated by several others: novel, well-done monologue, could refer to many a cheating scenario, comical not with villain casting himself as hero.... I hope to read much more of this authors work.

I do agree with the others who have commented that this part does not seem to go with the original story, which I enjoyed (despite the sadness of stories about faithlessness). The wife seemed to feel guilty at the start of her affair, and in the second part she was characterized as without shame. Likewise, the husband was hurt and suffered in the original but seemed able to overcome, and in the second, he was lost.

As to who shot Jack, it may have been a husband or other person hurt by the one of families of which he was party to destroying.

Loved it!

A judge?

A therapist?

Nope..... St. Peter!!!!

Awesome!

Read first part again, so had to read this one. Unusual perspective, but appropriate end for a real asshole.

i kept picturing trump as i read this

I haven't read the first part yet so don't know if the characters and story are consistent from one part to the next, but as a solo story I really liked this.

Whether read with Part 1 or by itself I couldn't stop laughing except for the part about Tom. Justice was served, it makes me wonder how many are out there doing this and believing the same thing. Hope he enjoys what Dante described, hope he meets up with Marie soon. Lucifer has been renewed for Season 5. Signed: BTW

❤️ karma

worse than no sequel at all.

Piece of shit ended as he lived

If the man had his codes written on his soul, he would not have killed himself.

Many stories need closure and what happens to all of the people but this doesn't do it for me.

Who gives a shit about HIM...why even write about him...the wife is cheating...what are her feeling now....her cheating is the story...did the author forget that.....yeah they did..........

I don't mind seeing this POV.

The first story was a great little story with a nice little bow on it.

I was happy to see another installment. But it was lacking for me.

Did I enjoy it? Sure. I'm just letting you know that I was less interested in what this guy believes about himself, and more about what the ex-wife feels and believes. Because in the end, this guy isn't the thing that ruined a Tom's marriage. That would be Marie's fault. She did flirt with Tom's friend. He barely made the effort. He's scum for doing it, but he's ultimately not the instigator, she is. A wife/husband that is actively flirting IS the root issue.

I do hate that Tom killed himself. I can relate to being that devastated by a cheater...once. I eventually valued myself more than someone that disrespects me. It's just sad when people lose that inner battle. Tom was no wimp, he underwent a trauma. And it's sad. I read stories to feel, but that feeling feels less like escapism. It feels like what most real life people suffer through.

It is a little comforting to believe people like Tom's 'friend' and his 'wife' get some sort of karma.

but for some its alibis, excuses and idiots. TK U MLJ LV NV

I wanted to explore the mind of the kind of man who has sex with another man's wife behind his back. I wanted to think not just about a wife who cheats, but the cowardly traitorous "friend" who thinks if he can get away with it then it's alright. Obviously, I don't think too much of a man like that. I put him in judgement and decided to have a little fun with the reader to see if they could guess where he was. I'm sorry that you didn't like it, but I took a certain pleasure in watching him get what was coming to him.

Really enjoyed this POV and interaction with the Divine. As we listen to the excuses offered here, we should wonder if they might not be al;l; too real. 5 ***** from the low-country.

Now that was a much more satisfying conclusion, although if Tom was going to kill himself he should have been the one to shoot the son of a bitch.

What a piece of dog shit! Just shooting him was too good but the author was painting him for what he was and he had to be dead for this conversation to take place. Needed a few sentences to realize what was going on! Very well done. Have heard this so often but there's no such thing as,"Innocent Flirting". 5*s.

The excuses sound just like what a soon to be ex-president will be using in the future.

Love the character, very funny.

Now THAT is a sequel! I enjoy your stories, this one is special - thank you! 5* of course.

But he was a nice guy...

With friends like Jack. ha ha ha. Good story!

You always know Just the right Words to say, enjoy your sense of humor!

somewhere east of Omaha

Didn't flow with the first part of the story, third person to first person doesn't work with this.

Wish there was the cheating slut part

Glad asshat got screwed too...

1 star - this second part of the story only works if you believe in the idea of a god.

Nope, part one was really good, this one truly fell flat and did a complete disservice to part 1.

Interesting

Wasn't anything I would have expected. Very original. I believe we need a part three so we could find out what happened to the cheating cunt. Please continue...

Interesting and unique.

Good one Just_Words.

Very cleverly done. "I'm not getting in, am I?" Judgement awaits us all, this was a clever reminder.

good story

Mr.Author, Ya dun gud! LP

"all because that wimp can't keep his own wife satisfied." - Okay, I know he's just throwing everything against the was, seeing if it sticks, hoping to save his fate, but earlier, he said it was her fault for being a slut. So which was it, she was a slut, or Tom couldn't keep her satisfied.

@sbrooks103x: As you say, he was throwing whatever he could think of in the hope it would stick. People in that situation rarely worry about consistency.

Yep, it's been 3 years- the author's HAD to be thinking and jotting down notes on how part 3 should go. Wrap it up and publish it. I vote for Marie's side on things to come out. And what the heck- maybe even stretch it out to 2 pages??

What's sad is that if the hubby killed himself, then he most likely didn't end up in heaven. If this afterlife follows regular Judeo-Christian teachings, then suicide is a one-way trip to Hell.

Enjoyed the first part. Didn't enjoy this one as much. I just hope that it was the cheating wife that ended her lover.

Thanks I enjoyed this.

Was really annoyed by apologies but the ending was very clever.

This amoral narcissistic pig had it coming.

sorry jack even if tom's wife is a whore slut , you don't do that to friends ,let someone else do it . jack that makes one jack off.

A completely different angle to a Loving Wives story. Well done. 5 stars.

The concept that if you kill yourself “you go to hell” is total bullshit. Sometimes in your mind it the only way and it doesn’t wipe out a lifetime of good deeds by a decent man. Tom was hurting more than you could imagine. To find out your spouse is cheat on you can be quite the blow and it affects everyone different. Some just get mad and want revenge, others are literally totally destroyed and see no future. Most are somewhere In between. Great story with a new take.

A great follow-up to the story.

5* A superb, first person, response to Part One. I like the way you build the story, revealing much more about Jack as he unfolds his life for us. The final twist was a surprise for me. Thank you for this story.

Irritating

TOM WAS A WEAK WIMP CUCK TO KILL HIMSELF

As much as I hate it when authors leave stories hanging at the end, you really shouldn't have added this crap chapter.

Very good story even if Tom's suicide is hard to read.

And yes unfortunately that happens when your world is falling apart, you can't handle or bear the emotions of betrayal.

Regardless, Tom was simply a victim. Some fall, some survive, some thrive.

Kudos for the originality of the cheater's point of view and its unpacking of lies and inconsistencies.

I liked that the other character did not respond.

This silence was wonderful.

1st part 5 stars. 2nd, a generous 2

I like both chapters. The second was very original. He could feel the guilt of his actions , and he was trying to justify those actions in his own mind for his own ego. Nobody wants to believe they are a terrible person, even if its true

Tom should not have died.

Why did the author go out of his way to depict that Tom had a brother and some friends who were truly loyal to him and supportive in his time of distress? Should not the presence and concern of such folks have been a preventative to the hopelessness and helplessness inherent in the act of suicide? Apparently, these were not such fine friends after all. J_W must have changed his mind.

@Anonymous - Do you really think that every suicide victim is without people who love them? It can sometimes be impossible to reach through the shell of depression and pain that can surround a person. The friends and family mourn twice when that happens and it would not surprise me at all that some of them would take revenge on the source of that depression.

I see that Republicans don’t like this story because the husband committed suicide. I think they compare themselves to Jack Crane : tax cheats, sealing from their employer, womanizers etc. Doesn’t that sound exactly like TRUMPTY Dumpty? Great ending!

Very average. AA+

I like you JW. I enjoy your stories but no one and I mean no one is asking for a story from the fuck buddy's perspective. Especially if the asshole was close friends with the victim of his treachery.

I know halfwits like this. They are always "fun" but they are also incapable of integrity and honor. They view life through the lens of pleasure. They believe everyone should just get over it. This is often despite the fact that secretly humiliation is what ultimately gets then off. They are quick to insult the husband of their conquests. They desperately want to hear that they are better lovers. Their entire self value is based upon how well their bed partners enjoy themselves AND insult their husbands in the process.

I would sooner stab my vagina with a chefs knife. I know assholes like this. I was married to one years ago even though he was a sweet and lovely man in the beginning.

So yeah, take the pity party away

Good story. I enjoyed how weak Jack's justifications were, and how unpersuasive they were to the gatekeeper. Well done.

I'm always somewhat baffled by people who think telling a story means the author is taking the side of the viewpoint character.

A total scum bag, narcissist who wound up in hell. GOOD!

NOW, the wife thoughts here would be interesting.

Oh what a fantastic way to give us your thoughts on how this could end, I loved it, so simple, so good…

I liked how you did this, really good

Makes one subliminally fear the possibility that this could happen to anybody, especially themself.

Agnostic men would probably shoot him and then himself.

Excellent.

Both parts of the story are a 5 - BUT - as I see it, ole Tom blew "HIM" away and then committed suicide .....

I might alter ole "Him" with a 9 iron but I sure wouldn't "off" myself over a woman.

I agree with the adulterer... why is Tom got it out for him?... His wife is the adulteress and she is the one who should be the target of his ire and revenge... afterall, she has been doing this to him over and over.