All Comments on 'Fractured'

Good One. Liked the daughter a lot.

4/5

What a fairy tale. My two daughters who I had in many ways raised as their mother had severe mental issues, joined the sisterhood within 10 days of her filling for divorce. Made no difference that I was a brownie leader, that I was the one there for all of their grammar school, middle school activities. Was there every evening when she couldn't cope and I did the bath routine, the story reading, the parenting that centered around them, and then they kicked me to the curb

Would have liked to know the reason for the affair from the start almost two decades ago. My emotional response has me ratting 5 * , but what happened to cause the first betrayal?

I enjoyed this story a lot. Thank you. 5 stars

Only complaint I have about the story is how quick he jumped into another relationship and got married after the divorce despite the reasoning. I would think at the very least he would have trust issues as two of the people closest to him betrayed him such a way

Well done. Thank you!

Good story. Enjoyed it.

This was more a fairy-tale than a story. The MC is a saint with a perfect daughter utterly devoted to him, and the brother is evil incarnate. Real life is more like the comment by DaddyWarBucks earlier in the comments. The one troubling fact is that author could never reconcile the public Linda with the cheater Linda. The dichotomy makes no sense and so author takes cheap way out of Linda simply saying that she has no explanation.

Great story and an equally good epilogue. I usually get disappointed by them on this site, but yours was well done. 5*

Nah, Rich should be killed.

A fairytale ending that does not happen in real life, but a very good story nonetheless. 5 stars.

Was this written by AI? This literally checks every cliche imaginable off the LW how to list. 1 it is.

I don’t know; but i really enjoyed the story. It’s nice to have those happy ending/feel good stories every once in a while. The story did have drama & fractured was the perfect title. Thank you BJ1952! 5*

Daughter is terrific and inspirational, good for her.

Good overall ending to the tale.

Curious about the cause of Rich’s and Linda’s idiocy. They earned what they deserved.

Reading LIT, I am given to understand that many low-life’s inhabit the landscape here, how is it that so many of them have skills in water purification?

I liked the story. I would not have been near as forgiving as the husband was. I would never talk to mt ex-wife nor brother again. Life is too short to have toxic people on it. I would also have liked to know why the affair started and continued. Linda saying that the sex was bad and that she did not like the brother wad BS. She loved it enough to keep doing it. Total selfish bitch.

These stories are normally my cup of tea. I had a hard time enjoying this one and left on page 3.

Pretty good rendition of this common LW trope. Enjoyed it.

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Couple of plot head scratchers: #1–there never was, really, any kind of explanation for Linda’s long term cheating with asshole. Sure, a drunken mistake to start, followed by a little blackmail. But 17 years? With a guy she said was lousy in bed? #2–it just did not make sense that Linda shows up at Dave and Hannah’s wedding reception garden party…which occurs less than a year after the marriage destruction…and is welcomed with open arms by Hannah and Dave! WTF??!! #3–So evil brother goes straight in prison? Learns Swahili? Becomes a do gooder on a mission to Africa? Lame…..

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That all said, the story entertained. Loved the Allie character.

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4 ****

OK Guess but as usual in LW stories there is a beautiful woman waiting right there and a quick and happy marriage with new children. An his EX who did that is welcome at the party and stays best friends with his new wife?

Not bad writing, but boring. That MC would end up with Hanna was telegraphed on the first page, so the story contained no tension.

Enjoyable read. 5/5

IIRC a DNA paternity test would be the same for biological brothers.

I can understand some of his feelings and reasons to forgive but I could never understand forgiving his brother, or in wanting Linda and Hannah to be besties, do you really want someone who was consigned to continue having bad sex year after year just because it was illicit in your wife's ear constantly? Wives friends are the single biggest influencers in their lives as they disregard much of what we husband's say as self serving/controlling/obliged.

The conclusion was so sweet I had to inject a dose of insulin in order to avoid a coma. The story was fine overall, but Linda's reaction to Dave and Hannah's engagement, the love fest at Allie's wedding, the closing conversation between Dave and his father and the upcoming reconciliation of Dave and Rich are far more akin to a fairy tale than to adult fiction. A sugar overload is in reality just another form of a bitter pill.

Solid story.

this isn't rebound for you, then I want this coupling to never part." "It will make walking a bit difficult, but I'm game!" Dave replied. Reading that with a sip of coffee in my mouth that wound up all over the table & keyboard. Never expected that line!! FOMCL Thankfully, the keyboard wasn't messed up.

Good, interesting story tho in small areas, a bit slow moving. That's forgivable. I'm also surprised that he got into a relationship turned serious with Hanna relatively a short time after his divorce was finalized. Each handles things their own way.

I am happy with the results & that he wound up having a happy life. Also that Allie & her mother started on the road to reconciliation. Story's characters were well written & believable. 1st story I've read by this author but want to see his other stories. If anything like this.... (big smile!) 5 stars Bob

The ending makes Hallmark a channel for cynics. Way too much. The great weakness in this is the wife’s affair. She doesn’t like him and the sex is lousy? Plus she really loves her husband? For 17 years? It literally makes no sense. Still a charitable 4 stars.

It was a great story and I liked it a lot, particularly Allie.

Unfortunately the ending was a bit of a let down. All the unearned forgiveness was nauseating.

Linda cheated on him for 17 years with his brother!

Some betrayals are so vile they can never be forgiven.

And forgiving Rich? Hell no.

Yeah, the thing is. Is this formula has been beaten to death. Several years of betrayal, unbalanced retributions to the betrayers, and of course the normalizing of relations with these pieces of shit. Why the fuck you can't just erase them from your life is beyond me.

Very well written. Perhaps a lack of character development concerning Linda. Her motivation was never really made clear. Dave's transformation to sainthood was unexplainable. Dead is dead. No coming back from that. I couldn't ever imagine seeing Rich again under any circumstances. Fuck how good things turned out, that was not Rich's intentions when he was fucking his wife and stealing from the company.

The first 5 pages were good. Page 6 turned into a preachy lifetime movie.

Well done.

Good story. Better character development needed for all, except the daughter. Allie was awesome!

He fucked his brothers wife for 17 years but his parents stand by him. They should be dead to him too.

An excellent story, one of the best examples of a completely realistic circumstance.

I myself endeavor to write emotion into the Loving Wives drama stories.

You have suceeded very well. Thank you for sharing your creative imagination with us all.

The ending was a bit too saccharine for me, it is just too perfect, he finds a new love of his life, the business flourished,he can be civil to Linda. Needed a bit more of a raw edge to it.

Another flaw to me was he never has the conversation with Rich. I dont care if Rich became a saint, the dad talking about him doesn't do it. Rich needs to come clean and make amends.

The other problem is Linda. Okay,so she had a drunken fling with Rich, and ge threatens to tell if she didn't keep up with sleeping with him. As written it makes no sense , the brother is an ahole personally &a loser in bed, somewhat need does he fill in her. It isn't like she had a kid when they started,so even the thrill aspect wouldn't work.

So why didn't Kinda just tell Dave the truth after the 1st time? And also let him know Rich is a slime. The other thing is as the person doing the accounting I think it would be natural for Dave to think Linda was in cahoots with Rich, that his sales always being the min margin would be suspicious.

The story is well written and I loved Allie. Maybe you could feature her in some stories involving fractured families where she is kind of like SaddleTramps Dr A....Allie was a hoot.

Fantastic story!!! 5 stars from here!

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I assumed from the intro it was going to be a story about romance. there was literally no romance. its a paint by numbers loving wives story where as soon as the divorce is final the younger hotter secretary of the business owner MC confesses shes been in love with him the whole time.

POS. We never learned what Rich did to Sonia. Linda is unbelievable character, hates sex with Rich but continues for 17 years. To pat ending. You can do much better than this drivel

Great story, right up my alley but still wish you Authors would do away with the dot dot dots. Your words indicate the pause or your reader places them where ever he wishes. The way it's always been. 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS! Thanks.

A reasonable story. Had some flaws, but still enjoyed the read.

A really awful and realistic family drama, for the main characters, evolved in an unrealistic fairy-tale in which everyone lived happily ever after. Anyway, a good, enjoyable and well written tale. So, 5* !

Enjoyed the story, thanks for writing 5⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

First half was pretty good except there never was any explanation on why Linda was cheating with Rich for 1 years if she didn't even like him and he was lousy in bed? You never explained that gigantic hole in this story. The ending was rushed and just a total cliche'.

Sorry, tried to get through it, but was too ludicrous. Another saint husband, who’re wife, and teenager wiser than adults. Couldn’t stop laughing after the author said this was how he felt real family breakups went. 3* for the effort

If you eliminated the useless, frivolous, overly formal, and nonsensical dialogue, this was about a two page read.

Nice work. The anger and the negativity come in the middle of the story, but by the epilogue he's moved past it. So plenty of drama, somewhat of a BTB, and a happy ending. What's not to love ?

I don't understand the wife, Linda. Makes no sense. Otherwise okay. D

loved the story and the writing. IMHO I didn't need the last page as I felt the story was complete at the end of the 5th page.

Thanks!!!

It's always a pleasure to read a new story from BarryJames1952! I thoroughly enjoyed the journey, as always!

This writer has swum in the relatively placid waters of Romance, yet he decides to dip his toe into the toxic primordial soup of Loving Wives (the name itself is a huge joke). Most of his stories are rated 4/5+, yet nothing short of an ending with Tony Montana and his "leetle frien'" inflicting vengeance, wrath, and mayhem upon any character showing even an isotopic trace of forgiveness, understanding or remorse is adjudicated as "cuck sh*t". Pressing on despite that says much positive about both OP's fortitude and his understanding of this twisted milieu.

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Of course, these are the sentiments of the .001% who read these stories, but we're led to believe these fools are kingmakers. Nope, far from it.

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Thanks for a near-perfect story. I question having the fifteen-year-old daughter in the middle of it, but that's preferable to how children are usually handled in LW.

Well done! Well constructed story plot and writing. Also I enjoyed the final outcome. Thank you for sharing it. 5*s.

I feel sorry for those of you who thought this was a good story.

Dave's father sure nailed it; "Son, you are a fricken Pollyanna, you know that?". 4*s. Writing is good but the plot elements not so much. A LW trope goulash served with a heaping cup of sugar.

Was OK till final page. No hallmark movie then.

No need to account for every character. The main characters weren't that interesting so the ancillary characters are unimportant.

A great effort. The only flaw was Linda claiming that she "didn't know" why she was fucking Rich. A real person can say that, because real people lie to themselves and anyone else they need to to hide what's in their head and heart. But an author can't have a character claim to not know as if that is a legitimate answer. The author created the character, so the author "knows" what is in the character's mind. So allowing Linda to appear to really not know why she was fucking Rich is lame and contrived. Linda made a conscious decision every time she spread her legs for Rich. Linda KNOWS what she was thinking each and every time she fucked Rich: the sex is great, I have contempt for my husband, I want Rich's baby, I'm mentally dysfunctional to keep fucking this guy, etc. So allowing Linda to skate away without having to contemplate and admit why she was continuing to fuck Rich makes her seem like a liar, a brainless whore, and definitely Not a woman who could be a good wife and mother. But except for fucking his brother on occasion that's exactly what the story attempted to convey. That aspect failed.

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Otherwise, well done. Thanks for the effort, and thanks for allowing anonymous comments.

The end was a little to over the top but I enjoyed the rest. It pleased me to read a story that got paternity law correct. Dave was married to Linda when Allie was born. He signed the papers assuming paternity. It was never challenged, he developed a relationship with her and assumed all responsibilities as a father. DNA is entirely irrelevant from a courts perspective. Why so many stories ignore this is beyond me.

I greatly enjoyed reading this story. I especially enjoyed the faith aspect that guided their relationships. Thank you for writing.

If we take into account such a rapid rapprochement and the subsequent equally hasty marriage between Hannah and Dave, in Linda's place, as well as their relatives and friends, I would very much doubt that this couple did not have a close relationship before.

Apparently, neither Linda nor Rich felt any special affection, passion or even strong lust for each other and did it, literally, under the motto: "We don't know why we need it, but since it happened, let it be and let it continue." Based on mutual lack of enthusiasm, as well as the mentioned rarity of their dates, it may be that over the past seventeen years they have fucked only five times and Linda, quite to herself, deserved forgiveness and the preservation of the family.

First of all, real men don't use the "powder room". Not once, but twice,Dave had to visit the "powder room". As for Dave's brother Rich, at least it wasn't child porn on the lap top, just embezzlement and bribery, so there's that. Loved when Allie unloaded on her mother. Warmed the cockles of my heart, whatever cockles are? Had to laugh then Sonia lit into Rich and called him an SOB, then apologized to her mother-in-law :) I think the epilogue could have been a bit shorter and not sure if I believe that there wouldn't still be some animosity between the key parties. I know my mother-in-law hated her ex until after his death, and that was way over 10 years. Of course all that hate made her a bitter old woman before her time, but that's how the cookie crumbles or so I'm told.

Good story until th3 last page which was sickly sweet.

☆☆☆☆☆

There was just a bit unrealistic amount of "happily ever after" given the destruction in the beginning. I'm ok with "peaceful" endings, but this one was pretty much Tiny Tim 'god bless us everyone' BS

I really, really disliked two elements of this story. The first was the way Dave brought his daughter into the conflict between the spouses. The second was the ending in which the wronged man loves those who wronged him for so many years.

In my mind, it made sense. The best revenge we are told is a life well lived. So, Dave forgives those who wronged him. He does NOT trust them. So why is this unrealistic? Christians are exhorted To do exactly this. The fact that Dave’s life is going well and that those who did him wrong had their trials and have tried to make amends in the ways that they can—paying it forward so to speak and more self aware of their faults, helps make this possible. When I hear the term “contemplative” I hear code for “thoughtful and reflective,” or perhaps “spiritual,” or even maybe “religious.” Maybe the term could be “connected” to the rhythms of life and its seasons. Job went through trials but was returned with twice as much as he had before…

To oldpantythief

About powder rooms, I think it's a regional term. It usually means a room with only a toilet and sink. No shower or tub.

It was common with new homes built in the previous century. Commonly built on the main floor for party guests to use. And yes, men called it the powder room, because that was the name for the facility.

I know I have said it before but this just proves it again. You cannot trust anyone who goes to church. They prove time and time again that someone with such poor judgement as to believe the misinformation propounded by the the pedlars of imaginary friends lack the integrity to to keep their word and to stick by their partners in both good times and bad. They run away when their egos are bruised and instead if forgiving as the doctrine of their fantasy, they set a course of nastiness and vengeance. NEVER trust a church goer.

She rolled on top of him and maneuvered his sword into her sheath. Give me a freaking break, that is hilarious. I read a story exactly like this years ago. 3 stars.

Dave needs

the vito corleone birtch slap, what with all the crying and puking.

Great story and very well written. Reality is what the author creates, not what the reader thinks it should be. Just because people don't do what we think they should doesn't make them unrealistic. Enjoyed it and keep writing.

First story of yours that I have read, Really enjoyed the telling. Thanks for your writing.

overall very nice story. some weird quirks here and there but nicely done :)

Pinto931 nailed it.

There's no way a man wrote this story.

It sometimes takes shit to grow roses

Rarely, except in extremely well-written pieces, do I feel pity for the wife. I would not consider this exceptionally well-written, but I feel a bit bad for Linda. I never really understood her motivations for her actions.

I suppose my critique would be that there is no catharsis here. Dave is immediately angered and takes action and finds his next spouse waiting in the wings. I find myself wishing there was more of an exposition so the betrayal hit us harder. I think it’s a good story, though.

Another great story. You've given me so much enjoyment with your writing over the years. Thank You so very very much!

I'm voting five stars because so many of you know-nothing fools vote solely on how bad the BTB factor is. Such unhappy and bitter people who demand their "erotic fiction" be as dysfunctional, dark, and angry as they are. people. That's pretty messed up.

Good story.

It is amazing to me that both the judge and MC's dad commented on the end of a long, good marriage. Sure, it was good for the wife, she was happily married AND CHEATING for 16 or 17 years. The husband, our MC, did not know what a fraudulent marriage he had, how can that be a long, good marriage?

Also, Dad asks if MC loves Hannah as much as he loved Linda. Again, a deeper answer of, "Sure, I love Hannah as much or more as I loved who I thought Linda was...."

Well written….a little on the sweet side for me, but very well put together.

Liked the story and how you unveiled it. I thought him taking all his actions based on one overheard conversation was a stretch. I was glad you had him confer the lovers meeting at the hotel.

It was a bit of a stretch that she kept the affair going for that long without at least enjoying it.

Could have had her more conflicted in her feelings.

5* thanks

Not believable that a wife who loved her husband as much as she says would betray him for so long for a lover who was bad at sex andthat she did not like ifshe had gone to husband after the first time a one time slip is fixable but a 17 year affair unforgivable

Thank you for the several hours of pure entertainment and good warm feelings-- although at times I had to breath deep and get up and walk around......

The plot is highly derivative, which is tough to avoid in LW. The writing is much better than that normally found in LW, which led to an enjoyable read. The same people who might shout FTDS were instead shouting about how the author chose to finish the story. Even if highly unlikely, happy endings (no, not that type) do occasionally happen.

For me, it's not that this story had a happy ending that was concerning, it's how we got there.

There was really no depth to the transition, no growing or healing, one paragraph is brutal pain, then the next is boom he's getting laid and all the pain and trauma is gone, then bam time skip and everyone is happy and healthy and getting along. It was jarring and pulled you out of the story a bit.

Felt like you went 1-2-3-4000-18000, with little to nothing at all between. Overall, I enjoyed the story, I think it worked, it was well written and other than the relationships (other than father and daughter) having essentially no depth, it was good.

This one of the best stories i have read in a long time. Keep up the good work

5* BUT the dialogue between father and son at the end was fucking annoying - the father was fucking annoying!!! Cheating skanks Linda and Rich got their comeuppance

Nice tale, neatly sewed up at end. Well written.

Good story. But cannot help feeling the ending was too, too smooth and quick to be real.

I can't see ever being "thankful" to Rich. It's not as if Rich did what he did to help his brother.

He had sex with his wife and then blackmailed her to have it continue. He stole from Dave's company and committed other related crimes.

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And I can't see why Linda would have let herself *be* blackmailed.

She was apparently drunk when the first instance occurred so she'd be a fool not to make note of that in her confession especially if she notes that Rich was then trying to blackmail her. Which, actually, wouldn't have ever been an issue if she'd have told Dave what happened the first time.

Another great story!

5

Really good story. I really enjoyed what you wrote here.

“Please don’t do what I deserve.”

Unfortunately, the law doesn’t allow me to kill you, and I need to be here for my daughter!

What was fractured wasn’t repaired, it was replaced. His new relationship with his daughter is better than the old one. He has a new, better wife. He made a newer, better, business.

His life is good because he made the right choices, and so he was renewed and rewarded.

ZK

I don’t understand the logic of continuing to do what the person is using for blackmail. It just increases the risk of getting caught. “Continue to have sex with me, or I’ll tell your husband that you had sex with me” is just foolish. The threat has to be worse than the payment. “Have sex with me, or I’ll go to the police with proof that you killed your previous employer” might work, but then you’re threatening someone who has proven willing to kill in the past….

Blackmail for adultery stories just don’t make sense to me.

JK

The story reminds me of a bit from Fallout 3 where the character Moira talks about broken glass, that once its broken it cannot be put it back together the same as it was. But if you are clever you can use the pieces to make something new, even something wonderful. Thats what Dave did, took the life shattered by Linda and Rich and made something new, something wonderful with the pieces left over. 5 stars and faved.

…the ending. It is such a common trope on this website for the male MC to have his marriage to a cheating wife come to an end and immediately fall into a brand new relationship. First of all, statistically speaking, relationships that begin immediately after a long term relationship has ended are less likely to succeed. There needs to be time for healing.

I realize that a lot of the audience does not believe in healing, or the need for mental or emotional therapy of any kind. They would recommend instead, to just “walk it off”.

Such a new relationship is really more of an emotional Band-Aid. But it seldom has the foundation needed for a long-term success.

First of id smack that rude ass little kid, she needs to learn some respect. Don't matter what her mom did, it really ain't her business what grown folks do.

Nicely written. Alls well that ends well. 5*

First, this story gets 5 stars from me... for what it's worth. It was a long as it needed to be without dragging it out. My only struggles were these. Dave & Hannah got together emotionally too quickly for me. That was the only part of the story that felt less than realistic. It was clear from how you developed his character that Dave would recover, but giving him a new "love" so quickly seemed to go against reality. I think it would have taken him some significant time to trust another woman. On a smaller note, the daughter seemed a bit too mature for her age, but that wasn't a huge drawback for me. Glad she stood up to her mom. The critique from at least one review that she was disrespectful because what happened was between grown ups is nonsensical. The forgiveness aspect was fine and good. Elapsed time and a new life helped, but Dave still had to choose to forgive his wife and idiot brother. Well done!