All Comments on 'Francine's First Time'

I liked it and for a first time writer it should you had imagination. I would definately enjoy reading more of your work.

Punnanni?! Bury his tongue ON her clit? Take a writing workshop.

"she noticed a tall, dark, handsome, basketball player as he jogged down the road. She noticed his tanned legs and wondered whether he was off to the gym to work out or if he was late for class. She looked at her class schedule and noticed she had a biology class in fifteen minutes."

the word 'noticed' is used three times in that little section. variety makes things more interesting.

try more attention to detail, and especially use of commas.