All Comments on 'Freckles 01'

A nice story with minimal rambling.

You seem not to have sourced a Proof Reader that knows your writing style. If, IF, you are your own Proof Reader, which is a very difficult task, I have a suggestion. Record yourself reading your work. Then, read along while playing the recording. This affords you the opportunity to both listen AND see the words simultaneously. Potential errors more easily pop out; and I appreciate your love of things that 'pop out.' This is not my own idea, I saw it here on literotica.com; it is, however, a very good idea which I often suggest

Another item: Your work is improving immensely, good on ya.

An extra 'the' then the 'been become'

'I may or may not have have fell asleep against him . . .' Perhaps this might read more comfortably as: I may or may not have fallen . . .

'Did he sat want time . . . ' What time? Typo?