All Comments on 'Freedom Pt. 09-10'

um. What happened to Hilde?

Did she just appear out of nowhere, save the hero's life and then disappear?

Hi Whimsical.

I lead by saying l have no idea of your story arcs or personal time and space that got you to this ending. I also note that you have a few parallel stories to juggle.

With those limitations it all seemed a bit 'easy' and a bit too predictable. Heroic sagas should roll from setback to another with a few noble success to allow the plot to proceed. Teleporting Talos is neat magic but no means a test of your hero. I'm thinking he gets dumped in the reaver's homeland and cuts his way the the port.

I cannot see why your arch villain could not have ducked below to gather 1 and 2 to cast as his now magic axe takes on a magic sword? Shock and horror. Our hero is wounded. WTF your readers cry. But lo. A very angry sorceress intervenes before an axe blow removes Talos' head. She knocks 1 and 2 out with a psychic blast.

Given the shit this girl's been through l felt there was a reasonable expectation that your readers would see a slow and painfull ending. Your ending was to quick and neat.

Lastly. I believe you wasted a 'feel good' moment by not having 3 rescue 1 and 2.

A good story overall.

Don't be sorry; reading it (what was published) was a fun way to start the day.