All Comments on 'Fresh Pt. 02'

Never thought I'd ever make a comment on this website, but I couldn't not let amazing work go unrecognized. Amazing plot development and character transformation. My only thought to add (if there's any room in the upcoming stories), just something to take advantage of in Leah' s evolutuon, is also her physical transformation: becoming more like Gaby the RA (maybe even surpass). It's another symbol to contribute to the thesis you are going with.

Overall fantastic story,

-Anon

Your characters are exactly as you describe in the disclaimer: one-dimensional. You write well and you write long chapters but if you want to appeal to more people than a faithful bunch and keep them invested in your story, you need to add proper character development, move on from the stereotypes and make the plot less straightforward and predictable, IMO. How can you expect to hold a readers' attention span for a long time?

My critique comes after avidly reading another long story here from another section. It has 9 chapters, some with 5 or more pages long and has a compelling story that sucks a reader in. Yet, I am yet to finish it. I like it but I am at the beginning of ch. 9 and I am frankly tired of it and prioritizing reading something else. I am going to finish it but I feel like I need to "cleanse my palate" first. Your faithful audience might feel the same if you drag the plot for two long without reaching a conclusion. From what I've read, you don't have much attention-grabbing subplots nor compelling characters but I am not a big fan of the genre and I don't know what the experts like.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that you probably shouldn't go overboard and drag the story long enough to lose your readers because for me, on this evidence, it wouldn't take much. With 2 chapters, more or less 10 pages to go you might just make it making my "advice" unnecessary but here you have it.

i love this story so much and i keep rereading it over and over and over. the parts where drew's small penis is publicly shamed in front of his girlfriend and her hot friends and other big dicked men is so fucking hot. i genuinely wish i could be drew. i love how you write your female characters, they're all so sexy and fun and amazing and i want to lick all their assholes. thank you so much for writing this shit. it's so hot and nasty.

Agg, I really like this but when are things going to start looking up for Drew he needs to let her go and find himself people to fuck

Good second part. Too much of Drew at first but it was necessary for the plot. I hope future parts will focus on Leah getting fucked a lot.

I gotta admit... reading this story as a white man in college this story is pretty damn comical. You guys have some weird(and I mean weird) fantasies involving us.

And they will stay fantasies because most white men at college aren't wimps. Not all black men act like weird aggressive awkward people (that's how you make them come across in this story), women don't act the same way either(gaby and mckenzie the fuck ...?). Also, you make out black men in spite of being weird and cringy in this story to be walking aphrodisiacs for women. Now if this was about football players that would be one thing because being a football player in college is high status, men of any race on a football team will look attractive to women but you exaggerate that effect and transfer it to a whole group based on skin color alone. That's a little silly.

Another thing that ruins my ability to immerse myself in this story is that you make white women hate white men obsessively lol. In all my life I have never seen that. Actually white women get shit on for pursuing only or mostly white men in a lot of liberal and feminist media(now I vote democrat myself so don't think I have a thing against all of them). How they are not progressive enough in their interracial dating rates or on dating websites and so on. What I notice is that the white women who are attractive tend to always chase after a white men who she thinks is confident, stylish and charming and then if he is taken, scout out her classrooms, social circles, and the campus for the same and then she might pick a suitor of another race. White men tend to do this too, though white nerds tend to go for Asian women for some odd reason.

All of that said, that is why this story came across unrealistic to me. Hope that helps. One more thing, you forgot to add erotic scenes.

The "experiment" part was absolutely amazing. I love the comparison showing how pathetic Drew is compared to Pete. Would love something similar in the future, or maybe even McKenzie giving a presentation to the whole school or sorority about her findings, using Drew's real name of course.

I’ve never commented on this site before, but I liked this story so much that I had to. Fantastic story dude can’t wait for part 3

Really man, I aint never read sumfin so hot as dis shit. Part 1, part 2 - raw sexing of da whitegurls by way of humongous BBC, while dat wimp whiteboi Drew gets to watch. Good lawd. Keep 'em cumming, homie. Part 3, part 4 part 5 part 6, let it go on and on and on. STill Leahs ass is virgin, I bet she has a couple of lil sisters cumming to visit their newly turned BBC slut elder sister, and they can all experience a variety - a COCKtail of superior, massive black meat that eventually will knock them all up. Sosrity sisters too, they should all be black fucked and black preggers by the end of their first term. YAEH. Thanks for writing!

cant wait to see part 3 hope it will be release soon

This story is one of my favorites! Love the evolving dynamic between Drew and Leah and the sexualuaized atmosphere of the school time to learn more about Ariella’s Boyfriend and their relationship. Maybe Drew’s Mom and Sister could come to visit. Keep it up, please!