All Comments on 'Friday Night Surprise'

yum. very sexy. loved it

Interesting concept and a fun read but you suffer from the same disease of so many first time writers, “I” itis – using “I” far too often – eight times in the first two short paragraphs alone. .

The solution is to have someone proof your story before submitting or simply put it aside for a day and re-read, it’s amazing how helpful this can be.

Don’t lose your fun of writing, but do embrace some changes to enhance the experience for all. Good luck.

Very hot, please continue

Good start. Definitely looking forward to chapter 2.

psst