All Comments on 'Friends & Family Ch. 01'

A valiant first effort; the more you write the better you will get at it. Consider getting an editor; there are many listed in the Resources section on the home page.

Obviously English isn't your language

I looked at her with a "question look on my face," and she then told me about Linda telling her about the times she had played with my 12"penis. (Linda had wanted to measure it one time she had it rock hard and dripping precum)

She then tried to put more of my 11" inch to mouth and gagged a little till she got use to it being in her mouth.

Thanks for sharing looking forward to your next submission.

Who with a 6" cock wants to read about some young guy with a third of a yard dangling between his legs, get some sense of reality in your stories, otherwise forget writing any more

One of the worst bits of garbage on here.

Don't bother writing again.

I am not a mother fucker so you lost me there but before that I really liked it. I also agree you need to edit your work better but keep writing.

Even ignoring the multiple spelling and grammatical errors (get an editor), G-cups and foot-long appendages are simply not believable - reading what I did of it was sort of like watching a 1950s Godzilla movie and being somewhat disappointed in not being anywhere near scared.

The overuse of parentheses made this too tough for me to follow.... then you are using curly braces inside of the parentheses, which confused me more. Capitalization of a word looks like you are shouting at the reader, and distracts from the flow of the story... yes, I get it, this is about big tits, you don't have to YELL it.

Maybe this is a true story and you have a lot of memories from the days, but to take it from a barroom story, where I can follow your aside comments by your physical expressions and hand gestures, to a story that I am trying to read and comprehend, it needs some work.

If you're starting a series, don't do so with so many mistakes! From saying someone would "defiantly" be there to asking "were" someone was,... I stopped reading before I ended the first page of Chapter One!

you are magic with this story

has th quality of writing gone South?

It tanes little effort to string words and ideas together, right?

Lee2012

Why couldn't you had given the boy a believable 9" cock? 12" is a little too much if you know what I mean.

where distructing. just I figured out wha it men I had to look again to see were I was in the story. then there was the yo yo sizing of his large manliness, fluctuating between 11 and 12 inches as fast as he was handed another pair of panties as a souvenir.

Bad grammar, poor editing and the typical horse cocked stud. If you were to believe most of the stories on this site, 75% of all American males have 3 legs. There's an old saying, "...if you have to brag about it, it's probably not true." Add that to loose twatted sluts that can't maintain a healthy relationship and screw a 19 year old, real classy. The "Free Love" crap is fine to a point, but not when it's wedged into a marriage.

Nice simple story line, what a GREAT mom and my kind of church community!

But needs a bit more effort. The grammar is poor, and it needs a bit more plot. His mom walking into his room, nonchalantly jacking him off, and telling him they are going to fuck tomorrow, comes completely out of nowhere. Did she decide that right when she woke up? A bit more story is needed for that to be believable. Had they flirted before? Is she frustrated? Did Linda or Doris mention his cartoon cock? Of did she just wake up that morning and say "I'm going to fuck my son!" There has to be something there between them previously for it to be somewhat believable.

Are you still writing?