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"... I had to make her want me out. As far as she's concerned, we had a rocky break up."
"You're a smart fucker, you know that?" his father said, throwing a handful of peanuts into his mouth.
"In brighter news," Charlie said, "I have been looking for my daughter."
"Did you find anything?"
"I contacted the Hecksher Institute and gave them the spiel about how I was not properly informed of my daughter's birth. After a little verifying, they were willing to give me some information and I managed to track her down."
Maybe the lie wasn't necessary, but it was quicker than the truth. It was Katie who collected the documents, mostly with the help of Emily. When Charlie went in to disconnect them once and for all, he found the information floating around, almost front and center.
"Her name is Sophia. She'll be ten in a few months. Charlie, please..." Katie had begged. "You can't take her from me again."
"I have to know it's safe," Charlie told her. "Once you're okay, I'll bring her to come meet you. If she'll even humor me long enough not to spit in my face. I promise, Katie."
"You don't have to do this. We can be together. I'll let everyone go, I swear!"
"I took away what were supposed to be the best years of your life, Katie. I won't take the rest of your life too."
On their way home from the bar, Charlie tried not to think. He'd had enough time to think. His father was rambling about some idea he'd had for a science fiction novel when it dawned on Charlie how lost he would have been without him. "Dad? Thanks for raising me how you did."
"Yeah? Well, you're welcome."
"I just mean, uh... you gave me strength. You know?"
"I'd hoped to give you a way with words. But that'll do, pig." Joseph grinned for a second, then turned the jokes off. "Charlie, you're the best I could have asked for. And I'm proud to be your dad."
"Do you think it's too late for me? To be a good dad?"
"Well, I don't know. Why don't you find out?"
Charlie left the next morning, unsure but unafraid. The past was past, he knew. The future was all that mattered. Maybe he would never love again, but that was okay. He'd found a love so true that even his carnal desires couldn't taint it. Sex might never be the same, but he'd had enough sex for a hundred lifetimes.
He might never forget Penny. But that was okay too. She was worth remembering forever.
Setting out on the road, summer rain falling lightly, Charlie Ellis met the world alone, unfettered, and hopeful. He was going to meet his daughter, if only once. If she resented him, he could understand that. But if she wanted to know her father, then maybe there was something to really look forward to.
"Sophia," he said on the road. "I bet she's got my eyes."
THE END.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, here we are at the end. Thank you for following me on this strange journey. As it stands, the final word count is 96,648 and the time from start to finish was 245 days, albeit with long periods of no writing between some chapters.
So now that it's over, how do I feel? Well, it's a bit of a mess, but that's to be expected in a story that was made up as it went along. Overall I'm happy with the size of the story, the creativity I was able to explore, and the lack of insecurity as I wrote. Although this isn't something I would put my real name on professionally, I do think it was very helpful for my work ethic, and it feels good to have written something that appeals to many readers.
I'm embarrassed at how many times I wrote "April" instead of "Penny" but that's just a testament to my laziness. I intend to start using an editor for future stories, both to help avoid issues like that and to get a feel for working with someone else on revisions.
Please do leave a comment to let me know what you think of the story as a whole, or just this chapter. What did you like? What did you hate? What kind of story do you think I would tell well?
Once again, I would like to express my sincerest gratitude. I've never had quite this many readers before, and I must admit seeing those numbers does stroke my ego rather nicely.
Keep on reading, support your favorite authors on and off this site, and take care of yourself.
- COMMENTS
SuperImpabout 1 year agoVery well-written. Like some of the other commenters, I'm a bit conflicted on the ending. I do actually like the bittersweet ending as written (very Butterfly Effect). but as some of the other commenters have mentioned, Charlie and Penny getting together might have made a more cohesive story. Their love story has been a repeated theme throughout. Not sure which would be better...
As an aside, I somehow missed this one when digging for quality MC stories. It turned up in a search under the Oral Fixation tag, of all things. *shrug*
bigurnabout 1 year agoHe could have stayed with Penny and let her keep free will. They could have found his daughter and lived a new life, all together. The ending dropped my rating to 3 stars.
AranelQuinnabout 2 years agoA sad and bad ending makes me regret reading the whole thing. I never mind errors, like another has said, you're only human but casting off from Penny's life like that, at the end of what was essentially a harem story just murdered the whole literary experience for me. Great story telling, and I appreciate you taking the time to write such a piece, just take on the whole.
Anonymousabout 2 years agoTo walk away.. I'd like to think if Lauren and Penny hook up there a little residual feelings that bring both back to charlie
nyteramblerabout 3 years agoWas a good story over all and I enjoyed it even the errors shows you are human.
Anonymousover 3 years agoLike some others here, I don’t really agree with the Penny split. Not just disagree but genuinely confused. Erasing her memory of what started it all was fine for me but I was very confused when she mentioned the break up. They were happy before it all and like one comment mentioned, their love was a constant through the story.
Confusion and disagreement aside, very well written and not just as erotica but as a story itself. I do think when you have that many characters it gets a little hard to keep up and develop them all but you get a pass for the circumstances of this story in particular. I loved the build up to the final confrontation and how I couldn’t stop reading as I waited to see what Charlie would do when Katie finally showed up.
Overall, great read and definitely interested in keeping up with your future stories. I think with more work and the help of extra editors or revisions, future stories will be even better. Keep it up (but if it’s up for 4 hours, maybe see a doctor)
Anonymousover 3 years ago...and then the ending ruined the whole story for me. What a waste of time developing characters who really don’t matter at all in the end. They never really existed and no one cares about any of them now. And his future holds...? A daughter who may never be allowed to see him? Author’s choice, as always, but for my money, it was a terrible ending to a well-developed story that was thrown away for no good reason.
Dark_Ravenover 3 years agoStarted reading this because I was simply making my way through the Mind Control top 100 list. Didn't think I'd like it at first, because it started at a point where the protagonist had already had and exercised his power for years. I surprised myself by actually sticking with it and becoming invested in the story.
I actually skipped almost the entire trip by the girls on buses heading to Maine. Once I knew they were headed to the final confrontation and Charlie was just sitting in the cabin waiting for them, all the girl-gathering paragraphs seemed pretty pointless to me (the road trip). I feel that was needlessly drawn out, since I already knew the salient points. I only read the part where they met Katie.
I'm not a big fan of the ending, but not for the reason that other commenters have mentioned (Charlie not staying with Penny), but rather the fact that the way it ended makes it seem as though Charlie is going to stay celibate for the rest of his life. Our "hero" is thus getting a "bad ending", and no one wants that to happen.
Also, his daughter was adopted and is now almost 10. There's a good possibility that her parents haven't even told her yet that she was adopted, and there's also a good chance that the parents don't want the biological father to show up out of the blue asking to spend time with their daughter. That's something that adopted kids usually decide on their own after they turn 18. So even this small ray of hope for Charlie is left very ambiguous to the reader.
Anonymousover 3 years agoAppropriate that it ended in Maine, home of the world's greatest horror writer. It long stopped being sexy to me and just became deeply engaging to read, and I found myself incredibly invested in the romance between the two leads. Because of this, I was shattered that you made the decision to break them up in the end. It seems so unfair, that Charlie shouldn't be allowed to have what he always wanted. He didn't ask for any of this, he just wanted to love his partner and have a life together. I hate that that was how the story ended. It went from being a 9/10 to a 6/10 with that reveal. I feel like they deserved their happy ending, but this was the ending you wanted and I'll respect it. I think if it had ended the other way I would almost certainly bookmark it to read it again in the future, but regardless, it was a much better story than it had any right to be, and I believe you'll do excellently going forward. Just because it wasn't the ending I wanted doesn't mean it wasn't the right ending if you felt it was, so I'll leave that with you. Thanks for the read
