All Comments on 'Friends with Benifits'

An interesting, though short, story. I think that I did spot one problem in it: A girl that babysits but has never seen a penis? Has she only babysat girls? Or did she only babysat children that were potty trained, and could bath themselves? That didn't make sense to me, but then I'm a man and I didn't do any babysitting when I was a teenager.

Great job! I enjoyed your story! Keep up the wonderful work!

Great job! I enjoyed your story! Keep up the wonderful work!

A clue to how bad this "story" is written is right in the title. Any "writer" who can't spell her own title correctly should be banned from this website.

A complete waste of 2 minutes of my life.

Not erotic or sexy. Author can't even be bothered to use a spellchecker to check the TITLE!

I'm not quite as harsh as the last two commenters, but there were quite a few writing flaws. This was clearly a beginner's piece, but I think there is room for beginners on this site.

In addition to using a spellchecker and grammar checker (and reviewing English grammar), I would advise you not to rush stories. Both the set up and the ending were far too rushed.

I'm not sure a girl who was angry at a male friend who came over and into the house after she told him not to do so would so quickly agree to sex--even if they had been talking about it. I have 4 sisters and, although I know today's teens are more sexually aware and active, I doubt that girls set themselves "lose-my-virginity-by-18" goals quite the way guys do.

You get realism points for having your character experience pain when her hymen broke (and causing the male pain, too). That's much more realistic than the usual first time nonsense on this site. So is the fact that she didn't orgasm the first time.

Less believable was her reaction of loving the taste of precum immediately. Most women take some time getting used to the salty taste, just as most males take a little time getting used to the taste of pussy.

I could add other comments, but work on these things, first. As you improve, you'll get more and better feedback from people.

You know spell gud, you know git gud marque.

<P>

http://www.dictionary.com is calling you. Heed the summons.

got a good cross section of comments and if I were you I would see them all as good pointers for the future. Your story had the makings of a fine piece but as others pointed out it lacked in some areas. I also think you deserved a much higher score than was offered by others - keep writing please.

There are some real jerks on this site. If you have something to say, say it without being an ass. I need the feedback to know what to fix. I've tried to get ahold of several editors on this site, but not a damn one will respond to shit. So that leaves me, and I know I suck at editing. Hence the reason for trying those editors. For those who doubt the story being real, you need to talk to my friend David. He'd back in town now, and will proudly admit to what we did and every bit of the story is true. I don't have Microsoft Word right now, so I used spellchecker.net to run through spelling and grammer. I'm sorry it didn't get all my mistakes. Thanks for those who liked the story despite its flaws. I haven't written anything since high school, so this is all new to me. Be patient and let me know what I'm doing wrong. Without being rude. Thanks again.

I forgot to respond to seeing the penis for the first time. Yes, I have changed diapers many times and saw those, but its totally different when you see one on an adult (and it's hard) and it's not your baby brother for God's sake. Gross.

Not sure why you got some people going off the deep end about grammar and spell checking (unless you edited this piece since it was originally submitted). I'm very picky about misspellings and sudden changes of tense, etc., and I feel you did a decent job. For example, a common mistake that makes me cringe is when people use "shuttered" when the correct word is "shuddered." You used the correct spelling for that. <br><br>

As to the content of the story. I actually found it very believable. I still remember my first look at a "real" cock, a man's penis. I was fascinated yet also sort of turned off - lol! And the idea of sucking it! Forgeddaboutit! Everyone is different. Just because some women need to get used to the idea of sucking a cock, or may not enjoy the taste of precum (or cum), that doesn't mean others won't. You said this is a true story, and I think your friend "David" was a pretty decent first. <br><br>

The stories I find much less believable are the first time stories where the girl orgasms. Although I enjoyed my early sexual experiences, it took me quite a while to actually reach an orgasm. As in months. <br><br>

As you're discovering, there can be some very harsh critics on this site. Ignore the ones that are simply abusive, take the constructive criticism and use it to improve your writing, and hopefully you'll keep writing for your own enjoyment.

True stories don't always have all the elements we expect in erotic fiction. However, in my opinion, the truth makes up for it. Nicely done.

Show don't tell. Instead of telling us that "you" argued, show us that dialogue. Also, give your protagonist a name, and be confident in "David's" pseudonym. We don't need to know it's a pseudonym.

And you spelled Benefits wrong in the title.