Friendship

Spying on your wife is actually harder to do than anyone might think. It feels so dishonest and a little creepy, but what the hell. It was her attitude that had pushed me. It was all on her. I had heard and read stories about girls' nights out. I trusted Jenny; I really did. She had never been a flirty girl, never dressed provocatively, and never gave me any reason to think she was interested in other men. Maybe I was naïve. I did have a buddy in the Marines who got word his wife was stepping out on him while he was deployed. He came home four days earlier than he told her. He went to her favorite club and saw her on the dance floor simulating sex standing up. He watched her take a few trips to the parking lot and get in the back seat of her lover's cars. The next day he threw her out of their home and served her with papers a few days after that. I didn't really expect that kind of thing with Jenny. No, that's not entirely accurate. I didn't know what to expect. I was praying that I didn't find out the worst: the worst being what my Marine buddy found, but I wasn't going to be a sap either. I had to know.

When Friday night came, I waited till around nine to leave my house. I had kept an eye on her phone's movement. They had gone to a restaurant near her office right from work, then on to a night club about halfway across town. I waited to give them some time and then went to see what the three musketeers were up to. I say the three, because on Thursday, the day before, I had contacted the husband of the other married girl in the group. Her name was Louann, and she was married to an auto mechanic named Jamie Redknapp. I looked them up on Facebook and called him at his place of work. I left a message and asked to have him call me.

I answered my phone. "Hello, this is Tom Dunne."

"Tom, this Jamie Redknapp calling. I believe you left a message for me."

"Hi, Jamie, thanks for calling me back. The reason I called is my wife, Jenny, works with your wife, Louann. They've been hanging around a lot after work. I was wondering how you feel about that?"

"Oh, sure, Tom, I've met your wife before. To be truthful, I was okay with Louann going out on Tuesdays. It was a little late on a weeknight, but I figured she needed some girl time like we do man time. That was okay by me, but then the Friday nights started and they were really late right off the bat: midnight or after. That lasted two Fridays before I told her she could be single or be married, she couldn't be both. There was no way I was putting up with my wife going out drinking and dancing and who knows what else every weekend. I'm not wired that way."

Now I felt kind of stupid and maybe gullible. I thought Jenny was out with the same three girls, one being married, like her. "So, Jamie, you're telling me for the past five or six weeks, Louann hasn't been going on Friday nights."

"That's exactly it. Louann understood and we've been trying to do some fun things on Fridays to put our marriage first."

"Jamie, thanks a lot for calling. I'm afraid I've been maybe too trusting. I need to find out what Jenny is doing on Fridays. Make sure we're still okay. Please don't tell Louann we talked. I'm going to check it out tomorrow night. Thanks again."

"No problem, Tom, this phone call is between us, good bye."

At nine o'clock I was out the door in a ball-cap and some fake glasses. It sounds corny, I know, but I did hope to get an honest look at my wife's behavior. I was able to get in and get to a place on the balcony where I could see most of the club. Jenny and her friends were at a couple of tables pushed together with abut ten people hanging out. It was Jenny and her two friends from work, with one other woman I didn't know. The rest were all guys, and they were all partying hard. The booze was flowing and everyone was dancing. I can't say I liked what I saw, but it wasn't as bad as I imagined. Jenny was dancing with a bunch of guys, but all the slow ones seemed to be reserved for one guy. As for her friends, they were all acting like a bunch of sluts. Each of her friends from work, plus the other woman, made several trips to the parking lot for some back-seat fun. I really didn't care what they did. They were single with no vows to uphold. Jenny, for her part, did dance way too close, and there was some kissing on the dance floor with her slow dance partner. I gave it about an hour and a half before I had enough.

During one of the slow numbers, I went to their table and took Jenny's wedding rings out of her purse where I had seen her put them. As I did this, I said hello to her two friends from work and the look on their on their faces was priceless. One of them literally fell out of her chair. They must have been stupid to think I would never show up some Friday night.

With her rings in my pocket I went up the dance floor to confront my bride. I was only three feet from them when I spoke.

"Hello, Jenny, you two really dance well together."

She had her head on his chest, so it took a few seconds for her to look at me and register who was talking to her. "Oh, Tom, what, what are you doing here?" She jumped away from lover-boy as if she just burned herself on him.

"What am I doing here? Really? Is there some reason why you wouldn't want me to spend time with you? You wouldn't be doing anything that you wouldn't want me to see, would you?" I turned to Mr. Slick. "I'll tell you what slick, she seems to enjoy your hands all over her and your tongue down her throat, why don't you keep her for a while. I'm sure this the true love you're looking for."

They say it really doesn't happen, but Jenny turned white as a ghost at that moment. I had had enough of the scene, so I got out of there as quickly as I could. I was in my car and out of there in seconds flat.

I went home where I was going to pack a bag and leave for a while. Really, who plans for when something like this happens and what do you do? I had the thought: "Why the hell do I want to leave my home and make life hard on myself? I've been trying to lead an honorable life and been the best husband I could. I'm certainly not perfect, but no way was I out disrespecting my marriage. No, Jenny was going to leave while I was figuring out what I wanted. Where she went, I didn't care. Maybe she could go to Mr. Slick's house and spend some quality time with her new boyfriend. I needed space, so I needed her out of our home and out of my life for a while.

Maybe fifteen minutes after I got home Jenny pulled up in her own car. That wasn't good either. She probably had too much to drink before driving. You talk about a night of bad decisions. "Oh well," I thought, "she's not going to like my decisions, either."

I heard her come racing in the front dor. "Tom, Tom, where are you?"

I called to her, "I'm in the master bedroom."

She was crying. "Tom, you've got to let me explain. I don't know what you saw, but I love you and I don't want you to leave me."

"No, of course not, Jenny, I'm not going to leave you. It's you that's going to be leaving. See, I'm already packing some of your things. I want you out of here tonight. I need some time to think about what I want. I'll call you in a few weeks if I can make a decision. Maybe you can call your new boyfriend and stay with him?"

"He's not my boyfriend. I had no idea you were going to be there."

"Ya think? When did you become so stupid to not think I would see what you were doing someday? Did you really think you could act like a slut with your slut girlfriends and I wouldn't find out? Especially after the disrespect you showed me last week when I asked you to go to the fundraiser with me. Who ARE you?"

"Please Tom, sit down and talk to me and let me explain. I'll try to make some sense, even though my actions don't really make sense to me either."

She asked me to sit on the sofa while she got glasses of water for both of us. I think she was buying some time while she gathered her thoughts. I was waiting for some real bullshit, while trying to stay calm.

She sat down on the sofa and tucked her legs under herself the way women do. "I'll try to be honest with you. These last several months have been sort of surreal for me. When my girlfriends from work asked me to join them for dinner, I was so excited. As you know, I grew up sheltered. I didn't have many boyfriends, and I certainly never partied in high school or college, not really. So, when I went out with the girls it felt so great to be included. Dinners became going to bars, and then going to dance clubs. We started out socializing with other girls and, of course, guys, also. Sometimes the guys were from where we work, but mostly just groups of guys we started hanging with. I guess I got caught up in the whole partying scene, I forgot who I was when I was out. It was all so new to me. I felt like someone else."

"When did you start losing respect for me?"

She seemed taken aback by my question. "What do you mean honey? I've never lost my respect for you."

"Sure, you have. First of all, when I asked you to go to the trivia night, you talked to me like I was a peon, beneath you. Like the event wasn't cool enough for you. Second, if you had any respect for me you wouldn't be going out, slutting around and hanging all over sleazy guys at dance clubs. Lastly, the few times we have made love in recent months, you haven't been in to it. You seem like your mind is elsewhere. Now I think you're dreaming about the guys in the clubs, or the stories your friends are telling you about guys they're fucking out in the cars."

The look on her face told me I was pretty close to the truth.

"No, no, no, Tom, that's not how it is."

"I think it is close to the truth, Jenny. Besides, what's all this bullshit you're excited about being part of a group? What are you, fifteen? You think you're now part of the cool group in junior high? You're a grown woman, not some teeny bopper trying to impress her new friends. These women are sluts. They're bad for you. They don't really have your best interests at heart. Here's what's going to happen. You're going to pack some things, enough for two weeks. I need time to decide what I want. I need my space. I'll contact you in a few weeks and we'll sit down to talk."

Jenny wasn't happy, but she did as I demanded. She packed some bags and got ready to go. Before she left, she said she couldn't find her wedding rings. I told her when she was hanging all over lover boy, I had taken them from her bag where she hid them. I gave her my wedding ring and told her maybe we would trade later.

*****

Twelve months went by and she came rushing thru the door. "Honey, it's what we hoped for! I'm pregnant, we're going to have a baby." She dove into my arms and I didn't ever want to let Jenny go.

Yes, Jenny. I did take her back, but it almost didn't happen. It was exactly two weeks after I demanded Jenny leave our home and I was leaning to taking her back when I got a call Friday afternoon.

I answered as I always do at work. "Hello, this is Tom Dunne."

"Tom, this is Jim Greaves. How are you doing?" Jim was Jenny's boss and the chief financial officer of the insurance company. He was a good guy and was always nice to Jenny.

"I'm fine, Jim. It's been awhile since we talked. What can I do for you?"

"There's nothing you can do for me, Tom. I wanted to give you a heads up. Not to insert myself in your marriage, but I know you two are separated. So, this morning when I overheard two women here convincing Jenny to go out with them tonight, I was troubled. I talked to Jenny and told her it couldn't be good for her marriage to go with them. I'm sorry, but I couldn't make her see my point. I wanted you to know."

"I don't know what to say, Jim. I was going to call her tomorrow and talk, but if she can't see the harm those women are doing to our marriage, maybe she never will. I appreciate your calling and no one will know we had this conversation."

We said our goodbyes and I thought, "Maybe she doesn't value us as much a I do." I was back to the same square one I was two weeks previously.

That night I did the same thing I did before. I checked out her phone app and found where they went. It was the same place as last time. Jenny danced with different guys but wasn't nearly as cuddly on the slow songs. She was better, much better, but it didn't matter to me. If she truly valued us, she wouldn't have been there, at all. No confrontation this time. I sadly went home to lick my wounds.

I didn't feel there was any reason to talk to her. I felt she had chosen her friends and their lifestyle over out marriage. I had divorce papers delivered to her on a Tuesday morning at her office. I included several pictures I had taken that Friday night. She called and texted many times Tuesday and Wednesday. I finally texted her back. I told her she wanted something different in her life than I did, and asking her to please sign the papers so we could both move on. On Thursday she texted me and told me she would sign the divorce papers and send them back to my lawyer.

That started a very low place in my life. I loved Jenny. I didn't feel I could trust her, but that wasn't the biggest problem. I felt she didn't want the best for me or our marriage. Other things and people, her promiscuous friends, became more important than I was. Looking at her honestly, maybe she wasn't getting something from me that she needed. I didn't know what that might have been, because she never talked to me about it, but even putting some of the blame on myself, it still seemed best we split so she could get what she was missing. She was young, as was I, so we both had time to move on with our lives and meet other people. Even though I was lonely and sad, I thought I did the right thing in divorcing her.

Six weeks after she signed the papers, we were still in a waiting period with the courts. I got home from work about six o'clock and found Jenny sitting on the front porch of our house. If I had known she was going to be there I probably would have avoided her, but it seemed childish to get in my car and run away. She looked tired. I could tell she had lost weight, but at the same time, had a determined look on her face.

"Tom," she said, "I know you don't want to talk to me, but we are still married and I think you owe me a conversation."

"You're right, Jenny, I do. Let's go inside and sit down."

I sat in my recliner and she sat up straight in the middle of the sofa facing me. She started, "I have spent the last six weeks trying to understand why I did what I did. To my shame, I told my mother everything I've done with those girls from my office. I mean everything, although what you saw was the worst of it. My mother was disgusted at my behavior. You know how important my mother is to me, so it was extremely difficult. My mother convinced me to see a councilor to help me understand myself. Tom, I've spent six sessions in counseling and I've learned a lot. I'm deeply ashamed of my actions, but also my attitude. I lacked the maturity to see those women were bad for me. I told you in our last conversation how I was feeling. You were right in saying I was acting like a teenager trying to fit in to a group."

At that point Jenny took a minute to gather her thoughts. I stayed silent and let her say her peace. "Tom, I'm telling you right here and now I don't want a divorce. I know I've done and said some things that weren't good for us. I've bent some of my vows. But that's just it, I feel I've only bent them. I didn't break them. I deserve another chance. You took some vows also. They included loving me in good times or in bad. I don't think what I did deserves the death penalty for our marriage. I love you now as much as ever. And I know you'll never find anyone else who'll love you more than me. Please give me another chance to be the loyal wife you deserve."

What could I say? Everything she said made sense. I did take the same vows she did. I probably wasn't right to go nuclear based on what she did. Did she do worse than what I saw? I'd never know, but I didn't have any proof of anything worse, so I had to trust my gut. My gut told me she was being truthful. I knew I loved Jenny. Could I find someone else to love as much? Maybe, maybe not.

I felt then we could get back together and start a new and better life. Jenny moved back home, and we dropped the divorce. It was the best decision I ever make.

My life has been good. As a young kid I didn't do myself any favors. I could have ended up in a lot of trouble with a terrible life. With the help of family and good trusting friends I turned my life around. My wife and I had more than a bump in the road, but we worked through that and committed to a stronger marriage. I was a better person, in a better marriage, with friends and family that really cared about me. I'm happy. That's all that really matters.