Friendship Found and Lost

We certainly turned a few heads as we walked in but then we make a good couple. Jim looked in his element, tall, good looking, well dressed, with an outward air of confidence and with a stunning looking woman on his arm.

I tried to relax as we were seated and ordered a couple of cocktails.

As we sipped our drinks I could see Jim trying to be surreptitious as he looked at my cleavage and of course I've been in this position many times before and can tell when a man is eyeing me up but I'm disappointed. Is he seeing me as Anna, his escort with the fabulous figure from a couple of nights ago or as Alice, the woman he asked out to dinner??

It's certain though that when two friends, two very close friends, have sex it changes the relationship irrevocably and Jim will have to get used to that.

Little Jim and little Alice are now big Jim and big Alice who only a short while ago were having some pretty wild sex, $400 dollars worth of fucking.

I sipped my drink again, looking at Jim over the rim until eventually he looked up and I caught his eye.

"Alice has grown up hasn't she?" I say putting my glass down and taking his hands in mine over the table.

"It's ok Jim, you don't need to be embarrassed or feel uncomfortable and I don't mind."

I laugh and continue.

"You've already seen much more of me so a little peek at my cleavage won't hurt."

I let go of his hands, leaning forward to him.

"We have to understand where we are and what we're doing. If we're still little Jim and little Alice, still good friends, still BFF then that's ok and I'm glad..." I pause, trying to find the right words. "... no, I'm very happy that we've found each other again but then it's probably not appropriate for you to be staring at my cleavage. But if we're grown-up Jim and grown-up Alice then you have to be comfortable enough with that to tell me that you like the way big Alice looks, that I've got great tits and that you want to fuck me but you have to be saying that to me, to Alice and not to Anna. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I know the words will shock him but he needs to decide what our relationship is going to be and I need to know.

Jim paused, absorbing what I'd just said then took my hands in his, leaning in to kiss each in turn.

"You have an amazing body and I want to fuck you."

He leant back a little, still holding my hands, smiling with a look of triumph on his face, then he kissed my hands again but this time he added a lick between my fingers. I wonder if he thinks that all this is just a prelude to some oral sex but I have my answer as to what Jim thinks our relationship will be.

Jim's tongue between my fingers tells me all I need to know, that even though he seems genuinely glad to have met up again, he said the words to Alice but he licked Anna's fingers. There's a very fine line between being erotic and being crude and Jim just crossed that line.

I'm on the point of crying but I don't let him see that, instead I turn on the sexy charm. Eight years of practice makes that easy to do and in return I take his middle finger into my mouth and swirl my tongue around it, finally pulling it out of my mouth with a 'pop'.

Two can play at this game.

"Think we can do the real thing later?" I wink at him. I've already given him a refund because he's a friend so I may as well give him a freebie as well.

I look at him with desire in my eyes but hurt in my heart thinking 'Oh Jim, if only you'd said we'd be friends then love would have surely followed'.

We order and the food is good and it serves to give us something else to talk about and concentrate on. Add to that a bottle of wine and by the time the check comes we're relaxed and a million miles away from Anna and Jim's hotel room; we're just Alice and Jim, two childhood friends who've met up again as adults but even though unspoken there's something new in our relationship that we both know about and can't ignore and I wonder if in Jim's mind, and in my own for that matter, I'm going to be Alice or Anna for the rest of the evening or perhaps for ever.

I watch as Jim hands the waitress a generous tip and she's in no doubt what our relationship looks like: a handsome stud flashing his wealth to his piece for the evening. Well I suppose I have been showing off a little and Jim's display to the waitress confirms what the deal is between Jim and me and in a way I'm genuinely turned on by the thought of what we're doing.

Whatever else has happened between us and however I wish it could have been different Jim is a very sexy guy and I already know that he has the equipment to please a lady but will he be pleasing Alice or Anna? I'm not sure that either of us really knows.

"Shall we continue this evening at my place?" he asks.

I laugh a little too loudly, partly from the wine but mostly with the excitement of the moment.

"Yes I'd like that." And as we walk out of the restaurant I rest my hand under Jim's jacket in the small of his back and kiss his ear, whispering loud enough for one or two people to hear.

"Take me home and make love with me."

On the ride to Jim's place, he puts his hand on my thigh and then slides my dress up a bit. I can see he's looking at my legs and the bulge in his chinos tells me what he's thinking about.

We pull into the driveway at his house and head inside and, as soon as we get in the door he pulls me to him and kisses me, his tongue diving into my mouth, probing and swirling against mine as his hands grope my ass. There's no doubt who Jim thinks he's with now and what he wants to do; if he had any thoughts of spending the evening with Alice that's long gone and what he says next just confirms this.

'So do you want something to drink, a tour or do you just want to go and fuck in the bedroom?'.

He's with Anna and he wants sex and this time he's not paying.

I wonder if I can shock him into realising what's going on here? An hour or so ago we were Jim and Alice, friends who had just found each other again, and then suddenly Jim is with Anna and all thoughts of trying to build on our friendship have disappeared in a rush of testosterone.

I'm so used to playing the role of Anna that what I say next comes easily but deep inside, in that part of me that I've kept locked away for so long, I wish it was Alice speaking; she wouldn't say what Anna's about to say.

"Why waste time going to the bedroom, let's fuck here." and I reach for his belt and tug at the buckle, loosening it enough for me to push my hand down the front of his chinos and grab his cock.

Kneeling in front of him I complete the business of undoing his belt and tug at his pants, freeing him.

The tiled hallway floor is hard and cold on my knees as I run my tongue over his member, tasting the saltiness of his precum while I massage the length of his shaft.

"Cum in my mouth Jim, let me taste you."

He moans as I take him into my mouth, all the way as deep as I can and then back again until he's almost out. Jim slips his fingers into my hair, holding my head as he rocks his hips. I can feel the tension building and look up at him, catching his gaze as he watches his cock sliding in and out of my mouth, wet with my saliva and I know it won't be long before he fills my mouth.

Then, unexpectedly he stops mid stroke, pulling his cock from my mouth.

"Alice, stop.... I...I can't do this."

I sit back on my heels on the cold hardness of the hallway floor and watch as Jim walks into the sitting room.

One can never know another person's thoughts but I think I have a good idea how he's feeling right now.

I wait for a few minutes and then follow him, certain that we both have some talking and listening to do.

Jim turns as I walk into the living room looking almost surprised that I haven't walked out. He starts to speak.

"I'm sorry about that..... " and then he pauses, lost for words and we just look at each other, each waiting for the other and then to break the stalemate he walks to a shelf and grabs a small picture and hands it to me. It's a picture of us as kids making goofy faces for the camera. We couldn't be more than nine years old and tears fill my eyes and then he speaks again.

"I think you are the most beautiful and sexy woman I have ever seen. Obviously you get me very excited but I can't... can't just have sex with you. God knows I want to, but I need more... there should be more." He points to the picture "I need that too. I don't want to be just "fuck buddies" or "friends with benefits". I want it to mean something." He pauses again, searching for some response from me. "I want to love you."

Jim has realised for himself the inevitable conflict between who we were and who we are now and whatever comes of it, we're going to have to reconcile what has happened to both of us, especially me, since we were childhood friends.

I listen as his thoughts and emotions tumble out before replying.

"And I feel just the same way about you too Jim but you know, just now out in the hallway and in the restaurant? That was Anna you wanted, not Alice and you have to learn to love me, your childhood friend, Alice."

I take his hand and lead us to the sofa.

"Here, sit beside me, little Jim and little Alice sitting side by side, and tell me how you want this to go, how you'd like to date, when you think a first kiss is ok, can you risk trying to touch me, all of that. We're going to have to start again as if we were teenagers.

Ask me anything you like and I promise I'll tell you everything and then, if after you've heard everything you want to hear and you still think we have a chance you can call me at the weekend for a date. Ok?"

We hold hands as we talk, which is nice and he holds up our hands and says "Well I like this" and gives my hand a squeeze. "I don't have a time table or anything like that. Every relationship works differently. But I think we have an interesting situation here with us." He pauses fitting the words to what he's trying to say.

"I need you to be Alice and not Anna. I need you to be someone who's excited about trying a relationship. As far as sex and whatnot, well you know how I feel that way about you. I just want to be doing it to Alice and have her doing it to me."

Jim continues but I don't hear what he says next, re-running what he's just said.

How dare he?

Every time I try to be Alice he does something that tells me he'd like to friends with Alice but he also wants Anna there to suck him off and to fuck him.

What's that saying? A goddess in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom?

I can do that easy but it has to be with me as Alice. If we make a go of this then Anna has to be consigned to the trash can of history, one or the other, not both as it suits him.

I'm aware that he still talking:

"... but you haven't asked a single question about me. Sure my past is a bit vanilla compared to yours, but it's still mine. I want to know Alice again. I know she's in there and I want her to come out.

He's right, I know I've been so wrapped up in my own history and what he'll make of it when he hears the full story that I haven't asked about him.

"Jim I'm so sorry. I've been so wrapped up in myself that I've just assumed that you're ok and I shouldn't have thought that. Can you forgive me?"

I look at him, searching his eyes for some signal and then give a nervous laugh.

"God this is harder than anything, harder even than being Anna!"

It's not a good joke but I'm so nervous, so frightened of getting this wrong.

"Can we have a drink.?

He gets up and grabs a bottle of wine and two glasses and sits next to me again, filling the glasses and raising a toast "Here's to the old us, and the new us".

He starts to tell me about his life after my folks and I had moved out. He'd hoped I'd come back so he could take me to the prom but in the end finished up taking Becky Robinson from down the street. He boasted a bit about his football days and law school, big cases that he'd won and being on TV but that's ok. He's done well in life and should be proud of what he's achieved but the thing that really gets me is that he took Becky Robinson to his high school prom. I never liked her and I want to know all the details.

"So tell me all about your prom, and I want to know everything, every last mucky detail."

I hope Jim isn't shy about this because I think it could be very horny, especially if it was Becky, the sort of sexy story between us that would lead to Jim and Alice making love.

He smiled enigmatically and leant in to kiss me, just a gentle one on the lips before refilling our glasses.

After taking a good slug of my wine I asked him again:

"So tell me about your prom, we're you Becky's first, was she a virgin? And I want to know everything, every last detail."

He was smiling at me, knowing I was getting off on it. There'd always been an edge between me and Becky when we were at school but Jim was the big star football player and she was the head cheerleader so it was kind of assumed that they'd go out together.

"Well Becky and I went out for a while in my senior year. So when the prom came around it was just natural for us to go together. After all the pictures and stuff we drove off to the prom. On the way, well, being that we were eighteen and pretty much horny all the time, Becky had showed me that under her dress she was just wearing stockings and nothing else. By the time we got there, I was ready for action." He took another mouthful of wine.

"The prom was held at the Empire Ball Room at the Madison Hotel downtown. I had saved up and got a room there like a lot of kids did. We went and did the whole prom thing but we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. So pretty soon we went up to the room and when we got up there she told me to meet her in bed as she went into the bathroom. When she came out she was wearing just her stockings and heels and a string of pearls. She had "developed" early so she was some sight to see."

We were both getting pretty relaxed now with the wine and with each other's company. Jim had taken his jacket and tie off and I'd kicked off my shoes and tucked my legs under me, listening intently as he told me about him and Becky.

"Are you sure you want to hear all about this?" Jim asked.

Was I sure? I wanted to know just how good Becky was, after all, I didn't want Jim to think he was getting second best with me.

Although I was certain I was better than Becky Robinson could ever hope to be I wanted to hear it from Jim.

I waved my empty glass at Jim.

"Open another bottle and then you can tell me everything, and I mean everything, cross your heart and hope to die!"

This was fun, just like when we were kids sharing secrets except this was very horny as well.

He grabbed another bottle of wine and some snacks. Even after dinner we were both hungry again.

"So there she was finally ready to give it to me. By now my cock is as hard as a rock and standing straight up. At that time I had barely an ounce of fat on me so I was looking pretty good myself. She walked to the bed and let me look at her perfect eighteen-year-old body. Then she got into bed and started kissing me. Soon she was moving down my body with her lips till she got to my dick. She looked me in the eyes as she stroked my cock and started to lick me."

I was listening intently, getting hot, and I could see the same was happening to Jim.

"My dick was soon in her mouth sliding in and out. It felt like my cock wanted to burst I was so hard. She then got up and mounted me slowly as we started to fuck."

I had my wine glass in one hand and a fistful of snacks in the other.

"Go on, so she's on top right? How did it feel? Was her pussy tight? I mean, do you think you were her first? And no condom?"

I took another slug of wine and then a startling thought struck me.

"Was she your first? Were you a virgin before Becky?"

I looked at Jim, my eyes so wide they could have popped.

"Oh my god, you were both virgins weren't you, the first time for both of you."

I leant forward and threw my arms around Jim's neck, kissing his face and ears.

"Oh this is so lovely, just like old times, you and me sharing secrets. Go on, you've got to tell me everything, absolutely everything."

I sat back again waiting for Jim to continue. I was so excited and I couldn't help but notice the bulge in Jim's chinos. I was on fire too, so hot. 'If we get through this evening without making love' I thought 'then we'd better apply to a nunnery'.

"So yes she was on top and yes this was my first time. I think Becky lost hers like a year before. So she's riding my cock playing with her tits. She's moaning like crazy saying I'm so big and she wants to cum. Well, being that it was my first time I wasn't going to last too long. She squeezed her pussy on my dick and we both started to cum. But also because we were eighteen we did it like three or four more times that night."

He stopped abruptly and took my hand and said "The only bad thing about that night was that it wasn't with you."

He leaned in and kissed me softly again before getting up.

"Sorry, I gotta pee."

I sat and waited, smiling to myself at how the evening had turned out and when Jim came back he had a pair of sweats and a t-shirt in one hand and a big old sweatshirt in the other.

"It's pretty late now. So you can either stay here" he said, holding up the sweats and t "Or if you need to go home, and I completely understand, then I can get you home but it'll have to be a cab I think"

So Becky was Jim's first but I'm not surprised that he wasn't her first. For me she always had slut written across her forehead.

I wonder if he was just another 'notch' on her gun and I laugh out loud at the inappropriateness of the metaphor.

"Sorry love, just a funny thought." and immediately I blush at what I've just said. 'Sorry love?'

And yet it felt so normal so... as if I'd always felt like that about Jim.

And Jim's story confirmed what I'd always thought about Becky Robinson. I wouldn't be surprised if she's still putting it about.

Bitch.

But I'm glad it wasn't me with Jim that night. Sure we all know people who were childhood sweethearts but we all know people who married early and then split up. I'd rather be my age and certain that the man I'm with is mature and sensible and has had time to sow his wild oats and from what he's told me, Jim has.

I lean back into the cushions on the sofa, pretty fuzzy with the wine but happier and more settled than I can remember for a long time.

He is being so sweet, kind and... loving, That's the only word for it.

I hold my hand out for the t.

"Can I stay? I'd like to but..."

I want this to be right and I know that now Jim has told me some of his history, I'm going to have to tell him mine and my story isn't about a prom and losing my virginity to the team cheer-leader.

"Would you mind if I slept on my own or at least, same bed but nothing more than a cuddle? I just want to make sure that when we make love it's Alice you're making love with and that's something that only I will know when it's time."

I stand and hug him.

"I don't mind that you went with Becky Robinson, after all, almost everyone else has."

I laugh and look at him.

"But Alice is no Becky and she wants to make sure that when she gives herself, it's forever."

He picks me up in his arms and kisses me gently, carrying me to the bedroom. This is so romantic and he tops it all when he says "I can't wait to be more in love with you." He lets me down on the bed. "You take my bed, I'll be on the couch if you should need me." And as he walks out he starts to unbutton his shirt and gives me a little wink.

It's almost as if Jim is nervous of offending me and instead of sleeping on the couch I wish he'd opted to sleep in the same bed with me. It would have been so wonderful knowing he was just there within reach of my hand.