Friendship Found and Lost

I settled back with my drink. The fire was going well and I felt relaxed, partly the drink and partly the atmosphere.

"Well, there were six of us who hung out on the ship, four guys, me and another girl. The guys were taking drink from their parent's cabins and we'd found a place on the deck where we could drink and smoke without been hassled.

Jim laughed "When you say smoke do you mean smoke or pot?"

"Well what do you think Jim, this was the Caribbean! Anyway, with just us two girls we got a lot of attention from the four guys and there was a lot of banter about us having to have two of the guys each.

So one of the guys said he'd got a key to one of the laundry closets and that we could take it in turns to go there so Jen, she was the other girl, and I agreed so long as it was just kissing and petting. So she went first with two of the guys and was away about twenty minutes while the other two guys and I continued to smoke and drink.

So she came back with a big smile on her face and the guys looked pretty happy and I asked her what had happened and she said that they'd kissed and petted and then one of the guys had asked her to jack him off so she did and then the same for the other guy."

I was watching Jim to see if there was any reaction but I guessed he was waiting for me to tell him what happened when I went down with my two guys.

I had another drink and continued.

"So then it was my turn and the three of us left to go to the laundry closet but on the way one of my guys threw up, too much drink I think, so there was just me and Tom and I was pleased because I didn't really fancy the other guy anyway and certainly didn't want to jack him off.

So Tom and I were in the laundry closet and we started kissing and fooling around and he asked if he could see my boobs so I let him look and kiss them and it felt really good, nice especially when he kissed my nipples.

Then he said it was my turn, what did I want so I told him to take his pants down so I could see his cock, he called it his tool, and it was ok to touch and Tom was making all sorts of noises and by now I was thinking 'Well, I've got to do it sometime and Tom is a nice guy and we won't get a better chance' so I asked him if he had a condom and he did so we got down amongst all the sheets and did it and I enjoyed it. It didn't last long and I didn't cum but it was ok and it felt good to see how much Tom enjoyed it. He was like a dog with two tails and for the rest of the cruise."

My glass was empty again so I got up and made us both another one.

"And that Jim is how little Alice became big Alice."

Jim pulled me to his lap and I just couldn't tell if he was interested or not. It was almost as if he was only interested in getting his hands on me. I know now that he went through a terrible thing with Becky's death and the loss of their child but I've had tough times too and this isn't 'tell a story, sit on my knee, jump in the sack'.

Suddenly I'm tired and could just go to sleep where I am but I think that Jim's hoping for more.

My mind wandered back to the cruise and of all the time I spent with Tom. By the end of the cruise Tom and I were pretty good lovers. We were regular visitors to the laundry closet and we continued to explore each other, learning what pleased each other. Of course we'd both listened to the chatter about sex and read as much as we could find in magazines but actually doing it was so much fun and I'd discovered how easy it was for me to cum. Tom for all his enthusiastic youthfulness was a giving and considerate lover and I wondered where he is now and what he's doing.

So many memories and not all of them bad.

The Jack was having its effect on me, and Jim too I guess, as we'd drunk quite a lot so I got off his lap and sat back in my corner of the sofa again, stifling a huge yawn and closing my eyes for a moment.

"Not ready yet?" Jim said placing a throw over my shoulders and I shrugged at his touch.

"Hey, I'm not trying to get in your pants. I'm just happy you're here with me again. You told me that you would let me know when you were ready, and I respect that. It's just nice to be close to you."

'Oh Jim, Jim' I think to myself, 'Don't you have any empathy? This is not about getting into my pants, it's about falling in love, about making love. Getting into my pants is about fucking, it's what men say when they're with their friends and they see a woman that looks hot. It's about control, about dominance whereas making love is about giving, about making yourself vulnerable to the other person.,

I'm not sure that he's really listening anymore when he says 'If you want to keep talking, I'm right here. I'm just going to sit back and take this all in'.

With language like that he could be listening to a discussion about football tactics. It's like he's saying 'She's going to tell me anyway so I'd best get it over with then I can get back to getting into her pants'.

I feel as low as I have done for a long while and reflect how it was before I knocked on the door to Jim's hotel room. I was happy, settled, content with what I was doing to give me and Jamie a comfortable life and let's face it, there are worse things to do than being an escort. I'm not some hooker standing on a street corner earning $50 a pop to feed my heroin addiction nor am I turning up every day to some dreary job that I hate. I like men, I like giving them pleasure and I like sex. And for maybe twelve hours a week I make a lot of money.

Why did you turn up Jim? Yes it's been good to find my childhood friend again and fun reminiscing about childhood but that doesn't mean that the relationship will translate successfully into adulthood or even marriage.

All I want to hear from Jim is something like 'tell me about your dad, tell me how it makes you feel'.

I guess I want him to counsel me, to facilitate my thoughts, to sound interested.

And then, as if he can read my mind, he surprises me when he says he says

"Would you tell me about you and your dad?"

He stretches out beside me with his head resting on my leg and that's good. There will be times while I tell him what happened that I don't think I'll be able to look him in the eye so that will be easier with Jim there and I stroke his hair absent mindedly, a displacement activity it's called, just something to ease my stress while I tell him. I take a deep breath and begin.

"Well You remember my dad? Just a regular dad, always there for us. So after we got home from the cruise, things were good for a while, dad seemed happier but slowly, bit by bit, he just seemed to turn in on himself, not talking much and staying out after work drinking. He was lonely, missing mom."

The room is quiet now, no music, just the occasional crackle from the fire and I take a deep breath before continuing. I've never told anyone about this before.

"It was a Thursday, the week before Christmas when I was twenty. Normally when mom was alive we'd have had a tree and there'd be presents underneath it but after mom passed dad didn't want to do it, he said it reminded him too much of her.

Anyway that night, I'd gone to bed before dad got home. I heard him downstairs for a while and then he came up, knocked on my bedroom door and came in. He was soaking wet from rain and he was crying saying 'I miss her so much Alice, I miss her so much' and he lay down beside me, on the covers with his head against my shoulder crying and sobbing. He was shivering with cold and wet so I helped him undress to his underwear and let him under the covers with me to get him warm."

Now I was telling it to Jim it seemed easier, kind of remote as if it had happened to someone else.

"Anyway I was holding him and he put his arm round me, calling my mother's name, 'Mary', and 'I love you Mary'. I used to wear a t and shorts in bed and he put his hand under my t and held my breast so I pushed his hand away but he said 'No, please Mary', so I figured it didn't matter much and let him play with my breasts and in that moment I knew that I loved my dad so much that I'd do anything to try to make him happy again so when he put his hand on my belly and then lower, I didn't stop him and I let him push my shorts off my legs and start to finger me.

At first I resisted saying 'no dad, please dad don't do that' but he persisted saying 'please Mary, please let me play with you' and I realised then that he wasn't molesting me, Alice, his daughter. In his muddled, heartbroken mind he was with Mary, his wife. He had an erection and I could feel it pressing against my leg and so when he climbed onto me and penetrated me I just switched off from the present and filled my mind with Tom as if it was him entering me and we were back in the laundry closet on the cruise ship.

It wasn't violent, he didn't rape me. I could tell what he wanted, what he needed and so I just let him make love to me or at least, have sex with me, just slow and gentle with dad crying all the time and calling mum's name.

After he'd cum he just got out of my bed and left for his own room. And that's how it started. Every now and then, dad would come to my room, knock on the door and ask "Are you awake Mary?" and that was his way of saying that he wanted a cuddle and I'd take him into my bed and we'd make love, maybe once a week, sometimes less, sometimes more. It wasn't sexual, wasn't exciting and although I didn't enjoy it in a sexual way, I didn't dislike it either, it was just something I was doing for my dad. I just didn't feel anything about it and because dad seemed to be less unhappy, as if he'd found mom again, I didn't try to stop him or discourage him and while we were doing it he always called me Mary, never Alice, always Mary."

"He was with Mary and I was with Tom."

"When I had my period I always said no but apart from that we made love on and off for three years until I got pregnant with Jamie."

I looked at Jim lying there attentively and wondered what he was making of it all.

"So you see Jim, I was complicit in our incest; dad never had to force me, he never raped me and I'm raising my sister, dad's daughter."

I took another slug of my drink, feeling it burn its way down my throat, waiting to see what Jim's reaction would be and curiously, I didn't mind one way or the other.

All I cared about was protecting Jamie whose birth certificate says 'father unknown' and I want to keep it that way.

Jim stroked my leg absent mindedly and I glanced at him. He was frowning, trying to take in all that I'd told him. Eventually he spoke.

"My god I don't know how you dealt with that. I mean, loosing Becky was terrible, heart breaking but I did have some closure, the funeral the... but you, you still live with this every day don't you?".

I smiled at him, a sad smile.

"Yes I do live with it every day and her name is Jamie and if I never have anyone else in my life she will be more riches than any mother deserves."

Jim is being so sweet; I think this has really got to him.

"But afterwards, how did you deal with all of that... that... your father having sex with you?"

I thought for a moment before replying.

"After I got pregnant and left home I put it in a box and hid it away from my day-to-day life and tonight is the first time I've looked in the box since then. And it's ok, it doesn't hurt now and it didn't hurt then. I did it for my dad because I loved him and couldn't bear to see him hurt so much. It was something that I could do for him. I always kept a check on the local paper via the internet; he died five years ago."

My drink is finished and I feel drained but in need of comfort.

"Can we go to bed now?"

I stroke his cheek very gently.

"And if you'd still like to, now you know all about me, I'd like to make love with you, just gentle, to feel you hold me."

Jim gets up and takes my hand and hugs me, a long, tight hug and then leads me to his bedroom and I wonder how he'll be as a lover. Will he be kind and considerate of my feelings at the moment?

I undress and climb between the sheets waiting for him as he strips off. He looks very fit, strong and I wonder if he has to be strong in bed like he was with Anna but he's being so gentle, almost clumsily gentle, as if he's not used to this, but his mouth on my neck and breasts is just right and I start to tingle with the warm excitement of arousal.

His body is taught and lean on me and I trace the muscles of his back, running my fingers down his spine to the firmness of his butt and then using my fingernails to graze his sides and ribs.

I find his mouth and return his earlier kisses eagerly, our tongues meshing, lips locked together.

Almost without conscious decision I raise my knees, opening my legs and inviting him to enter me, wanting to feel his penetration.

It's good, it's gentle but even so I gasp as Jim's rigid member fills me and I squeeze on it, holding him deep inside me until he starts to move and I relax just enough for us to move together, his cock sliding in and out of my wet pussy.

I don't want it any faster or harder, just a gradual build until we both release and Jim fills me with his cum, deep in me.

We kiss passionately until I need more air and I pull my head back, sucking lungful's of air as the warm ripples of my orgasm start to flutter through my belly and I let myself drift, away from Jim and this moment, savouring the feelings swelling inside me and I lift my hips to meet his thrusts.

It feels so good having him inside me, feeling him tense and I know he's about to cum, his rhythm faltering ever so slightly as he instinctively tries to match his ejaculation with the deepest penetration of me that he can manage. I give one last clench while he's deepest in me and it sends me over the top, my orgasm rushing through me to be met by the jets of Jim's creamy load, hot and deep inside me.

With each spurt of cum Jim thrusts into me, the primordial urge to inseminate impossible to resist, and I take all of him 'til there's no space between us, my body just as eager to receive his seed as his is to deliver it.

We lay there for a while, coupled, and I shiver as the aftershocks of my orgasm flitter through my belly and back to my engorged clit.

He starts to move but I have to stop him as I'm just too sensitive for the moment and I can't remember ever feeling such satisfaction, such completeness, never feeling so at one with the person I'm making love with.

There were no wild positions, no yelling, no props. But it was the most intense sex I've ever had.

Jim's semi hard cock is still in me and I flex my pussy walls, massaging him, hoping to revive him.

There is one thing I can do though that usually works and I ease myself off him and disappear beneath the covers, licking down his belly towards his cock and taking it in my mouth.

It's a long while since I've had unprotected sex as I've always insisted on my clients wearing a condom for penetrative sex and for oral and the taste of semen in my mouth is something I haven't experienced for a long time.

Will Jim think of this? There have been many men.

He's still big but not hard and his cum is so creamy as I suck him clean, slurping the last dribbles from his shaft and then reappearing to lay besides him.

I don't know how adventurous Jim is and wonder if he'll kiss my cummy mouth.

As for me, I've done everything there is to do with sex, after all it's how I've been earning my living, but I'll leave it to Jim to discover and see how far he wants to go.

Jim guides my hand to his newly hard shaft and I reflect with some irony that he would probably have finished up paying for a whole night in his hotel room on our first encounter.

I stroke his cock, letting the palm of my hand glide over the underside of his bulb, feeling him twitch with each stroke.

The big problem here for both of us it that we don't know each other as adults apart from the last forty eight hours and our not speaking is a reflection of that.

What do we talk about except 'do this to me' or 'I like that'?

We've catapulted ourselves into a relationship without knowing even what our favourite foods or movies are.

Would he like me to make him cum with my hand or perhaps he's like to cum in my mouth? Or maybe he'd like me to be on top or he might like anal sex.

I just don't know so I'll have to ask or tell him.

"Just lay back and let me make you cum." I say and I continue stroking his cock while fondling and massaging his balls with my free hand.

I bit of saliva on my hand makes it all suitably slick and I work his cock towards an orgasm.

From the sounds he's making he's not unhappy but soon he grabs my wrist and I can tell he's close to cumming.

"I want you to ride me." he says. "I want to watch you as you get fucked".

Somehow I thought it was going to be different but he's with Anna now, those tender moments with Alice soon forgotten, and I climb on top, adjusting myself to his length as I lower myself onto him.

"How this?" I ask as I start to move. I'm expecting him to start thrusting into me from below and I reach behind me to massage his balls again. Well, if he thinks he's with Anna, she'd better not disappoint him.

"C'mon Jim, fuck me so's you can watch."

Being this is his second time tonight and the amount of Jack that we've drunk he might take a little longer to cum.

"Hold my tits Jim, squeeze them."

Jim starts playing with my tits and fucking me from underneath and he tells me I look sexy but I just know he's fucking Anna and I wonder if he knows the difference, perhaps not for him but there's a world of difference for me.

If he wants a fuck buddy then he can have one, but it isn't me.

I do fuck buddy as Anna but I charge $400 an hour.

But I'm feeling bad about doubting him. Why shouldn't he want to fuck his childhood friend now that she's all grown up?

I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now.

"Mmm yeah Jim, that's so good, fuck me and cum in me, fill me with your cum." and I redouble my efforts, squeezing his cock with my pussy, wanting his orgasm and close to another one myself.

Whatever doubts we might have about each other's feelings and motives we are good at fucking and as Jim unloads into me I have a huge orgasm that leaves me gasping, trying to get enough breath as he shoots thread after thread of his cum deep inside me.

I collapse onto him, knowing that even if Jim can get it up again I'm finished after the long evening of revelations and a lot to drink.

Jim's chest is damp with sweat from his exertions and I kiss the saltiness on him.

Eventually I roll off him and lay beside him, still holding his hand.

"You know what Jim? We're good at this. That was one hell of a fuck."

I lay by Jim my mind full of thoughts all jostling to be heard.

We're going on a date Saturday evening and that's fine but I try to spend time with Jamie over the weekend and have usually not accepted bookings with clients on Saturdays and Sundays for just that reason so Jamie will be disappointed that I'll be out.

Then what about my work? I guess Jim won't be happy with me continuing to see my clients so is he going to keep me and Jamie? And anyway, how do I feel about losing my independence?

Then there's Jim and me. Are we in love or just childhood friends? How would I feel if I never saw him again?

Eventually I fall into a dream filled sleep. I'm in a room with Jim and Tom, the boy from the cruise, and they're both laughing as I jack them off simultaneously. Then at some stage during the night, I'm half-awake with Jim's semen oozing from my pussy and for a terrible moment I think it's my dad next to me and it's his semen I can feel.

After waking in the night thinking I was back with my father I fell into a deep dreamless sleep but now it's raining, really heavy tropical rain but somewhere far, far away and then slowly, as I become fully awake I realise it's a shower running.