Friendship or Love, Strange concept

Gritting my teeth I mumbled, "Shall I sell the house or do you want it?"

Exasperated she slammed her hands down on the table drawing startled stares from around the room. "Sell the damned thing. If you're prepared to give up just like, that then sell it."

I nodded. "Good I will tell the agents we are proceeding, I will mail you the paperwork."

As the tears started falling she sniffled. "Do you still love me? Our marriage was so perfect and I never doubted your love, even throughout this I always thought you still loved me."

"I do love you, I probably always will but you chose to give that love to another man, I am sorry Ashley, but this is down to you."

"Why can't we try to fight for our marriage if you do love me like you say, why can't we try?" Her hand tightened around mine. "Please Rob think of the kids, what will they say, what would we even tell them?"

"I don't know about you but I will tell them the truth."

She dropped my hand like a hot potato. "No Rob, please not that, they will hate me."

"I won't lie for you Ashley, you made your bed, now you sleep in it."

I was surprised how quickly the house sold, but I received another shock as well. The Ministry of Works was being privatised, and as part of the transition we the employees were offered voluntary redundancy. My pay out was very tempting, having such a long service with them I was going to walk away with over half a million, coupled with the proceeds from the sale of the house I was going to be able to semi retire.

Grant died the day after the sale went through. My Son asked if we could travel together to the funeral and he was bemused when I told him I wasn't going. "Dad what the hell is going on? Things have been weird since mum went down to look after him."

"OK son, this is the truth, your mother and Grant have been having an affair, she has been living with him as husband and wife, so that is the reason I am not going."

'Fucking hell dad, are you sure?"

"Yes, I caught them at it."

"Well thanks for being honest at least; what do you want me to do?"

"Son this argument is not yours; you do what your conscience dictates."

My daughter begged me to go, and it was hard for me to relate the discussion I had with Clive, but I didn't expect her anger, "Dad you have to go, mum is falling apart, she is your wife."

She flew into hysterics when I said, "not for much longer."

Ashley rang begging and tearful. "Rob you cruel heartless bastard, why did you tell the kids?"

"Because I am not being made to be the fall guy, they were angry at me for not going to the funeral so I explained why."

"Bloody hell, now they hate me, Sylvie yelled at me, Clive called me some very hurtful names."

"Sorry Ash but you made your bed now lay in it."

She sobbed softly. "At least come to the funeral, please you have to come, I can't get through this without you."

My answer was short. "Tough."

Clive surprised me by not going as well and apparently he had a screaming match with both his mother and sister.

With nowhere to live once the sale went through I started looking for a new home, what I wanted was a little seaside house on the Kapiti coast. As Ashley was at Grants funeral, I was signing the paperwork. I moved in the following week. As it was a holiday home, coupled with it being a cash sale and vacant, possession meant I could move right in.

I received a request to attend the reading of his will by a solicitor in town but I refused, he did say. "Mr. Thomas, it would be in your best interests to attend, you have been bequeathed a rather sizeable sum of money."

I laughed loudly. "I don't want his money, I'm not his pimp."

Before there was any more conversation I hung up. But as I thought about it I wanted to hurt him and the only thing I could think of was to donate it to the church. Grant was a strict atheist and I knew he would hate it. A quick phone call back to the solicitors, and I organised for the money bequeathed to me to be donated in his name to the local church. The lawyer didn't care but I knew somebody who would.

It didn't take long before Ashley rang angry and spitting tacks. "Why Rob.... You know how he felt about religion, he would be bloody angry if he knew, why didn't you just give it back we could have used it at the vineyard or Glen could have used it."

"Tough shit," I snarled, and slammed the phone down.

Clive came down to help me move into the new house, he surprised me by bringing his girlfriend Alisha a very pretty young girl. We had a great weekend swimming and barbequing. I was really astounded by his choice of girlfriend, unlike some of the bimbo's he hung out with she was very nice, she had a brain and we got along like a house on fire.

In this situation you can travel two paths, wallow in pity and become bitter and twisted, or get on with life. I chose the latter focusing on living a good life. Working out of the spare bedroom I started to set up my business as a consultant engineer.

Work was pretty easy to find, I wasn't the only civil servant engineer to take redundancy and it created a hole which I was happy to fill at more than twice my old rate. Within a month I had more work than I could keep up with. Life was starting to get easier and the depressing anger faded.

A rather insistent knocking on the front door dragged me away from the rugby I was watching on TV. As I opened the door there stood Ashley looking radiant and prettier than I remembered. "Can I come in?" She asked.

I swung open the door; I was having a beer watching the game having had sandwiches for lunch. "What do you want Ashley?"

"I want to talk, to see if there's any way we can get past all the anger and bitterness, Rob I still love you and I want to be in your life."

Staring into her deep green eyes all I could see was pain. "I don't think so Ash, I offered you a chance at redemption once before and you turned me down."

"What was I supposed to do, he was dying, our best friend in the whole world was dying. I thought that once you calmed down you would see that it was nothing, that we could get past it. Jesus Rob if you had gone down there with me in the first place like I asked, it wouldn't have happened."

"Yeah, and if you had stayed with me like I asked, it wouldn't have happened either."

She sighed. "Rob he was our friend."

"That just makes it worse, why can't you understand that. For god's sake how would you feel if I went off with your sister and had a six month affair... How would you feel about that?"

"Honey I know it was wrong, I am not defending myself. I see the pain in your eyes, I hurt you and I am sorry, but we could move past this, we could get back to the way things were. Just give me a chance and I will prove it to you, I will do anything to make it up to you."

As her tears rolled down her pretty cheeks I got a hand towel and wiped her eyes. "Ash, I'm not sure I can do that, I am just now starting to get my life in order, we should just keep moving."

"No please let me prove it, what is there to lose. We could try again and see if we can make it work, if not what have we lost."

Flopping back on the sofa I sighed. "Ash, I can't do it, I really can't."

She pounced on me like a tiger on a wounded gazelle, her arms flew around my neck and her lips crashed into mine in a deep and passionate kiss. It was frenetic and passionate and all over in just a few short moments. All my arguments vanished and we laid together her head resting on my shoulder. "See hon, we can do this, I will make you forget."

With trepidation I asked. "OK, so how do you see this working?"

Propping herself up on her elbow she smiled. "Love, that's what Grant wanted to talk to you about before he died. He wants you to take over the vineyard. God you helped him build it, and you love it down there. Wouldn't it be perfect?"

I was stunned by her remark and the casual way she brought his name into the conversation. "No, actually it would be far from perfect. Grant is dead and buried, and that's the way I like it. I told you I would never step foot on that place ever again and I damned well meant it. If you are being honest then this is going to be our life, I have started to develop a really good clientele and my consulting business is going really well. I am prepared to try but I make no promises."

She rolled onto her back staring up at the ceiling. "Love, it was his dying wish that you take over, it was to be his gift to us."

"Fuck him and the ground he's buried in. The answer is no. I don't want his money or his house."

I could hear her sniffling as she tried to hold back the tears. "You won't even consider it, will you?"

"No chance Ash, if you are serious about giving it a go, then I'm prepared to try but this where it will be a fresh start, new house, new friends and new jobs."

The morning came all too quickly; I enjoyed having her hot body snuggled up against me. When I did open my eyes, Ash was already awake, although she was just lying staring at the ceiling. I looked over at her and asked. "Well, what are we doing?"

She nodded slowly, "Rob I want this more than anything, I want us to be husband and wife again and if it means living here, then that's what we will do."

We sealed it with a kiss. I ripped the blankets off. "OK, let's go for a walk down the beach." It was a beautiful bright sunny morning and we walked as one down the beach, the waves breaking gently serenading us.

The weekend was gone in a flash. Ash flew back to Otago to collect her belongings and I went back to work. She returned Wednesday with a lot less baggage than I expected. We settled into life. It wasn't easy, it was tense and we lived on the edge both of us careful about choosing words. Ash, although living with me was still immersed in helping to run the vineyard. Glen wanted nothing to do with it. He was glad when his father left half of it to Ashley; it meant he could carry on his studies leaving it in her hands.

Sounds simple but it pissed me off. I was sick of listening to her on the phone managing the different aspects of it. I could see she was still entrenched and it didn't take long for her to start her soft sell. The opportunity for her to get me back there was provided by Sylvie whose wedding was approaching and Ashley was determined to hold it at the vineyard and that brought about our first argument. When she flagged it I shuddered and bit quickly, "No way Ash, that's not happening."

"Honey don't be so quick to decide, it will save us a fortune, we all love the place especially Sylvie, she adores it."

"She doesn't know, she hasn't been there for years and it won't be the same for her without Saskia."

"Rob she came and stayed with Grant and me, before he died. She adored him they were close and she loves the vineyard."

"What!" I snarled. "She stayed with you there... with Grant?'

She nodded slowly unable to hold my gaze.

"So where did you sleep while she was there?"

She reached across grabbing my hand. "Hon, she already knew I slept with Grant."

I flung her hand away. "Jesus, could you have humiliated me any more. For gods sake Ash, with our daughter under the same roof... Shit."

"Rob she already knew... there was no sense lying."

"So all that bullshit when I told her... she already knew?"

"Honey she was just upset, she didn't want us to split up."

"But she was happy to see her mother bonking another bloke though, bloody bollocks. I will tell you this much that bloody wedding is not going to be held there I don't care how much you scream and shout, its not bloody happening."

"Rob, you are over reacting, Grant is dead, and the place belongs to us, well us and Glen. It is free of charge, it will be fantastic."

"Not bloody likely, I have told you I will never step foot on that place. I will start looking for another venue."

"You are going to break her heart if you do."

"Yeah well so be it, I don't bloody care."

"Think carefully Rob, you could lose your daughter forever, is it worth it?"

"Quite simply, the answer is yes. I'll not be budged."

That caused her to undertake her offensive, at first it was sex and lots of it as Sylvie tried to get me to change my mind with tears and guilt Ash tried with sex. When that didn't work she sided with Sylvie and it was an all out offensive, but I held my ground and slowly but surely Sylvie saw the argument from my side. I think Clive may have also pushed her.

In the end we held the wedding in the Marlborough Sounds, and it was spectacular. Even Ashley couldn't find fault. She tried to pay for some of it with money Grant had left, but I angrily refused, and to her credit Ash didn't try to push it.

With the wedding gone things returned to a normal level except I was flat out with more work than ever. Ashley became fidgety I think she thought I would come around to her way of thinking and move down there, but with my business growing every day and the amount of work I had cued up she could see her dream vanishing. She eventually realised it just wasn't going to happen.

We tried, we really did but our hearts were never in it. It wasn't the same, I think we both felt even with the love we shared we couldn't make it work. She wanted to live on the vineyard and as far as I was concerned that wasn't happening.

I came home from work late one evening to find she was packing. When I interrupted her she whispered. "I'm sorry Rob but it's not working, is it?"

I shrugged. "No I suppose not."

She flew out the next day and I would like to say I missed her, but the truth was, it was nice to have the tension gone. I could breathe and not worry about saying the wrong thing. Yes I missed the sex and the intimacy, a warm body to cuddle at night.

I put her out of my mind, she called occasionally but for all intents and purposes she was gone.

I focused on the house. I added another story with a huge deck to maximise the ocean views. I took on an office assistant, a solo mum from up the road, she had a 14 year old son. Her husband had run off and left her six years earlier and she had struggled to make it this far.

She was a godsend in the office, although I didn't really need her full time I could see she needed the money, so I made it fulltime so she would have the income.

Her son Alec, spent a bit of time at home when Roisin had to work late and he and I built a bit of a relationship. He wasn't dumb but he struggled at school so when I saw him doing home work I started helping him, tutoring him. Roisin offered to work the overtime for free in lieu for the tutoring but I was just happy to help.

Roisin was a very attractive woman, fifteen years younger than me, so I didn't see any chance of romance, I figured there would be no way she would be interested in an old fart like me, especially since I had become a bit of a workaholic, but I was wrong and after she worked late one evening and I was helping Alec with some math I asked if they wanted to stay for dinner.

That dinner turned into a regular thing, each taking turns to cook. It didn't sort of explode, it was a gradual slide. One night Alec was off at a mates place but Roisin stayed for dinner anyway, and dinner led to a few drinks. Sitting together on the sunbed watching the ocean, turned into kissing, and that led to sex. A wonderful passion filled session of very torrid lovemaking.

Roisin and I became an item. Clive, my son was the first to meet her when he and Alisha, his girlfriend came to stay for Queens Birthday weekend.

They didn't just come to visit they came to announce their engagement. It was a fun filled weekend, the weather was amazing, Clive and Alisha got on great with Roisin and they loved the house. The renovations won them over. It was while we were having a barbeque dinner, Alisha asked, "Would it be alright if we held the wedding here?"

I laughed. "Alright... It would be bloody perfect."

She gave me a hug. "Thank you my parents don't have a lot of money and I know they are worried about how they could afford to pay for our wedding."

"Nonsense, Alisha, I would be honoured to play host."

Clive gave me a tight hug, "Thanks dad, will you be OK with mum being here?"

Ashley was not impressed when Clive gave her the news. She tried and tried to get him to hold it at the vineyard offering to pay for everything but he was steadfast in his refusal.

With the decision made, Roisin and Alisha, who had already established a friendship worked out the details. It was no surprise to me, when I got a call from Ashley asking who Roisin was. When I told her she was my girlfriend, she became very quiet and thoughtful before she complained. "Rob, she is cutting me out of everything, I want to help, but every time I talk to Clive, he says Roisin is already onto it. There's nothing for me to do."

"Well then, just relax, come along and just enjoy it."

"He is my son Rob, and I want to help, if you would just talk to them let me help, or let me pay for something."

Promising to chat with Clive, I hung up and I sensed her pain. The relationship between Clive and Ashley was strained beyond stretching, and I did feel sorry for her. When I did speak to him he promised to find something. Roisin was the hard one, she had thrown herself into it mercilessly, and she was a bit taken aback when I asked her to include Ashley.

She didn't fight me, but I felt she wasn't happy.

The weekend of the wedding arrived and Ashley turned up with Sylvie and her husband. They had travelled up together and were staying at the same hotel. It was like battle lines had been drawn. Roisin for her part spent hours getting ready before they arrived and I must say she looked very sexy.

When I introduced them it was very tense and the claws were out. It was obvious they weren't going to be friends, let alone get along. Sylvie of course sided with her mother. The peace maker was Clive and Alisha, their relationship with Roisin already cemented.

It was the first night when Ashley arrived that gave me a certain amount of pleasure. I did offer for her to stay, but she decided to get a hotel instead. As I gave her the guided tour showing off the new extension and improvements, she walked into the main bedroom. I heard her suck in a big breath and I wasn't sure if it was the sweeping views of the coast or that Roisin had made sure that her clothes mostly underwear were spread everywhere and the bed was in a right state. I saw Ash flinch, and her eyes were glued to the sexy black negligee lying on the bed, yep it definitely wasn't the view.

Ashley couldn't get out of there fast enough.

After the wedding, and Clive and Sylvie had left, I arranged for Ashley to come around for dinner. We had things to talk about, we had a quick meal out on the deck, and it was the perfect evening, the sun setting over the horizon, no wind just a gorgeous balmy evening.

After eating she fixed me with a cold glare. "I guess it's final; you are not coming down to the vineyard are you?"

I laughed. "No Ash, I never was. I am sorry for the way things have worked out."

She nodded, "Not as sorry as me. Rob I can't apologise enough for what happened, I know you won't believe me but I still love you, I still can't imagine my life without you. Up until this weekend I hoped you would change your mind, that you would realise we could still make a go of it, we had to much love to just throw away. I hoped we could fall in love all over again and live out our days on the vineyard."

"Ash I still love you I will always have feelings for you, we had twenty five years of shared memories and good times. We will always have those. The bad news is we tried and it didn't work."

"Yeah, but Rob we tried here, and this isn't home for me, this place isn't us. Why couldn't we try at the vineyard, if you would just put aside your anger and come down and give it a go? Rob you know how much you loved it there and you could do it your way. Imagine you could make it yours and it's what Grant wanted."