Friendship or Love, Strange concept

Friendship and love, strange concepts

Thanks to my friend Charlie who helped with the story and the editing

This story is a little dated set in the seventies, so no modern digital equipment.

As a young kid growing up I wasn't one of those kids who had a lot of friends. I had kids that I used to go fishing with, or kids I played sport with but we were never great mates.

It wasn't until attending university that I built a real lasting friendship. Grant and I were both studying, for me it was mechanical and civil engineering; Grant's stream was geological engineering. We met not through our studies but rugby. We both played for the varsity team, he as the giant lock and me as the flanker.

Our friendship evolved during a game which exploded into a full on brawl. It started when the opposition prop took a swing at Grant and I grabbed him dragging him back off Grant and giving him a little tap on the chin for his troubles, well that's when the fight started. It was all on, for young and old, fists flying and bodies everywhere. After the game Grant came over, draped his monstrous arm over my shoulder and thanked me for standing up for him. In the clubrooms later we got on the piss and completely wrote ourselves off. That was the start of a very close friendship that endured.

After graduating I chose the easy road getting a position in Wellington with the Ministry of Works as a road and bridge engineer, I say it was easy because it meant I would become a civil servant with all the benefits that went with it. Grant on the other hand decided to take his degree and go overseas, ending up in South Africa where he made a real killing mining diamonds. Me I plodded away as a civil servant slowly working my way up the management ladder.

Grant and I were complete opposites. He was the dynamic go getter and I was more the quiet achiever, the retiring plodder.

I met the love of my life Ashley Godin at a rugby club prize giving dinner. The club had an associated women's netball team and occasionally joined for events such as prize giving. Ashley a recent arrival having moved to Wellington to take up a position with the DSIR as a research assistant had joined the netball team to make friends.

I spotted her from across the room and was drawn to her like the proverbial moth to a flame.

She was there with a gaggle of her friends having a great time, I managed to weasel my way in and we ended up dancing. It was the start of a very short torrid courtship. Ashley was an incredibly outgoing friendly person, they say opposites attract, well that was us in a nutshell. We married 12 months later and started our lives together. It was a typical marriage; we both worked long tiring hours working our collective arses off trying to raise a deposit for our first home. We chose a home, out in one of Wellington's outer seaside suburbs, Lyall Bay where our children Sylvia and Clive were born.

We had barely moved in when out of the blue Grant returned from South Africa bringing with him his gorgeous bride Saskia. He had made his fortune and chose to return to NZ and put his wealth to good use. They stayed with us as they looked for a suitable house. Thankfully they found one quickly in neighbouring, Island bay.

Saskia and Ashley became fast friends and were inseparable. Grant bought a small engineering business specialising in repairing earth moving equipment. Grant being Grant turned that fledgling business into a real goldmine. Saskia got pregnant with their first and only child.

With our kids growing and wanting some independence we decided to build an extension at home, as it was a little crowded. When Grant found out he dived in to help concluding I needed a hand. We spent hours building that extension, every weekend and late nights after work we toiled long and hard, although always accompanied by a few beers to finish off. I learned a lot from him, it was a real team effort cementing what was already a tight friendship.

I learned a lot about Grant, he definitely liked to be the boss, it was his nature and I didn't mind, he made good decisions. I also learned that we made a good team, which I suppose shouldn't have surprised me.

Around that time Saskia found a job selling real estate, Grant however was quickly losing interest in his business he had done the hard yards and turned around a failing business but now that it was up and running successfully he was bored with it. It was on the market less than a month before selling for an eye watering profit. I would be lying if I didn't say I was mildly jealous, well envious anyway. He worked hard for it and deserved it.

He decided he needed a change and went back to mining. He picked up some contract work in Australia, which did not make Saskia happy at all, she was happy and didn't want him buggering off. The upshot being she spent a lot of time at our place crying on Ashley's shoulder.

He was gone for months at a time, Saskia's growing disillusionment with the state of affairs meant if he was going to save his marriage her had to return home. He didn't just come home he came back with a plan.

He came home with a burning desire to become a vintner.

Saskia was stunned, but with him on a mission it didn't take him long to convince her to get on board.

They put their place on the market and with Saskia being in the game, it sold quickly and they were off.

It was a surprise when he whisked the family off to Otago. There was no history of grape growing in the region, if he said Marlborough I would have thought it made sense but central Otago? But there's no reasoning with Grant once he has an idea fixed in his head, he had brought a plot of land, sight unseen. They left with plans to plant the first grapes in central Otago. With his mind set and a plan in place, well the start of one anyway he was going to become set the world on fire and become a world class vintner.

It had become his dream, and like with everything he did he threw himself into it with great gusto. He was brave, fearless, this was something new to the region, it wasn't a renowned wine growing area but he had a dream and nothing was going to stand in his way, with his goal set and his never give in attitude it was always going to be a dead cert.

What did come as a shock was a sneaky phone call asking if I could get some time off to go down and help him with the construction process. I had a chuckle to myself, he might have had a plan but he still needed help, his ego was bruised having to ask for help. A quick chat with Ashley and we packed up the kids with us for a six week holiday over Christmas so I could help him design and build the house. It was a fun six weeks. The kids all got on great and Grant and Saskia, they were the sort of unofficial god parents. It was hard work, we again worked our arses off and got the house started, mapping out and setting the foundations. During the evenings once we lost the light we planted the grapes planted. My big mission had been to set up a wind powered irrigation system. It was a novel approach to a real problem.

I went back several times over the next year to help with the construction. Eventually he got exactly what he was after a huge rambling house built from local timbers and stone. It was huge a big grand monster of a place that stood out even in this area, the entrance was extracted straight from House and Garden magazine. Big strong front stone pillars, monstrous oversized doors opening into a wide foyer. It would have easily been home to a Hollywood movie. His plan was not only to make this a successful vineyard he wanted it to become a homestay where visitors could come, sample the wine and stay in style, look around the vineyard and see the wine being made.

We sort of lost touch for a couple of years while he focused on building his business and becoming a world class vintner. We had the children to raise, and Ashley returned to work. Work, children and their needs. It took all our time which meant we didn't see much of Grant and Saskia for long periods of time.

We did all got together when our daughter Sylvia went off to Lincoln University in Canterbury. God knows why she decided on agriculture but there you go.

Clive was the next to leave the nest and then Glen their son. Saskia stepped up like a mother hen and did a great job of keeping an eye on Sylvia for us. God knows how many hours she spent on the road picking her up from school and ferrying her back and forth so she could spend weekends at their home, and we will be forever grateful for getting her through that period unscathed.

My 50th birthday, Ashley decided to throw a huge party and of course, Grant and Saskia came to stay. It was a sort of joyous reconnecting and it brought about us spending time together and holidaying at each other's place, although their's was so much more palatial than ours. Ashley sort of fell in love with it and that ensured it was us doing most of the travelling.

Not long after that things turned to shit. Saskia... Oh sweet Saskia, she was a wild little thing and she loved to drive. She had a little Triumph Spitfire which really suited her nature, she was a lead footed girl racer. I hated to drive anywhere with her because she was never happy unless her foot was on the floor. It was my only concern with her picking up Sylvia, although Sylvie reassured me she never drove to fast with her in the car, it was bloody different when she had me in it, she took enormous delight in scaring the shit out of me.

It seems inevitable looking back but that doesn't take away the tragedy. One day, out racing around the twisty windy back roads of Central Otago she had a fatal crash. If there was a good thing it is that she would have died quickly.

Grant was a mess after the accident bawling his eyes out as he told us the news over the phone. We jumped on a plane and flew down immediately. When we got there he was drunk and sobbing his heart out. Ashley wrapped him in her arms comforting him. He poured me a drink and we sat out on the deck and got totally shitfaced. Ashley spent the night cleaning up getting ready for the mad influx of people expected tomorrow.

When I finally climbed into bed Ashley was still awake sobbing quietly. "Jesus what a mess, honey he is not coping well, you are going to have to be strong tomorrow, you are going to have to take control."

The day dawned with Ashley focused on preparing food and getting ready for the visitors. I went down to the police station and organised for the removal and disposal of the car. Jesus what a wreck, it was smashed beyond recognition. I found a specialist car wrecker who was interested enough to collect it.

Back at the house Ashley had spread the food out with a constant stream of well wishers looking to offer Grant condolences and promises of help. He wasn't quite catatonic but he barely functioned.

That night after everybody had left there was just Grant, his son Glen and us. Ashley cooked dinner but it was sombre, we tried to get Grant to open up and talk but he was a lost soul, totally immersed in his overpowering grief. This was a side of him we had never seen, a testament to how much he loved her. He refused our continued attempts to get him to talk about what he was going to do, he walked away leaving the table early leaving us to talk.

His son was very worried; he was studying architecture at Massey University in Hamilton and was deep in his studies. He could not afford too much time off.

The funeral was a huge affair Grant had certainly made an impact on the local community, he always was a big hearted bugger the sort of bloke who would give you the shirt off his back.

In the days following the funeral he became really morose and glum, especially after his son left to return to University.

Ashley and I worried, this was worse than somebody grieving, it was depression in its worst form.

We decided the best thing was for him to return to Wellington and stay with us for a while, it wasn't easy to convince him and it took a lot of arm twisting but eventually Ashley in her mother hen mode persuaded him that it made sense.

So after sorting out with one of the workers on the vineyard to take over, Grant flew back to Wellington with us. It was incredibly sad to see him like this, he had always been such a positive and go get them sort of guy, yet here he was moping around the house with Ashley waiting on him hand and foot. As much as I loved him he was driving me crazy, I could see Ashley wanted to care for him but it was wearing thin with her as well. We were both working and after work we walked in to find the house a mess and nothing done.

I tried to talk to him but it was hard I didn't want to offend him I just wanted him to pull his head out of his arse and do something.

Coming up to two weeks and we were saved, we arrived home to find him packing. It was like a switch had been thrown, to this day I don't know what got him going but he hugged us both and chirped. "Guys, thanks for looking after me, but I need to get back to work, if I sit around here much longer I'll go mad." Ashley and I both danced with joy after we drove him to the airport.

Shit it was wonderful having our home back, no more mess and Ashley in particular was overjoyed to not have to run around after him.

Ashley did ring and talk to him every night and he did seem to be in a brighter place, being back at the vineyard and with mountains of work to invigorated him.

The next month brought a long weekend and Ashley suggested we fly down for a quick visit. We both took extra days leave and flew down. The weather was amazing as we drove up to the vineyard, the landscapes are amazing through the region with alpine backdrops and clear blue skies it can be truly breath taking, and this was one of those days. Ash shook her head in disbelief as she often did on the drive. "Holy god above, honey this is spectacular isn't it!" Grant greeted us both with warm hugs but when we got inside Ashley just about died the place was a pigsty. Dishes piled high in the kitchen, food scraps everywhere and it didn't look like he had done a single bit of house work since he returned. He did apologise mumbling that he had been busy on the vineyard.

Ashley rolled up her sleeves and got stuck in. I had no alternative but to help out. Grant made some excuse about needing to do something and disappeared.

The moment he was out the door Ashley jumped into my arms. "Jesus what a bloody mess, there isn't a square inch of bench space and the floor is sticky to walk on."

I nodded. "It's bloody disgusting alright, how can he live like this?"

She shrugged. "It just doesn't make sense... He was never like this I mean I know he is grieving but holy hell this is bloody awful."

It took the rest of the day to get things relatively clean. Grant came back just before dinner time and he didn't even say thanks; it was like nothing had happened.

During dinner he chatted but it was weird he kept going back over things he had told us only moments earlier. Ashley and I kept looking back and forth wondering what was going on.

We left after lunch on Monday and he had a cry on Ashley's shoulder and a hug for me. "I'm going to miss you two." He muttered.

Back home Ashley was more worried than ever and she called him every night but he was the same, distant and incoherent. Ashley thought he was drinking.

I got home a little later than usual Thursday night to find Ashley bawling her eyes out like I had never seen before, she looked terrified and in deep shock. "Honey, what has happened?" My immediate thought was, the kids... Were they OK?

She peered up at e through tear filled eyes. "It's Grant he has been diagnosed with a brain tumour." She burst into ever deepening fits of despair. "He only has six months to live."

I flopped in a chair beside her and she threw her arms around me. "What are we going to do?" She asked.

"Honey there's nothing we can do, he can come back and live with us and we can try to look after him."

She nodded tears flowing. "That's what I said, but you know what an obstinate bastard he can be, he refused, perhaps you can convince him."

Later I called him suggesting he come stay with us. "No, sorry mate but that's not happening, I need to be here to finish the vineyard, there are important things I need to do."

I tried to convince him otherwise but he was not going to be persuaded otherwise. We talked for a while but I didn't know what to say, I mean Jesus what do you say to somebody who has a death sentence hanging over them, in the end I was happy to pass the phone back to Ashley.

Dinner was subdued neither Ashley nor I really knew what to say.

The next night when Ashley passed me the phone I waved her away and she looked angry as she picked up the conversation. After she hung up she snapped. "Bloody hell, why didn't you talk to him he needs you more than ever."

"Because I don't know what to say to him,"

"I think we need to go back down and see if he's OK, we can't just ignore him in his hour of need."

I nodded. "Yeah OK, but it's going to be hard work if it's like last time."

We hugged consoling ourselves. It was the weirdest feeling, we had been friends for so long and shared so many things but now I couldn't find words to say to him. Sorry didn't seem to fit.

Sure enough when we got out to Grants place it was like last time, the lawns were unmown, inside there was shit everywhere the pile of dirty dishes reached almost to the ceiling. Ashley cried, and when Grant turned up from down on the farm there were hugs all around. That at least was easier. I dusted off the lawnmower and set about trying to get the lawns and grounds looking tidy. Ashley was up to her elbows in dishwater as Grant wandered around looking like nothing was wrong. He felt no shame at the state of the place.

Over dinner that night we tried unsuccessfully to get him to go back home with us, but he wouldn't have it and no coercion or argument could change his mind.

The next day I wandered down with Grant as he showed me around the vineyard, pointing out all the improvements and changes. I got a moment to talk to his foreman and it was apparent it was him that was driving all the changes and he was managing the place, Grant regardless of his good intentions was just in the way.

The flight home was silent except when Ashley declared. "Honey he can't be left like that... He can't look after himself, he is going to get hurt."

"Well he seems to be getting by. Unless we could prove that he isn't of sound mind there's nothing we can do."

"But he isn't sound of mind is he... Honey he needs help."

I was confused about where this was leading. "Hon it's his life, we just have to be there for him when he needs us."

"Bullshit, he needs us now." She snapped back angrily. "I don't understand you, he is your best friend for heaven's sake, he needs you, and we need to find a way to help."

She slumped back in her seat and folded her arms tightly across her chest as she did when she was angry. I knew from experience not to say anything.

Tuesday evening I got home to find Ashley had cooked a huge dinner and that night we made love passionately, afterwards she snuggled tightly her hot body nestled as close as humanly possible. Wednesday night was a repeat except this time we made love twice and she was very loving afterwards.

Thursday night... Another repeat session, shit three nights in a row it had been a while since we had been this amorous. Friday night, it was again another huge dinner and in bed Ashley exhausted us both with her passion, it was afterwards as we snuggled that I got the shock. "Rob I want us to get some time off work and go and stay with Grant, help him through, shit he only has a few months left. I have talked to my manager and they have agreed to give me six months leave, I don't quite have enough long service leave, so I will have to take one month unpaid."