From the Ashes

Trying to maintain some control over his emotions, he just managed to choke out "Yes, Ma'am."

"You've meant the world to her since the day she brought you into it and I need to know that you're okay with this. Collin, may I please have your blessing to ask for your mother's hand in marriage? I promise you with everything in me, I'll never give you cause to regret it."

With that, she reached out and carefully lifted the lid on the box. His mother had grown up in the shadow of Buffalo's broken foster care system. Like many of her peers, without the benefit of any real supervision, she'd developed a little bit of a rebellious streak and it was reflected in both her attitude and style. While she had certainly toned it down over the years, she hadn't abandoned it completely. Katie had always said she was a little bit June Cleaver and a little bit Morticia Adams.

The ring could not have been a more perfect representation of his mother's personality. Katie had forgone the traditional silver or gold in favor of tungsten, a black material shaped into a circular vine pattern, supporting a bright red ruby.

In the end, it wasn't his aunt's impassioned words or the ring itself that was his undoing. It was the box. As Katie lifted the lid, her thumb had run a faint streak through a thick layer of dust. Years' worth of dust. The implications of that slammed into him like a speeding train.

Collin squeezed his eyes shut as he felt himself being pulled into her once more. In his mind's eye, he pictured the ring, a symbol of unwavering love, sitting somewhere in the back of his mother and Katie's closet. How many times had she glanced up at that shelf and allowed herself a little daydream about going down to one knee? How many times had she taken it down just to gaze wistfully at it? How many times had she hoped against hope that this time a decision she had no control over would finally go her way, only to have those hopes dashed?

The injustice of it all set his pulse racing, but he quickly tamped it down. This wasn't the time or place for that. Today, one of his aunt Katie's greatest hopes had become a reality and she had chosen to share her joy with him.

He felt her running her fingers through his hair as she'd done countless times before when he needed soothing. Embarrassed by his outburst and determined not to screw this up further, he concentrated on getting his breathing under control. When he was reasonably calm, he sat up out of her embrace and was surprised by the expression on her face. There was no worry or condemnation. She just fixed him with a knowing smile.

Reaching back into her purse, she pulled out a small packet of tissues and handed them to him. She had come prepared.

"So, you'll think about it? she asked, wryly.

"I...yes. God, yes. I'm so happy for you. And I'm so sorry."

"What are you sorry for, baby?"

"That it took this long. That you ever had to wait at all. That...it's not fair."

"The world's always going to be unfair, darlin'. Today's better than yesterday. Tomorrow? Who knows. You can let that bog you down or you can use it to drive you forward."

Deep down, he knew she would say something like that. Katie had always said whatever she'd lost in life had been paid back tenfold when his mother nervously asked her to sit down for that first awful cup of coffee. Not everyone was so fortunate, and Katie went to work every day to face that grim reality and to try and make a difference.

Unconsciously, Collin's hand dipped into his pocket to retrieve his envelope, clutching it underneath the table.

"So do you think she'll accept?" she asked.

Her tone was light enough, but he could still detect a little anxiety.

"Oh...you might have to be patient. She'll probably have to think about it for at least half a second," he reassured her. "When are you going to ask her?"

"I've got her sparkling grape juice in the car and a dozen red roses hidden in the pantry. I think we've waited long enough. I might give her time to get into her sweats when she gets home, but that's about it."

"What about the wedding? When do you think that will be?"

"It's pretty early for that baby, but we both know it'll be whenever your mother says," she replied with a grin.

Collin tried to suppress a giggle as a random thought popped into his head.

"And what is so amusing?"

"Nothing. It's just that I'll bet when you were dreaming about this as a little girl, you never thought you'd be getting married on Halloween."

Neither could hold back the laughter. They both knew that was a very real possibility if Janet Miller was given her way.

When she was finally able to catch her breath, Katie responded. "The thought had crossed my mind. That or your birthday. Those are the only dates she could ever seem to remember. It might help keep her out of trouble when it comes to remembering our anniversary."

A comfortable silence descended on them as they each enjoyed the moment. Collin was conflicted, but he knew there was another issue that needed to be addressed.

"Aunt Katie, I need to tell you something."

Keying onto his serious tone, she gently asked, "What is it, sweetie?"

"I should have said something earlier. It's just that I kind of wanted it to be a surprise and now I'm not sure...I know there's going to be a lot going on and I don't want to be in the way."

"Why in God's name would you ever think you'd be in the way?"

In answer, Collin brought his hand out from under the table and anxiously handed her the envelope. Pulling the folded-up piece of paper out, Katie immediately took notice of the familiar letterhead of her alma mater. The University at Buffalo School of Law had impacted her life in more ways than she could have ever anticipated, and she did her best to contribute as an active alumna.

She began to read aloud, just barely above a whisper. "On behalf of the faculty and administration, we would like to congratulate you on being accepted..." Her voice trailed off as she looked up at him in shock.

"I didn't realize at the time; you guys were going to be newlyweds. I don't wanna impose," he said, only half-joking."

It was Katie's turn to force a lump down her throat. Her voice cracked with the effort. "You're coming home? Darlin, I'd like nothing more. I just...we talked about a lot of options when you left school, but this....are you sure?"

"I'm sure. I could maybe get an apartment?"

"You'll do no such thing! Your mother can move that awful treadmill out of your room and dry her clothes like a normal person. Why this though, Hellion?" she asked, softly.

Katie's path was not for the faint of heart. The crimes and those she prosecuted for them reflected the very worst humanity had to offer. She persisted in the faint hope that those who were left suffering in their wake could find some way out of the darkness. The odds were rarely in their favor.

No one gets out free and clear. His mother, incredible as she was, would always carry the scars. When she was overwhelmed or trying to cope with her pain in an unhealthy way, Katie was always there to help shoulder the burden. When Collin himself needed reassurance that the visage staring back at him in the mirror did not define him, she reinforced that whatever features he may share with the creature who fathered him, his soul was his own.

Of all her sayings and words of wisdom, one stood out above the rest. Whenever he needed advice or found himself on the wrong side of honorable, she would simply ask him "What kind of person do you want to be?" It was less a question than it was a challenge, meant to be answered through action. It was just as well, as words usually failed him in those moments.

Until this moment.

"It's because of you. It's because I want to be like you."

She stared at him, seeing the certainty in his eyes, but still unable to keep her own demon from briefly stirring.

"Collin, you know I just want you to be happy, right? It doesn't matter to me if..."

"I know. I promise I've never doubted that."

Katie nodded her acceptance and rewarded him with the same warm smile that had lit up all the days of his childhood. She dabbed at the corner of her eye with a napkin and then reached out and took her son's hand. They turned their gaze toward the horizon, still bathed in sunlight. Out in the distance, perhaps tomorrow, the clouds would gather but they too would pass, because somewhere over that same horizon a young man would take his first steps toward a destiny guided not by his lineage, but by love. And a little girl, long denied, would finally be free to marry her favorite.

*****

Thanks to my friend for her assistance with this. You know who you are!