Fullness Of Life Ch. 04

After parking her car in the church lot, Cassidy threw on her hooded jacket, pulled the hood over her head and climbed out of her car. She made her way up to the front door of the church and was surprised that it opened easily. She stepped through the foyer and walked into the sanctuary. Cassidy could feel the peace surrounding her. She sat down on a back pew and bowed her head to pray.

But her normal prayers wouldn't come. Cassidy had been a faithful believer for her whole life. She had never stumbled or stuttered through her prayers. She had always had a close and personal relationship with her God. But at that moment, all of the patterns of her past didn't work.

As Cassidy sat in confusion, she felt the presence of another person. Looking up, she was surprised to see another woman in the sanctuary. At the same moment, the two women seemed to become aware of one another's presence. Their eyes locked and they both smiled. The other lady had entered from the front and began walking down the aisle toward Cassidy.

"May I help you?" the lady asked when she got to the pew Cassidy was seated upon. Cassidy started to say no thank you, then she caught herself. Looking at the woman closely, Cassidy said, "Are you the minister here?"

Cassidy had never known a female minister, but something about this woman made Cassidy think that she was a minister. When the woman smiled and nodded, Cassidy made up her mind to take the help that the minister was offering.

"Can I talk to you?" Cassidy asked.

The woman said, "Yes, of course. Why don't we talk here? No one is likely to bother us and I think there is something powerful about talking in a sanctuary."

Sitting on the pew in front of Cassidy, the woman, who introduced herself as Linda McPeters, asked Cassidy what she needed to talk about.

For the next 30 minutes, Cassidy poured out her heart. She told Linda about her childhood and growing up so lonely. She told her about dating Brad and still feeling lonely. She told her about leaving Sweetwater and coming to Nashville.

Then Cassidy stopped. With a look of wonder on her face, she said, "And I'm not lonely anymore. And it isn't all because of Jesse. I'm not lonely here because I like who I am, for the first time. I am finally living my life the way I want to live it. I'm not worried about what others will think of me. You know, I like me. Wow."

Linda looked at Cassidy thoughtfully. She said, "Cassidy, is there anything you have ever wanted to do that you haven't done because you were afraid others wouldn't approve? Sky dive? Learn to ride a motorcycle? Take a cake making class?"

With the quirk of her eyebrow, Cassidy's grin spread across her face, "Oh, yeah!"

Linda waited with an expectant look on her face. When it became evident that Cassidy wasn't going elaborate freely, Linda said, "Would you care to share with the class?"

Cassidy beamed her amusement. "I want a tattoo."

Linda's eyes flew open wide. "A tattoo?" she asked.

Cassidy nodded and added, "I want a tattoo on my arm of an armband. I know exactly what I want it to look like. But I love to wear sleeveless shirts and dresses, and it would be impossible to hide."

"And you want to hide it because . . . . " Linda asked.

With a frown, Cassidy said, "Because people would think . . . oh!"

With a laugh, Linda pulled up the hem of her long skirt. Along her ankle was a delicate and beautiful tattoo of a vine. With a wink, Linda said, "Let's just say that I understand!"

Linda gave Cassidy the address to the tattoo parlor she had used and then asked Cassidy to pray with her. This time, the words came. Genuine words, not meant to hide her soul, but to bare it so that it could come to life - fullness of life.

When Cassidy left the church, she headed straight to the tattoo parlor. For the next two hours, she underwent the process of getting her tattoo. In the end, it was exactly what she wanted. After the artist bandaged her up, she left the parlor feeling like she had made an important claim on her own life. She headed home with a much lighter heart.

Cassidy hoped that Jesse would call or come by that afternoon. But the rest of the day passed and she didn't hear from him. Robin called to check on her that night, but she didn't ask Cassidy to go out and she didn't mention Jesse. Robin did pass on the message that Ray had called to tell her that Cindy Ann had dumped Brad only moments after his proposal of marriage. Now she was planning to wed a politician from Raleigh, instead. Cassidy laughed to herself - apparently some news from Sweetwater WAS worth hearing!

On Tuesday morning, when Cassidy explained to Eleanor that she didn't need time off any more, Eleanor rescinded her offer of a few days vacation and put Cassidy back to work full time. By Thursday, the reporters stopped coming around and life got back to a semblance of normalcy.

Except for the absence of Jesse Turner.

Cassidy actually enjoyed having some time to herself in the evenings. Although she had been on a growth curve in her emotional life, she needed some time to catch up mentally. She used each evening as an opportunity to spend some time reading and writing. Then she would go for a walk and think.

Cassidy knew that she missed Jesse and that she loved him. But she had some issues of her own that she was working on. Cassidy had discovered that she could stand on her own two feet and that she liked who she was. If Jesse chose to come back to her now, she could offer him the love of a much more self confident woman.

On Friday afternoon, two of the other waitresses asked Cassidy to join them for drinks after work. Cassidy had truly meant to decline, but, at the last moment, she changed her mind. Cassidy had done a little shopping over the week and had picked out a halter top that bared her shoulders. It had a matching mini skirt which showed off her legs. The outfit looked nice enough, but Cassidy knew it also looked sexy and that was how she felt. She might not have any intentions of ever falling in love again, but that didn't mean she didn't want to look good!

The three women met downstairs at the diner. The other two complemented her outfit and Horace even whistled at her. She smiled at him and waved good bye to Eleanor as the three of them headed out.

First on the list of stops for the three was a bar nearby. After ordering drinks at the bar, the three of them found a table and talked for awhile. It didn't take long for one of the men at the bar to cross the room and ask one of Cassidy's friends to dance. Only moments later, the other woman got up and went to ask some man she had seen if he would like to dance.

Cassidy sat alone at the table, feeling rather confused. She hadn't anticipated dancing since she hadn't danced any of the times she had gone out with Van, Robin and Jesse. She wasn't exactly sure what to do. As she was pondering her situation, the waitress passed by her table. Stopping to look Cassidy in the face, she said, "Aren't the woman who took out that robber last weekend?"

Cassidy pasted on a smile and said, "Yes, I am."

The woman wrinkled her brow and said, "Well, why are you sitting back here and your accomplice sitting at the bar? I thought you said that you loved the man? I sure wouldn't let my lover sit up there by himself."

Cassidy looked past the waitress to the bar area. Sure enough, sitting at the far end was Jesse Turner. Looking back at the waitress, Cassidy said, "Oh, we just got our wires crossed up about where to meet. Thank you for pointing him out!" Then she grabbed her drink and started toward him.

It didn't take getting too close to Jesse to realize that he was seriously drunk. He was talking to his drink. Not that he was making any sense - it was all incoherent ramblings. But he hadn't seemed to notice that the drink wasn't talking back. Cassidy laughed to herself - maybe he was drunk enough to think the drink WAS talking back!

Cassidy noticed that all of the other patrons were avoiding sitting too close to the obviously unstable man. Taking advantage of that, Cassidy slipped onto the bar stool next to him. Turning to face her, Jesse cocked his head to one side slowly. Cassidy thought that his head might just keep going, but Jesse managed to stop it before he fell over. He stared at her intently for a moment before turning back to his drink. Cassidy heard him tell the drink, "Damn it all - now I'm hallucinating'. I would swear that woman beside me looked jus' like her . . . But she's got a tattoo . . . my Cassie didn' have a tattoo. Maybe I should get one for her . . . It's very sessy . . . " His slurred voice tapered off into nothingness.

Cassidy was relieved to know that Jesse was pitching this drunk on her behalf, but she needed to get him out of there. Whispering in his ear, Cassidy said, "Jesse Turner, this is your conscience. The woman beside you wants to take you home. If you let her, she will help you find Cassidy."

Again Jesse turned to look at Cassidy. She smiled at him, then offered him her hand. Sighing deeply, Jesse took her hand. Cassidy slipped a few bills on the bar and headed outside with the love of her life - the very drunk love of her life.

It ended up that Cassidy had to bribe the cab driver to help her get Jesse up her steps. She gave the man a huge tip, then pulled Jesse into her apartment. Not bothering with the couch, Cassidy headed straight to her bed. Sitting him down on the edge, she slipped off his shoes, took off his shirt and unbuckled his pants.

As she was working on the zipper of his pants, Jesse put his hand over Cassidy's to stop her. "I don't mean to be forward, miss, but are you planning on having sex with me? 'Cause if you are . . . you should know that I ain't goin' do it. You're beautiful . . . just like my Cassie, I'm only good for one woman and I done left her. This ain't goin' work . . . " And with that, Jesse passed out on Cassidy's bed.

Cassidy laughed at him and finished getting his pants off. Leaving him in his briefs, she put him under the covers and sat a trashcan near the bed. Although she had never been drunk in her life, she had heard that a hangover often resulted in needing to throw up. And she didn't want to ruin her carpet!

Making her own way to the guest bedroom, Cassidy decided to not worry about what tomorrow would hold. Right now, it was enough that Jesse was in her house. It didn't hurt that he genuinely seemed to be missing her as well!

Cassidy awoke to the sound of constant hammering. She blinked her eyes and tried to focus her mind. Where was she? Oh, yeah, she was in the guest bedroom because Jesse was in her bed. So who was pounding?

Finally, Cassidy realized that someone was knocking on her door. Grabbing her robe, she slipped it over her silky night shirt (yet another of her new purchases!). Making her way into the sitting room, she called out, "Give me a minute!"

Cassidy hadn't completely forgotten her experience the week-end before and she was leery of opening the door without knowing who was on the other side. She slipped into the kitchen where she had a window through which she could see out onto the landing in front of her door. What she saw caused her jaw to hit the proverbial floor.

Standing at her door was none other than Aunt Margie and Brad Frazier! Cassidy couldn't believe her eyes, let alone decide what to do. She realized that she had to open the door, since they knew she was home, but what then?

With a sigh of determination, Cassidy walked to her door. It felt somewhat like walking to the gas chamber, but Cassidy knew she could handle this. She just had to hold onto who she knew herself to be now.

Opening the door, Cassidy smiled widely at the pair standing outside. "Can I help you?" Cassidy asked sweetly.

Brad shot her a look of disdain and rolled his eyes. Aunt Margie simply sniffed and dabbed at her eyes with a Kleenex. Cassidy wanted to slam the door shut in their faces, but she also wanted to see this confrontation through.

Since no one had answered her question, Cassidy continued to stand in her doorway and look expectantly at the two visitors. Finally, Aunt Margie said, "Have you no manners, girl? Invite us in, for heaven's sake!"

Cassidy frowned and answered, saying, "I'll allow you to come into my home, but please note that I am not inviting you in. That implies that I want you here, and I think I have made myself fairly clear about how close I want to be to either one of you." Standing aside, she swept her hand open to allow them to enter.

Brad made a bee-line for the couch, while Aunt Margie looked the place over. Brad said, "Babe, you got any beer?"

Cassidy felt the growl rising up in her throat. "Bradley, I'm not your babe and you won't be staying long enough for refreshments. Say what you meant to say and get out."

Aunt Margie gasped in dismay. "What has come over you, child? I have never!"

With her hands on her hips, Cassidy turned to fully face her aunt. She looked at the older woman. For years, Aunt Margie had intimidated and controlled Cassidy with her manipulative actions and whining. But no more. "Well, it's about time you started then, Aunt Margie."

Brad cleared his throat and said, "I'm really thirsty. Don't you have anything to drink, Dee?"

Turning on the man she had once considered marrying, Cassidy said, in a loud voice, "My name is not Dee, you asshole! It is Cassidy! And you can damn well sit there and die of thirst before I'll wait on you ever again. How dare you come into my home and act like you are still a part of my life. You have done nothing but humiliate and use me for the last five years. I will not tolerate it anymore!"

Brad and Aunt Margie both stared at Cassidy as though she had lost her mental faculties. Aunt Margie opened her mouth to speak at exactly the same moment that Jesse's booming voice came from the back of the room.

Cassidy turned around to see Jesse standing in the door of her bedroom, still in just his briefs. He had one arm raised up on the doorframe and the other on his muscular hip. "I damn well don't know what you people are all shouting about, but if Cassidy has to tell you one more time to get out of her house, I'll throw both of you out the window."

Cassidy knew that Jesse's head had to be pounding, but he was putting up the best front she had ever seen. Aunt Margie's eyes were popping out of her head at the sight of Jesse's big body clad only in his underwear and Brad was looking a bit nervous himself. Cassidy took the opportunity to press their immanent departure.

"As you can see," Cassidy said, "I have company and you aren't wanted here."

Aunt Margie turned her blazing eyes back toward Cassidy. "I knew it! I just knew you were shacking up with that man when we saw you in the papers! This is just and fit punishment for you! You left this poor boy in Sweetwater, embarrassed him in front of the whole town and this is what you reap, you . . . you . . . Nashville hussy!"

It took all of Cassidy's best effort to keep from laughing in her Aunt's face. Instead, she just opened the door and looked pointedly at both Brad and Aunt Margie. "It's time for you to say good bye now," Cassidy said sarcastically.

Glaring at her, Aunt Margie marched past her, carefully avoiding even brushing against her. Brad walked a little slower and seemed to be wanting to linger. Looking at him expectantly, Cassidy said, "Yes, Brad?"

Brad wrinkled his brow and whined, "Dee, things ain't the same without you. . . "

Hearing Brad use his pet name for her yet again was the straw that broke Cassidy's camel's back. "Get out of my house, you jackass! I pray to God that things are never the same for you again! Get out!" And with that, Cassidy pushed him out of her door and slammed it in his face.

The silence in the room was deafening for several moments, then Cassidy met Jesse's eyes across the room. In less than a second, the man went from the best looking thing she had ever seen to the greenest looking thing she had ever seen. With a muffled groan, Jesse turned and ran for Cassidy's bathroom. She could hear him paying tribute to the porcelain receptacle.

Laughing to herself, she went to the kitchen and poured him a glass of tomato juice. She had always heard about some "hair of the dog" concoction that was supposed to help with a hang over. Setting the juice on the counter, she figured that Jesse could put it together if he needed it.

Cassidy walked over to her sitting room window and stared down at the street below. She could just see the taillights of Brad's truck as it turned left at the light at the end of the block. Cassidy wasn't sure what they had hoped to accomplish by visiting her, but she was fairly certain that they had wanted her to come back to Sweetwater and take care of them and their needs. But Cassidy hadn't given in. Even when Jesse had given them "proof" that she was a fallen woman.

Cassidy thought about who she had been in Sweetwater. The girl she had been there would never have slept with a man without the bonds of at least an engagement ring. But the woman that she was now had chosen to make love to a man with the only bond being that of her love for him. Somehow, that seemed like a much better choice to Cassidy.

When Jesse came out of the bedroom this time, he had showered. His dark hair was damp and had a few curls lurking around the edges. He had on his jeans, but the button was undone. Otherwise, he was all exposed flesh. Cassidy feasted her eyes on him. He was more than she had ever imagined she would have in her life.

"So, I guess you brought me home last night? And that was your ex from Sweetwater?" Jesse said, somewhat hesitantly.

Cassidy nodded her head before turning back to look out the window. "I found you drunk at the bar and talking to your drink. I thought I would bring you home before someone else took advantage of you."

Jesse walked up behind Cassidy and put his hands on her shoulders, drawing her body backwards into his. Bending to nuzzle his face in her hair, Jesse said, "I couldn't have been with anyone else. I've missed you."

Smiling to herself, Cassidy closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of Jesse holding her. The heat of his flesh penetrated the silk of her robe and made her skin tingle. Cassidy knew they needed to talk, but, for just a little while, she wanted to soak up the feelings coursing through her body.

After a few moments, Jesse turned her around to face him. Tilting her face up to look at him, he said, "I was a fool, Cassidy. I know you have no way of knowing this, but the biggest problem I had with my ex-wife was that she tried to manipulate me into everything that she wanted. You didn't do anything wrong. But when I saw you on national tv, telling the world that you loved me . . . well, I felt like a fool. I wanted to be the one that told you first. I wanted to be the one that made you feel special by telling the world how much I loved you. And instead, you did it. But, instead of feeling special, like I should have, I felt manipulated. I took out my anger on you and you didn't deserve it. Tell me you'll give me a second chance."

Cassidy bit her lower lip. Jesse had just told her that he loved her and wanted to be a part of her life. He hadn't offered to marry her, but he wanted her. Deciding that she could live with that, Cassidy nodded her head. She said, "I'm yours for as long as you want me, Jesse."

Jesse's face contorted into a scowl. "For as long as I want you? Aren't you paying attention here? I don't want to ever be without you again. I want to marry you. Are you just playing dense?"

Cassidy's eyes flew open. "You want to marry me? But you never said . . . "

Shaking his head, Jesse gave an exasperated growl and said, "Woman, I can't seem to do any of this right! I hope you haven't always dreamed of this moment and I just blew it. Wait right here. No, wait. Sit on the couch and don't move."