Funny How Love Is

I turned onto my street to drive by and make sure everything was okay at home. I did it a couple of times a night when I worked overnight shifts. My neighbors appreciated it and were always doing little things for me in exchange. What good is being a cop if you can't make your neighbors feel safe?

I saw an older Toyota parked a few doors down from my house. I didn't recognize it, so I slowed down to check it out.

I saw the interior lights on and the driver lit a cigar. I thought it was odd, he seemed to be casing one of the houses. I pulled up behind him and walked up to his window.

Before I could knock on the window, it rolled down and the driver spoke. "Hey, Jimmy," Bob Sanford said to me.

Bob was a private investigator and we'd crossed paths several times over the years.

"Hi, Bob. You're not on the job are you?" I asked, fearing that one of my neighbors was having an affair. I'd kinda suspected my wife's friend Carrie of having an affair but I never cared enough to look into it. Her husband Jack was an ass and I couldn't stand him anyway.

"Yeah, A jilted wife is looking for evidence on her cheating bastard of a husband. He picked up tonight's conquest at The Back Stop Bar and brought her over here. I assume it's her house. I haven't run the address yet, I was about to peek in some windows when you pulled up."

I looked up the street for another strange car but didn't see one.

Bob continued, "He followed the lady right into her garage."

"I live in the red brick house over there, maybe I can help you identify her and save you some trouble."

Bob looked at me and looked sick. I don't think it was from his cheap cigar.

"You said red brick? Number ten?" He asked.

"Yeah, number ten."

"Shit, Jimmy. That's where they went."

My head snapped over to my house. The living room light was on but no bedroom lights. I was hoping against hope that my wife of five years, Rena, wasn't fucking him. Yeah, denial is more than a river in Egypt.

"Come on, Bob. Do you want to get some pictures that will be legal in court?"

He nodded his head and set the cigar in the ashtray.

We walked the three houses down to my house and I saw my bedroom light go on just as we approached. I was already pissed off, but that made me see red.

I couldn't believe she was cheating on me and in my house. I guess she thought she was safe since I had another four hours on shift and he parked in the garage.

After opening the front door, I led him upstairs where we heard sounds of moaning and talking. I checked to make sure he was ready to get pictures and pushed open the door.

My wife and her lover looked up at the barrel of my gun pointed at them and all hell broke loose. The shithead still had his pants on and my wife's slutty skirt was on the floor. She was in bed wearing only her bra and panties.

He jumped off of the bed and tried to hide behind a chest of drawers. My wife was screaming at me to put the gun down.

"Jimmy, please don't shoot us," she cried.

The shithead hadn't said a word. He was too busy cowering in a corner.

"Pack a bag and leave," I said. "As for you, shit head, get out now before I put one in your eye."

He grabbed his shirt and ran downstairs almost knocking Bob over.

"Jimmy please, we hadn't done anything yet. I was stupid. I got too drunk and he broke through my defenses."

"Shut up and pack," I shouted. "If you're here when I get back, I'm not sure I'll be able to control my anger."

She cried and begged but I didn't listen. I walked out the door and didn't see her again until we went to our final court appearance that ended our marriage.

She tried to call me, email me, and get others to talk to me on her behalf but I wouldn't listen. I read the nonsense she sent me about it being the only time, they weren't past kissing and his fondling her breasts, she fucked up but still loved me: Blah, blah, blah. The intent was there.

***

Two years later, I was on-duty walking out of a coffee shop when I heard what I thought was a gunshot next door at a bank. I called it in and ran over to check it out.

Through the window, I saw a guy with a handgun pointed at a teller, screaming orders, and a man on the ground in a pool of blood. There were four other people against a wall with their hands up. Then I realized the teller was my ex-wife.

"Fuck!" I thought as I made a snap decision and opened the glass door with my gun drawn.

I slowly walked into the bank and before I could say anything Rena's eyes saw me and went wide in shock or maybe it was fear.

The gunman spun and pointed his weapon at me. I reacted quickly and pulled my trigger hitting him twice in the chest. Then, as if it were in slow motion I saw him fall and his gun fired at me.

With no time to react, I felt a blinding sharp pain in my leg and fell backward before everything went black.

***

I woke up to the sound of that stupid chicken sandwich commercial. If I'd have had my gun I'd have shot the TV when the man, for the seemingly millionth time, told his sandwich it was 'lookin' all special'.

My head was pounding with the worst headache I'd ever had and I felt someone holding my hand. The room was dark except for the light in the hall and the TV, and my vision was blurry. I couldn't make out who was in the room with me.

I tried to turn my head, but a voice I recognized sobbed, "Don't try to move too much." I fell back asleep after that.

When I woke again, the room was lighter because of some sunlight creeping in, but I still had blurry vision. I realized I didn't have my contacts in.

My throat was dry and sore when I swallowed. I felt around for the call button but before I knew it the voice grabbed my hand and said, "Lay still, Jimmy."

I heard her start crying and I said, "Water," but it sounded rough and scratchy.

She let go of my hand and I assume hit the call button. She set the control on my bed.

Before I could ask what she was doing there, the nurse came in with the water.

"Welcome to the land of the living, Officer Conti. You can have some water but please drink slowly."

I did and it still hurt my throat.

"You've been asleep for more than a day after the surgery on your leg. You're a very lucky man to survive your ordeal with only a broken leg."

"Aspirin?" I asked wanting to get rid of the headache.

"I'll get you something for the headache. On top of a bullet breaking your femur, you got a pretty nasty blow to the head from something."

"The table where the deposit slips are filled out has a marble base," Rena said. "He hit it when he fell."

Rena! What the hell was she doing there?

The nurse made some notes and left me and my ex-wife alone. The first time I'd been alone with her since that night I caught her cheating.

"Why are you here?" I asked without making eye contact. She still held my hand but I wasn't holding hers back.

"You saved my life, Jimmy. I was sure he was going to kill me because I couldn't open the drawer. I was panicking so badly, I froze. He shot my boss who did nothing but ask him to calm down and not hurt anyone. He shot him in cold blood. I know he would've killed me too."

She started sobbing and dropped her face to my chest. I let go of her hand and pushed her up as much as I could. I was shocked by my lack of strength.

The nurse came in and handed me a cup of pills. "These will help with your headache."

"Thanks," I whispered.

"News of your awakening has spread, I'm afraid. Your buddies in blue have kept the press outside the hospital, but some of them have come up to see you. They are waiting outside and are very anxious to see you."

I looked around the room for the first time and saw flowers as balloons all over the room. I saw a stack of cards on the stand next to the bed.

"Your wife has been the only one we allowed in while you were out."

Rena looked down, embarrassed.

"If you're up to it, I'll send them in."

I nodded and she left.

"Wife?"

"I'm sorry, Jimmy. I lied so they would let me stay with you."

That's when I noticed she was wearing her wedding and engagement rings.

She saw me look and said, "I've never taken them off..."

She was cut off by my Chief and Captain walking in.

"Jimmy! Thank God you're awake. They were worried about that bump on the noggin and you sleeping for over a day."

"I feel okay, Chief. My head is pounding and my throat hurts, but I seem okay."

They ignored Rena, who slunk back into a corner. None of my coworkers were happy about what she did to me causing our break-up. That was evident by the rash of speeding, illegal lane usage, and parking tickets she received after I kicked her out. I had to ask them to leave her alone because my lawyer was getting complaints from hers.

"We won't stay long, Jimmy," said my Captain. "We just wanted to make sure you didn't need anything." He looked over at Rena with a snarl and growled, "Do you need us to do anything, Jimmy?"

"No, Cap. Just let everyone know I appreciate the flowers and stuff."

"Sure, Jimmy." He patted my good leg and looked at Rena again. "If you need anything at all, you let us know."

"It's okay. She's behaving."

"Fine then. We'll let everyone know you're okay and not to come by until tomorrow. I'm sure you could use another day of peace before the whole force descends on you."

"Thanks."

"By the way, don't worry about the shoot. The bank's cameras caught everything and once you give a statement you'll be cleared. It was a good shoot. You saved lives in there."

I nodded and was glad. I hadn't thought about that stuff yet. I was sure I'd get some grief for going in without backup later.

They shook my hand, gave Rena an icy glare, and left. The meds must've been strong as I fell asleep before she made it back to my side.

***

When I woke a few hours later, a nurse was in my room doing her thing.

"Hello, Officer. Feeling okay?"

"Yeah. I could really use my glasses or contacts though."

"Sorry, I don't know what happened to your glasses. Maybe your wife will them back with her."

"She finally left?" I asked.

"Yeah. She didn't leave your side from the time you got out of surgery until an hour ago. All of a sudden she panicked when she realized no one was taking care of your dog."

"Oh my God! I can't believe I forgot about Brutus. He probably tore up half the house."

"Nope, I had Jeri get him as soon as we saw the news."

I looked at the door and saw the blurry version of my neighbor Steve standing there.

"Thanks, man. I hope he hasn't been too much trouble."

"He's missing you, pal. He whimpers a lot and drags us to your door when we walk him."

I laughed at the vision of five-foot-nothing, barely one-hundred pound, sixty-year-old Jeri trying to walk my almost seventy-pound black lab.

"Rena was at the house. That's how I knew you were taking visitors."

He saw the frown on my face and said, "Don't worry, bud. I told her we were taking care of Brutus and she asked me to let her get your backup glasses. I refused, of course, but I went in and got 'em for ya."

"Thank God!" I thought as I took them and slid them on.

"You know, if I didn't know better, I'd think she still carried a torch for you."

I wished he was still blurry so I didn't have to see his smirk.

"I don't need her kind of love."

He frowned and said, "Okay, neighbor. I'll let you rest. Get well and don't worry about anything. We've got Brutus and we're picking up your mail."

"Keep the bills, huh?" I teased as he walked out with a wave.

Of course, Rena still loved me. Every email and text she sent throughout the divorce process and for a year after told me she did. I read them all. I know some guys would've deleted them without reading them—I couldn't. I guess I was a glutton for punishment.

The fact was, I still loved the cheating bitch. She tore most of my heart out and what was left unfortunately was the part in which I held my love for her.

Like a sick cosmic joke, I couldn't make it past first dates because I pined for the wife I had before that damned night. She was a great wife until she wasn't.

It was over in a flash. I never suspected anything was wrong. I knew my job took its toll on her, but I was a cop before we were married. She knew what she was getting into. She chose to accept my crazy shifts leaving her with lonely nights. She chose to worry about me when I was on duty.

It couldn't be that bad. We lived in a small town with no major crime issues. Hell, the bank robbery/homicide was the first of either in the ten years I was on the force.

She chose to be a cop's wife until she chose to not be.

***

I was watching Sandra Smith's gorgeous face on TV when Rena came back.

When I met Rena, I was attracted to her immediately because she had the same blonde hair and icy blue eyes as the Fox News anchor.

She called 911 to report a stalker sitting in his car outside her house. I got the call from dispatch and was there in a few minutes. The scumbag was so busy looking through his binoculars he didn't notice me until I walked up to his window.

My body cam caught the binoculars sticking out the window of his car as I approached. Because I caught him peeping, she pressed charges and I arrested him. He was a perv she worked with at the bank who was a little too obsessed.

Ultimately, he got a slap on the wrist, she got a restraining order, and I got a date. The rest was history.

I looked at Rena as she walked to the chair beside my bed. She was freshly showered and made up as if she were going on a date. I again wished I didn't have my glasses on—she was more beautiful than ever.

"I see you got your glasses. I tried, but Steve threatened to call the police if I tried to go into the house. You changed the locks, but not the garage code. It's still our anniversary."

"Why are you here, Rena. I'm up. I'm better. You can go on your way and back to your boyfriend. I'm sure he's pissed."

She started crying. It was a low blow. I knew she wasn't dating anyone, especially not the jackass with whom she was caught.

"Sorry. That wasn't called for," I whispered.

"It's okay. I deserve it."

She looked at the muted TV and said, "I see you're still watching her."

I nodded. I couldn't tell her it was because she reminded me of her.

"I keep hoping they go back to studio sets so I can see her legs again."

She snorted a laugh and said, "I hope so for you."

She looked at the wall and I pressed, "You didn't answer my question."

She took my hand and the most determined look I'd ever seen on her took over her face.

"Jimmy, when that gun was pointed at me and I froze, all I could think about was that I'd never see you again. I'd never get a chance to tell you one last time that I was sorry for hurting you. I'd never get the chance to tell you once more that I love you more than life itself."

She pulled a tissue and blew her nose loudly.

"Jimmy, when I saw you creeping up I thought you were a hallucination caused by fear. I thought my life was flashing before my eyes and then he spun around and I knew you were real. You were protecting me. You were saving me."

I was about to tell her I would've done it for anyone but she cut me off.

"When I saw you get shot and fall, it was the worst moment of my life. I thought you were dead. There was so much blood."

She looked away again and said, "I ran around the counter and took my blouse off. I pressed it against your wound and begged, not prayed, I begged God to let you live. Imagine that. I haven't been in church since our wedding and I was begging God for a favor. When the paramedics came they had to force me off of you. I was sitting on the floor with my manager's blood, your blood, and the bastard's blood surrounding me."

"Rena..."

"No! I need to tell you what happened."

I nodded and she continued, "One of the policemen recognized me and helped me up. He put his jacket on me and drove me here to you. I'm sorry I don't remember his name. He was very kind and I owe him."

She started sobbing and the doctor walked in.

"Good news, Officer. The surgery on your busted leg went well. You're going to be in that brace for a while until the incisions heal and then we'll get you in a cast for around six weeks. Luckily, the blow to the back of your head didn't crack that bowling ball on your shoulders, but you obviously have some stitches. Everything's looking good, but don't overdo it. You most likely had a concussion, but as of now you're not showing any negative effects."

"Thanks, Doc. I'll be careful."

Rena stood and asked, "Will he need any special care? Is it safe for him to be on his own?"

"No, Mrs. Conti, he's going to need you to take good care of him for a while. He won't be able to walk or get around on his own for the first couple of weeks. After that, he'll be able to put some pressure on it and walk with a cane but he'll have limited mobility until the cast is off. Then the physical therapy starts. It's a good thing he has you to fuss over him."

The bastard winked at me and left the room. I'm sure he thought that she was my wife and he was helping me out by telling her to take care of me. Little did he know.

She smiled a dick-hardening smile and said, "Doctor's orders. I have to take care of you."

I was about to protest, but she cut me off.

"Oh! Before I forget, you have to call your mom. I've been keeping your parents updated but she's waiting to hear from you."

"Thanks," I said as I took the proffered cell phone from her to make the call.

"I'll have my mom come take care of me. You can go on and get back to your normal life."

I heard her mumble to herself that I was her life as she sat on the couch by the window.

As if karma hadn't slapped me in the face enough, my parents were going on a cruise for two weeks. Rena already told my mother that she was going to look after me and not to cancel their trip or worry about me.

My mom always loved Rena and was pissed that I didn't give her a second chance. It caused a rift between us initially, but we made up before she and dad retired to Florida.

She was probably loving the fact I would need Rena's help.

***

"You never finished," I said a few hours later. We had been sitting in mostly silence since the doctor left. I suppose I was bored enough to hear the rest of her explanation for hanging around. She got my curiosity up as she was still sitting in my room. It was like she was afraid to say anything to remind me she was there.

"Okay," she said in a whisper.

"When I asked about you at the nurse's station, she said you were in surgery. She asked if I was your wife, I hesitated. She said only family would be able to see you in the ICU when you were out. I showed her my ID, said I was and she let me wait for you in the post-op waiting area."

She kept crying. I'm not sure why she was so upset. I wasn't as much upset with her for doing that much as I was surprised. When she stopped emailing me I figured she'd moved on.

"I'm sorry, Jimmy. I didn't want you to be alone. I was desperate to be with you. To thank you. To be sure you didn't wake up in this dreadful place afraid. God! Jimmy, I love you so much!"

She sobbed into my hand leaving me wet from her tears. I was uncomfortable, not only with the attention she was putting on me, but her bursts of emotion. If she would've stayed faithful we would still be married, she has to know that, right?

"It's too bad you don't love me enough to be faithful," I said quietly.

"The worst thing I've ever done in my life was let Carrie talk me into believing you didn't love me as much as I loved you."

Before I could speak she stopped me.

"Jimmy, I know now that it was all a game for her. I told you all about how she made me believe that you were cheating on me during the day when I was working. We hadn't made love for over a month because of your schedule."