All Comments on 'Game Night'

I rated your story a 5 on the novice writer scale, but for your next effort, would like to see you gave your characters speak. This will make your story flow more naturally.

then you can work on adding more detail to the sex scenes.

A great first-time story. I would like to see more info in the personal biography to get a sense of the author.

Great job for your first story but think about having someone proofread and edit your work, it's not a major problem but it might help.

Please do a sequel to this story!!

Great first story! I loved it. I agree with the comments about adding dialogue. The words help the reader know what the characters are thinking and feeling. The other comments about proofreading are also true. Finding an editor that can help, that you can work with, so that you can improve the story without feeling like it is you that is being criticized is not easy - but the final effort is always better. Until you can find that partner, try reading your story backwards, sentence by sentence. This will help you to find the wrong word spelled correctly, and that the sentence leads into the next. But with that, remember more that your story was enjoyed and spacial.

Good writing. The next one (and there should be a next one) should be longer,

I seldom read father/daughter stories but the swapping, as indicated in the title, intrigued me. I like swapping stories, especially between more mature adults and sometimes within the family circle. It's a fantasy of mine. I found this to be a good story, not overly long and you kept the story moving forward instead of repeating the same scenes over and over. I like that. The ending of this story was right on and I have found that sequels tend to fall flat. From my perspective it flowed quite well. While some editing might be okay be careful not to let someone else mess with your stories. That the narrator's parents were separated without a lot of narration was well done. A lot of detail in this regard detracts from a story. A little more personal information about the women would have been good but don't overdo it.

As a very horny kid many years ago I can identify more wit;h mother son incest but don't read it a great deal. One thing I have noticed about swapping/swinging stories is that they usually have woman on woman encounters but very seldom include man on man sex. As a very old straight man I have, over the past few years, found myself wondering what it would be like to be with another man. I find well done examples of this to be very erotic and tend to think that I would enjoy trying it.

Please keep writing. I will keep your name on file and hope to read more from you.

Wow!

A very hot first story. It’s a shame you’re no longer posting on here because you are a damn good writer! :)

For your first it soooo good

i would LOVE to see this story continue on!!!

When is part two coming??

For a novice writer you did fantastic. Keep writing