All Comments on 'Game Night Proposal'

Nicely paced and enjoyable to read. Please keep writing.

With your admission at the beginning,...I have to say, bravo... well written, paced well, exciting subject...

Good job. 5 stars. Hope the family continues to have mutual fulfillment and other adventures.

I wish people didn't avoid father/son activities when it comes to family orgies. Good story, just a little disappointing.

Quite good, but use everywhere of "me and Evy (or whoever)" was making me crazy... it should be " Evy and I ... were doing whatever", unless the people are the object of the action (e.g. something happened to Evy and me)... It is proper form to always mention the other person first when someone is telling about what happened. If in doubt, just drop the other person to figure out what form the thing should take... eg. if you feel like writing "Me and Evy went to the store", drop Evy and see if "Me went to the store" (that only works if you're the Cookie Monster from Sesame Street.... that should be "Evy and I went to the store". Don't go overboard and use I everywhere either... e.g. "Something happened to Evy and I" .... is wrong... drop Evy out of it and see if "something happened to I" makes sense. Keep up the good work, this story deserves some additional chapters, and I'm surprised Heyall didn't catch some of the issues that I found so distracting.

Solid first attempt.

Great Read!

A very good premise, but the sex was a bit clinical.

wow

Very strong effort for a first story, especially in a non-native language. The setup, flow, and sex was amazing, as was the dialogue.

There were a bunch of typos and missed capitalizations, but those are easy to clean up. There were a few instances where you used “me” instead of “I” which is a pet peeve of mine.

I gave you 5 stars and you should definitely keep writing

Good first effort. Keep at it and you will get even better. Kudos.

Very hot story. Really loved the mother daughter action. More like this please. Hopefully there is a sequel for this.

Cheers

Thanks for the read.

Excellent...More, more pls and happy new year!

Great first story. Don't stop, more please!

Hot story. Family sex is so hot, arousing. Makes me aroused anyway. My only disappointment was that the guys didn’t play with each other. My biggest turn on is watching 2 guys playing with each other. If it’s OK for the women, it ought to be OK for the guys.

I loved this. Well done. It felt so natural how this family expressed their love.

The story moved well along. The only side that was left out, perhaps for the sequel, is father - son.

Since I am in the middle of the bible belt, male to male and incest are taboo, giving the preachers their "moral" switches to keep their enclaves in their control in this region of the world. Sadly, the swingers are just as badly myopic regarding the two taboos. Ask them "Why?" And they back-pedal so hard and quickly.

I enjoyed reading the story and look forward to seeing more from you.

There were some writing issues here, but this was still very good considering the warning you gave us in the beginning. This was a very enjoyable and hot story. Good job.

Wow. Terrific. I wish the family orgy lasted longer with more detail of the acts performed.

Thanks you all so much! I’m so excited to see the reaction my story has received. I had to struggle a lot with the grammar and structure but the help I’ve gotten from much better and talented writers is inspiring. I’ll focus on improving my writing and hopefully make works you will all enjoy in the future.

Also, just want to make it clear that HeyAll definitely noticed the mistakes and corrected me as a good editor would, it was my mistake that I failed to correct the remaining issues.

Great story, I hope you involve other people too.

5 Stars. Loved this one. I hope this is not the end. Maybe they could get together with that other couple that has involved their children, too. That would be hot.

Will mum and dad take the kids to an orgy or swingers party? Maybe visit the other couple who have sex with their kids.

I would love to know how common incest is in the real world.

brother and sister are twins and they never fuck!!! thats the most intense union and should be there

this is great i hope there'll be more

Great story, hope in next chapter they make up with the other family

For English to not be your first language I would have never known. This was a great story!

Excellent story.

Surprised that Kim and Henry had never had sex with each other.

At least the twins might have experimented with each other.

How about another game night?

I'm going abstain from voting this time around. But for the record, I hated your story because you never let Henry and Kim have their moment together. I thought that they would hook up at the end, but then Mom and Dad inserted themselves into the mix and ruined it. I would have preferred that they remain spectators watching their son and daughter discovering their repressed love for each other. The brother/sister needed to become a couple in the end relegating their sexual activities with the parents to just game nights only.

I vote 0/5 for this one.

Like it. Looking forward to getting into the next part.