All Comments on 'Get Lost'

Too long

Great story! 5/5!!!

I stopped reading once the daughter gave Ingrid the terms to reconcile claiming it was Harry’s idea. The kids lied to both parents and set Harry up for an ambush reconciliation with Eveline, I no interest in reading the rest of it. Eve rejected Harry’s attempts to explain his crazy ex wife and should have been put on the “dead to him” list with Ingrid. For Harry to stay true to himself, the only appropriate response would be to kick out Eve and his children.

In spite of the 'warning' that this is fiction, the plot has more holes than a Danish immitation of Swiss cheese...

Enjoyed the story, for the most part. However, the writing itself was not really up to par. I suggest that you find an editor or proofreader to help you with this. Keep at it, you show real potential here.

This may help readers understand the story. Caravan: a vehicle equipped for living in, typically a trailer towed by a car and used when traveling for recreation.

..perhaps you could have added — Eveline was amazed at the transformation of the house that she’d seen when Harry first was looking for a new house months and months ago, and in fact on their first date however unconventional it might be, from the near derelict building into this model home inside and out. In fact she could see in her mind the house might even be featured in [pick a popular home style and fashion magazine you’d see at a news stand] as a before and after.

The wife is not the only bad manipulator here, the author is one too.

The wife's action/portrayal through page 1 is not consistent with the final page.

My guess is at first author is trying portray the wife as succumbing to seduction from what happen to be a bunch of predators. But author couldn't figure out how to make the reconciliation even more impossible than it already is, and that's how the bullshit reveal at the end happened.

Instead of exploring a wife that made a dumb choice to her eternal regret, we get the 'surprise, she was always cheating trope' to help the plot seal the divorce.

A really good plot. New and refreshing. Although your English is correct at all times, your rhythm and expressions prove that it is your second language. Personally I find it makes the story both enjoyable and more easy to place the story in the Netherlands. Keep up the good work and thank you for punishing ALL the characters that warranted it.

Like the way you build up your story, and this one is good

It was a good effort, but I disliked Eveline and it was a shame he ended up with her.

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Eveline started off okay, but the way she dumped him without a word was cold. It was understandable after the abuse she went through in her first marriage, but it proved she was damaged goods. Then after they got back together, she went behind his back to conspire with the ex-wife about the letter, which caused more problems when he felt betrayed by her disloyalty.

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I just don't get why he'd settle for Eveline. Harry was wealthy, successful, in incredible shape, a formerly loving husband, and great father to his two kids... the guy was in the top 1% of single guys. He could've easily dated hot women in their twenties... and yet he settles for some emotionally damaged divorcee in her forties?

Harry could've done so much better.

Well laid out and while ur grammer sounded a bit off for my American ear. It was very well done. Thank u for sharing ur story

Interesting. You kept your ‘Continental' point of view, but handled the crux of the story decisively.

Hi, Josh! Great story! On reading this final version, it reminded me of a very grown-up version of Cinder(f)ella, with Inge being every bit as despicable as Lady Tremaine, and the kids, Jake, and Lisa playing group fairy godmother to Harry's abused and tormented existence. So glad someone eventually got their well-deserved comeuppance as Harry seemed to have a chance at a happily ever after. Well done!

P.S. Thanks for the callout; I'm really glad to have been able to help. I'll send you a PM with a couple of minor follow-up issues.

"She grunted, "I want you in me, now! And I want to feel you coming inside me. I want all of it inside me! Now, have me!"

Harry pushed his cock the rest of the way inside her tight sleeve in one go. "

This whole story is so juvenile that it looks like it was written by a 12-year-old.

I really enjoyed the overall story and plot lines you gave us. That said, the narrative was a little "stuffy" and devoid of emotion for the first several pages. As a result, I had trouble buying into the characters and their emotions. The last page or so were excellently written and I even had tears come to my eyes at a couple points. 4*

Well, the syphilitic bitch got her due!

Great story!!!

Hope to see more from this author.

I struggled a bit to know what to think of this story. I thought I should explain why I couldn’t give it more stars.

Somehow, it seemed superficial. I suspect that that was partly due to the translation; it is hard to translate well without the language seeming somewhat wooden and unnatural. But I think the larger issue was that things just seemed “too much.“ Inge was cartoonishly mean. Harry immediately fell in love overnight. Eveline Is immediately and completely taken in by Inge’s falsehoods. Despite the pain Harry felt when Evelyn left without explanation or chance to defend himself, Harry immediately proposed when she came back. It all seemed “too” to be real.

The plot is absurd and the characters are ridiculous. Real human beings do not act like this. And yet you dragged it out into a long story.

So where in the story did Harry find out about Inge having affairs before the caravan...it seems convenient to base your ending on an assumption

Well…..that was a slog. But an interesting one.

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Inge turned out to be a real monster, didn’t she? Harry was a conundrum…..basically a very nice guy…but with a very uncompromising core inside of him that when his limit is exceeded…it’s over. Bjorn found out and still doesn’t have the relationship with his Dad that Annika has.

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At the end of the day, what the hell was Inge’s motivation? As simple as wanting to cheat and cover it up with her weird campaign to abuse Harry? With the knowledge learned at tne end of the story that she was cheating BEFORE she started her abuse campaign, it makes her behavior after Harry leaves her all that much more despicable.

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Decently written. From Dutch to British English made reading this a bit hard at times 😎. Never did figure out how and why his original employer behaved the way they did. Must have missed some cultural cues there. As well…was there ever an explanation about the estate agent he thought he recognized? If so, I missed it.

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But all in all…..worth 4 ****

I know it is fiction, but good fiction should have at least a little relationship to reality.

Inge was too evil for Harry to have ever been in love with and to have married. There is simply no way that a calm, planning, objective man would fail to see what she was.

Eveline was no catch and I really didn't like him ending up stuck with her.

Too many unrealistic situations especially business wise. If you’re not familiar with employment law then better not to write about it. I am talking about dutch and european law by the way. Otherwise quite a good story.

I wanted to like this, I kept hoping that page after page of filler would somehow explain WHY she actually had sex with those other men (and women, according to her memory the next morning of eating a woman out). Instead, we just get apologies and therapy sessions, but no real understanding of how this came to pass or why. And does he really need to end up with yet another woman who's sole motivation seems to be to 'change him' to fit her own ideals? Just... nothing to like about the characters, any of them, really.

Stayed with it all the way thru, but it was hard after that major blunder of Eveline dumping Harry after hearing one bad report. She had known him growing up in school, even tho not in the same grade. She 'knew' him to be an honorable chap, therefore would NOT have thrown him over so easily. Also, and this is a criticism to other authors as well, a man who truly loves his wife will NOT let her disrespect him the way Inge did. Not good for her well-being at all.

Meh! Anyone who takes the words of a rapist at face value is a moron. It’s probably safe to assume a person who rapes and brags about it is lying all the time

"my mouth tasted like decomposing goat." Brilliant! 5* for that alone, besides being a good story.

Kind of stillted but ok.

That was really hard to read. I gave up after 3 pages and skipped to the end to read the predictable ending.

The characters were too unrealistic to hold any interest from me.

Alil too long and the ending could've used another paragraph or 2 but I feel the author wanted that "mic drop" moment w/ him using her words back at her.

Now that was consequence.

This story had me guessing if it will be RAAC or BTB.

It was pleasantly neither, only the continued stupidness of Inge made this story longer but the multiple twists of the story had me interested enough to finish this.

Very good work JoshFrom53.

Very good story and pretty darn well written despite being a translated story, I might not have even noticed had the author not mentioned it. Two problems I had with the story though, taking the real estate agents word for who gave them the STD and her sleeping around not really fitting with her motivation. She was trying to get her husband to man up and it seemed that sleeping around at the campground was the result of getting drunk (and presumably drugs). No hint she was unfaithful before that. Still very good story, 5 stars.

Dutch are some kind of special, quite strange very often. So are their tales.

So, strange things happen.

Bedankt

Captcha

Suspension of disbelief is a thing, but it can only stretch so far. You've essentially put an insane person in the middle of a normal family and have her go psycho on them. Daughter seems to know she's nuts, but for some unknown reason, decides to humour her and put their family at risk. She was already a serial cheater, then she wanted to goad the husband to his breaking point, so he would find his balls and... and do what? Kick her out? Just crazy people things. And honestly, this kind of scenario really would benefit from some humour, because it's inherently tough to take it seriously.

Very enjoyable read. I really like the MC. 5/5

Annika completely won me over. This guy got two good kids out of that marriage and made the right decision at the end: his ex-wife offers nothing but complications. Time to move on, and enjoy life, instead of being mired in the morass of problems and confusion that his ex-wife carries with her.

Not much of a final confrontation.....

Good story but stupid wife character. But having said that it was a good read thanks.

You should submit it to that card co.

LOVE slap*hapy*papy#9

Yep l liked it. Good story despite the difficulties with English.

I liked the twist at the end, Lange was mentally ill.

Harry did well to get rid of her.

4/5

Although you had me worried that the protagonist would go soft and forgive her.

I liked your story and it was very readable but feel like a part 2 is needed to finalize some things. Like WHY and WHAT exactly did Inge do. Like what happened at the end when Harry paid the bill and left. Like what do the kids do now. Like was Eveline really forgiven for her two faux pas'. Like how will ignoring Inge at celebrations pass as acceptable in the future.

So, where was the btb?

he divorced the whore, that is the bare minimum any man can do

but he didnt do anything else

Hell of a cliff this drove off.

Eveline him from high school and story of being an abuser and cheater should have tipped her off something was not right, she knew it was his ex-wife. Eveline did not even give him a chance to explain so no reason to reconcile with her. she should have been moved to the same no longer emotional about list as Inge. For the deceit and interfering in his love life the kids should have been cut out of his life for a couple of year as well.

I also don't think it was a BTB because she is still walking and kept fucking up his life. She received absolutely no punishment of any kind. And why would he risk his life fighting over some bitch he doesn't know. Call the cops, a lot of good Samaritans have been killed for less.

I couldn't finish it because it became too mechanical. The general framework of the story was good but too much extraneous detail derailed the telling of the story into a series of facts. Also I would suggest to have a native English speaker do the final edit.

What did I think of this story?

Sorry Josh, but I thought it was absolute crap. The dialogue was stilted (but I can ignore this knowing your native tongue is probably Dutch) but the plot was even worse. I've seen soap operas that had more depth than this, and the characters were more like cardboard cutouts than real people with real emotions and real brains. For example, Inge meets a group of people for the first time and ends up in a drunken gangbang, and Eveline suddenly flees from the restaurant after a quick word in her ear from Inge. The protagonist is suddenly fired from his job for, for, ........well, I don't really get why he was fired but perhaps they do things differently in Den Hague. Such unbelievable situations to justify your plot (wait, there was meant to be a plot???) Sorry, but this was incredibly amateurish writing. By the way, I stopped reading 2 pages before the end so in fairness I didn't score it.

@lujon2019 >where was the btb?

That is the problem with new LW writers and readers.

They think BTB is anything that doesn't end up in reconciliation while it actually means a scorched earth approach to break-up. Or simply revenge.

And if the couple does end up back together, it's automatically RAAC. Even when the story actually work on the reconciliation.

-Anon21387

When evie first wanted sex yet he turned her down as she was drunk she said something like he was first to do so since her divorce. Yet later she said when they first met that was her first date since the divorce. Confused me.

Evelines character response the ex wife's accusations are as weak as a so called reality shoe these days, not even sure that k ho-dashian oversized ass is even real. “Pear shaped boobs”? Wtf does that mean? Pear shaped body isnt good so pear shaped tits? Dunno bout that being a good thing, sounds like a lot of drooping.

Nice story and well told. Creative,the proper length and never seemed to drag. Thank you for a nice, high quality read. R. Bachman

The plot was ludicrous. Inge's introduction already put me on edge. Telling her children that she wants their dad (really their bio dad?) to man up to her was so unreal that I had a hard time following the rest. That paired with stilted dialogues completely messed up the rest. 2*

Sigh. The category is loving wives, but the wife is a secondary character.

There is a cultural component that I sense in your writing. It reminds me of a writer who's stories take place in Norway, I think. Definitely Scandinavian; don't remember his Literoritca ID. But the way the women betray and lie and scheme is very similar to this story. Also the way the women suddenly become unfaithful and unconcerned about their marriage, as if being married has become an inconvenience. Oddly similar.

The plot of this story was very compelling, but the delivery or execution was awkward and stilted. Too bad, it could be a much better story. Why Inge became a psychopath is unbelievable and unanswered. She apparently was once a good wife and mother, so the sudden change in personality without explanation is just another Martian Slut Ray plot device. Too bad, really weakens the enjoyment and logic of the story.

If you insist on writing in English then you need much more practice and assistance. But I do appreciate your effort. Thank you.

Great story. Thanks for posting. 5 stars.

The character of Inge is something straight out of an insane asylum. She had memories of eating pussy, which apparently didn't happen. That and her bizarre behavior can only be accepted as a reader if she was mentally ill. If that is the case, she actually warrants some sympathy.

Another 5 for JoshFrom53. Since his second story appears in a different department (Romance), this is the second (out of his three) that I've read. Since he's 2 for 2 in getting LW 5's, I'll have to check out the Romance one next. I believe that the Anonymous commentator from earlier today is referring to Winterfrog. His comments are well taken, in that there are things that could have been better in this story. Nevertheless, I always find the story arc where the MMC finds a worthy new wife to be satisfying, and so I enjoyed this despite those flaws pointed out by this Anonymous. What pumped this up from the 4 it seemed through most of it to a 5 was the solid, sharp, well written ending (those last two sentences - particularly the last one).

This story was well told. I loved it. Wish there was more to read. Maybe if the ex slut got so depressed she slit her own throat.

It was a really great story, but for me, the ending was too abrupt. It built all throughout the story, and the end came in just a few sentences. Still worthy of a five though!

Been a stronger finish like her response to his finding or a response from therapist. It was just left hanging.

I understand and appreciate that this is an ESL author, so I accept the awkwardness of some of the dialogue. I downgraded to 3 stars for the unnecessary revelation that the wife had previously been unfaithful and was sober and premeditated with the Camp creeps. There was no need for that at all: the hair-brained idea of the wife to be abusive and THEN cheat on top of everything was quite sufficient for the story, and was in fact the most original part. The other part that bothered me was how his girlfriend could accept at face value the lies of the ex-wife and ran off and hid. She explained it later as a sort of PTSD, but it kind of jumps the shark for me. It’s the main tool of all silly soap operas: get a stranger to tell lies to a happily married spouse, who then believes it all and doesn’t bother to check it out or just talk to their spouse. Unhappiness and tragedy ensues. I still think the story was a good effort.

Fuck the problems with ESL and slilted dialogue! You, sir contributed a damned fine tale to this sub-forum with a morally sound central male character. For me, it ticked all the boxes for a great story. And as for the critics? Of course in reality, noone lies and tells others the blackest of lies to sully someone's character or reputation. I mean that just doesn't happen, right? Of course it does, every day in every nation on earth! Some of these armchair critics truly need reality checks STAT! My advice, keep writing and contributing

Disagree with the outcome.The way Eveline just walked out on him and refused to discuss the situation with him,he should never let her get back in touch.After saving her from drowning,he should have walked away and left her.

I ABSOLUTELY COULDN'T TELL THAT ENGLISH WAS NOT YOUR FIRST LANGUAGE. YOUR STORY WAS BETTER THAN MOST...CINCO ESTRELLAS!

i liked the characters, MC had a distinct personality, Eve and kids were good while the ex-wife was a great villain. the general plot of the story was great too. awesome job.

biggest thing for me is that it ended prematurely, could use an epilogue/time skip to end the story just to know what happened to her and what happened to him.

might be a cultural thing but I thought the love story between Harry and Eve progressed way too fast especially for two people with baggage.

personal nitpick, I'm not a fan of MC with martial arts. it's a bit overused in these type of stories as it is an incredibly convenient tool to use to allow MC to brute force his revenge.

ESL not an issue. Interesting plot, I too would have liked to know how weddings of kids and grand parents worked out issues? I also agree he may have given Evie to easy of a pass. I'm sorry in all your words you never let the son and daughter say I told you so! Great work thank you for sharing.

I don't write, so my critique is simply my opinion. I mean no offense. I didn't finish the story, so I did not rare and I will review only what I read.

1) The discussion with the children at the beginning was off-putting. It's just honestly too unrealistic of a conversation. Maybe adjust it slightly.

2) The 'party' was really odd. That's all I can say really.

3) How did Harry start falling for Eveline/Eve/Evie after 2 nights, 1 being the horrendous date abd the other being him cooking for her, especially wheb he was still so 'hurt' to describe the events leading to his divorce? It's just, again, unrealistic. That, and rushed.

I truly tried to keep pushing through and I truly wanted to enjoy this story, but I just wasn't able to look past sone things that made the story seem a bit too out there.

Thank you for sharing your work and allowing readers to be able to critique. I hope it helps you grow as a writer and I look forward to trying out sone more of your work.

Amazing story!

Needs checking esp with punctuation at times. Thought the story, while grabbing & noticing the work put into it, was a bit too long. Maybe the last statement is just me. Loved the fight scene and esp. the last restaurant scene. Would’ve liked to know what happened between his ex wife & her counselor afterwards.

All in all, despite the several tho not exceedingly amount of errors, I still rated the story 4 stars

Gee, you just have to marvel at a loving (?) wife who decides to play games with her husband in order to somehow in her warped mind make their marriage better. As the loving wife put it: "I have a plan. I'm going to needle, push and bully your father until he loses his patience and gets mad at me. Then, when he has cooled down again, I'll make it up to him and tell him how much I love him...."

All of which she proceeds to execute over the next 6 months to include the finale of having sex with two strangers a their campground during holidays.

I know there are no perfect wives or husbands but heaven help you if you have this time of manipulative woman for a wife.

Sorry, I was SO very disappointed After quite a promising start, IF you could suspend your innate disbelief at the preposterously OTT slapstick, cheesy, childish antics of a 24-years-married lady (some 46? years old going-on-4!) From then-on in, it gets steadily even more far-fetched! His understanding boss had initially bent-over backwards to be helpful with his bitch of a cheating wife, like he had before, suddenly won't even listen to him, but does an abrupt about-face and falls prey to the caterwailing of that cheating bitch? Yes, that is about as believable as a chocolate fireguard, -innit?

...and on and on and Ariston! Got so heavy-going and even more unbelievable as it went on! Despite trying desperately to hang on in there to the bitter end, even I was forced to throw the towel in, halfway down P.4, as it was far too tedious to continue, sorry!

Simply Outstanding!!!

5 stars

Has a lot of issues. First, there one part where Inge/Eveline are used interchangeably. Then, there's one section where Eveline becomes Lisa (happens four times). Eveline is a smart woman, but she just believes the ex-wife after dating the MC for as long as she has? And she dumps him while they are out with his kids? If he was the bastard the ex portrayed, then the kids wouldn't be supporting him. That's just unbelievable. As is the MC running into the rapists.

Decent premise, but it just falls flat to me (and this isn't my first readthrough).

okokokoK... I gave it a three against my better judgement. Full of baloney and hydrophobia. Conflicted and convoluted.

Needs a good proofreader at least, and preferably an editor with English as mother tongue.

Good tale in so far as it went. Simply did not go far enough. Inge simply did not anguish or hurt nearly enough to atone for the pain she caused. She brought her counsilor to the dinner meeting so as to not have to accept the blame/pain of her actions. That's where the author left it. She did not reap that pain that she sowed. LP

I don't know what to say other than I'm glad I didn't go through a mess like this. 5

I only gave this work 4 stars. I don't like to discourage authors that try to entertain me. This work has so many problems; none of them dealing with English being his 2nd language. Why would Inge be so dissatisfied with her husband catering to every whim after such a long time? How could she not know his temper and resolve that long into the marriage? Why would Eveline just believe anything said against Harry without at least asking his side? Etc., etc., etc.. Also, BTB = Burn-the-bitch. Inge never got punished for her disrespect, cheating, lying, attempting to destroy his career and relationships. Harry meets the same rapists, in the same place, years later? Not realistic. They wouldn't stay in one place. There are too many brothers, sons, fathers, and husbands.

5 Stars story !!!!!

Inge represents so many women that have an amazing husband but will never be faithful.

Women cheat far more then men and are far better at concealing it. The number of cheating women would stagger most men.

Not a bad tale, but not great either.

And yet another woman who meets and marries a good man all to just manipulate and try to turn him into what she wants him to be instead of being happy to be with a faithful, committed, caring, loving husband. She has no respect, appreciation, concern for his feelings and is just an entitled bitch.

Well done.

I enjoyed the story gave 5 stars but I agree with other reader the cheating wife took no responsibility

How sad that some women (and I presume some men) not understanding love, try to provoke jealousy or anger to prove the other person cares and then wonder when tears relationships apart.

Outstanding story for too many reasons to illuminate in a brief comment.

Do not miss this story. Read, enjoy, learn.

Excellent story and worthy of 5 BIG FAT FLAMING STARS! Thank you, I very much enjoyed it!

A little long in the tellin'...but ,WTF I LIKED IT! CINCO ESTRELLAS!

Alright, but I wouldn't have taken Eveline back after she threw the entire relationship into the dumpster over the word of the ex-wife. That's a pretty big red flag, showing that she didn't really like the protagonist that much. I mean, she never asked for his opinion and was too daft to see that the kids are also present, whom she could have asked for the truth, etc.

Good, but not great. Should not have taken Eve back. Anyone who just believes without confirmation is not partner material. The ex was never punished by the MC, and only had minimal consequences from her own behavior (STD, and divorce). Lying to her children, to Eve, and to his company should have consequences also.

ZK

Questions did the Ex give the guys She had sex with the STD or did the other Lady the Ex wife remembered eating out was where the STD came from?

Harry is one unlucky SOB! I was aggravated at him and his ex both during the last half of this story. Guess I don't understand the Dutch and their reactions. No favorite for this one but a good tale nonetheless.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. That being said, I just couldn't get into the premise of this one.

Mixed feelings about this. Firstly, I don’t understand why the wife wanted him to “man up” as when he did, she didn’t like it at all. When his ex spoke to Evie and she ran off, there is no way in hell he should have taken her back. If she believed the ex before checking with Harry, she was even more stupid than I first imagined.

As for the children, I would have dumped them as well, especially his interfering daughter.

It’s the same old story. Women just can’t keep their mouths shut, they just don’t know when to stop talking.

The faulty towers reference was impressive. Delightfully obscure, but very funny. That alone was worth a point or two.

This story was somewhat interesting. Although the only way I see the wife doing what she did, is if she was mentally deranged. I also do not see the husband taking the second girl back. Anyone who leaves you after talking to the ex wife, without hearing your side, is a flake. And although he could have been shy about getting into another relationship, he had money, and good looks. The women would have been one night standing him to death. If you have money, or power, and good looks, the sluts will attack, like carp on a can of corn.

Overall, with all the strange names like Bjorn, I felt like I was reading a reality series about ABBA!

3 stars. SOS- for the plot on this one...

Fuck no, why would he take Eveline back? She didn't even bother to talk to him and get his side of the situation. If this is how she reacts then he needs to get as far away from her as possible.

Great story, well written

What RanDog025 said.

Pity about all the relationship experts. Perhaps they coud try writing a tale in Dutch.

[14.07.23]

Bloody Brill!

We get Fawlty Towers:

"And if I can get them provoked?" Harry asked.

The manager smiled and said, "I know nothing as Manuel in Fawlty Towers always said."

Harry laughed. "Aha, you are from Barcelona," he said, referencing Manuel's origin. "But we understand each other."

And now to read the rest of your work.

Bedankt

11/10!!!!!