All Comments on 'Girls Night Out'

Ugh, I hate this pov style. Story is nothing special either.

just like the author

A bad story...why? 1st - Written without emotion by someone who didn't participate; 2nd - She was married, but a point was written: " because it had been so long since someone else touched you!!!"; 3rd - was written: " the potential of being manhandled by a man other than your husband for the first time", but a littele after is written: "You've always been such a faithful little slut to your husband, except for a few little slip-ups"...so it wouldn't be the first time at all!!!! There was more, but this are more than enough for less than 1 *....

Thanking God even today we have a new baboon to be put in a cage together with all others.

Another new writer who doesn't contribute absolutely nothing to loving wives. Looks like another dismal day for this category. But then, what else is new? This category has been going down hill for some time now, what with all the scummy humiliating willing cuckold stories that dominate loving wives. Where are all the good writers? Have you scum bags chased them all off?

TRASH

bad bad bad

I mean awful.

Which one was suppose to be the loving wife. Both of them were nothing but cum dumpsters and cum eaters.

Nah. Pass.

This was loving whores! That what u call a story

I must say, I agree your story was pretty bad, but the good news is you could fix it. First, recognize that you have talent and guts enough to put it out for others to read and comment on; many who comment in this category do not show us how it's done, even though they offer good constructive criticism.

Start a comeback by reading as many of the writers resources posted on Literotica as you can; study them and compare your story to what they say.

I'll offer a few suggestions: #1 You picked the worse point of view possible for a new writer. On the plus side, you did a better job of sticking to 2nd person than most, but you did make a few probable mistakes. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure the narrator can't know what the "you" thinks. Nor can the "I" in first person; they can only relate what they see or are told. The best POV for the beginner is 3rd person but few of us follow that advice, so we have to be care to only relate what we can know. For example, when the 1st person "I" sticks his dong in a hot juicy cunt, "I" can't say how she felt. He can only say how he feels and what she tells him she feels. Get the idea?

It's best for you to use 3rd person. In that you can be a god, you can know and tell everything anyone knows or feels. About the only thing you can't do at this stage is lie to the reader. I've heard that an experienced writer can almost lie and mislead but I can't think on an example.

#2 Watch the timeline for the story. Make sure everything happens in the right order, don't put the cart ahead of the horse. As someone else pointed out, she can't be getting screwed outside of marriage for the first time AND say she had only slipped up a few times before.

#3 Last bit of advice, run spell check and watch for words it won't catch. (there and their) are good examples that will make you look bad. Also, print your third or fourth draft, then set down and read it aloud. If you have trouble, we will too--change it!

Good luck with your writing. Don't give up and do try to improve with every story. REMEMBER, THIS ADVICE IS WORTH EXACTLY WHAT IT COST YOU.

blah, blah, blah,

The only thing that sucked more than this so called 'story' was the mindless character of the skank who threw her wedding vows in the shitter without a thought. PLEASE, stop writing and go back to your janitorial job at Walmart.

One of the best stories I ever read. I "almost" cummed.

where was the story?

Now that's the perfect place to unleash your inner whore.

You will not find a following for stories like this. No stars for this one.

Read a bunch of the highest rated LW stories and try again

Mindy wetzel. Live's - Vaughn court trailer park Monkton Vermont work's - shaws store vergennes Vermont slut whore jezzabell fluezy pornstar callgirl prostitute.

Terrible 1 star

Ahhh to be young, conservative and repressed.