Give Me a Reason Pt. 02

The openly gay Astrid has moved in with Susan and Shobi. It has changed the dynamic a little for Susan, who has been struggling with boys but unable to understand why she struggles to form any kind of relationship that goes beyond friendship. She's drawn to Astrid as well but hasn't come out yet as it seems too big a step but Astrid's lifestyle fascinates her but is it because of her ethnicity or is it something else?

Author's note: In this particular piece Robyn from Women Who Talk, mentions three women whom she got on with before getting together with Penny. That comes from the extended version of Women Who Talk, which is not available on Literotica. I've resisted uploading that version because it's thirty eight chapters long, but if people want to see it gradually uploaded over the next few months then let me know in the comments below and I'll do it. This section also mentions Sandy from Sandy's Destroyers, you'll find her story in Sandy's Story and briefly in The Sandman (also on Literotica).

I've gone back over the last piece I wrote and almost deleted it with the intention of rewriting it but then I let my oldest sister read it and she said it was quite potent but that I should fill in some more details about Shobi's and my current situation. Of course! It hit me as I reread it tonight, there are so many changes and let me start with Mary.

Mary's marriage ended three months ago when she finally realised that the only thing keeping them together was the children and their youngest has just turned sixteen. It'd been going south for years but she's a real fighter and just held on and gritted her teeth. In that way we're quite alike because we put up with things that would drive others into therapy. I have plenty of other words to describe my feelings about my own failed marriage such as anger and resentment that I let it linger on for so long but more of that later.

Shobi, oh my dear old friend Shobi! She turned out to be a surprise when she married Adam, you'll meet him in a few pages. Their marriage lasted three years of what she refers to as walking through quicksand. They never had children and after their marriage broke up she met Fiona, who was also recently divorced. She'd been a victim of domestic violence and was in a women's shelter with her two daughters, Mara and Rhonda, Shobi was a loans officer at Westpac and Fiona was a customer. One day she assessed Fiona for a bank loan that was rejected due to banking regulations but then she mentioned she had three spare rooms at her place.

That act of kindness led to romance within three months, which wasn't what Shobi intended at the time! They had a civil union ceremony six months after that and I got to be the bridesmaid, Mara and Rhonda were the flower girls.

As for me, well despite my Degree in Creative Writing I stayed with Coles right the way through the first three years of my marriage as a full time supervisor but one night Shobi suggested that I try out for the Citizens Advice Bureau in Ringwood. To my surprise I actually got the job and it was a relief to be actually helping clients rather than helping to relieve customers of their money and not long afterwards I came back into contact with Melanie, Louise and Sigrid who you'll also meet later on in this part. They run a consultancy part owned by Penny who help clients with debt problems. I'd met them years ago at the Women Who Talk meeting and I was soon back there. Those women loved me back to life and gave me the courage to not only survive my marriage but end it and get back in touch with Astrid and now I'll get on with the rest of this story.

Women Who Talk, is a group that's been in existence since 1998 and has spread all over Melbourne. My first meeting at Penny's place on top of Mt Dandenong was an eye opener. Her back verandah has a bird's eye view of Melbourne. Mt Dandenong is six hundred and thirty metres high, making it a couple of degrees cooler than sea level. Located forty seven kilometres east of the CBD it has a bluish tinge that gave rise to its name, the Blue Dandenongs although locals always call it Mount Dandy, Aussies shorten words whenever possible.

The area is known for Devonshire Tea houses, craft shops and a relaxed rural feel even though the suburb falls within the bounds of the Greater Metropolitan region. Some people at my dad's church called it holy hill because there were a lot of Christians up there along with pagans and I was raised on horror stories of animal and human sacrifices on the mountain. Now that I'm older I know that those are just urban myths but as a teenager I believed them.

All that being said though, the trip up the mountain was magical. It was late autumn and the weather was milder, it'd rained that day and the roads were slippery, the Mt Dandenong Tourist road winds its way up the mountain and sometimes comes so close to the edge you feel as if you could tumble down the mountain. The fog was rolling in and long strips of bark hung from the power lines, the Stringybark gumtree is prolific in this part of the country. It makes you feel as if you've driven into a rip in the space time continuum and wound up in Jurassic Park.

That atmosphere only increased as we got out of the car at Penny and Robyn's house. The house sits on the edge of the mountain and is constructed of huge mud bricks sandwiched between dark brown telephone poles. An octagonal tower sits closest to the steep driveway. I parked on the road because I didn't want to park in the drive. As we made our way down the drive I admired the rustic-looking verandah with its runes, which went all the way around the house I found out later. The interior was even more impressive than the exterior with walls made of pine, a vast living room with a U-shaped walkway on the first floor overlooking it and the magnificent views out the windows. It had a huge open fireplace and I noted ducting for the central heating hanging from the vaulted ceiling. I fell in love with the place immediately.

The other thing I recall from that night were the women I met there. I'd met Robyn of course and I knew Lindsay from the church but I'd never met Robyn's partner, Penny. She had a full head of thick blonde hair, an attractive face and she looked as if she worked out because despite her age she hadn't gained that spare tyre that many women have, I'm starting to get one myself but let's not go there please!

"Hey," Penny greeted us, "you certainly chose the right night to come here," she glanced at Astrid, "two of my girlfriends have just come back from Denmark."

"Denmark?" Astrid raised her eyebrows as we stepped into the large porch area.

"Yeah, I wasn't expecting them here tonight, they only flew in on Thursday. I thought they'd have jet lag," she closed the door behind us, "but maybe it's delayed jet lag."

She led us through the massive living room and I was able to confirm the verandah went all the way around the house. I still had one eye on the view of Melbourne as we stepped into the kitchen, it had a rustic look to it, similar to the living room but with modern appliances. There was an island bench in the middle and I noted the double fridge/freezer beside the chest freezer. The kitchen also had a double oven under a huge hob. An L-shaped bench started at the window and extended all the way to a pantry door near the chest freezer. Cupboards above and below were all made from recycled wood from the looks of things and then I was introduced to Louise and Sigrid.

They were both in their late thirties to early forties back then but I was struck by their demeanour, it seemed as if they were an island of calmness amidst a small crowd of chattering women. Louise had a full head of auburn hair and Sigrid was blonde, she stood next to Robyn tossing salad while an older woman cut more lettuce. We were swiftly introduced to women in turn. I recall Cindy and her partner, Mary, Alana, Susan and Melanie, along with Elke and an older woman, Agnetha who was about the same age as Cindy.

"Astrid is from Denmark," Penny inclined her head as she finished the introductions.

Sigrid, Elke and Agnetha all looked up and then Agnetha spoke.

"Hvordan går det?" Agnetha grinned.

Which means how's it going of course and when she expressed surprise that Agnetha spoke Danish the older woman merely shrugged and said, "selvfølgelig, gør ikke alle det?"

Penny smirked and Robyn burst out laughing, and in answer to my upraised eyebrows Agnetha gave us the translation.

"Of course, doesn't everybody?"

"I think we'll let the Danes party," Robyn inclined her head, "come on, I'll show you the rest of the house."

I left Astrid with Agnetha and followed Robyn on her impromptu tour, feeling a bit guilty about leaving Astrid behind but as Robyn explained.

"Sigrid and Louise moved to Denmark about ten years ago but have just come back with their two daughters, Agnetha and Elke are Sigrid's sisters and so is Caroline," she pointed to a woman sitting next to Lindsay on a couch in the living room.

The dark-haired woman raised her glass in salute and Lindsay waved.

"Caroline teaches dressmaking at a Tafe college but she also helps us out too."

"Do you have children?"

"Me? Not likely," she led me up to the first floor, "I had a moment when I turned twenty five but I talked to my sister about swollen ankles and incontinence and thought maybe not, but we have furry kids," she touched the German Shepherd that had followed us upstairs.

"Two dogs and a cat."

She showed me the upstairs sewing room first and to my surprise she'd finished the garments we'd ordered a few days ago.

You can try them on after the meeting if you like in case we have to make modifications." she told me as she put them away, "we've got a small team of full timers and part timers here."

"I'm impressed," I managed a smile, "thank you."

"You're welcome," she headed to the door.

She showed me the office, various bedrooms and the tower room where she'd set up an art studio, it had an even more impressive view and then she led me downstairs to the library, another bedroom and we ended on the back verandah where other women had gathered to smoke and drink.

"And this is the reason people come up here," she indicated the view, "views to die for."

I had to admit she was right. The view was beautiful. It'd rained in the last hour or so and the smell of wet grass and foliage filled the air. The street lights had come on and I squinted into the darkness as I tried to get my bearings.

"Where do you hail from?" Robyn leaned on the railing.

"Warrandyte for the first ten years or so and then Croydon but now I'm in Heathmont."

"Ah, you started over there," Robyn pointed, "and Croydon is there," she moved her hand a little, "and Heathmont is just down there," she finished.

"I'm the only child born here," I pushed my glasses further up my nose.

"Where were your siblings born?"

"The Philippines, my dad was a missionary there."

"The Philippines? Wow, Penny and I went there a few years ago for a holiday, the Cadlao Resort on Palawan, beautiful beaches and forest. It's not like the more developed part of the country, we spent a day in Luzon and I thought it was nice but it was even nicer to leave it."

"My family were in Northern Mindanao," I replied, "although I've never been there to be honest but I've seen heaps of pictures and home movies. Dad still misses the place."

"So, why did he leave?"

"He was employed by an American missionary position but when new management took over they decided to furlough the missionaries who weren't born in America and send their own people over instead. He came back here and was apparently approved by an Australian group but then mum got pregnant with me and that killed the idea, she wasn't going to go through another pregnancy over there and so he had to end his missionary career."

"So, how is the home front these days? If you don't mind me asking?"

"It's okay, now," I replied, "mum's been working for years, ever since dad had to stand down as a full time pastor at our church, he was um... a bit controversial and they were modernising. She took a full time job and he works for a Christian charity, mum's definitely become more assertive now but when I was younger dad ruled the roost."

"My mum was a dedicated, bible thumping fundamentalist and dad's an atheist," she turned towards me and smiled crookedly.

"Her mother on the other hand was a full on closeted lesbian, the only lesbian in Warbie, so I had a mixed upbringing. They split up not long after I came out, I think I was the last straw, my sister had divorced her husband a few years earlier and when I came out she exploded. Penny handled it, free of charge I might add."

"And your mum?"

"Ah, she went to the other place," she turned back to the city, "she got involved with the crazies and one night she was dancing in the spirit and had a stroke. By the time the pastor realised she wasn't in the spirit, she was too far gone. They kept her on life support for a few weeks but if she'd woken up she would've been a vegetable, they pulled the pin in the end."

"A shame," I nudged my glasses again.

"It was a shame, she held onto her old prejudices right until the end. My dad's cool but, he's with Marie now running a bed and breakfast in Monbulk and my sister and her partner live in Sydney, they've got two kids so I get to be auntie Robyn whenever they come down here."

I nodded and turned back to the living room as four more women arrived.

"I reckon we'll be starting soon," Robyn inclined her head, "whaddya' say, Baljou?"

The German Shepherd thumped his tail on the decking and then Astrid stepped outside with Elke, they were speaking Danish but stopped as they reached us.

"Penny thinks we should start cooking now," she informed Robyn.

"Yeah, I think everyone's here now," she squeezed my arm, "enjoy the view," and with that parting comment she left me with Astrid and Elke.

"Wow," Astrid stared out over the city lights.

The meal was cooked either in the kitchen and the outside barbecue on the ubiquitous Weber. We'd brought hamburgers and buns, but I'd also made potato salad. I'm not a fan of potato salad but it was added to the extras on the coffee tables in the living room, there was plenty of salad along with other things. Robyn and Penny took care of food in the kitchen and Agnetha handled the barbie, I felt a little guilty at first but was reassured that too many cooks wasn't a good idea.

Lindsay came over to talk to me while we were eating and I've mentioned her in my last piece. She was nearly thirty and had been a member of the church for years. I'd not had much to do with her to be honest because we moved in different circles. When I first started going to that church she was going out with Gavin but they'd broken up shortly afterwards and I couldn't recall seeing her with a guy who wasn't just a friend. She was polite and quiet but that night she seemed to be glowing and I couldn't really work out why.

She usually dressed conservatively in a dress or skirt but tonight she'd vamped herself up in a pair of black leather trousers, white blouse with the collar turned up and a mottled brown leather jacket. Her hair was jet black and fell to her shoulders in soft waves, complementing an olive complexion and hazel eyes.

"This is the one place I can be myself," she admitted, "I couldn't wear this outfit at church."

"You're a graphic artist, so Robyn says."

"Yeah, I work for an advertising agency, we design a lot of ads for magazines and websites but I can draw as well, mainly sketches with coloured pencils."

"So, what are you doing here?" I raised my eyebrows, "if you tell me why then I'll tell you why I'm here."

"That's easy," she shrugged, "I need secular women as friends. So many of my friends are Christian and I find myself wondering why I'm bored, they talk about the same subjects and I feel like I've got a target on my back. I'll be thirty one next month and I'm still not married and won't be judging by the men at church. The few women in my department at work are married, most of the guys are either married or gay and I'm afraid I can't stand the Friday night piss ups. The last time I went to one of them a colleague spilled his drink on me and then tried to wipe it off."

"Where did he spill his drink?"

"My boobs," she pulled a grimace, "it's never a good idea to touch a woman's boobs. He apologised on Monday but that was the last time I went to a piss up."

"God, do men still do that?" Melanie raised her eyebrows, "I thought that died out in the nineties."

"Well if it happens again, tell me," her partner, Elke spoke up, "it's called sexual intimidation and there's a law against that kind of thing."

"I've always thought it was a symptom of being single," Lindsay grumbled, "the men think you're up for it and the women either feel sorry for you because you're on the shelf or intimidated in case you lure their husbands into your bed."

"Well tonight's meeting might open your eyes then," Melanie grinned.

She wasn't joking either. Melanie was taking the meeting that night and her theme was Singleness, why it's not a crime to be single. She began by explaining the protocols for the meeting and went on to give a brief biography of her life as a single woman followed by her marriage to an alcoholic, who committed suicide and ended with the question.

"Why do women treat being single as a disease? Men can be single and have as many partners as they like but we're supposed to be with someone to avoid the usual tropes."

One of the first to pitch in with her opinion was a woman named Alana, I'd met her briefly in the kitchen earlier but she'd been eating with Sigrid and Louise later.

"I used to have a mantra that you had to be with someone because it kept the arseholes at bay but when I look back at my youth, I was always latching onto dickheads. I thought I was pretty moral because I at least had a six week break between men and then I got married to Roger and we all know how that ended, followed by Frank," she pulled a wry grin.

"But after Frank I went through a metamorphosis and it was painful, I felt worn out at the age of twenty four, washed up and cast to one side. For me it was a gradual change, first I got a dog and then I started to get other interests and I learned to value my own company. For the next five years I was on my own and I reckon I needed those years on my own because I had more growing up to do, in my head I was still eighteen or nineteen," she smirked.

"But I was in my mid twenties, I was a store manager but I found my married friends were always inviting me around for dinner with one of their husband's friends and it used to bug me for years until I realised that it wasn't about making me happy, it was about making them feel more secure in themselves. A single woman was a threat to their happiness and security and that says more about their choice of partner than me. In their defence, some of their husbands did look at me that way but I wasn't the cheating kind, I've never been like that but it's true that our worst enemies are women, we're far more critical of other women than men."

"And now?" Astrid spoke up.

"Now it's different," she nodded at Melanie's sister, Susan. "Susan and I have been together for a few years now and I'm glad I spent all those years in the so-called wilderness, I needed time on my own to discover what I liked and what I didn't like."

Oddly enough it was something I latched onto, even at that age and I hadn't had the boyfriends, in fact I could only name one guy who might have been a boyfriend in youth group for about three weeks until he found someone else.

Lindsay's testimony was even more harrowing. She'd been engaged at twenty one to a guy but they broke up just before her twenty second birthday and she had bounced from one guy to the next in a desperate effort to find Mr. Right but all she found was another self obsessed man. Gavin had been the straw that broke the camel's back when he suddenly decided that it was God's will for them to be together.