Give Me a Reason Pt. 03

The woman with black hair was a similar ethnicity to the girls we'd just met and the other woman was white but it was obvious they were a couple judging by their body language. They looked to be in their forties and when we stepped outside the brunette turned and waved.

"That's Josie," Lindsay waved back "and that's Annabelle, they've been together for years."

"And the girls inside?"

"They were adopted."

"Be with you in a few minutes," Josie called out, "pull up a pew."

We sat down to wait at a table on the patio and the two girls came out to see what we were doing. The two dogs trotted over to greet us first and then the girls. Josie and Annabelle joined us a few minutes later to check out their new clothes.

"This is Susan, Robyn's friend," Lindsay introduced me, "Josie and Annabelle," she nodded at them and Josie glanced over at me and smiled crookedly.

"Where do you know Robyn from?" Josie asked me as she draped the clothes over another chair.

"I met her at one of the meetings a few months ago," I replied.

"I don't remember you but there was one meeting we both missed, the girls were in a school play one Friday night," she shifted on her seat, "not your thing?"

I opened my mouth to say something and then shut it but a moment later I shrugged.

"I liked the first one but I guess I've been hiding out a bit."

"What do you mean?" Josie asked me.

I looked at Lindsay and she nodded.

"It's okay, you can tell them if you want, you're safe here."

I glanced at the two girls, suddenly feeling embarrassed and Josie suddenly straightened up and then nodded at Annabelle. A few moments later her partner rose and called out to the girls.

"Jorani, Sokha, how'd you like to come with me the milk bar for ice cream?"

"Get some sandwich meat too, while you're there please," Josie spoke up.

"Yeah, that'd be an idea now we've got company."

She waited until they'd gone before speaking.

"So, what's on your mind?" Josie glanced at me.

I hesitated for a few moments and then started talking. At first I stumbled but when no one laughed I found my courage and let it all out. Josie and Lindsay both listened without interrupting and Josie stared into space for a few moments.

"Sounds like you're on the right track. I was the same. I mean I'd always been attracted to women but never really thought of it as a sexual thing until Robyn came out. I was in between men around the time Robyn was bouncing around between different women. She hadn't really gone all the way with any of them but one day she brought Annabelle around for a visit and I don't know," her eyes shifted.

"They say that when true love hits you, it's always unexpected. I'm not so sure about that all I knew was that I was drawn to her but at the time I thought it was just because she was different. She was a kindergarten teacher and in her spare time she was an equestrian competitor, she was part of a gun club and took sensual photographs of women," she shifted in her seat.

"At the time I made the excuse to myself that she was so, so, so fucking unconventional that I had to get to know her better. I only realised a few months later that she was attracted to me, she was also fighting a similar battle. One night we kissed and the rest is history."

"Was it really that easy?" Lindsay asked her

"No it wasn't. We were together for about a week and decided to take a break just to see if this was what we really wanted but we gave each other permission to date other people," she smirked.

"It sounds counter-intuitive I know but we both had doubts about the longevity. We both agreed that the sex was great but by the same token we had doubts about coming out. We thought it might be just a phase, I was still looking at men and so was she."

"And how long did it last?" I asked.

"Two weeks," she held up two fingers, "I had a one night stand with a woman and she had a fling with Kylie but when Kylie suggested moving in together she backed off and came back to me. We sat down and talked and agreed to have separate houses for a while," she leaned on her palm.

"Twelve months later we moved in together and the children came later."

"IVF?" I shifted in my seat.

"We tried that for about eighteen months. She didn't want to get pregnant and so I volunteered my uterus," she smirked, "but it was too traumatic, we had a few close calls but finally I just threw it all away and we decided to adopt," she glanced at the back door.

"Jorani and Sokha came out of a refugee camp in Thailand, they were orphans, we don't know who their dad was but their mother was a sex worker who was killed one night. A Catholic orphanage took them in and through Annabelle's mother's connections we managed to convince them to let us take the twins," she smirked.

"I had to wear a crucifix when I went to the orphanage and pretend that I was infertile so if there's a God up there then I'm going straight to hell in a hand basket but we got the girls and they've been a blessing to us both."

"It's not a sin," I broke in, "I think it's wonderful what you've done."

"Thank you, but you don't know the power of the Catholic church," she smiled crookedly, "I'm an atheist by the way but for the purposes of rescuing two girls I bought a crucifix and mumbled some bullshit about believing in the virgin Mary and the bloody sacraments."

I have many fond memories but one of my favourite ones is the lunch we had that Sunday, or was it brunch? Either way it felt so peaceful. Inside I was a torrent of conflicting emotions but here in the backyard there was tranquillity and harmony. The lunch was just paninis but I couldn't get over the love these two women had for each other and their daughters. In hindsight I think I severed my ties to the Christian faith that day, thinking about the outrage of having to lie to a Christian orphanage so as you could give two children a better life. I've kept contact with Josie and Annabelle ever since and just recently I witnessed the double marriage of Jorani and Sokha. In a final slap in the face to the Catholic church they both married women!

"So, do you feel better now?" Lindsay asked me a couple of hours later as we stood by her car.

"Yeah, I do," I turned to stare at the house, "what amazing women."

"Just imagine, neither of them thought they were that way inclined, let alone have any intentions of moving in together. It fills me with hope."

It was a sentiment I could agree with and now I have to finish up here and do my chores.

***

It's been twenty four hours but what a crazy day it's been. It was my day off and I was waiting for the real estate agent to turn up with potential buyers when my ex called to demand that I cancel my plans to move to Denmark because it would deprive him of quality time with his daughter. I must explain here that both of us agreed that we would return to Australia once a year for two weeks, where he'd have complete access to her. He sounded like he'd been drinking but these days I can't tell if he's drunk, stoned or both. In the middle of all this the agent turned up with a young couple and I had to move to another room.

Twenty minutes later I finally got a word in and told him I'd have to speak to my lawyer, thankfully I had a spare key that I left with the agent and took off into Kilsyth to speak to Penny. I was raging and panicking at the same time because I thought this was all settled.

When I got there, Penny was in a conference room with a client and Alana settled me down with a cup of coffee and got me to write everything down. She'd almost finished when Penny came back into the office and after Alana summarised it she rolled her eyes.

"Do you want to handle it or will I?"

"I can but I've got Mrs Hanson arriving in fifteen minutes."

"No worries, come on," she nodded, "let's sort this out."

I followed Penny to her desk, thinking it was going to take an hour or so but it was only a fifteen minute call to his lawyer, which sounded more like a friendly chat. That was followed by a call to Elke, who's a detective senior sergeant at Maroondah. Penny chuckled at some point and then she passed the phone over to me.

"Tell her you're staying at my place tonight."

"Okay," I put the phone to my ear, "hello?"

"Susan," Elke answered, "have you got somewhere to stay tonight?"

"Yeah, Penny's place."

"Good, it's Friday today, make it a weekend if you can. We're in the middle of an operation but I can't go into details right now, okay? But don't call him under any circumstances but if he calls you then make up a story that you're too busy or still with your lawyer, do you understand?"

"Sure, I understand. I don't know what's going on though."

"Just watch the news tonight, hopefully it's a satisfying episode."

"Okay, thank you, I hope."

I handed the phone back to Penny and a couple of minutes later Penny hung up.

"I can't tell you anything either but we'll watch the news tonight," she glanced at her watch, "so, go back home, pack a few changes of clothes for you and your daughter and pick her up from school, make an excuse that you've got an urgent doctor's appointment. Basically any legitimate excuse in case he decides to drop in at either your place or the school."

"Are we in danger?"

"No, not as far as I can work out but perspective is everything and you get a great view from my living room but I've got to prepare some paperwork for you to sign tonight, so finish your coffee and let me get on with it."

It didn't take me long to finish a cup of coffee, I actually went through to the kitchen and then I left the office and drove straight back home. The agent had left a note on the kitchen bench to call her, I packed clothes for Anna and myself and then drove to the school and told the headmistress that it was a family emergency and mentioned my mother. She was taken out of class and we headed for the hills and Penny's place.

Robyn must've been forewarned because there was a note on the front door.

Come in via the downstairs sewing room.

She was busy working when we stepped into the room but excused herself from the others and led us upstairs. My phone rang as we ascended the stairs and I stared at the screen, it showed Rodney Calling but I didn't bother answering it.

"It's Rodney," I informed her.

"Let's hope it's not his solitary call," she quipped.

She set us up in a spare bedroom and made us sandwiches and then put a Harry Potter movie on for Anna and left us to it. We sat watching for the next hour and then Penny called me.

"Hiya, you're at my place now?"

"Yeah, still mystified."

"I'm here to unmystify you," she chuckled, "I'm on my way up now and your ex and all of the Lost Spirits are either on their way to the police station or are there now. Sorry I couldn't tell you at the office but the operation was just about to start. Elke stepped out of the briefing room to answer my call but I've got a request for a reversal of the agreement between you and your ex," she paused and then went on.

"In layperson's terms it basically states that Rodney Terrence Smith is not of fit character to be left alone with his daughter unsupervised."

"Furthermore," she continued, "given the fact that he's likely to be serving a long sentence in prison we recommend that you and your daughter both leave the country so as the police department don't have to find you new identities."

"Shit," I rose and walked into the kitchen, "what's he done?"

"Do you remember a minor news item from about two months ago?"

"I was in Denmark two months ago."

"Ah, well that explains it. The Lost Spirits are basically a feeder club for the Thunder Shadows and one of their members was in an accident with a motorist. They took offence because the court ruled that the biker was in the wrong when he rode through a stop sign without stopping and decided to teach him a lesson," she drew breath.

"But despite being the biggest bikie group in Melbourne they weren't about to associate their club with a revenge attack and so they commissioned the Lost Spirits to fire a few shots into the man's house. They in turn used one of their nominees, your ex but the silly bastard was recognised by a neighbour who informed police. The cops had been monitoring both clubs for eighteen months and decided to shut down their feeder clubs, starting with the Lost Spirits."

It all came out that night on the news and by then I'd had time to prepare Anna for the news that her dad was going to jail. She took it surprisingly well.

"He's my dad but I worry about him being with those guys, it's like he's not my dad."

From the mouths of babes! I actually think I'm the one who needs to adjust to things. I was the one who married him. To his 'credit,' he never raised a hand to me but he had a mouth on him, nothing I did was ever good enough.

That explains why I'm sitting in Penny and Robyn's living room with my laptop, thinking about the Sunday night when I got back from Josie's place. I was still buzzing but that was because I'd been raised for years with horror stories about families with lesbian mothers. It was one of my father's favourite subjects, in his view gays should have been kept away from all children. What I saw that day changed me forever.

Astrid had changed into a cream-coloured blouse and a three-quarter length wraparound skirt with a flowers and leaves pattern. Because the skies had turned grey around about midday she'd donned a light grey cardigan that fell past her buttocks. She'd been busy in the kitchen, making pumpkin soup so as we could use up the rest of the baguette.

"How was church?"

"I didn't go in," I replied.

"Oh?" she raised her eyebrows, "why not?"

I told her about Lindsay and the lunch at Josie and Annabelle's place while we ate and when I had finished she had a crooked smile on her face.

"So, you've met your first lesbian family."

"You knew, didn't you?"

"Um, I did but I haven't met the girls yet. Josie and Annabelle take turns going to the meeting most months, but I've seen pictures. They're cute kids."

"Adorable and so well behaved too," our eyes met, "I'm still trying to get over the fact that she had to lie just to get the girls out of Thailand."

"It goes with the territory," she shrugged, "the holy mother church doesn't approve."

"Neither does my dad, he used to fill my head with horror stories of parents grooming their kids," I looked past her for a few moments, "it's stupid I know but it's the way I was raised."

"It's cool," she shrugged.

I looked away and she touched my hand.

"I mean it, it's cool, we can't help the way we were raised."

"I know," I leaned back and yawned, "God, I'm so tired, I was feeling all right at Josie's."

"Why don't you lie down for a bit?"

"A power nap? Yeah, why not," I rose, "I'll wash up."

"What? Two bowls and a sandwich plate? Forget it, go and lie down."

"Thanks," I squeezed her shoulder.

I left my hand there for a few moments and then went through to my room. I was going to change out of my church clothes but instead I just took off my shoes and jacket and laid down for a power nap, I fell asleep almost right away.

I woke an hour later to someone calling my name but I thought it was Lindsay, it was only when I opened my eyes that I saw it was Astrid and came back to the present.

"What time is it?" I looked at my clock radio.

"It's nearly four o'clock," she sat on the edge of the bed, "how do you feel?"

"Better," I rubbed my eyes, "I was fine this morning but maybe last night just caught up with me."

"One of the common side effects of drinking too much," she poked me playfully.

"Tell me about it, I thought it was Lindsay calling my name a minute ago."

"Oh ho," she grinned, "so you've got a thing for Lindsay?"

"Maybe," I looked away guiltily.

"Hey, don't worry about it, you're waking up and beginning to acknowledge certain things, it's all a part of maturing and evolving," she stared at herself in the wardrobe mirror doors.

"Thanks," I sat up and slid back to rest my back against the bedhead.

Astrid turned to stare at me and I patted the bed.

"It's okay to sit beside me," I managed a smile, "in the interests of... evolving."

"Gee thanks," she crawled across the bed, "one little distance for women," she reached the bedhead and turned around, "one giant distance for," she stopped and then burst out laughing.

"Sorry, that came out wrong, that's the problem when you start saying something but haven't got the thoughts worked out in advance."

"Do you ever have that problem when translating from Danish?"

"Sometimes," she glanced at me, "when it comes to sayings or insults, especially insults. Ours just sound stupid in English, I love your swear words. You have so many ways of insulting someone it's just mind boggling," she gestured.

"Fuck, cunt, fucking cunt, fuckface, cuntface, fucker, fuckwit, just to mention a few. I love the way you insult people here, like, better heads on a glass of beer," she chuckled.

"We have some good ones," I smiled.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I was very conscious of my own breathing and feeling relaxed, as if there was nothing untoward about sitting with a gay woman on my bed. I turned to look at our reflections in the mirrors and Astrid did the same too.

"Well, here we are on the bed again."

"Yes," she replied, "I do have my own bed too but this one is bigger."

I turned away from the mirror as she spoke again.

"I should get off the bed though."

"Tell me something," I replied, "what was your first time like?"

"I was eighteen and a few weeks and she was nineteen. We had a few drinks and she kissed me, it felt a little scary at first but she didn't try to rush me and we kissed some more and then things got a little... warmer," she paused.

"It was October and it'd been raining all day. I was supposed to go back home but I didn't want to ride my bike in the rain and so I stayed and soon we were taking each other's clothes off," Astrid glanced at me briefly.

"It was similar to the way it was last night, she started on me and then I copied her. We got naked and she went down on me, before that there'd been a bit of doubt about my sexuality. I thought that maybe I was just trying to fit in with my gay friends but that afternoon I discovered that I liked sex with women. I did try with a guy six months later but it didn't go too far," she looked down at the bed and smiled crookedly.

"In my defence, he did look effeminate. He had beautiful long blonde hair but when he unzipped his trousers and I saw his erect cock I froze up. In the end I decided to just masturbate him and he went down on me."

"What was her name? Your first girlfriend?"

"Åsa, we lasted about six weeks but she moved to London and I stayed in Copenhagen."

"A shame," I replied, "she sounds nice."

"Åsa is a beautiful person. She was the how do you say it in English? She was the standard that I used for all other women in the future."

"Understandable. So, how far on the Åsa scale did Kirstie reach?"

"About sixty percent," she shrugged.

"And what about me?" I asked.

"You?" Astrid glanced at me, "um, we haven't yet."

"So, I'm not even on the scale yet," I slapped her leg playfully.

"Last night was similar to the way it was for me and Åsa but," she trailed away.

"It's fine, I shouldn't have put you on the spot," I looked down at my hand.

"I'm glad you did," she replied, "you're the first person I've told that too, about the way I compare women to Åsa."

"Oh," I stared at my hand, thinking I should move it but then she spoke again.

"So, do you have any regrets about last night?"

"You mean apart from throwing up over the coffee table?" I closed my eyes and frowned.

"I don't think I have regrets to be honest but I don't know what to expect with sex. I have fantasies and pictures in my head but I got them from movies and tv. I may not know much but I know that the sex scenes are always scripted."