Going Home

"Sounds like my kind of girl," Gray said.

His mom turned around and looked at Reagan who was trying not to laugh.

"Um...Renee is my age and well, let's just say she's..."

"Plus sized?" Reagan added without sounding mean.

"You'd think I'd know better than to step into a conversation when I don't know who or really what the topic is," Gray said a little sheepishly.

Reagan did laugh this time then asked, "If this is none of my business, please tell me, but do you date at all yet, Gray?"

"You know, it's funny you should ask," he replied.

"We had a kind of...discussion...about that very thing just today," Ella said.

"Oh. That's kind of...odd," Reagan replied trying to find the right word which probably should have been 'coincidental' as she'd really started thinking about it the last few weeks herself.

"How about you, Reagan? Are you at the point where you feel like dating?" Gray asked.

The way he said the word 'dating' made her smile, and before she answered his question, she made note of it.

"I saw you kind of wince or maybe 'choke' on the 'D' word," she told him.

"I uh, I kind of did, didn't I?"

Reagan laughed and told him she totally understood.

"Anyway, the answer is 'yes', I'm finally ready to meet someone, but work is the big problem. I put in so many hours and they change all the time so it makes finding time very difficult."

"And you have Skylar to consider, too," Gray said.

"You see, you know exactly what I'm talking about without having to explain it! The first...and last...last date I went on was...oh, gosh...maybe six weeks ago? The guy had asked me three different times, and when it finally came time to go out, I couldn't find a sitter for Skyler and it was obvious he didn't much care for me bringing her with us. I offered to cancel, but he insisted."

"Right. But then he made a point of letting you know he didn't appreciate it," Gray said as he connected the dots.

"Exactly!" Reagan told him. "I understand how coming as a kind of 'package deal' isn't what most men want, but that's the reality of my life. And anyone who doesn't realize Skylar is more important to me than anything else on earth isn't someone I want to get to know."

"I couldn't agree more. If a woman liked me then found out I have a daughter and that ran her off, well...good riddance."

Reagan had been smiling and upbeat, but as Gray finished that thought, the smile on her face faded. In its place was a wholly different look he hadn't yet seen, but one with which is he was very familiar. It told him she was 'examining' him. People did it all the time but rarely realized they were. It was something most any adult could and did do subconsciously as their brain analyzed everything they'd seen and heard for one reason or another.

The teapot whistled, breaking Reagan's stare and causing her and Gray to turn toward it.

"Okay. Three cups of tea coming right up," Ella said.

The conversation turned back to work almost immediately as the two women discussed nursing in general then several cases that had made lasting impressions on them over the years.

Realizing they were monopolizing the conversation, Reagan looked at Gray then asked what his plans were.

He chuckled as Reagan took a sip of her tea then said, "You weren't eavesdropping on our conversation today, were you?"

Ella laughed then explained that was something else they'd just talked about several hours ago. Gray filled her in on his failure to ask the right questions and then let her know about his 'ass'umption which got a genuine laugh.

"My dad used to say that all the time! 'Reagan', he'd say, 'You do know what assume makes out of U and Me, right'?"

"Um...yeah, and I'm one of those..." Gray said with everyone understanding he meant an 'ass'.

"It's just a setback, though, isn't it?" Reagan offered.

"That's true. I'll get signed up for one of the programs soon. It just eats at me that I missed something so obvious. If I'd made a mistake like that on active duty, I'd have gotten my um..."

He looked around to make sure the girls weren't within earshot then quietly said, "Ass...handed to me."

Reagan laughed again, and Gray was just amazed at how beautiful her smile was. In fact, everything about her was beautiful.

"Gray really loved what he was doing, but Marines are always deploying somewhere, and with a daughter..."

"Yes. I understand," Reagan said. "And I know you know I 'get it' when I say this, but without your wife to help you..."

"I do get it. I truly do. Kate, my wife, loved being with Kady. She was a very smart, driven woman who could have had her own career. But when Kady came along, she uh, she only had eyes for her."

Reagan laughed again and said, "Trust me. I get that, too. Skylar changed my world. Don't get me wrong. I love my job, but for now, at least, not working isn't an option. But I would give anything to be able to spend my days with her, especially while she's so young, you know?"

Gray was now 'examining' her as he quietly said, "I do, Reagan. I really do."

"I have to admit I was kind of talking about you before you joined us," Reagan said as she now did a kind of 'wince' thing as an admission of guilt.

"Oh? Do tell," Gray said, smiling as though he had no idea.

"Nothing bad," she said immediately. "I was just telling your mom you're a...well, you're a rather attractive guy."

"Oh. Um...thank you," he told her.

"My point was you won't have any difficulty finding women to date. And although I'm not 'down' on men, I can't help but think it might be easier to find a woman who would happily take on someone as sweet as Kady."

"I suppose that could be true," Gray replied. "But there have to guys out there who would see Skylar as a huge plus, don't you think?"

Reagan sighed then forced a weak smile.

"I hope so. I keep telling myself there are. I just haven't had any luck meeting one of them yet."

"They're out there, dear," Ella told her. "Just keep your chin up."

Reagan laughed politely then said, "What choice do I have, right?"

They made small talk for a few minutes before Reagan said she needed to get going.

"I like to have Skylar in bed by 8:30 so..."

"That's Kady's bedtime," Gray told her.

"Great minds think alike, right?" Reagan said with a laugh. "I don't always make that happen, but it is my goal."

"Well, I can tell you I'm very much looking forward to having Skylar so you feel free to drop her by here anytime day or night," Ella told her.

"Ella, I can't do that. You need your evenings free," Reagan said immediately.

"No. That's not true," the older woman assured her. "The last thing I need are my evenings free. Without Gray and Kady, I'd...go batty. And as I said, having one more to keep me company isn't a problem. It's a blessing."

Reagan looked at Gray then said, "Your mother is the most amazing person I know."

"You'll get nothing but a hearty 'amen' out of me," he said while smiling at his mom who was clearly in 'hog heaven'.

"So, as I told Gray, even if I've had Skyler all day, if you ever do find someone like you mentioned and need an evening to yourself, I'm more than happy to keep her."

Gray noticed Reagan's eyes getting glassy as she reached for a napkin.

"Sorry. I'm about to cry," she said as she dabbed her eyes.

Gray knew why and said, "My mom's pretty awesome, isn't she?"

"She is," Reagan said.

She sat the napkin down then smiled at Gray.

"And if I may say so, you are too, and so is that sweet little girl of yours."

"Well, at the risk of creating a kind of 'mutual admiration society' here, I feel the same way about you and Skylar."

Reagan took a deep breath, smiled, then exhaled.

"Where are all the men like you who are my age?" she said almost whimsically.

"You know, Reagan, my husband was ten years younger than me," Ella said, one eyebrow raised high.

Gray turned to give her 'the eye' when Reagan said, "I didn't know that."

"That's because I've never mentioned it before," Ella said, trying not to laugh.

"I...I don't know why that surprises me so much," Reagan said. "I guess I just never gave something like that any real thought."

"I never had, either, until Gray's father came along and swept me off my feet."

"I suppose that might be something to consider. I have to admit that my first thoughts are that the younger man would be...I don't know...immature or unserious..."

She stopped then asked, "Unserious. Is that even a word?" before continuing.

"The second thing would be him looking at a woman my age and thinking, 'You gotta be kidding me'."

Gray had chuckled at her 'unserious' comment then told her, "I can assure you no one my age...well, no one in his right mind...would say that about you, Reagan."

She smiled at him a way that was even more different.

"That is very kind of you to say. I'm not sure you're not just being polite, but since that's the nicest thing any man...of any age...has said to me since my husband was alive...I'll take it."

Before Gray could say anything else, Reagan stood up and said, "I really do need to go find my daughter and get home, but this was very, very pleasant."

"Yes it was," Ella told her.

"I second that," Gray added. "Or would that be, 'I third that'?"

Reagan dutifully laughed then said, "I do hope you find the kind of job you're looking for, Gray, and I also wish you all the best in finding someone who'll love both you and Kady."

"Thank you, and I hope you have success in finding someone like that yourself."

Skyler wasn't thrilled with having to go, but when her mom promised she'd be coming back the very next morning, her eyes got wide and her quasi-pouting ended.

"Skylar can come back tomorrow?" Kady asked, her eyes now wide with surprise.

"Yes, she can," her 'gramma' said.

"Yay!" Kady said as she gave her new best friend a hug. "Bye, Skylar! See you in a morning!"

No one corrected her as Skylar said it back correctly.

"Oh. Which way do you come from?" Gray asked Reagan just before they got ready to leave.

"I drive down from Renton, then go back to the hospital which is...well, you know exactly where it is," she told him.

"That's crazy," Gray said.

"Not for daycare at this price," she said. "And Ella? I will be paying you, okay?"

"Oh, we'll see about that!" Ella told her with a 'no you won't' tone of voice.

Gray had an idea and shared it with Reagan.

"Listen. Until I do find gainful employment, why don't you let me come get Skylar and bring her back here? That would save you at least half an hour each time."

"More like an hour at that time of day, but I couldn't impose like that," Reagan told him.

"But you're not imposing," he told her as they looked at one another from just a couple of feet away.

"Gray, that's...that's so kind of you, but I can't ask you to do that."

"You're not," he told her with a smile. "Just let me have your address and the best time to show up, and I'll make it happen."

"He's right, you know," Ella said. "It makes no sense to drive down here then turn around and drive back."

"And I can bring her home in the evening for you," Gray said.

This time he held up a hand as she began to protest and said, "No arguing, young lady!"

Reagan's eyes were getting watery again as she said, "The Lukemans are a family of saints."

Ella had some tissues on a sideboard in the foyer and handed one to Reagan.

"No. We just know what it's like to lose the one person you love more than anything on earth. And if we can somehow make life a little easier for someone else who's been down that same road, well, it's the least we can do."

Reagan was trying not to cry but losing the battle. As her face began contorting the way faces did when people cried, she reached out to Ella and hugged her.

"Thank you, Ella. SO much," she said as she did her best to stop.

"My pleasure, dear," Ella told her.

When she let go, she immediately reached out for Gray, who was close to tearing up himself. He didn't, but he did hug her, and when he did, it caused his brain to unleash a flood of emotions.

The hug lasted less than two seconds, but Reagan was the first woman he'd held since Kate. Just holding her created more mental consternation than he'd experienced since shortly after learning of his wife's death.

"Thank you," she told him as she dabbed her eyes again when he let her go.

"My mom's right, you know," he told Reagan. "And instead of paying her, maybe you'll be able to 'pay it forward' one of these days."

"Yes. I'd love to be able to do that," she said. "Maybe if you do find someone, I could give your mom a night off and watch Kady now and then."

"Oh. Sure," he said never having even considered that as a possibility.

"Well, good night, and thank you both," Reagan said.

Then she bent down and told Kady how nice it had been to meet her.

"What do you say, honey?" her dad said to her as she clung to his leg.

"Same to you," the little girl said.

"All right. I...guess I'll see you tomorrow morning then," Reagan said to Gray.

She went to turn around then stopped.

"Oh. My address."

Gray grabbed his phone, then asked for it and also her number.

"Just in case," he said with a smile.

"Right. Just in case," she replied before giving it him.

"That was very pleasant, don't you think?" Ella asked once their guests were gone.

"It was very pleasant," he replied.

As he got Kady ready for bed, Gray couldn't shake the image of this incredibly beautiful, older woman or what his mom had said about his father. He'd always been aware of the age difference but never given it any real thought. It was just the reality of his situation. Nor had he ever once seriously thought about dating anyone older than himself. Well, he'd gone out with a senior girl when he was a junior, but other than that...

As he read their normal three good-night stories to his daughter, he asked himself the question, "Why not?"

When he couldn't come up with a satisfactory answer, he decided to take some time to think it through before making an...ass...out of himself again. But if, say, after a few days, he couldn't come up with a valid reason, well...why not?

The following morning Ella was up before Gray who was an early riser himself.

"Good morning!" his mom said when he walked into the kitchen showered, shaved, and fully dressed.

She was pouring him a cup of coffee when she stopped and asked, "What's going on? Why are you...not wearing sweats?"

Before he could answer, his mom smiled.

"Ohhh. Okay."

"What? What 'okay'?" he asked as he stepped around her and poured his own coffee.

"She's a beautiful woman."

"Who? Reagan?"

"Gray? I'm your mother, okay?"

He poured his coffee, set the pot down, then said, "Okay. Yes. I have to admit I found her to be..."

"Charming?" his mom suggested.

"Yes. Charming works. And you're right. She really is beautiful. Very beautiful."

"So?"

"I don't know, Mom. I told myself I'd think about it for a couple of days first."

"Oh. Okay. So you're just making sure to make a good impression in the meantime?" she asked with a smile.

Gray smiled back then said, "Maybe so. It can't hurt, right?"

"No. It definitely can't hurt."

He gave his mom a quick hug and told her he'd be back after dangling his car keys, which was really a fob and the house key.

"I can hardly wait!" she said. "I'll get Kady up before you get back so she can be ready when Skylar arrives."

Just driving north into Renton, even at that early hour, reminded Gray of traffic in Southern California. Both were awful, but so far, SoCal was the big winner. Or maybe 'loser' since it was often wall-to-wall for hours, even on eight-lane highways.

He had no problem finding Regan's place, a modest, older home just inside the city limits. She lived on South 7th Street, just a short way past the I-495 interchange he'd driven under less than a minute ago.

He took a quick look in the mirror before walking up the front steps then quietly knocked. The door opened almost immediately, and when he saw her in her scrubs, he (correctly) assumed she'd been waiting for him.

"Maybe assuming isn't so bad after all," he thought to himself as she smiled and welcomed him in.

"You look very nice," she said. "Do you have an interview by any chance?"

If he did, he'd be wearing a suit and tie, but he wasn't going to point that out.

"Um...of a sort...I guess you could say," he told her with a smile.

She tilted her head a little indicating she didn't follow, and Gray didn't explain he meant with her.

"Skylar is brushing her teeth which means I have to go help her. Can you just give me one minute?"

"Take all the time you need. I have to brush Kady's twice a day, too, so I know what you mean."

"Oh, right. Duh. How quickly we forget, huh?" Reagan told him, that beautiful smile shining his way.

"You can have a seat if you like," she said as she walked away.

Instead he did a little informal 'snooping' by walking around the living room and looking at photographs. The first one he saw was one of her and her late husband. It was no surprise he was a very good looking guy. There was another that caught his eye in which her husband was holding Skylar as a newborn. It looked like it may have been taken in the delivery room just minutes after her birth.

Seeing the smile on his face reminded him of how happy he was the first time he held Kady. That made Gray smile until he realized this man he'd never known wouldn't ever be able to hold his daughter again. It also brought on a momentary pang of guilt as he thought about the kinds of feelings he was having for this good, decent man's wife.

He knew it was silly as death was the 'great dissolver' where marriage was concerned. Vows were taken 'until death do us part' and sadly, Gray was all too familiar with its very real and literal meaning.

"Oh. That was my husband, Ted," he heard Reagan say.

He hadn't heard her walk in, and he flinched slightly.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you," she said.

"No. That's fine. I was just admiring these amazing photos."

"He was an amazing man."

"That's my daddy," a very sleepy Skylar said from her mother's arms.

"Yes. Yes, it is," Gray told her. "Listen. Do you want to come with me and go to my house so you can play with Kady?"

The little girl didn't say anything, she just held her arms out so Gray could take her.

"Hey! No hug and kiss for Mommy this morning?" Reagan said before letting her daughter go.

Skylar put her little arms around her mom's neck and hugged her then gave her a peck on the lips.

"That's more like it!" her mom said before passing her off.

"Gray? I can't thank you...and your mom...enough for doing this. You have no idea how much it means to me."

"I think maybe I do," he told her with a smile.

Reagan laughed and said, "Oh, okay. Yes, maybe you do."

She walked them to the door then said, "Bye, Punky-Poo! Have a wonderful day playing with your new friend, okay?"

Skylar nodded but didn't speak, preferring to rest her head on Gray's shoulder.

"You can text me when you're on your way home, and I'll get Skylar in the car and hopefully be here by the time you arrive."

"You are an amazing young man, Luke," she told him.

He smiled then said, "And you're an amazing...very young-looking woman."

Reagan laughed thinking he was just being polite again.

"Ahh! That is very sweet! Thank you for saying that."

He stood up as straight and tall as he could, then in dramatic fashion said, "I cannot tell a lie."

Reagan laughed again and thanked him sincerely but called him 'President Washington'.

"Stay away from cherry trees, okay?" she said as he and her daughter disappeared down the front steps.

Reagan was beyond grateful for not only the money she'd be saving each month on childcare, but for the additional time this gave her each morning and evening. And although she wasn't really consciously thinking it, she found herself, at some level, looking forward to seeing Gray for a few minutes each day. He was definitely too young for her, but he wasn't hard to look at at all, and even though he wasn't someone she'd ever see 'like that' it was quite pleasant just...seeing him.