Going Home

As he drove home, Gray was thinking how different Reagan looked in scrubs. Her hair was pulled back, she wore almost no makeup, and yet she was every bit as beautiful as she'd been the night before. Not even the semi-baggy, green scrubs could hide her very shapely body, and that wasn't lost on one Gray Lukeman.

After a fun-filled day in which the girls played constantly with one short break for lunch, they arrived in Renton less than three minutes after Reagan got home that evening, and when she told Gray that, he said they must be in synch.

She laughed then told him she agreed.

"In more ways than one," Gray added.

She looked at him for a moment then assumed he meant because of their common tragedies.

"Ah, right. Yes. I'm afraid that's true. But I have to say it really makes this a lot easier knowing you understand everything I'm...we're...going through."

To be extra clear she said, "Skylar and I, that is."

"Oh. Okay," Gray said.

"Wait. What did you think I meant?" she asked hoping to understand.

"Oh, um, I...I'm not really sure. I guess maybe I was...assuming..."

He paused for effect and got a laugh from the very tired RN.

"Assuming what?" she asked, still wanting to know how he thought they were in synch.

"I uh, I'm not sure," he told her, his earlier promise to himself to give this a little time forcing him not to say what he was really thinking.

"Well, let me thank you yet again for doing this. And if you ever get tired of chauffeuring my daughter, please, please tell me, okay?"

"That won't happen, but I'll let you know if for some reason, I can't. Like starting a teacher certification program or maybe getting a job."

Reagan laughed politely then asked if he'd care to stay for a while. As much as he wanted to, he knew she was exhausted and only being polite so he thanked her and said, "Maybe some other time, though."

"Okay. I'd like that," she told him before walking him to the door again.

"Bye, Miss Skylar!" he said.

"Bye, Mr. Gray Man!" she told him.

Her mom gave her a look and Gray explained.

"Gray Lukeman. Luke...man? Mr. Gray Man?" he said.

"Oh! Okay. Now I get it!" Reagan said as she laughed.

"And what do I call you now?" Gray asked Skylar.

"Miss Oreo Cookie!"

Reagan got the 'Orr' connection immediately and actually laughed rather than just politely chuckling.

"You two are terrible!" she teased as she kissed her daughter's neck until she giggled.

"Well, I'll see you bright and early again tomorrow," Gray told her.

"Yes. Yes, you will," Reagan said sweetly as he waved before walking away.

"Mommy? He's funny!" Skylar said.

"Is he? Does he...do this?" her mom said as she tickled her sides getting instant, real laughter. "I love you so much!"

Skylar was laughing too hard to say it back, but Reagan didn't need to hear it as she knew it was true. What she missed was having someone else to tell her that who truly meant it.

A 'someone' like her late husband. Someone like...

Reagan shook her head dismissing the thought before it could take root.

"What do you want for dinner, sweetie?" she asked her daughter rather than think about it.

Gray was there on time every morning and evening that week, and when Reagan called Friday night around 10pm to tell Ella she had to work the next morning, she assured her replacement Gray would be happy to come get Skylar.

When he showed up on a Saturday morning she thanked him profusely.

"I really am glad to come get her," her told her.

"I'm beyond impressed, Gray. I mean, what kind of man does this sort of thing?" she said, on the verge of tearing up again.

"Um...one who's unemployed with too much time on his hands?" he said trying to make her laugh.

Reagan did laugh, but mostly because she needed to. She was grateful, yes, but she felt very guilty for taking advantage of his (and his mom's) kindness no matter how many times they let her know it was their pleasure.

When he brought Skylar back that evening, he asked if Reagan was working on Sunday, and she told him 'no'.

"I finally have a day off," she let him know.

"That's fantastic. Do you have any plans?"

"Oh. Um, no. No plans. I'm usually so exhausted that when I get a day off, I like to spend it with Skylar."

"That makes perfect sense," Gray told her.

She hesitated then said, "Okay. I guess I'll see you on Monday, then."

She was looking at him 'funny' to the point where Gray asked if everything was okay.

"Oh. Sure. Yes, everything's just fine."

"All right. Then I think I'll head back."

As he turned around, Reagan called his name.

"Gray?"

He turned back around and said, "Uh-huh?"

"Um...listen. I was thinking I...I'd really like to do something to show my appreciation. Would you and your mom and Kady maybe like to have dinner with us tomorrow?"

"Oh. Um...I...I don't know. I'll ask her and let you know, though," he told her rather than say what he'd wanted to say. That he'd love to. As in 'he' without his mom or his daughter.

Gray had decided two days ago he was going to say something but never found an opportune moment. This moment was perfect and yet he couldn't very well ask if he could come alone.

"Sure. Just let me know, okay?" she said.

Ella was thrilled to get out, and even happier it was with her two favorite people. And Kady was even happier still to get to play with Skylar at her house for a change.

They arrived early so Ella could help make dinner, and it gave her and Reagan a chance to talk. But it also allowed Gray to join in the conversation, and as they talked, he was pleasantly surprised to learn he and Reagan had even more things in common.

They continued talking, sharing, and getting acquainted throughout dinner, and it was obvious he and Reagan had similar ideas on parenting, as well. They had a handful on rules that were inviolable, and beyond that gave their children room to grow and make mistakes. Most of the 'no-kidding' rules involved things like telling the truth, showing respect to teachers and other people in authority, and anything that put their personal safety at risk.

"I see no reason to ever yell," Gray mentioned once after reminding Kady not to play with her food—again.

"No. It only scares the child. They can still know you mean business without raising your voice," Reagan said in agreement.

There were quite a few other things each them expressed surprise and then said, "I feel the same way!"

After dinner, Kady asked her 'gramma' if she could show her something in Skylar's room, and Gray insisted on helping Reagan with clearing the table and loading the dishwasher.

"You know, I honestly hope you find someone as amazing as yourself, Gray," Reagan said very sincerely as he worked alongside her. "I know I keep thanking you and I've mentioned you're a really great guy a few times, too, but it's true."

"It's just so hard when you have a child and then add to that having lost your spouse. I'm not sure how many other people could even relate, you know?"

"Oh, I definitely know. I don't want sympathy, I just need this person to understand I will always love and miss my husband."

"Yes. Exactly. It's not that your heart's not big enough to love someone else completely, it's just that this other person holds a part of your heart you can never let go of."

Reagan wasn't looking at him when she said something very similar to the comment she'd made at Ella's house.

"Why can't you be closer to my age?"

It was said very sweetly and in the kindest way, and when she said it, Gray felt like this was his opening.

"Is that...essential?" he asked, also as nicely as he could.

"What?" Reagan replied.

"I mean, is being the same age a kind of hard-and-fast rule for you?"

She glanced his way then turned her head as she spoke.

"Oh. I...well, I mean, I'm not saying you...sorry...any hypothetical guy...has to be the same age as me. No, of course not."

"So you have a range?" he asked.

"A range?"

"Sure. Let's say you're...32 and..."

Reagan laughed loudly then said, "Oh, my. Yes, let's do say that! Can we?"

"I take you're not 32," Gray said with a laugh.

"No, not since well before Skylar was born."

"Oh. Okay, but we can use 32 as our base age—for explanatory purposes, of course. So if you have say...a 5-year range then anyone from 27 to 37 would be acceptable, right?"

"Oh, okay. Sure. I understand. But I'm not sure about the 5-year thing. I mean, what if someone was say...38 or even 39?"

"Exactly. Or maybe 26 or even 25," Gray said, once he knew she understood.

"Whoa! Hold on there. You're going the wrong way," she said.

"How so?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Reagan asked.

"Not really," Gray told her. "Let's say Guy #1 is 38 and Guy #2 is 26. Both of them are equally attractive to you physically. But what if Guy #2 is better educated, has more in common with you, and maybe even, oh, I don't know...was, say...a widower. While Guy #1..."

As he spoke, Reagan knew where this was going. Gray was 'Guy #2', and he was trying to show her that that guy would be a better match than Guy#1—age aside.

She lost focus, and the only other thing she heard him say was, "So in that case, would age be the deciding factor?"

She almost blurted out, "Of course!" immediately, but as a well-educated professional herself, she realized he had a point. She wasn't sure how valid it was, but he did have one, and she needed to think about it.

"Deciding factor for what?" Ella said, surprising both of them.

"Oh, nothing," Reagan told her cheerfully. "We were just talking."

She looked at Gray then said, "Hypothetically, right?"

He smiled at her then said, "Okay. Sure. Let's go with that."

Reagan tried not to smile back but couldn't help herself.

"Wow. Everything's put away?" Ella said ignoring their exchange and looking at the spotlessly clean table.

"Thanks to Gray, yes it is," Reagan told her.

"I'm gonna make some lucky woman a great housewife one of these days," he said without a smile.

Reagan looked at him for a couple of seconds before the urge to laugh won out.

"You don't look like any housewife I've ever seen," she told him.

She was still kidding around, but the way she looked at him made Gray wonder if he'd possibly 'established a beachhead' in terms of well, to mix metaphors, 'planting seeds'.

He only smiled, but the next thing she said told him he very well may have done so.

"But you are the kind of man any woman would be proud to have for a husband."

Her voice was warm and caring, and Gray made the decision to say something the next chance he got.

When they got ready to leave, Ella said she'd take Kady out and warm the car up after thanking Reagan and giving her a hug.

It never donned on her son she had so much as an inkling of what was going on and was making it possible for him to talk with her beautiful, younger friend in private.

"This was really nice, Reagan," Gray said as he grabbed his jacket. "Thank you very much."

"It was my pleasure," she told him with another warm smile.

"Listen," he said, trying not to either hem and haw or be too direct. "The more we talk, the more I realize we have in common."

"Oh, yes. I agree," she told him, her smile still there but somehow different.

"One of the most important things, to me, anyway, is how you totally 'get it'. I don't have to explain anything or wonder what you might be thinking about me or...my situation."

That needed no explanation, either.

"That goes for me, too," she told him. The smile was gone now, replaced by an earnest look that indicated she was listening very carefully.

"I know you...well, I think...you have concerns with our difference in age..."

"I do," she said so quickly Gray thought he was about to be shot down.

"I...I understand," he said almost gently. "But I'm hoping you might be able to see how the other things, the many other things, we have in common, could compensate for that one area."

"But it's a very big area, Gray," she told him even more gently.

"Granted, but I can't help but believe you and I could work around that, and..."

"And?" Reagan said very quietly.

"I guess what I'm saying is I find myself thinking about you and all we have in common...a lot...and I'd like to know if you might like to go out sometime."

Reagan stood there for a few seconds just looking at him and seemingly into his eyes to the depths of his soul.

"I have to admit I find you...quite attractive...but I can't get beyond the fact that I'm so much older than you, Gray. In every other aspect, I think you're...perfect. You're everything I'd be looking for if one of us was older...or younger."

He moved a bit closer as the car engine started up. It was cold outside, and he knew his mom wanted the car to be warm for Kady.

"What if, say...after spending a little more time with me...you found out the age difference wasn't the issue it seems to be? What if you missed out on..."

He hesitated then said, "Boy, this is gonna sound really bad as in...self-serving...but here goes. What if you missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime? The chance to be really, truly happy again, all because you couldn't set this one thing aside?"

"As I said, it isn't just a thing. It's a very big thing, Gray. It's, well, to use another metaphor, it's too big to simply pick up in order to set aside."

He moved even closer until he was just inches away then said, "You're using the wrong metaphor."

"I don't think so," she told him quietly even as her heart began to beat faster.

"Try looking at it another way. Instead of...picking it up, think of...chipping away at it until it's small enough to step over or walk around."

Her eyes were flying back and forth between his, and when he reached out and gently touched her forearm, it felt like a bolt of lightning surging through her body.

"You have a real way with words, Gray," she said just above a whisper.

He smiled slightly then said, "All I'm asking is for some of your time, Reagan. If we find out right away we really don't have that much in common, then...fine. At least we'll know. But something, call it my 'gut', tells me we might just...beat the odds and...well, who knows?"

Reagan couldn't hold his stare and looked down momentarily.

"I'm out of arguments. All I have left are emotions, and I try not to act on emotion," she said quietly.

Gray lowered his arm then slowly moved his hands toward her until their fingers touched. Reagan didn't respond at first, but when she didn't pull away or even flinch, he went ahead and took her hands in his.

"Maybe you should follow your heart. Your head is telling you this can't work, but sometimes our hearts know more than our brains."

Reagan was still looking down, and continued doing so for several seconds before finally looking up at him.

"Okay," she said so sweetly it surprised him.

"Okay?" he asked with a smile to make sure.

"Yes. Okay. I'll...try," she told him. "Or...I'll try to try, anyway."

"That makes me very happy," he told her as he reached up and softly touched her cheek with the back of his fingers.

"It makes me...very nervous," she told him before the beginnings of another smile showed up at the corners of her mouth.

"You are so beautiful to me," he told her as her eyes began darting with his again.

"Gray?" she said quietly.

He raised his eyebrows but didn't reply. Without warning she told him her age.

"I'm...38. And...I'll be 39 in a couple of months."

"Uh-huh," was all he said.

"I...I just thought you should...know...you know?" she whispered.

"Thank you for telling me," he said as he leaned in to kiss her for the first time.

Reagan couldn't think straight or she'd have asked herself how she'd gone from thinking this was absurd to wanting him to kiss her in such a short amount of time, but that's what she wanted. In fact, at that moment, at least, it was all she wanted.

She closed her eyes and waited for his lips to meet hers. When they did, she didn't immediately kiss him back. Instead she savored the moment for a second before softly pushing back and returning the kiss.

"Mommy! I'm all finished!" Skylar called out so loud it startled both of them.

Reagan pulled back and started to laugh.

"Is she in the bathtub?" Gray asked.

"No. She's...on the pot," Reagan said feeling a little silly. "She's still not too good at, you know, cleaning things up after..."

Gray laughed and told her, "You see, we have yet one more thing in common."

Gray's eyes opened wide in disbelief when Reagan said very seriously, "That's a very...shitty thing to say."

She wasn't sure how her...potty-mouth humor...would go over, so she stood there stoned faced until Gray smiled. The smile was followed by a genuine laugh, and Reagan laughed, too, once she knew he wasn't offended.

"Beautiful and funny. I like that," he told her.

"MOMMY!" they heard Skylar yell.

"Sorry. Duty calls," she told him.

"And I'll call...you," he said.

"Okay," Reagan told him before kissing him on the cheek. "Goodnight, Gray."

"Goodnight."

She went to turn away but stopped.

"Oh. Thank you for not taking 'no' for an answer," she told him with another warm smile before Skylar called out a third time.

"Coming, sweetie!" he mom called back.

When Gray got in the car, he was all smiles.

"So? Do you have anything you want to say?" his mom asked with a smile of her own.

"Not really," he replied as he put the car in reverse.

"Okay. Maybe one thing," he said.

He looked over at his mom then said, "Thanks."

She smiled and said, "You're very welcome."

Reagan put Skylar in the bathtub as soon as she tended to her immediate need then dried her off, read her a story, then tucked her in. By 11pm, she was in bed herself hoping and praying to get to sleep, but her mind was still racing making sleep was impossible.

As she lay there, she kept trying to justify her belief that the difference in their ages was a valid reason to stay away from Gray Lukeman. But then she had to ask herself if his 'two Guys' scenario made any real sense.

"Okay, what if one guy was my age, and was perfect except for being say...four inches shorter than me? Would I turn him down?" she asked herself.

Before she could answer herself, a second question arose.

"What if he was perfect but...losing his hair? Or completely bald? Would I let that keep from getting to know him?"

She had several other factors like being overweight or less educated or perhaps unable to hold a job.

Of all the things she thought about, the only one she immediately ruled out was laziness. Any man who could work but wouldn't wasn't someone she'd ever get involved with. Then, one by one, she tried to seriously address each of the others.

In the end, she didn't think any one of them, by itself, would be a valid reason not to date someone. If, say, he was 50 pounds overweight, 5' 5", and had a bad combover, that would be a definite 'no way'.

So if she could now overlook one thing that back in her 20s would have been a 'no way' why wasn't age something to possibly be overlooked now? Assuming, of course, everything else was at least satisfactory.

Okay, Gray didn't currently have a job, but he did have a college education and had proved he was responsible, so that wasn't an issue as long as he didn't have longterm plans to sponge off of his mother. The fact that he was temporarily living at home was something else she didn't care about as it made perfect sense for him to bring his daughter to the only other person on earth who loved her as much as he did.

By 1:30, Reagan was as mentally exhausted as she was physically, and her brain finally let go of the endless machinations, and just before 2am she drifted off to sleep.

When she woke up the next morning, she felt like she'd just finished a double shift. She forced one eye open and then the other, and as she made herself sit up, she recalled the reason she was so tired.